Alone Again

It was the start of a new life, and I was alone and single — but more than ready to start life again. Although my daughter initially lived with me, she quickly decided to join her boyfriend to make marriage plans, so I was really left on my own. I was living in beautiful Queensland Australia where the motto is "beautiful on day, perfect the next"

I had to borrow my daughter's car to move much of my stuff so there were many trips back and forwards from my previous home to my new place.

My motto at that time and even still today is "I haven't come this far to go backwards now" so even though there was a lot of stress and hard work, I kept going on.

Now living on my own was quite a different story and a new experience as I haven't been single since I was eighteen and a half. Getting married at that age was quite normal in those days.

Now I had other things to have to consider .Firstly shopping; having no car meant I had to walk everywhere. Luckily the shopping centre was only a ten minute walk away so I had to just buy the things I needed at the time and carry them in bags.

Some years ago I had hurt my back permanently while playing hockey which left me with constant pain. Numbness and pins and needles were my constant companion. Standing for any long period also gave me backache. My answer to this was to start walking in a serious way. Each morning at about 5am I would start the walk. I lived quite close to a major horse racing track where I could watch the beautiful racing horses get groomed and trained and go for the training runs. When they were washed, their skins were shining. Sometimes the jockey would walk them past me. The horses were quite tall which made the jockey seem even smaller than usual. There was so much activity going on before race days. Over a long time the benefit of walking did start to make a difference slowly, very slowly.

Not having a car meant walking everywhere. Sometimes a bike is not enough. If I needed to get into town, at least there was a bus stop across the road but many times I would walk home which took me about forty five minutes. Just to save some money. Halfway on my walk home I would walk through the city gardens which were beautiful. I could stop and smell the flowers and admire all the great work the council would do. It seemed to give me the extra energy to continue my walk home.

If I wanted any company, then my friends would have to come and see me at my place. I wouldn't allow myself to think about any problems that might come up as that might tend to get me down a bit and my health was not good enough as it was. It would take a long time to get my nerves settled, and find peace again. I didn't think of being lonely at night as the constant walking was making me tired enough to sleep. My other two sons lived a long way away so there was little they could help me with. There was no men around the flats to help me with any real problems that might require a man's expertise so again I just decided that there were not going to be any problems

A few months earlier, I'd had many dreams showing me how my life would work out, so I was not worried about the future.

I've kept a dream journal for more than twenty-five years, and it has been my practice to meticulously write down the details of my dreams, always recording the date as well. But, unfortunately, as a consequence of moving house a few times, I lost some of these records. Even so, thankfully, I still have many years of my journals saved.

Starting Over

I slipped the key into the lock of my newly rented flat, opened the door, and walked inside, feeling the silence all around me. I recall that it felt good.

I threw my keys onto the coffee table and looked around. I didn't have much furniture in the room; in addition to the coffee table, I had a twelve-inch television that belonged to my daughter, a small tape recorder for music, and a little three-piece cane lounge setting. However, the empty spaces didn't seem to matter.

I visited a second-hand store and purchased a fridge, a washing machine, a dining table and chairs, and a bed. I had all the essentials I needed, and I considered myself lucky. I did a little dance around the coffee table. I didn't know what was ahead of me, but I wasn't worried; I just felt like a kid again. I had my bike to get around, and I was good at managing my money, so I knew that financially, at least, there wouldn't be a problem.

My trust in men at that stage was non-existent, but that suited me just fine.

The home I had previously owned was on the market. I did miss the tropical gardens I had tended and the beautiful flowers at the front of the house. However, I was consoled by the thought that the next owner would appreciate them. Anyway, it was just practise for the next house. Being a gardener, I knew there would always be another garden.

At the rear of my flat, the owner hadn't made the grounds very presentable, so I asked if I could undertake that task. It wasn't long before I was growing some pretty flowers, making the small area lovely and colourful.

On reflection, considering my changed circumstances, I still had some good friends, and I had my sister. Happily, I was soon to find and join a church of spiritual seekers, where I found many more like-minded people. I had always heard that meditation was good for you, so I thought I would give it a go. I had such a busy mind that it took me about six weeks to get myself sufficiently quieted down to try it.

I had met Diane through the church and soon learnt of a meditation circle she held at her home. At that stage, I had no car, so Harry, another friend through the church, picked me up.

Diane was renting a big house on a property on the outskirts of town, which was divided into two flats, one for herself and the other for Harry. The flats were connected by a long hall, and it worked well for them.

Usually, there were between six and twelve people in the circle, so I soon got to know everyone. After an opening prayer, we would settle down to meditate. I really began to understand what people meant about the value of meditation. It was calming and sometimes fun, too, because as we went around the circle of people, each of us would tell the others if they'd picked up anything that they wished to share. I usually had, and I soon needed a pen and paper to remember everything.

This quickly became the best part of the night for me, and I was constantly amazed at the accurate and amusing things I would receive. This usually left me on a high for the rest of the night, and I couldn't get to sleep for hours afterwards.

It's hard to explain to others who do not understand how this happens, but I would see very clear pictures, and often I couldn't understand how these occurred. But I was always amazed at the information I received. Sometimes words would come out of my mouth before I realised I had spoken, surprising me.

In the past, I had been sceptical of such claims by others; however, after experiencing so many visualisations myself, I had to believe them. I just went along with what I received without question. Anyway, people would soon tell me if it was right or wrong.

The old saying is very true: never judge a person or think you can understand another's life or experiences until you've walked a mile in that person's shoes, and you are going to walk with me in this book in my shoes. Many times over the years, I had readings with clairvoyants, and I was consistently asked, "Why are you not doing this work yourself?"

I would always reply, "I don't have enough confidence." However, if I did get some visualisation that I strongly believed others needed to know, I usually would tell them anyway.

At times in the group, I would pick up information that made no sense to me at all. Even so, it usually meant something to one of the others. An incident occurred concerning a couple who were new to the group. When I contemplated the man, I picked up heart problems, but when I suggested this to him he said, "Not really," so I didn't pursue the matter.

I then turned to his wife and saw a picture of heaps of jelly beans, all different colours, so I asked, "Do you both like sweets?"

She said, "No, but my husband has diabetes and needs jelly beans in case his sugar levels go too low."

I then suggested that her husband would certainly be more likely to have heart problems if he had diabetes, and she agreed. So you see, dear reader, it usually makes sense to someone.

One night, when scanning one of the regular attendees, a man, I twice received big letters of warning saying health, so I asked him if he had some problem with his health. He replied no. Though I felt unsure about his answer, I did not pursue it; obviously, I couldn't argue with him, although something still prompted me to mention that a simple blood test could determine if he had diabetes. Not being a doctor, I didn't want to seem arrogant, so I let it go.

The following week, I got the same nudge again. I asked him about it once more, and again he replied no. So I didn't pursue it. The man didn't come back to the group for a few weeks. When he did, he announced that he had been diagnosed as having full-blown diabetes. Diane mentioned to him that someone had foretold this, and it was then that he remembered what I had told him.

On another occasion, there were two new women. As I concentrated on one of them, I got a picture of an old post-and-rail fence and a duck. It didn't make any sense to me, so I asked her if she lived on a farm or something. She laughed and said no, but on their way that night, they'd crossed an old bridge with old posts, and they'd had to stop the car in the middle of the bridge as a lone duck wandered across the road.

Next at Diane's meeting came my first real experience as a medium. At the outset, I sensed this was going to be different from my usual experience and mentioned this before I started sharing the information I was receiving.

In this first experience, I saw a pretty young girl about four or five years of age. She was speaking to me and telling me to say, "Tell them I can swim now." She seemed pretty happy about the idea. Sadly, I felt this young one had drowned and also that the event occurred not in an ocean but in still water surrounded by lots of greenery.

Diane claimed this connection. She said a relative of hers had lost a little girl many years ago, and it was by drowning in still water. Diane felt that the green landscape was because the event had occurred in the United Kingdom. She said she would try to find out more details, but after some weeks of enquiries, she found that the people connected to the event had passed away, so there was not much more she could determine.

Another two who joined meditation circle on the same night were an older woman and a younger man. Every time I concentrated on one, I got an image of the other. So I asked the younger man, not having been personally introduced, if somehow they were related, and he told me that they were mother and son. I asked further about a man "who was the grease monkey," as I could see a man underneath a car. He confirmed he had planned to do work on a car.

Then I was prompted to ask if there was a birthday or something coming up, because I could see a cake to celebrate a special occasion, and they advised that there was one planned.

One important image occurred while in meditation. I saw our group as a small candle-like globe. Then the picture expanded, as if the whole world had shrunk before me into a small ball, and I saw lots of globe-like lights similar to our group all around that image of the world. I interpreted this as showing me that there were many other groups around the globe trying to make a difference by making the world a better place.

It's a pity that the phenomenon of the many groups with similar aspirations does not get any publicity. Unfortunately, bad behaviour gets all the media attention, when in reality, so many people are trying to better the world in their own small way.

Reincarnation

I find the idea of reincarnation to be much more acceptable today, especially with some genuinely talented mediums around. I think it is of great benefit to those who get confirmation from loved ones on the other side, who give details that only the people concerned can verify. You can see how such public performances sell out so quickly now that there is so much interest in this phenomenon.

When I first heard the word reincarnation explained, it just felt right to me, and the more I learnt, the more it made sense. After all, if, as is postulated, we choose the life and circumstances we are going to be born into, then we've done so for a reason.

Usually, as put forward by those who subscribe to this understanding, we are here to learn lessons we've avoided, to right a wrong, or to just be better people or advance our spiritually. It is suggested that many come with a definite mission and know that they are here to make the world a better place — these are said to include Princess Diana, Steve Irwin, John Denver, Martin Luther King, and Mother Teresa, among others. It's a bit like being in a play at school where we play a part for a while. We might choose the part we want to play, but when it's finished, we just walk off the stage to resume our life.

I do not believe that we can dismiss the many thousands of people from all countries, over many centuries and different cultures, who have believed in reincarnation by suggesting that they are wrong. This belief has been passed down over many generations and is much more accepted today as more and more evidence is provided by so many, including medical practitioners and children.

It makes no sense to me that some people are born into riches while others are born into poverty. It seems so unfair. If we just die at the end, and finish up as ashes or in a box, what is it all for? What have we gained? And of what use is it? Is it just bad luck? What is the point?

I look at it like this: When we are young, we start school at the age of about five years old. If we finish the year and do well we go on to another level above that, and so on, year after year. If we fail one year, often we have to repeat that year before we can progress further. So we keep on, as if we are going through to high school and then on to higher education. From there we think about our employment, and in what area we would like to participate, and so there is more learning. Sometimes we decide we are on a wrong course and change tack by taking up a different area of study, all the while getting more experience from the unlimited options that are available to us in this life.

So think of the same process, but this time the years of school are our different lives. We continue to learn more from each life. When we're young, we think we know it all at each of the different stages, but in reality, with the advantage of hindsight, we see that we knew very little. Something that we only realise as we get older is that we still have so much to learn but so little time left in which to do it.

If we are going through a bad time, we may well ask, "Why should we choose this process to go through? It's so awful!" I also asked this question many times when I was younger. It's a big hurdle to overcome, but after much deep thinking and a lack of any other explanation, I could come to no other conclusion than to see the hard times as lessons. Life is not what we have to deal with, but rather how we handle it. We often don't realise this until we have some wisdom behind us. I wish that I'd known this at a time when I could see no light at the end of the tunnel — when I was young and desperate. I wish I'd had someone explain this to me and use it to help me through the bad times.

I would add here that at one stage, I did read the Bible right through, but it gave me more questions than answers. Also, we must acknowledge that different religions have adopted their own holy writings to suit their own beliefs.

There was a lady friend who once said to me, "You have made many mistakes, but boy! you have learnt from them." She also told me that I was to stop thinking that I was not as valuable as everyone else; I was at least as valuable as they were. I never forgot that lady, and I have wondered over the years whether she realised just how much that admonition helped me.

My friend Amanda has a good saying: "We are all on the same bus, but sometimes we get off early and go off track." It's clear that we humans can really stuff up our lives at times. Sometimes we don't return to the bus before our time runs out. But I believe that when we die and look back at our life just finished, along with our guides or councillors, we see where we did well, or maybe where we did not follow our plan.

It's much like looking at our exam marks after a test. This review usually results in another life being planned so that growth can continue. Amanda suggests that we will all eventually get back on the bus or the path in subsequent incarnations.