Parents Under Siege: Why You Are the Solution, Not the Problem in Your Child's Life

"In this powerful and practical book, Dr. James Garbarino, renowned author of Lost Boys, "and child advocate Claire Bedard offer both a tough-minded, compassionate vision of why "bad things happen to good parents" and solutions for mothers and fathers who are ready to become stronger forces in their children's lives. A handful of children make headlines by waging war against their schools and peers, but there are millions of troubled boys and girls who don't go to such extremes. All the same they make life hell for their families, not always intentionally and not because they are rebelling against parents who are neglectful or abusive. Why? Because parents are imperfect and some kids simply are hard to raise. Confidential surveys reveal that 20 percent of American parents say they have a child at home who is so difficult it is nearly impossible to lead a normal life. Working hard and raising the kids in a good community aren't enough anymore; there are too many other influences. To regain control, parents must first see clearly the many forces at work both around their families and within themselves. "Parents Under Siege advises parents how to become better observers of their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors -- a key to becoming more astute observers of their children's public and secret lives. The authors help parents to take a step back and examine their child-rearing practices. Do they teach confidence rather than fear? Do they create structure and authority within the family and align positively with outside authorities? Do they harness their greatest strength -- the capacity for connection and spiritual growth? Drawing upon their twenty-five years ofexperience in research with children of all ages and their families, and dozens of interviews with parents from across the country conducted specifically for this book -- including the only face-to-face conversations with the parents of Columbine school shooter Dylan Klebold -- the authors provide a realistic and sympathetic look at parenting in today's world. "Parents Under Siege offers an imaginative "parenting toolbox" -- deeply grounded and effective strategies that will help parents deal with difficult, even "impossible" children, find positive paths for development in face of the toughest challenges, provide alternate views to media violence and the Internet, and raise spiritually grounded children. A must-read for all parents, "Parents Under Siege offers practical, inspirational advice for cultivating the mindfulness and observational skills that great parenting demands.