REMOVING THE BLINDERS

"Freedom means you are unobstructed in living your life as you choose. Anything less is a form of slavery." Wayne Dyer

Getting off auto pilot and becoming self-aware

With the world being what it is today, most people are walking around with blinders on. Look around and you'll see them fully engaged on auto pilot. They have become the modern definition of the zombie, phones attached to their heads, bodies slouching in front of the great and powerful internet. Completely unaware, all plugged in to this great thing we call technology.

It's much easier in today's society to release the gears and employ auto pilot because there is just so much stuff. Stuff to buy, watch and get done. We live in a society that applauds how busy your day is, how much stuff you require and the fast pace of daily life. We run so we can catch up in the race, never even realizing the most obvious outcome. There is no winner and everyone gets the same prize. A grave and a box six feet under.

So what is auto-pilot? The easiest answer is the part of you that just does. Does everything without really thinking or feeling about it and most times without enjoyment. Why? You're so busy thinking about what you have to do next you forget to enjoy the moment. However, busyness isn't the only reason for the blinders.

When connecting to the media, what do we see? Murder, rape, terrorism, animal abuse, global warming and environmental decline. Crime after crime showing us just how "bad" the world is. Knowing this, one could look at auto pilot as a defense mechanism, keeping our innocent selves locked behind a protective barrier. It is easier to numb the pain instead of feeling it. It's easier to pretend the problems don't exist inside the little world you have convinced yourself that you are safe in.

On auto-pilot we believe things such as, "If I keep my head down then I won't be affected; I won't have to look in the mirror to see what I've become or take responsibility for my actions and I won't have to change." There is a major price to pay with this type of thinking and that is losing the gift of your authentic self, your inner wisdom, strength and power.

You lose the foundation of the self and your core. When you lose this crucial part of yourself, you become like a ripple in the water. Everything you put out into the world stays there. If you are indifferent, angry or negative, then that is your contribution to our world. The ripples touch everyone and everywhere you go, you leave dust. Think about this for a minute. If you go to a cashier and purchase something, while agitated and mad, your mannerisms towards that cashier are going to affect him/her greatly in that moment. You have that much power!

Children are another great example of this power. If you come home every day complaining about this and that, what message is that sending your kids? Do you think they will see the world as a safe and wonderful place? Or will they see it as a place where nothing ever goes right, full of nothing but disappointments and heartache? Everything you do and say affects those around you. Every action or non-action affects your world and this life. Saying this, I hope that it has become very clear that every individual has a truly extensive amount of power.

All changes begin with the self. Be the change you want to see. The power is inside you, it always has been. We were born with this power, the ability to change and the freedom to make choices. I know, I know, right now you're thinking that's not true. Lots of things happen that I didn't choose.

Here's a secret, there's a difference between control and choice and control is an illusion. Your freedom of choice is expressed every time you react to internal or external forces. So yes, that means you and you alone are responsible for your choices, actions, non-actions and consequences. That means you can no longer point the finger and place blame.

As with any destination, you need a place to begin. That place is acceptance. Accepting that you are part of the whole, which means your also part of the problem. By becoming self-aware, taking back the controls and changing your life, you're changing the ripple. I have found that the best way to get off auto pilot and stay off it is to ask the simple yet complex question, "Who am I?" I'm talking about who you are at the core. When you take away all the labels, what's left? What are your beliefs and morals? What are the things that keep you up at night? What are your personality traits?

The more you learn about yourself, which means looking at and answering the hard questions, the more you will stay in the moment. Auto pilot will no longer serve a purpose. Being true to yourself is going to be hard at first. You have been living life with a certain perspective. This perspective has caused bad habits and an unhealthy thought process. This is the reason you have sacrificed who you really are. I call this a life lie.

At some point in everyone's life there's a parasite that dwells within the spirit. It begins to grow and eventually turns into what I call a life lie. A life lie has several characteristics, depression, anxiety, addictive behavior, reckless and impulsive decisions, extreme shopping, eating, drugs, alcohol and failure of physical health. However, it begins with the first choice you make that results in not supporting your true self. Then you find yourself coming up with excuses for making that decision, trying to convince your spirit that you did the right thing.

You continue to lie to yourself even though deep down you know that choice should never have been made in the first place. You should have listened to your intuition, that little voice that kept telling you that you were going in the wrong direction. You find yourself wearing a mask, until one day you finally accept the truth of the situation and make the changes you so desperately need to make to become who you really are. Let me give you an example.

Jane meets a man. They begin to date, the whole time her spirit tells her he is not the one but Jane is getting older and she's lonely, so she marries him. And so the parasite begins to grow. Two months later her husband begins to abuse her. Spirit says, "Run". She tells herself I love him I can change him. Nine months later baby number 1 comes. Spirit says, "Run." She tells herself this is what will make it better. All the while the parasite grows bigger and bigger with each lie she tells herself. As soon as she gets pregnant again, hubby starts abusing the baby. Spirit says, "Run". And she is out of there. Now she finds herself alone with a baby and another one on the way. When she gets alone with spirit she screams, "Why didn't you tell me?" Spirit replies, "My words fell on deaf ears and blind eyes."

This is an extreme example but it happens all the time and it usually takes an extreme to begin to listen. A life lie can begin with the smallest choice. When you are deciding to make a career move that doesn't feel right because your heart just isn't in it but the money is right or you move to a state because of family even though you know you can't stand the city and won't thrive. The parasite of a Life lie has the tendency to feed off fear and guilt. Like anything else the more you feed it the more it grows.

My life lie began with fear. Fearing the potential I held within myself because I was so different from everyone else. I grew up being told I was too sensitive, which lead to being bullied and that grew into living the first part of my adult life believing that everything I felt was wrong. This false belief turned into several different diagnosis of mental illness, 15 years on the medication roller coaster, 7 suicide attempts, 5 hospital stays on the mental health floor and lots of mistakes.

Believing this life lie made me not trust myself, my emotions or my decisions. Once my life lie took root (fear of being different), I feed it with the beliefs I had, (too sensitive, can't trust my emotions, something is wrong with me) and that lead to not trusting myself at all. Fear is like a cage without any lock, yet we remain trapped inside it, when all we need to do is just push the door open. We even employ self-sabotage due to this fear, losing many opportunities in love, employment, relationships and life.

We fear our own potential without the life lie attached. We fear our passions, the possibility of failure and letting go of the victim mentality. We even fear being judged by others if we say or think outside the box that society has deemed the norm. In short we fear ourselves and the consequences of the changes made to become a whole being, an authentic person.

So who are we? We know we are made out of bones, organs, muscles and skin. We have a brain that works as the intelligence center. But what about the piece inside us that cannot been seen? Some call it the spirit, soul or higher self. The word used doesn't matter nearly as much as the definition. It's where your core resides, the untouched perfection and creation of the divine. It is the place where you shine the brightest light. It's where hope, compassion, kindness, empathy and love resides. It is that piece of you that connects you in an unseen way to all of humanity. I call it the soul. This is where your true self lives. This is where you must begin your journey, removing all the baggage, excuses and stuff that keeps the soul from burner bright.

I began removing my blinders in my mid-thirties. Somewhere between all the "crazy", I began to find pieces of myself. I could see glimpses of myself between the paragraphs I read about positive affirmations and forgiveness. In therapy a new voice strong with conviction would come from my mouth and I would think, "Was that really me?" I would even say things that I didn't know I knew.

That was when I realized just how lost I had gotten in my life lie. It was in that knowledge and awareness that I met my true self. I began to feel comfortable in my own skin. Comfortable enough to take the next step I needed to find out more about this person that lived in my head and in this body. I began asking the question, "who am I?'

Exercise One: Self-Reflection

Below you will find a list of questions. Write down your answers and keep them.

1. Who am I? Answer without labels (mom, husband, student, and career)

2. What do I value? (What is important to you? What do you believe holds value for you? Your family, your wealth, health, career, spirituality? Do you hold value in the quantity of stuff you own? The size of your home? What about your social circle? Is it the amount of friends you have or the quality time you spend in a smaller circle? What importance does politics hold for you?)

3. What is my belief in a higher power?

4. What are my beliefs about death?

5. What makes me sad, angry, and mad?

6. What are my natural strengths and weaknesses?

7. What have I accomplished? Where do I feel I have failed? What am I proud of? Ashamed of?

8. What are my personality traits? Good and bad? What traits do I need to avoid in others?

Exercise Two: Personality

The following is a list of common personality traits, both positive and negative. Choose at least ten positive traits and only 5 negative traits. Write these down and keep.

Kind
Intelligent
Hardworking
Loyal
Creative
Accepting
Strong
Friendly
Flexible
Nurturing
Thoughtful
Confident
Optimistic
Respectful
Determined
Skilled
Helpful
Motivated
Insightful
Funny
Patient
Realistic
Honest
Generous
Trust ing
Independent
Resilient
Reliable
Brave
Decisive
Enthusiastic
Forgiving
Humble
Sensitive
Practical
Mature
Positive
Stable
Angry
Anxious
Cold
Fearful
Criminal
Domineering
Greedy
Impulsive
Argumentative
Vain
Moody
Obnoxious
Jealous
Provocative
Bossy
Deceitful
Lazy
Boring
Emotionally detached
Perverted
Compulsive
Careless
Envious

Exercise Three: Personality Types

I would like to address the importance of finding out your personality type and how this can bring some clarity to some things that you might be questioning. There are hundreds of tests online that you can take to find out your type, you can also find one on my website, at www.bridgetcanales. com. Your assignment is to find out your personality type. Write it down and list one trait you recognize in yourself that goes with each preference.

The personality types are broken up into 4 preferences. Preferences are simply the way we prefer to do certain things. It is usually the things we do naturally. We prefer one way over another. Below is the breakdown of these preferences.

1. Extravert (E) Introvert (I) : this is where we tend to focus our attention, as well as how we energize ourselves

2. Sensing (s) intuiting (N): this is how we tend to take in information

3. Thinking (T) Feeling (F) : this is how we tend to evaluate information and make decisions

4. Judging (J) Perceiving (P): this is about our lifestyle orientation

When I first found out my personality type, (INFJ) it was like someone had told me I had always been doing what came natural to me and this was NORMAL! I don't like crowds, they drain me. My preference is introvert, I prefer to be alone because that's how I energize myself. I have very strong intuitive skills, doesn't make me crazy. Just means that's how I prefer to take in my information.

My whole life I was told I'm too sensitive. My preference is feeling, so when I evaluate information and make decisions I use my personal values for references, to include emotion. My preference for lifestyle is judging. This means I prefer closure, structure and order. I prefer things settled and planned. I tell people all the time that being spontaneous gives me cramps! I tend to be a perfectionist which is a trait for an INFJ, so is valuing self-improvement! Finding out your personality type is an important step to becoming self-aware and it is an act of self-love, so find out yours.

Exercise Four: Values

Following is a list of values. Select the 10 that are most important to you. Feel free to add any value not on the list.

Love
Wealth
Family
Morals
Success
Knowledge
Power
Friends
Free time
Adventure
Variety
Calmness
Freedom
Fun
Recognition
Nature
Popularity
Responsibility
Honesty
Humor
Loyalty
Independence
Achievement
Beauty
Spirituality
Respect
Peace
Religion
Stability
Wisdom
Fairness
Creativity
Relaxation
Safety

Exercise Five: Defining and describing emotion

This is an exercise for understanding emotions and how they affect you physically. As well as how to recognize them. Below are a list of emotions. Your task is to define what each one means to you. Then write down a sentence or two about what was happening in that moment. You then need to describe what that emotion felt like physically.

Example: Emotion: anxiety is being nervous about something, usually something new. Physical responses can include tightness in chest, rapid heartbeat and sweaty hands. When I started a new job I felt anxiety.

Love
Courage
Happiness
Sadness
Loneliness
Hope
Peaceful
Understood
Confident
Embarrassed
Miserable
Depressed
Relieved
Confused
Worried
Challenged
Frustrated
Elated
Accepted
Furious
Hurt
Euphoric

Exercise Six: Strengths and Weaknesses

Some people think this is the same thing as personality traits. However this is incorrect. Think of your natural strengths as skills. Things that you have learned how to do and sometimes find that they come to you very naturally. An example would be organizational skills or effective listening. An example of weaknesses would be lack of time management skills, always running late. Weaknesses tend to be the skills you really have to put in all your effort to get accomplished. Here are some common skills. Feel free to add your own!

Organization
Time management
Public speaking
Effective listening
Observant
Expressive
Influential
Writing
Self-discipline
Ability to focus
Adaptability
Conflict resolution
Networking
Math
Art
Computer knowledge
Innovation
Motivation
Critical thinking
Decision making
Research
Marketing
Languages
Leadership
Intuitive
Analyzing
Inspiring
Detailed oriented
Health and fitness

MAKE BELIEVE

"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones you'll start having positive results." Willie Nelson

Releasing the illusion of control

In chapter one, I mentioned control and freedom of choice. Let's talk about this seemingly simple word control. The most basic definition of control is to have power over something or cause something to act in a certain way. Now keeping in mind the definition, take a moment to think about this next sentence. Release the illusion of control. What do these words mean to you? Do they make you get all fidgety, form a pit in your stomach? When you think of control what image comes to your mind? Is it someone who is mean, bossy, power hungry? Does the image have any resemblance to protection or safety?