Sammy and Luci

It is time to go to bed. What happened to her? She suddenly stopped all communication with me. I hope that she is fine and getting better. I cannot get it out of my head. Come on; I am sure I was not much help with her situation. I wish I could make it up to her, but why do something unpleasant in the first place that you feel the need to make up for?

The window is open. It is early summer, and it is nice out. The air is cooler than the last few days, but it feels lovely. It is such a pleasant change from the short heat wave.

A man is talking very fast outside, just talking, and he is walking back and forth. He is mumbling, and all of a sudden his voice grows very loud.

"I think everyone is looking at me. Why is everyone looking at me? I am not doing anything. Did I ask for money or anything? No. Then why are they looking at me?" I look down and see that there is no one else in the street at that moment. He is by himself.

Sammy, a tall Caucasian man of about 130 pounds, is an addict. He is addicted to crack cocaine and meth. This deep into drugs, he has written his own death sentence; sooner than later he is dead if serious help is not found.

Sammy was a car salesman. A successful salesman, to boot, was selling high end new cars. He had a nice family and a nice picket-fence house. He was rolling in the dough. I am talking about two years in a row of over 200 G's per year. Enough money to make many of their dreams come true. Since he was a control freak, he controlled the money. The wife had no say in the running of the finances. Actually, she had not much say in about anything. She would get a good chunk of allowance every month for running the home. Sammy also gave her money for her personal expenses. He did not spare any money when it came to his wife and children. He made sure they were provided for. He had everything but he still felt empty. He felt something was missing in his life.

Selling cars is fast-paced, shrewd, and thrilling. He was lacking that in his home life, and more than anything he wanted a thrill in his personal life. He had the money for it, but he did not know what kind of a thrill would be exciting to him. He was getting bored with his home life. He felt he was not being challenged there anymore. He provided and worked diligently to achieve a good home for his family, but now, when he got into his car to head home, it was not like before. Before, he looked forward to going home. He couldn't wait. He had ants in his pants all day just waiting to go home. He showed customers pictures of his wife and children whenever he got the chance. He glowed with the love he had for his family, and his customers picked up on that. His success was because of his family.

But now that happiness and giddiness was not there anymore when he turned the ignition key to head home. He was not happy when he got into his expensive, fully loaded, fast and comfortable car, with its stereo system with built-in equalizer and eight strategically placed speakers! Sammy loves music. He even likes country and western. Not all types of country and western, like the really heavy, twangy, sad country music. Not his style. But he really likes Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Dwight Yoakam, Shania Twain, Tim McGraw, and the Dixie Chicks. Sammy lived his life crassly through Johnny and Willie and he respected the Dixie Chicks cause they had balls! He also liked the country songs by the Eagles and one of his all time favorite bands, Lynyrd Skynard. And Elvis! Sammy is listening to new Eminem today and singing along with him. The words he knows.

Sammy really does not have anyone to restrict him. As a child he got away with murder. Sammy's wife (since this is about Sammy and Luci, and Luci is not Sammy's wife, you give Sammy's wife any name you see fit) was doing her own thing. As long as the money was coming in and she was taking care of herself and her children, she did not care what was happening with Sammy or to Sammy. She loved Sammy but loved her kids more. She wanted all the comforts for her daughters and she did everything with them. She would take them shopping, to restaurants, visiting with friends, and on trips. That is how she made herself happy, being with her kids. If Sammy came along, fine; but if he didn't, she would take the kids and kiss Sammy on the lips and leave him at home all by himself. She thought Sammy was happy like this. He had his good job, a faithful wife totally dedicated to their children, and beautiful daughters who loved their daddy. But did they really love Dad or just what Dad was providing for them? Would they still love Dad if he had no money to provide for them or a nice home for them to live in?

Sammy really did not enjoy staying at home all by himself. He easily got bored just hanging around the house in his lonesome. Where is my family? Why am I not with them? They asked me to come, but I only will be in their way. Let them do their own thing. I'll go with them next time. Next time comes, and again the excuse that I am tired and need to rest. Sammy's wife would not, even once, insist on him coming with them. Maybe that was all he was looking for: Please, honey come with us; we want you to come with us; we are not going if you don't come. He got none of that. Instead he would get, "Oh, okay. Me and the kids are going to a movie, then to eat out with their friends. Have a good night, honey." Kiss on the lips and out the door.

Sammy then decided that he needed some excitement in his life away from his work and home. He decided he was going to hang out with the guys at work more often instead of going to a home that eventually would be empty during the night. Sammy's wife went out pretty much every night with their girls (reader: you can also name the daughters). On the rare occasions that they were home, she would make sure the kids were busy with something, so really no quality time was spent with Dad. The girls didn't mind this arrangement either. Their perception of their dad was not much of love but more of duty.

He didn't have any real buddies. He had maybe four friends he had known since high school. Like him, his high school chums were married with children. Three out of four did hardly anything outside their family activities. But they did really cool stuff. One of Sammy's friends took his family on a hot air balloon camping trip the year before. They had so much fun. They came over and showed the pictures to Sammy and his family. The other guys would visit during Christmas and birthdays and usually talk about the old times. Not about what is happening right now in their lives. Mostly the women talked about that, their lives today. But the guys mostly talked about the good old high school and college days. Sammy did not go to college, and he was always embarrassed about it in front of his close friends.

The guys at work were more like him. Some had wives; majority of them were divorced, with little or no higher education. So he could relate to them better than the other group of friends. The guys at work were also fun. So he started hanging out with the work buddies and checking out the local strip bars. The guys at work had been on Sammy's case to come out with them and have a good time. Why can't I do that? Sammy would ask himself. There is no reason that says I can't do that. I am going to do it. After awhile night clubs and casinos were added to the roster. When you are buying drinks for every Tanya, Doris, and Sherry and gambling at the same time, you can go through a lot of cash faster than you can say fun times. He liked it, though. Way too much. Chicks everywhere and they gave more attention to him than anyone he knew, certainly more than his wife and kids. Sammy was now getting attention from a bunch of strangers who made him feel good about himself.

Then came the drugs. Let's make it more fun and exciting and kinky and out of this world and, and, and ... let's just fly! How high do you think you can get? Really High! I want to be so high that I want to feel like I am strapped to a rocket being shot up toward the moon at 900 miles an hour. I want to be so high so can I feel like that.

"I love to get fucked when I am high on coke and G. I get so horny when I am on G. This is the time Sammy befriended Luci. Luscious Luci. "Please, Sammy, get me some coke, and I will do anything you want me to. I will love you forever, baby. Please believe me baby, Sammy, I love you baby," Luci tells Sammy.

He started spending ridiculous amounts of money on women, booze and drugs. Meanwhile, he remained responsible for providing for his family. "Oh my God. I cannot cope with this. This is too much for me to handle. My wife hates me, and my children are scared of me. I need some meth right now. Yeah, that is what I need. I need to cope with this problem. I better get hold of Luci." Sammy's drug problem was getting worse and worse each day. He needed drugs to cope with his everyday life now.

Telephone ring, ring, ring. "Come on, Luci, pick up please, Luci pick up, pleeeeease."

"Hello." Luci's voice hoarse and scratchy, that dry cough sound. The "h" sounds like a deep spit building up in the throat and wanting to jump out. She coughs.

"It's me. Sammy. I need to see you. I need to get something from you." "You have money, Sammy?"

"Yes, I do. When can I see you and where? Please soon. Please. I am going through some hard times right now, and I need to think. I need the stuff to help me think."

"Don't worry, Sammy. I got what you need, baby. I can be at the corner in front of 7-Eleven in minutes. Bring $40 for now, and I'll fix you up. Don't worry, baby. Everything is going to be all right. Have I ever lied to you, baby? I am the only honest person in your life, baby."

"Oh, you are the best, Luci. But I only have $30 baby. Please. That is all I have, baby."

"I said $40. Find the other ten and then call me. I am not going to waste my time for thirty bucks, baby. Find the other ten and then call me. I'm waiting for your call."

"You know how long it is going to take me to gather ten bucks, Luci? Please, Luci, I will make it up to you. I really need it right now. Luci, you know I'm good for it. Please, Luci. Please." Sammy breaks down on the phone and starts crying hard and loud, his emotions coming out in his cry all at once. He is bashing the telephone headset into his head, and it hurts. He is feeling the sharp pain inside his temple. A throbbing pain like someone took a knife and cut into his brain. All he wants right now is to either have the hit or die.

"Okay, okay. Don't fucking freak out on me, Sammy. Bring me what you have. Along the way, if you can steal anything, anything worthy, no fucking junk, it is mine. Try to bring forty bucks. See you in ten minutes."

Still crying. "thank you, Luci. Thank you."

Luci had a strange childhood. She was conceived from a night of lust, and therefore for all the wrong reasons. Luci's mom (again the same here, my dear reader: you give her a name and even a character) was bored with her life. Her beauty attracted many men, but still, men's divine attention to her bored her even more. She wanted a challenge, and what better challenge than being a mother? There you go: I want to be a mom. So, Luci's mom got pregnant with Luci, but having Luci did not really stop her from her party life. No! She still wanted to have her fun. She still went to bars and tried hard to not smoke and drink but did not try hard enough. When she was four months into her pregnancy, she got so sick from drinking and puked so violently that she stopped drinking for the rest of her pregnancy, but her smoking didn't stop.

Finally, Luci was born, after nine months and three days. A beautiful healthy girl with emerald eyes and golden hair! Her hair was so fine it was the softest thing Luci's mom had ever touched in her life. Luci was cared for properly until she got to be six months old. That is when Luci's mom decided enough was enough, that it was time to go out and have some fun.

Luci was now her new doll. A beautiful, smiling, bright-eyed live doll. At six months old, she wouldn't know what was going on. Luci's mother thought, I'll just get a nice big purse and put her in there and go to my favorite watering hole and have a drink or two and just chit-chat and then come home. I'll just do this once a week. That is reasonable. I wouldn't want to leave my daughter with a total stranger. Then I would feel bad! I'll feed her, put her in the purse, and she will fall sleep. Yes, good. That is how I am going to do it. A brilliant plan by Luci's mom to be able to get out and have a few drinks and meet some men while at it. She hadn't touched alcohol since that puking incident, but she was craving it so much now. A glass of chardonnay or Shiraz! A fruit martini! Ummmm, so tasty! Okay, Luci, we are going purse shopping. I love my new doll—oh, not doll! My daughter, Luci! Yes, I love you, my dear daughter, Luci.

Luci's mama found herself a perfect purse. First she went to a department store and found nothing there. She met a friend in the process, and her friend suggested this shoe boutique in the south part of downtown and gave her the address. Luci's mom pushed Luci's stroller out of the department store and started walking toward the boutique. A beautiful sunny day in paradise! The whole time she was walking, she was thinking of how she was going to sneak Luci into this bar and into that bar. How she was going to react if Luci started crying. She had to find a purse that opened from the top with a zipper. Oh, my little doll, I will make sure I'll get me a purse that you will be comfortable in. I promise, my little china doll. So fragile!

Luci was so little, so petite! She wasn't gaining weight from her mom's breastfeeding. Her mom was smoking lots and not eating too much, since she wanted to lose the weight she had gained during pregnancy. So Luci could easily fit inside a large purse even at six months.

Luci's mom found the purse she liked, and at a hidden corner of the store, out of sight, she took Luci out of the stroller and gently put her inside the purse. A bit tight, but she could still move around in it. Great! It worked. She was so excited. Wow. No one will know. I will make sure she is asleep, and I will just go for an hour or two. Not longer than that. Luci's mom paid for the purse, looked around the store a little bit more, like all the other women just aimlessly looking at shit they have no interest in or intention of buying. Just killing time!

Guys can never do that shit. The only time you see a guy doing that is when he is with a woman in that store. No other time. Guys, when they are shopping, they are shopping. They go shopping with a mission, to buy two, and not three, but two pairs of pants, two to three shirts, maybe a couple pairs of shoes—one sporty and the other dressy—and that's it. Men are done and on their way to do other shit in less than two hours. Women take for-fucking-ever. And they have to go to every store, and honestly there are so many stores catering to women. But the fact remain, with all their bullshit, men still love women, no matter what their sexual preference! Men love women. There are more gay men showing more love to women than straight dudes do. Anyway, that's off the topic. Where were we? Luci's mom.

Home again. Back from the purse shopping that took five hours resulting in purchase of only one purse. Luci seemed to be enjoying herself in her stroller. Looking up at her mom, then at glass doors, colors, big square things and small square things, things dangling! Mommy was saying something to this cute person who kind of looks like Mommy. She looks nice. Mommy looks nice too. Mommy looks really happy. I am going to smile for Mommy when she looks at me next. Oh, there she goes. I am smiling for Mommy. I love you, Mommy.

Mommy is taking a shower while Luci is taking a nap. Mommy does not deny anything for her baby. Best of everything! Best crib, best clothes, shoes, hats, gloves, you name it, the best for my baby. My baby deserves the best. I will find you a daddy. Tonight, when we go to the bar together I will find you the best daddy.

Sammy is waiting, panting, walking back and forth. Looking at everything like something is hiding somewhere and he has to find it. Everything could have something. Nothing could lead to anything. Let me look here. Let me look over there. Oh, what is that? Oh, there. I see something there. Nothing! It was all nothing. Nothing, like his own life! Full of nothing! How did he get here? From many things to nothing! How could he, Sammy, let this happen? Holy shit! I am nothing.