Spice Up

Spice Up

Short Bedtime Stories Easy Reading Volume 2By Rachel A. Frias

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2011 Rachel A. Frias
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4567-4630-8

Contents

Ah, It Will Go Away!...............................1Ambrosio's Shirt...................................10Bad Bionic Human...................................15Rio................................................24Bengali Choli......................................33Chil Jang..........................................39Eating Out.........................................46Entering For a Visit...............................57Given Away to AA...................................67Gli Bambini........................................73Hiding Places a Scientist Uses.....................81Noah's Cell........................................89Quotes.............................................96The Hairdresser....................................102The Jews...........................................110Abbey's New Kitchen................................116The Spanish Squeeze................................123Three in One.......................................133Trying to Leave....................................144Uneven Ledgers.....................................149Unisexual Death....................................156

Chapter One

Ah, It Will Go Away!

Rising from his bed, the tube fell out of one of his nostrils. The other tube stayed in.

Just recently, Herman, now in his late forties, pear-shaped, and a depressive yet prescribed optimist, had been through a treatment to prevent him from abandoning his body when sleeping. Once to five times during the night, Herman's absented soul would wake up to the jerk caused within the body in its effort to keep breathing. Herman would have a very difficult time going to sleep again after an interruption. He had been a guinea pig for the Spanish scientist who'd developed the forced air pump with which he now slept. Air was pumped rhythmically through the tubes connected to his nostrils, and when his natural physical body's breathing would stop, the machine would save his sleeping body. His uninterrupted dream stage would become beneficial to his always unsteady and stressful "just lying down at night." Never in the past had Herman referred to his night sleep as sleep, just "shut eye."

As Herman left his bed, his adult diaper, which had prevented his bed from becoming soaked, became a heavy bother. In addition to his sleep disorder, Herman was a victim of incontinence. The condition had started in his early forties. Now, he had to physically be aware of his necessities, not being able to "feel" the urge, per se. In consequence, during the day, he would force himself to a bathroom schedule, stopping his activities regularly, to avoid accidents from happening.

Herman's morning started by unhooking from the sleep machine and attending to his physical diaper wrap, followed by some pill taking for his mood disorder. As soon as he was done showering, Herman would walk into the kitchen to not be surprised by what was missing in the fridge. Herman was regrettably personally familiar with another sleep disorder besides the cessation-of-breathing problem; it was a sleepwalking problem derived from the newest sleep deprivation solution medication available on the market. Luckily, even in his sleepwalk Herman would shut the refrigerator door and, when climbing back into bed, hook himself back up to his new, modern forced-air breathing machine.

Today when walking into the kitchen, he found out he had eaten hot dogs galore. Of course, he had drunk beer, instead of water, to accompany his debauchery. The empty bottles remained on the table.

Now, surprised, his eyebrows went up because he saw he had used catsup. Catsup? He thought. I don't like catsup on my hot dogs; I just keep it for certain recipes, such as hobo beans.

After cleaning his nightly mess, Herman was prepared for breakfast. There were certain products he could have and certain products he had to avoid. The man could have a bit of milk in his coffee; however, he was supposed to stay away from coffee. As for cereal, he could have a bit of oatmeal prepared with water, but not milk. He could also have pancakes, but without butter or syrup, which were just not that great. He considered the pancake mix and set it aside since carbohydrates decomposed into simple sugars.

Herman had invested in foreign cookbooks with new and innovative breakfasts. Today he decided to try a new Asian world favorite: a Vietnamese breakfast made with coconut milk. Having had this tasty breakfast more than five times recently and five additional times during sleepwalking, he had gained too much weight due to the coconut milk's high caloric content.

Restricting his eating limitations to what was good for his diet and tasted good, left Herman eating a lot of fish soups with vegetables, and very little carbohydrate. Meat wasn't a big part of his diet because of the cholesterol, even though he had been told that if he avoided chlorinated water and hydrolyzed and homogenized products, his cholesterol levels would be high yet overall harmless. He had actually verified this information reading about it in a book by Kevin Trudeau.

In addition, other influences discouraged his meat eating. Like, deli meats contained too much sodium, and he was unable to drink enough water to compensate for his body's fluid needs. But the biggest factor was the gay couple he'd made acquaintance with at the gym. Remembering the two boys dressed kind of feminine-like at the gym, one in pink spandex and the other with a tight, blue T-shirt and short shorts, he pondered, Who wouldn't do what they say? They are irresistible, sexy, and have friendly personalities. So, no meat or very little!

Constipation became a horrible problem whenever Herman ingested extra white bread or rice and glutens. The recent research he'd read revealed that heat, applied to the lower tummy area and the lower back, relaxed the muscles enough for peristalsis to carry through the small and big intestine. So these days, Herman found he routinely applied a heating pad to these areas to help his bowel movement.

* * *

Herman knew a woman, whom he adored and who understood his physical problems. Still, she very obviously wanted to be sexually satisfied by him; however, Herman had a ... male problem that had surfaced during his recent mid-life crisis. In the last four months, his erectile dysfunction had appeared, and it stayed visible in his mind by his always having a floppy, no matter what.

As he thought of all this that morning, he sneezed, bending over and hurting at his back at a second, stronger sneeze. But on this Monday morning, the sniffles couldn't stop him from venturing out for some exercise. He put on his cap to keep his balding head from getting cold.

About four blocks into his walk down the avenue, Herman's ankle began hurting. Usually I can walk ten blocks; this is unusual. It really hurts, he thought, but he dismissed the pain.

The Queens borough street was busy with delivery traffic. Some of his favorite deliveries involved, the colorful flowers in white buckets set to adorn the outside of the fruit shop at the corner of his building. While he walked along the crowded avenue, exaggerating the swinging motion of his arms to facilitate circulation, the ankle pain increased, crawling and wrapping around his right calf. Good God! I can't seem to finish my walk today, he thought as the exhaust from a passing automobile made his allergies surface, and his eyes water. As he coughed, he hurt his back again. He glanced around, debating, Should I just get in a taxi today and go home? He sneezed again. Herman rested his right hand against a city tree, taking the weight off his weak leg to relieve the pain.

On the way home—he decided to walk—Herman stopped at the local pharmacy for a nasal spray to ameliorate his allergy symptoms. Finding the gel caps that the pharmacist recommended, he bought them and took two immediately. The effect of the strong medicine put Herman's mind in a small cloud, and he walked right by his street's address, only realizing his mistake two blocks later. Finally, after walking slowly and paying attention to where his address was, he got home.

Herman was a bit upset that his exercise had not been too productive, having to return home after walking less than usual. To make up for it, he grabbed his vibrating gut-buster belt and latched it on his waist, sat on the couch, turned it on, and flipped on the TV. As his belly vibrated like Jell-O, Herman felt he was exercising, having been susceptible to the advertisement, which had mentioned what a great exercise substitute this vibrating belt was, and what a great, toned body one could attain.

Herman liked potato chips and would often overindulge while watching TV, which is what he did next. Unstrapping the vibrator belt, he rose to go into the kitchen and, opening a bag of chips, sat back in front of the TV, eating. Whenever he grew thirsty, Herman reached for a beer, never water.

After retirement, Herman's past office job had become a mental block. His memory deteriorated fast from lack of use, and each time he tried to remember even his own home phone number, he drew an immediate blank needing a minute for re-call. After retirement, he'd kept only few work relations and thought of his companions at work once in a while, smiling. I haven't met anyone new this past month, he was thinking when suddenly the phone rang. As he moved on the couch to reach the phone, he felt pain in his back.

The doctor's office clerk had phoned to confirm his appointment on Thursday with the chiropractor, Dr. Touchel. Herman had last been to a chiropractor long ago, and about three times total in the past, after he had acquired a new chair for work. The new task chair forced its occupant into a certain posture, which turned out to be very uncomfortable. After the three visits, the doctor determined the chair was no good for what Herman wanted it to do, so Herman went back to relying on the old one again.

* * *

Thursday rolled around, and Herman went through his morning routine of detaching himself from his breathing machine, showering, and finding all of the olive pits from his odd nightly unconscious binge. He took the elevator downstairs to go to his chiropractor's appointment, coming out onto the street with a big sneeze that caused him to yelp afterward from his back pain. His favorite woman, Darci, happened to be walking by with her small, white poodle, which was peeing on a very young city Gingko tree. Ah, Darci is there with her little crumpet, Herman thought, pleased. She was a big, Jewish woman with a big bosom who was always entertaining.

"Hi, Darci," he said, smiling enchantingly her way.

"Well look at you, early morning rise for some exercise? I haven't seen you in a while. You know, it is good for the body and mind to get some shows in," she said, trying to fish for a Broadway show and dinner from Herman.

"I—I have been busy, you know. I'd love to go out with you, Darci. You look marvelous today; those brown eyes sparkle like your diamonds," he said as she smiled, looking at him appreciatively. Herman realized he was being pushed into a romantic evening, but he remembered his impotence and suddenly raised his arm, waving for a taxi.

"Taxi, taxi!" he yelled, looking at the woman and adding, "Darci, forgive me; I do have an appointment. We'll talk later?" Herman did not want to romance the lady home yet, even if he was dying to, because she might want what he couldn't give her. A flash of a floppy penis passed through his mind at that instant, even as a yellow taxi stopped at his request.

Herman again felt the pain in his back while getting into the taxi. Worse, his ankle began to hurt again, and his allergies emerged in a couple more sneezes. Once in the taxi, he popped a couple of gel caps.

After arriving at his destination, Herman got out of the taxi, but with difficulty. Once on the sidewalk, he had a problem finding the right address number, immersed in the muddle created by the allergy medication. Not knowing the cause of his confusion, Herman attributed his mixed-up state to his bad eyesight. He pulled out his reading glasses, making a mental note to make an ophthalmologist appointment soon. A folded piece of paper had fallen out of his pocket as he'd gotten out his glasses. To avoid having to bend over, he asked a passerby if she would be gracious enough to pick the paper up for him. Herman had come to accept other's help even for simple tasks such as picking up a little paper.

* * *

Entering the chiropractor's office moments later, Herman was invited to sit on a strange-looking ergonomic chair in the waiting room, after responding affirmatively to the clerk's question whether he was in pain or not.

Soon Doctor Touchel invited him to his office and listened to his complaints. Herman's back hurt, his ankle hurt, his shoulders hurt, and he couldn't even turn to the side to reach the toilet paper while on the john, he told the doctor. After clarifying his age and answering a couple other of the doctor's routine questions, he mentioned his constipation and his erectile dysfunction, as well. The doctor just listened and asked if X-rays would be adequate. Since Herman hadn't had any X-rays done since he was a child, he allowed the X-rays.

He waited a few minutes for the technician to bring the pictures in for the doctor, and then Dr. Touchel showed Herman his back. Herman had never seen an X-ray of a human back before except for drawings and pictures in science books when he was young. Doctor Touchel pointed with a red pencil at three areas of concern. He showed Herman how two of his vertebral disks were damaged and explained that due to these damaged disks, the vertebral bones were rubbing against each other and would possibly fuse in the near future. Not only that, Dr. Touchel explained that Herman's sciatic nerves, which originated from the sides of the missing disks, were being pinched. He explained briefly how the sciatic nerves ran down the legs and around the ankles. Herman finished the doctor's thought, suddenly understanding that the pinched nerve was causing the ankle and calf pain.

Dr. Touchel went on to show Herman that other nerves were being pinched as well. These could explain some of his other symptoms, such as his gastrointestinal problems, his constipation, and maybe even his erectile dysfunction. Also, the doctor explained that the breathing reflex could be, so to speak, "pinched" at times, too.

Herman was astounded to learn of all his problems' origins while looking at the X-rays. He couldn't believe the misalignment and degeneration of his spine. The doctor recommended three weekly visits, as well as a strict diet of no sugar, no coffee, lots of water, little alcohol, and plenty protein. He also advised Herman take a sulfur compound, dissolved in water, and that he keep exercising lightly. He was to keep a regular diet and to decompress weekly.

* * *

A week later, Herman discovered he had eaten ten bags of popcorn during his nightly sleepwalk episode—or at least, he had attempted to eat that much. Much of the popcorn was spread all over the kitchen floor. Apparently I was playing hoop with the popcorn, he thought.

His morning routine now included taking calcium, the sulfur compound, and his mood pills with his breakfast before exercising. As he walked out of his apartment this Thursday, he was looking forward to being able to walk his ten blocks. He took the elevator, but immersed once again in the confusion created by his self-administered allergy medication, he pushed the wrong button and ended up ten floors up, instead of at the ground floor. I better get this straight, he thought, pushing the star, the main lobby button. I'll stop drinking; how can I be so confused? Well, after all, the chiropractor said drink isn't that great for the back.

The poodle barked when Herman came out for his morning walk. After saluting his favorite demoiselle, Herman found out that Darci's ankle was hurting her, and she told him that the hurt was not due to having twisted it. He tried to explain that the sciatic nerve could be pinched; however, she interrupted him, not wanting to listen anymore. Instead she told him of a Broadway show she wanted to go see, her desire written on her face. But again, he put her off.

When my back is better, my dear Darci, you will know the Tarzan in me. You just wait till I can get it hard, and then you'll beg for more and more, Herman fantasized. He thought further, You should listen to me about the sciatic nerves. You, too, have a pain? Ha, well I know I'll get you, lady, 'cause I'll get better.

* * *

After three long years, Herman finally managed to mend the disks in between his damaged vertebrae. They were still mobile and had not yet fused. At least his ankle did not hurt anymore, and he had less constipation. His shoulders and left hand did not hurt, either, and he felt he could finally invite Darci out without too much concern of failing in any sexual activities she might request. His eyesight was all right, too, and he had quit using the breathing machine, having regained his natural breathing reflexes. All was well. Except ...

* * *

Darci had been starving for a few days in response to her constipation, which was getting worse and worse. Her middle back hurt, and the pain in her ankle was wrapping around her right gluteus maximus. And suddenly, Darci had lost sexual interest in Herman.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Spice Upby Rachel A. Frias Copyright © 2011 by Rachel A. Frias. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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