CHAPTER 1

STOP, LOOK,AND LISTEN

Life's major transition points are intersections that focus yourawareness on where you are. Your options are open—you canmake a conscious decision to continue as before, turn in a newdirection, or come to a stop.

Transition points also focus your attention on where you'vebeen—all the life tools, skills, and habits you've accumulated alongthe way. Consider them major meeting points of the past, present,and future.

WHAT MAJOR INTERSECTIONS LOOK LIKE

Some life intersections gradually grow from a passing thought intoan obsession you can't ignore. Other intersections are thrust onyou without warning. Let's look at a few real-life examples.

BECKY

Becky is a forty-four-year-old mother of two boys, ages 17 and 15.Becky and her husband, Jack, work long hours to meet the family'sexpenses and provide a private school education for their sons.Their four-bedroom home is located on a half-acre lot on a quietstreet in a safe city neighborhood.

Happily married, Becky and Jack strive to balance the responsibilitiesthat come with being good parents, owning a home, advancingtheir careers, and providing each other with opportunitiesto grow, both together and as individuals. As their boys becomemore independent, Becky feels a mixture of happiness at theirgrowth and uncertainty about what her role will be once they're offto college. With family responsibilities shrinking, she seeks greaterfulfillment in her job as a project manager for a software company.But lately, the job feels routine, even boring. She can do it withouteven thinking.

Naturally, Becky wonders, "What's next?"

With the boys out of the house most evenings, Becky andJack enjoy quiet time together. But is their life becoming too quiet?Although Becky's happy, she's also restless. Sitting outside in thesun one Saturday afternoon, she lists her interests and skills on apiece of paper and then asks, "What do I need to learn to grow intothe next phase of my life?"

MIKE

Mike willingly supports thirty-five sales representatives, answeringtheir questions daily by email and phone. He enters customerorders into the company's computer system and has developed areputation for accuracy and quality. Mike's supervisors recognizehis importance to the organization and, through the company'sannual performance review process, make sure he receives maximumrewards. Aware that his bosses take good care of him, Mikedoes his best in return. Yet in recent months, he feels a growingsense of restlessness and doubt. His mind keeps returning to thesame question about his job: "Is this all there is?"

At least today, the routine changed. Mike's counterpart, Sue,is visiting from another office. Over lunch, they compare notesabout their common job responsibilities and gossip a bit. With noprompting on Mike's part, Sue mentions her concerns about theirfuture prospects at the company. Both Mike and Sue are needed bythe departments they support. However, this makes Sue worry thatshe might not be considered seriously for advancement becauseher absence would leave a vacuum. In a moment of clarity, Mikerealizes he feels the same way.

Back at his desk that afternoon, Mike reflects on his work, hisfamily, and his relationship with his parents. He also ponders the statusof his spirit. He isn't sad or melancholy, just more aware—morein the present. The conversation with Sue has pulled these thoughtsfrom the dark corners of his mind to a front-and-center position.

On his drive home that evening, Mike enjoys the warm springbreeze through the open car window and listens to a favorite songon the radio. Close to home, the road crosses railroad tracks. As hedoes every evening, Mike turns down the music and brakes as heapproaches the crossing, bringing the car to a full stop. He looksleft and right down the tracks and listens carefully. For a few importantseconds, he concentrates completely, blocking out all otherthoughts. When he's sure no train is coming, he proceeds carefullyacross the tracks and continues home.

As he drives on, Mike realizes his conscious actions at thisintersection of road and rail are wise—the result of a life lesson.Similarly, at life's major intersections where past, present, and futuremeet, it's wise to stop and take notice. To concentrate and lookaround. To listen.

At home that night, Mike lists possible jobs he might pursuenext in his career. He also lists the skills he has now and those hemight need for that next job.

ANDREA

Andrea has mixed feelings about her job. On one hand, she feelsfortunate to have survived three rounds of layoffs at her companyin the last two years. But as a survivor, she's been forced to assumethe work of two people—her former coworker's job and her own.So her days are long, and she finishes every week too exhausted tofully enjoy the weekend. With the economy in terrible shape, she'snot sure what to do about her situation, but she knows she has todo something. She just can't sustain her current exhausting path.

DAVID

Now thirty-two, David has served his country as a soldier since hewas eighteen. Through that experience, he's matured, gained confidence,and grown into a dependable leader. His technical specialtyin electronics and communications should help him secure a jobin the civilian world, and his fluency in three languages shouldinterest employers with operations overseas.

With only three months left in his military commitment,David decides it's time to get serious about life after the Army.After all, for nearly fifteen years, his military responsibilities haveruled his decisions.

Early one morning, David takes a pad of paper and a pen andfinds a quiet place to sit and think. He makes two lists: One highlightshis strengths and abilities; the other details the challenges hemust overcome to build a life in the civilian world. With plenty ofpossibilities laid out before him, he finds the exercise exciting—butalso intimidating. Large-scale life transitions are just that.

SALLY

Sally enjoyed her six-week trip that's ending in a few days.Throughout her career, she had never taken that much time away.However, now that she's been retired for almost a year, she can justabout go anywhere and do anything for as long as she wants. That'swhy she worked hard all those years.

So what's the problem? A little voice in Sally's head seems tothink a problem is lurking. It speaks up several times a day, gettingher attention like a tap on the shoulder. Sally still has manyyears ahead of her to be productive. "What are you going to donow that's important?" the little voice keeps asking.

ROGER

Roger looks up at the ambulance attendant hovering over him. Hetastes the dry oxygen flowing in through the mask on his face andfeels a heavy pressure in his chest. He hears the wail of the sirenover the beep-beep-beep of the heart monitor as the ambulanceweaves through traffic on the way to the emergency room. Beingstrapped down on his back feels strange to Roger. He's afraid ofwhat's to come. He's also aware he feels disappointed in his bodythat is failing him.

All those years of no exercise, carrying an extra forty pounds,and eating and drinking whatever he wanted, his body never evengave him a hint that anything might be wrong—until now. Yet themessage is coming through loud and clear on this day. Even as theambulance backs up to the hospital doors, Roger makes a mentalchecklist of the changes he'll make in his life as soon as he's backon his feet.

STEP 1: AWARENESS OF WHAT IS NOW

Step 1 of the Do What You Can System involves acknowledgingthat every day, our past and future intersect. Absent a specific reasonto pay attention, many of us fail to even notice. For Becky,awareness of her family and career intersection happened graduallyas her boys became more self-sufficient. For Mike, a visit froma coworker brought subconscious doubts about his advancementto the surface. Andrea's exhaustion is forcing her to make toughdecisions about her job. David's imminent release from militaryservice is urging him to prepare for what comes next. Sally neededa year of retirement to bring out her little voice. A medical emergencyforced Roger to take a hard look at his unhealthy habits andpledge to pursue wellness and health.

Different situations, one common experience: They were allprompted to examine where they were, where they wanted to go, andwhat skills and habits they would need to move in new directions.

Like Becky, Mike, and Andrea, you might feel a desire tochange after a period of increasing awareness. Sally and Davidbecame well aware of major life changes that came from endinglong-term employment and starting in a radically new direction.Unfortunately, like Roger, you might be shocked into change by alife-challenging train roaring down the tracks.

Step 1 requires you to interrupt the buzz of your life and juststop, look, and listen. Set aside time to examine your relevant historyand your current abilities and life skills honestly and objectively.This step requires you to consciously examine your startingpoint for change—where you came from—and then, in Roosevelt'sterms, deeply examine where you are and what you've got.

You'll also examine both real and imagined barriers to growthand change in your life. You'll ferret out the bad habits, personaldeceptions, and invalid excuses that hold you back. You'll identifythe payoffs you think you'll receive from allowing them to exist.

By following the suggestions and exercises, you'll completeStep 1 with these assets:

• A list of strengths and the life tools you brought withyou from your past

• A conscious awareness of barriers

• A sharper focus on the direction you want to head

Right now today, you've arrived at a life intersection. What agreat time to stop, look, and listen!

WHERE YOU CAME FROM—YOURFOUNDATION FOR GROWTH

Your foundation for growth consists of the solid facts from yourpast that you've built on as you've moved through your life. Asyou pursue your purpose and life goals from here on, you don'tabandon your past—you continue to build on it. Always be awareof your foundation; when uncertainty creeps into your decisions,refer to these foundational blocks for reassurance.

You'll notice that some attributes of your foundation remainstable as you change, at least into the foreseeable future. For example,my current height is seventy-three inches. This fact is an attribute ofmy foundation, my physical world; I expect it will remain constant.Another fact is my age. Each year I remain alive, this number will goup; it can't go down or remain the same. Barring a major unforeseenevent, I know what to expect of my height and age. Therefore, theycan be relied upon when I visualize my desired results.

What other foundation factors are relevant to your goals?You'd include your governing beliefs, ethics and morals, communicationsskills, family and extended support systems, work andprofessional experience, and financial stability, to name a few.Your foundation also includes the filters through which you seethe world—the ones that cover critical core growth issues. For example,are you inherently programmed for success, mediocrity, orfailure? For calm or action? For peace or aggression? For helpingor ignoring the needs of others? How have you been programmedby life to this point? Examine your programming filters—suchinfluences as family, religion, friends, education, experiences, income,financial security, race, age, nationality, geography, occupation,and physical well-being.

Having conscious awareness of your life facts, existing skills,filters, and barriers is crucial in defining what you want to changeand how you'll do so. "Where are you from?" is more than a politequestion you ask when you meet someone for the first time.The full answer provides a frame of reference and crucial points ofcomparison to your own past.

What important attributes of your past relate to your willingnessor unwillingness to act in a radically different manner (if that'swhat you need to achieve your goals)? What strengths do you bring?And what heavy anchors from your past continue to slow you down?

MY OWN ANALYSIS OF WHERE I'M FROM

Let me answer a few of these questions regarding my own past. Iprovide these details for two reasons: first, to give you an exampleof the type of analysis I'd like you to perform; second, to give youhints about my perspective on the Do What You Can System.

As of this writing in 2011, I'm fifty-five years old and happilymarried. My wife, Kris, and I have no children. We live in themountains of Colorado in a five-year-old mid-sized home withan enormous mortgage.

I was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, the fourth of fivechildren. I'm the favorite, of course. My parents were married forover sixty-five years before my father passed away a year ago atage eighty-seven. My mother is now eighty-seven. My parents havebeen constant, positive figures throughout my life.

I attended large Catholic schools in Philadelphia for eightyears of elementary school and four years of high school. Duringmy school years, we lived in a row house. The corner house on ourblock, it was perhaps a few feet wider than the other houses on thestreet but still modest in size and amenities. Seven in the house.Four bedrooms. One bathroom. Do the math.

Our elementary school was only three city blocks away, butgetting to high school involved a twenty-minute drive or, more often,an hour trip by foot, subway, and bus. With more than 6,000students at the high school, having control and discipline werecritical. Our dedicated teachers did the best they could to teachand lead us while maintaining that control and discipline.

Earning good grades after copious memorizing, I earned acollege degree in accounting from Penn State University, a stateschool with huge classes and little individual attention. Fortunately,I was hired by an international accounting firm immediately aftercollege and became a Certified Public Accountant. Five years later,I switched to a position in a large company and became one ofabout 90,000 employees. For the last twenty years, I've been a self-employedpublic speaker, trainer, and consultant.

When it comes to beliefs, I'm a highly spiritual person whobelieves in God and the existence of an afterlife. My politics arefact-based and I have minimal tolerance for mediocrity. I especiallydislike untruths (more commonly known as lies) that arespouted by too many politicians and "talking heads" in the media.

My relevant skill set includes an ability and willingness tospeak to audiences on business, self-management, and personalimprovement. I'm logical, and I follow the rules (just as I'vebeen taught). I possess a solid working knowledge of the businessskills of accounting, cash modeling, short- and long-rangeplanning, risk awareness and remediation, and communications.I'm good at what I do, but many others are better—and I want tocontinue learning from them all.

This snapshot of "where I'm from" naturally remains a large partof who and what I am today. I simply can't ignore how I was taughtto think and act. Conformity dominated my religion, my schooling,and the first half of my professional career. Both in school and atwork, advancement and recognition came as much from slogging itout over time as from technique, subtlety, and application of skills.My parents and teachers taught me to keep my head down and keepworking. "Don't talk back and don't ask questions."

This makes up my personal programming—where I'm fromand how I was raised (school, church, neighborhood, work experience,friends, and relatives). My foundation includes these attributes:

• Reliable, loving parents and a secure home and familyenvironment

• Discipline to follow rules or face certain consequences

• Pattern of blending in with the crowd, including notthinking for myself, not sticking out in any way, and notexploring what I could be

• Tendency to be pulled by good luck and circumstancesrather than deliberately striking out from the pack

• History of taking instruction from safe traditionalsources of authority—parents, family, teachers, church,supervisors

• Sustained habit of working hard

• Character of reliability

• Ability to think analytically and logically

In short, point me in the right direction and I'd go there!

This foundation has served me well and continues to be thebase on which I build each day. However, as a result of challengesI experienced fifteen years into my career, one day—like Mike didin the earlier scenario—I asked myself, "Is this all there is?" A decisionpoint, an intersection, came into my awareness. A time tostop, look, and listen—to decide if this was the path I wanted tosustain.

After several months of pausing, assessing, and allowing mythoughts to wander to various possibilities, I decided to move innew directions. That transition has reached its twentieth year—andit's still a work in process!