My God, here I go again putting together another part of my life while being guided by You Lord, to share with the world. It seems like just yesterday I finished writing a book, now I'm back at my computer writing again about the greatest man in my life, ever, You Lord. There is none greater than You.

Well, where do I begin? I already know to start at the beginning. This is something You don't have to do because You are God and You already know our ending before our beginning. To start out let me talk about the storms in my life that brought about my being elevated to a higher level in my Christian faith and walk, and the calling that is upon my life. I never dreamed or imagined that giving my life to the Lord and then answering His call would send my life totally and completely out of control. Well it did. I'm not blaming God for anything; I'm just sharing how He used these things and people to get me to the next level of my life and calling.

Considering where I came from and all that I had been through, I felt my life was complete, meaning put together real well. I had a good job working for the state. It brought in very good money. I could work all the over time I wanted, and I did just that. God had given me my own home, and allowed me to also purchase a second home just because I had asked Him for it. I wanted to see if what I heard a guest preacher that was at our church speaking on "God said there is no recession for His children. It's your season to reap His blessings.", or something to that effect, was true. Then he went on to say, "I dare you to try Him. Ask for whatever you want and He (God) is going to give it to you".

I am a member of The First Cathedral in Bloomfield CT, under the leadership of Archbishop LeRoy Bailey Jr., Senior Pastor, and I tell you this man will not let just any ol' body into his pulpit. If you are not walking as God, not him but as God, would have you to, meaning if your life is not showing God in it, meaning if your life is not lining up with the Word of God, you will not be stepping in that pulpit feeding his congregation. No sir, no way, he will not have that. He takes what God has given him to heart. He knows God, he loves the Lord, and what belongs to the Lord he holds dear to his heart with the utmost respect. So if you ever get to stand in that pulpit count it is a privilege, ok? Well back to my story. I took a little detour. (Just had to let those of you who he has allowed to stand before his congregation to count it a joy that he obeyed God and not his flesh). Well, I got the second home by trying God as suggested and I used this house to help people who were struggling and needed a helping hand to get on their feet and start over. I did not ask much for rent, `just enough to cover the note', as they say in the south. The house was in Charlotte North Carolina.

I have a gift. This gift is a heart to help and to give to others, if you need it, and I have it, than you have it. I will give it to you, no if ands, or buts about it. I have always been this way even before I got saved. This gift was hard in my worldly days, and brought me much heartache back in the day because people tend to use folks like me. Now it's a joy to have it and to be able to freely give. You see, there is a difference in giving from your heart and giving to be liked or accepted (buying love or a friend). Those of you who have been there or are still stuck there know what I'm talking about. I know the difference now and I use this gift in more than one way for more than one reason. I know that sometimes we can give because we want to be liked or part of (fit in), we sometimes give because it will help to keep us safe, or for LOVE. But I tell you to be able to give freely because God has laid it on your heart to do so; there is nothing more rewarding than that. So be mindful why you give.

There is a great reward in giving when we give in obedience to God's plan of action. There are some that like to give because they want to have something to talk about, to boast and tell others what they have done. Be careful, the Bible speaks about this kind. You will reap your own reward. Don't tell anyone when you help a person. That is a secret between you and God and that person. What a great thing, to have a secret between you and God. That means He trusts you or He is trying to change you. So you're your mouth about it if God has asked you to help someone. (I don't know who that nugget was for but take it to heart) He could have asked someone else but it was special that He blessed you so you could be a blessing to someone else.

After I got my house I started to save money, a little here and there, and doing a lot more giving, and working on giving to the church. I love to give and this is what I wanted to do ever since I'd gotten saved. I wanted to have enough money to be able to stand in what I call `the big wheels of the church givers line' and be able to give a thousand dollars at a time at any service we had. I wanted to stand in that line, so I worked overtime to be able to do that. Besides that, I love clothes, I love to shop, and I am a smart shopper. God gives me the best for less. Amen to that. I kept on working and working and doing my church thing and before I knew it I had been on this job 6 and half years. I was on a role. I had a lot of challenges on this job, I was hated because of Who's I am (SAVED), hated because of the money I was making, then even hated and picked on because I came to work. My attendance record was excellent. I only missed about two weeks of work in the 6 years. God kept me and man, I was really on a roll until one day my doctor's office called me after I had blood work done for my blood pressure follow-up. (I went every four months like clockwork) I returned the call, was told to make an appointment to come in to speak with the Doctor in person. I was too busy working to get concerned so I went in two days later and was told that my liver enzymes were very high and she needed me to consider seeing a liver specialist. I did not want to go but I went because she sounded very concerned due to the results of the blood test report. So, appointment made, blood work done, and results three weeks later suggested that I go on shots as well as other medication for my liver. I had Hepatitis C but it was only on a small section of my liver. I was like, listen, my liver has not bothered me all these years so why do you want to start fixing on something that is not broke. You see I knew the shot was dangerous. When I say dangerous I mean every letter that's in the word, D-A-N-G-E-R-O-U-S. Listen, anytime you go to a doctor that you have never seen before and the first thing they want to do is start filling out disability papers before they know your birthdate you are headed for a rough ride. I tell you I had to fast and pray and seek spiritual guidance from my God ordained dad, who is also, as you know, my pastor. I am really his daughter, just that God had to give me to him. I don't think, no I know, he would have chosen another Carolyn if he knew who the Lord was sending him (ha ha). No, I can truly say he has never, ever, made me feel less than. As a matter of fact he always stayed on top of things that concerned my health from day one, and I had a lot of them; my mind, my eyes, needing glasses, proper living arrangements, as well as eating the right foods. Most pastors don't do all of this for a person from the streets, that he has just laid eyes on as a new member, but I have always felt special (important) to him and his wife, always. I don't know how many prayers they prayed in order for them to be able to love a woman with my kind of background.

In the early stages of my healing and deliverances I had to go through a lot to be able to stand. I thank God that they NEVER EVER Left ME to walk alone. It has been a journey let me tell you. Many nights my body wreaked with pain, wanting to give up and run away, with nothing to hang on to, hurting headaches, wanting to cry but not able to. Yet through life's hardness I could hear my pastor's voice, "Baby, everything's going to be alright. Do you believe that? Just trust God. Will you do that?" Many nights I wanted to give up but I saw his wife's face, with a warm loving smile, and I wanted so badly to smile one day so I fought. I cried because I too had that smile buried deep within me and I did want to smile one day. Thanks be to God for what he and his wife did for me. I have never felt less than anyone else in that church and that's no lie. I'm not saying that they did not make mistakes but they owned up to them when they realized that a mistake was made. When he traveled it didn't matter what country he would be in, he made it his business that either he or his wife, Mother Reathie Bailey, would call and check to make sure that things got taken care of for me, and see if I needed their help. God, I thank You for giving me to them. I know it was You because I was `Hell on Wheels', as the world would say. I didn't like me, so I didn't like anybody else, and anybody that tried to complicate my day, boy, they got it from me. They (the Baileys) understood my pain, where many others didn't, because God didn't assign me to anybody else, just them, I do believe. My Pastor dad would always hug me, look me straight in my eyes and say, "Baby, how are you feeling today? Is everything alright?" every single day he saw me. That's the kind of dad (man) he is. He and his wife show their love, they don't just talk about it. If you never had real love then you know fakeness when you see it. They are not like that, not with me or my children or my husband. They always ask about the absent one. As large as our church membership is they try to take a personal interest in us all and I thank God for them and their family. They have three wonderful children. I love them because they are just themselves trying on life for themselves. It's been a blessing to watch them grow up into men and woman of God. They respect me, always have, and that is good enough for me.

Well, back to my sharing about myself. I sought guidance from my pastor dad about liver shot. I told him the side effects are what I'm not ready to deal with. He said what I knew he would, "Baby, we just have to pray. I will be praying to seek how the Lord would want you to go about this because pastor isn't too sure about this medication. I read a little about it but lets be praying, and trust God for the answer". I ended up deciding on taking the shots with the understanding that if it starts to cause me to become anemic, or cold symptoms start up, or my blood pressure starts to lower, (man it was a lot of ifs) I would stop. So I went on and started my medication cycle. A month on the shots at $80,000 a year for just the shot then another $5,000 a month for one pill then $4,500 a month for the second pill, called the blue pill, then I had to eat 60 grams of fat after each set of pills three times a day, plus work until I felt I could not go anymore then they would put me on disability for one full year. This was if I could hold down the medication. You see, the meds made you very tired. At times they said you could not get out of bed—but they wanted me to take this stuff. I cried before God, and I fasted and I prayed. I'd told God during my last days of addiction, when I gave Him my life that if He took those drug needles from me and not let me ever use drugs ever again I would not ever stick another needle in my body. I meant this with all my heart, so to have to stick these needles in me once a week was more than I could bare. But they told me if I did it while I was still young my chances for living until I was 80 years old would be a better guarantee. I have to pause for a minute, just give this Holy Ghost saved, healed, and delivered by God, woman a moment. Glory to God, I couldn't understand them. Wait a minute here; I serve a God that's able to keep me. I serve a God that's faithful l to His Word. I serve a God that says, "God is not a man that He should lie; neither the son of man that He should repent: hath He said, and shall He not do it? or hath He spoken, and shall He not make it good?". I serve a God that's able to take a 22 years dope shooting, drug running, street walking woman and make her whole by healing her and standing her before the world whole. Now just help me here, a God that took a drunk brain (almost what they call a wet brain) and dried it up (made it sober and normal functioning again) just one question here, can't this same God keep a liver in operation for 39 more years? I don't know about the god these doctors may serve, or if they serve one at all, but my God is able to supply all my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. He said it in His Word. He also said that I could ask and I will receive from the Father what so ever I may need (paraphrase) I shall have it. His Word also says, speak those things that be not as if they were and it shall come to pass. What so ever I decree it shall be established in my life. Well not many years ago I heard my pastor dad decree longevity and good health over his life in the name of Jesus, and I immediately decreed the same thing. So why would I not live to be 80 years old and then some? If God's word is true then I'm set. Glory be to God, because I believe in Him and every Word that He has spoken. So I know you can see my struggle here. See, I had a hard time taking those shots, but out of obedience I did what was recommended, because God works through our doctors sometimes just to show us our miracle. Let me share this part with you, after being told I should at least start the shots, I was told the shot so far had failed in the African American people, but it was something I really should consider trying. So I did. Interestingly though, this doctor spoke to me these words, "Carolyn, I don't understand your liver test anyway." "What do you mean doc?" "Well, for a person who drank as long as you did I would expect more damage to have been done. But the blood you have running through your liver is just as fresh as the blood I have running through mine, and I am not a drinker and never have been. I just cannot get that part right in my mind yet." I can. I said, "It's just the blood of Jesus." "Who? I didn't get that." Doc said. I said, "I know Doc, don't worry yourself. I have learned over the years that prayer changes things. I'm a believer Doc. Just learn to pray and you will understand a lot more about Him, and see more and depend less on understanding medicine. That's why you don't understand my liver test results saying one thing but its functioning just like yours. That's a good thing. There is life in a dead piece of liver. Hold on Doc, I got to cut up in your room here a minute." (jump, jump, dance, dance) "Oh yes Doc, I'm fine. Doc, you said you wanted to see me again? When?" Look readers I know you may be saying I have to read that part again, it seems like she jumped all over the doctor' office. No need in reading it again. I had to take a praise break in doctor's office because God had just used the doctor to confirm a miracle that had already taken place. "I know you don't understand my excitement, Doc." I said, "Just listen real good, Don't miss this. If I had not come to you then I would not have ever known that my God had already healed my liver a long time ago but I could not see it, had no need to be concerned, but a miracle had taken place in my body." Oh yes God is a good and faithful and true and living God, operating in our lives every day, even when we don't know it. So saints of God and you `aints' as well, go to your doctor and keep up with your yearly physicals even when you don't want to. There could be a miracle waiting on you or about to take place. As for the `aints', God loves you too, He has a wonderful plan for your life. Sometimes we find Him in the mist of our tragedy. But He loves us all. We need to love ourselves enough to receive Him as Lord and Savior of our lives.

While taking the medication I had another big decision to make. I was told I had gotten myself into a situation that could cost me my job. It was a mistake on my part and many others besides. There was nothing any of us could do about it. We just had to wait for the final decision to be made. I take full responsibility for my action; even though I did not have the full understanding that the action I took was in error. I have repented for that.