WHEN EVERYTHING CHANGES

EmNin Books

Chapter One

* * *

If something important around you is changing right now, I'm sorry.

I know how comforting it can be to finally get some things into place. I also know how it feels to yearn to have those things stay in place. And I know how upsetting it can be when they don't, when they won't, when they just can't.

It is obviously more than "upsetting" if what has changed are situations and conditions affecting your SAFETY.

If you suddenly find yourself without a livelihood, unable to find work, desperately behind in your bills, maybe even losing your home, you are dealing with more than just the feeling that "things have changed." You're dealing with feeling that "everything is lost." This is not simply a feeling of being disrupted or discombobulated, this is a feeling of being threatened.

Even if you're not facing change on that order of calamity, but a significant change in your life nonetheless, threat could be very much a part of your experience. Most of us feel that our very way of life is threatened when we face any kind of major change, especially if it is around the Big Three:

RELATIONSHIP MONEY HEALTH

If one of these things is changing, it can be very challenging. If two of these three are changing, it can be incredibly difficult. If all three are changing at the same time, it can be utterly devastating.

I know this.

I've lived it.

All three. I've lived through all three. At once.

Talk about feeling threatened ...

... I broke my neck in a car accident (Health), had to stop working through months of rehabilitation while an insurance company tried to figure out every way possible to reduce or eliminate compensation (Money), all the while I was working through the pain of separation from my life partner and our children as our lives dramatically changed course (Relationship).

Talk about feeling threatened ...

I wound up homeless for a year, living in the weather, walking the streets panhandling for pocket change and collecting soda cans and beer bottles to scrape together enough money to eat (some days it didn't go so well), with a sleeping bag and a tent, two pair of jeans, three shirts, and a few odds and ends as my only possessions.

I know about losing one's sense of safety. I know about standing by helplessly and watching life fall apart, changing utterly and completely in two weeks' time.

Yeah, I know about that. Trust me.

And I know a little something about how to deal with it, too. Not that I did such a good job at the time, mind you, but then again, this book is about what I've learned since.

We're going to talk here about what I've picked up from some very authoritative sources on how to deal with change. Because that's what this is all about, at the bottom line. It feels like we're dealing with collapse, calamity, catastrophe ... but those are all outward effects created by a single cause: Change. Something is not the way it was before. Something has been altered. Irrevocably, immeasurably, fundamentally, and absolutely.

A lady who is going through huge turmoil in her life sent me an e-mail today. She is aware that I'm writing this book and she said, "I don't know that I would even have identified what is happening to me as 'change.' When you are in the middle of it, when everything is falling apart around you, you can't identify it or name it as 'change.' It feels more like THE END ... everything you know is coming to an end and there is nothing after. If you'd asked me before I heard about your book if I was experiencing change, I would not have defined it that way. I don't know what I would have called it, other than to say that life was ruined, finished."

This lady, whose name is Leah and who gave me permission to quote her in this book, added something very insightful.

"Change is scary," she said, "but that's different from feeling like it's 'Game Over.' I looked up 'change' in the dictionary. Change indicates that something new is coming. This is a very different perspective from what some people (who are facing calamity in their lives) might have, and it might be helpful to first assist them to even identify with the fact that what is happening is CHANGE; to understand the very definition of change."

That's good, Leah. That's good stuff right there. So I tore apart the first chapter that I had written and came back with this one. I realized Leah was right. So I'm going to define CHANGE as I am using the word:

Change is the shifting of any circumstance, situation, or condition, physical or nonphysical, in such a way that the original is rendered not merely different from what it was, but altered so radically as to make it utterly unrecognizable and impossible to return to anything resembling its former state.

In other words, we are talking about a major shift here; we are not talking about changing one's clothing or the menu for lunch or the evening's TV agenda. We are talking about life-changing events-the kind that hurt, the kind that do damage, the kind that kill dreams and ruin plans and disrupt futures-and we are talking about healing them with equally life-changing events. We are saying that when everything changes, sometimes the best thing to do is to change everything. Not only everything in the physical, but everything in the non-physical. This would include your emotions, your thoughts, even your truths.

We're talking about a complete overhaul here, from top to bottom, inside and out. After all, your life has been turned darned near inside out anyway, so why not finish the job? Only now, in the way that you want it to feel, rather than in the way that it feels you are being forced to accept....

As we embark on this exploration I hope you can feel that I understand at least a little of what's going on with you, so that you know that you're not hearing about all this from somebody who has no idea what you're going through-some "fix-it guru" sermonizing at you from the mountaintop who has never been anywhere near where you are right now. I hope you can feel that even if nothing else is going right in your life, your having picked up this book is at least one good thing. One good thing has happened today.

We can start with that. We can begin from there. We're going to stand side by side, you and I, and put your whole life back together again-in a new way, in an even better way.

Dare I promise that? Well, I'm saying, "Let's try." Let's see what we can do. You've got nothing to lose, right? So let's try. Let's make your having picked up this book be not only one good thing that happened today, but one of the best things that's happened in your life!

What do you say? Want to do it? Want to try?

If you're too tired, too beaten down, too exhausted from the battle of life to even try, would you just do this ...? Would you just try to try?

If you'll try to try, I think we can make it. And I'll promise you this. You don't have to go any faster than you want, any faster than you feel comfortable with.

I'm going to give you lots of stopping points, lots of breathing spaces, so that you can "take a break" whenever you'd like. There's nothing worse than a Feeling-Good-Is-As-Easy-As-Pie book when you're experiencing just the opposite. I hate those. I hate those

Rah!

Rah!

Ciss-boom-bah!

books. Yeah, right, just throw up a cheer and everything will be better, I say to myself. Sure. Then I start feeling even worse, because I can't seem to get it right-even though the person writing the book says it's so easy....

So let's see if we agree on something here. It's not easy. Not without the tools. And who has the tools? What school taught Calamity 101? Where was the class in Elements of Change in Modern Day Life? So dealing with major change, monumental change, has not been easy for most of us.

Yet it can be. You can undergo change, stand in the middle of catastrophe, and be okay. You can be very okay. I know that feels counterintuitive, but it happens to be true.

That's all I wanted to tell you in these first few moments we're together. I just wanted to give you a reason for going on. And I don't mean just with this book. You know what I mean.

Okay. That may be enough to think about for now. You can go on with your reading if you want, but you don't have to. I mean, this is a perfect place to stop, to put the book down now and take a break.

Like I said, I've designed the book with lots of stopping points. Lots of places to just "take a breath" and be with yourself and the ideas we're looking at. You'll find these breathing spaces not just at the end of chapters, but right in the middle of them. (I hate that feeling that you just want to at least make it to the end of the chapter or you feel like some kind of dropout, some kind of ninny who can't even finish a chapter, much less a book....)

I'll actually be happy if you don't finish a chapter without stopping. That means you've felt the impact of what I've just said and want to stop and think about it for a while. Terrific.

Terrific.

So feel free to stop right here and think about what I just said. I just said, "You can undergo change, stand in the middle of it, and be okay. You can be very okay."

That's a nice thought to gulp down. You can come back to the rest of this later. Whenever you choose. If ever. Heck, you may choose to just throw this book away. You get to decide.

That's the second good thing that's happened to you today. You get to take control again.

Yes, yes, it's a small thing-whether you're going to continue reading this book or not-but that's how it starts. That's how the rebuilding starts....

So stop right now if you want to and give yourself some

Breathing Space

Breathe into what you've just read, then decide now if you want to go on, or rest with it for a while and meet with me here later ... or not at all.

If you're ready to go on, drop down to ...

I agreed with her again. So now I invite you to take a look at how you've been experiencing and expressing life, and then ask that perfectly wonderful question that Dr. Phil has put into the global lexicon: How has that been working for you?

If it hasn't been working all that well, maybe you've brought yourself to the message here just in time. Maybe your soul has led you to this book so that, in Em's words, you can be available to all of life again.

(You know what? I think that's exactly what's happened....)

Now what I'm going to do here is engage you on a personal level in a way that may be somewhat different from what you've encountered with other books. I don't want to talk at you, I want to talk with you.

I see you right in front of me now, and I see myself just talking with you quietly, hanging in there with you like a friend, walking through all that is happening to you these days, right alongside of you, and offering some gentle suggestions.

I know, I know ... this is just a book, but it can be more than that if you'll let it be. Precisely because I have gone through much of what you're going through right now, I think we can create something together that could not only do what most books do-bring you information-but get to something very few books do: produce an actual, living, in-the-moment experience.

So I'm going to invite you to join me in eliminating the distance in time and space that exists between us. Now here's the remarkable thing about that. I don't even have to be alive for us to do this. You have to be, for sure, but I don't. I mean, you can't read the book if you are dead. But you could be reading this many years after my death ... and we could still connect at the level of Essence, through the shared experience of being human.

Remarkable when you think about it, isn't it? I'm right here, writing this, now ... and you're right here, reading this now. Our nows don't have to coincide for our experience to. In this way, minds accordion Time.

So, whether I'm still alive when you read this or whether I've celebrated my Continuation Day, I'd like to co-create with you here an interactive experience that can change your life.

From experience I can tell you that the most important thing for you right now is to not allow yourself to be alone. I've been there in that aloneness, and I don't want you to ever have to be there. Ever. So this book is my way of being with you. This book is our conversation.

Do not pretend that The Longing has not also lived in You, swinging, like a pendulum. You have been lost, and thieved like a criminal Your Heart into the darkness. But life is tired, Deep Friend, of going on without You. It is like the hand of the mother who has lost the child. And if You are anything like me, You have been afraid. And if You are anything like me, You have known your own courage. There is room in this boat: take Your seat. Take up Your paddle, and all of us - All of Us - shall row Our hearts back Home.

-'The Longing' 2005 Em Claire

Chapter Two

* * *

Okay, so let's assume that my guess is right about why you're reading this book. If it is, you're going to be happy to know that there is a way to turn things around, and make of your life what you've always imagined it could be. There are many ways, actually, not just one. There are many paths to the mountaintop, and I want to be careful never to come off as the guy who thinks he has The Answer.

I do have one answer, though, and I know it's an answer, because it worked for me-and I've already told you what I've been through. So, here I am to tell you that one way to turn things around is to make ...

NINE CHANGES THAT CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING

Now, in the conversation that follows I'm going to discuss these changes with you one by one. The changes will give you a way to deal with calamity, with tumultuous shifts in your reality, with the collapse of what you thought was going to be "so."

Should you choose to embrace the Nine Changes I am suggesting here, I believe you will be able to make even more changes in the way you move through life. Specifically, I believe you will be able to change Fear into Excitement, Worry into Wonder, Expectation into Anticipation, Resistance into Acceptance, Disappointment into Detachment, Enragement into Engagement, Addiction into Preference, Requirement into Contentment, Judgment into Observation, Sadness into Happiness, Thought into Presence, Reaction into Response, and a Time of Turmoil into a Time of Peace.

All of this seems almost too good to be true, I know. But it is true, and it can happen, and it can happen in your life right now.

Now I really am sounding like one of those

Rah!

Rah!

Ciss-boom-bah!

guys. So let me repeat: Facing change is not easy. Not without tools. Yet there are tools, and that's the good news. There is a way out of this forest. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. How fast you get over and get past what is happening right now depends on what path you take-and with whom you take it.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from WHEN EVERYTHING CHANGESby NEALE DONALD WALSCH Copyright © 2009 by Neale Donald Walsch. Excerpted by permission.
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