Stop Running from Love: Three Steps to Overcoming Emotional Distancing and Fear of Intimacy

In a relationship mismatch often observed by couples' therapists, one partner exhibits a fear of or inability to create intimacy or closeness with the other. He or she actively creates emotional, communicative, or even physical distance from his or her partner. Therapists often refer to this individual as a "distancer". Distancers are often afraid of being engulfed or controlled by their partners. They fear rejection, vulnerability, and dependence.This book presents a clear, step-by-step approach distancers can use to move beyond their fear of intimacy and start building strong and lasting relationships. Exercises and self-evaluations in the book help readers become aware of how they operate in romantic relationships. They review and reassess their relationship patterns, deciding what changes they want to make. They then commit to actions that can make it happen. Since distancers often externalize their problems in relationships, transferring blame for relational problems onto their partners, the book works to help them give up the illusion that they can change others. Instead, it shows them how to engage with their partners to create a positive new relationship dynamic.