CHAPTER 1

Let's Share The Cookies

An old man lay in his upstairs bedroom dying. Suddenly thearoma of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies right out of theoven reached him. They smelled sooo good that he gatheredenough energy to pull himself out of bed. Through his pain,he dragged himself down the stairs and into the kitchen. Ashe arrived at the table and reached for some cookies, his wifesmacked his hands and scolded "Stop that, those are for yourfuneral."

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OK! So you have heard this joke over and over, but isn't itfunny? Would I do that? NEVER! Have I done anything evenremotely so? Well, probably. My first thought, among many, isabout my oldest son, Tim, and my husband, Gil. Tim has alwaysbeen an entrepreneur-from mowing lawns and snow removaljobs as a teenager up to advertising the business he and hiswife have begun. I sit back and see how his wife fosters thistrait in him and "allows" him to explore different outlets forhis talents. Though they both know that some of their ventureswill not succeed, I watch with pride as they encourage eachother. As they both invest time and energy in the research anddevelopment of each new undertaking.

But when I reflect on the path that Gil and I have taken, I hearthe echoes of "There just is not enough money to pay the bills.""That job does not pay enough; You could make so much more.""I am the only one making a living here!" I think of all thepeople who I have encouraged. The people who I have trainedand the skills that I have passed on to others, and yet my ownfamily could have been "dying" and needing my 'COOKIES'!

So I am asking you, the reader, to stick with me through thisadventure. I hope to share some of the humor, wisdom and lifeexperiences of my family and friends. I hope you can graspsome of the aroma as I share just a morsel of what God isteaching me as He molds me into the final "Batch of Cookies"that He wants me to share with all of you.

Lord, I need help breaking the mold that I have made for myselfand each of my family members. May I never take them forgranted or forget how precious and special each one is. Blessthe reader and their family. Maybe through sharing my strugglesand growth, they can see themselves or someone in their family.Also, Lord, please help this reader to be patient and forgiving ofmy humor and satire. I just can't help it!

So, today, I will start by passing out all the cookies I have been saving.

CHAPTER 2

Twinkle Or Reflection

You know you are getting More Mature when the twinkle in youreye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.

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When you were young, did you ever wonder what "Love"would look like as you grew older? Before Gil came and pickedme up for our first date he had a dozen yellow roses deliveredto my front door. How could one not have a great eveningafter that? If we enjoyed a song while we were out on a date,he would later buy me the record to remember the date by.He made the plans for most of the dates, and he always heldthe door for me. Looking back, I think maybe those kinds ofcourtesies and respect were some of the best things that Ienjoyed in the 60's.

Gil may now wear trifocals, but I am sure there are still timesthe glint can get past those three lines. We are on our 33rd yearnow. Some would call us mere babes, others could not evencomprehend that long of a union. I sometimes believe Gil isbetter at this "love thing" than I am. I really always tried to bea helpmate, but more often than not I might have been the mateneeding help.

If you were to ask me about the problems that we had faced inour marriage, I would be able to go into great length about howwe handled each one and maybe even have a little emotion stillattached. Ask Gil. He would tell you that any problems that mayhave arisen were only stepping stones that drew us closer. Hisstones may not have been as sharp as mine! But, sure enough, Iwill see that twinkle as he tells our story. Can I tell you to stickwith it? It will not always be easy, and one of you may do morechanging than the other. There will be times when you are right.But is that the object? There will be times when you could pickout 50 MAJOR flaws in your partner. But what is the point? IfI have learned nothing else, it is that I can either dwell on thethings that need changing or I can look for and encourage allthe positive and good things about the man who I have becomeone with. Because, you see, I can't buy that twinkle, nor canI teach someone to have it. I can't explain what "it" is. I onlyknow that my life blossoms when I see that reflection in myhusband's eyes.

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You have made it so phenomenal, God! I am me, but I am alsoone with another. How can I say "Thank You"? You have evendeemed that we come together in spirit as we worship You.Because You are our foundation, I know what we have will notcrumble, but will stand on Your sold rock. I am grateful foreach day we share this life together.

CHAPTER 3

Huh?

While at the doctor's office for his annual physical, an elderlygentleman expressed his concern about his wife's hearing. Thedoctor asked, "How bad is it? How far away do you have to bebefore she can't hear conversation?" He recommended that thehusband go home and talk to her at different distances and seehow close he had to be in order to be heard. He went home, andas he entered the door he yelled "Honey, I am home. What is fordinner?" NO RESPONSE. Then he went into the living room,"Honey, I am home. What is for dinner?" Again, NO RESPONSE.Finally he went into the kitchen where his wife stood, hands onhips with a look of scorn. He stated that three times he had calledto her and she had not answered. To which she replied "AND FORTHE FOURTH TIME—CHICKEN!"

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Have you not been there? Knowing full well what you believe tobe true, and concerned that others just don't seem to "get it". Youare so confident that it is a black and white situation, then throughtime, experience, or even new information, a "Dogma" changes.(Wait, is that an oxymoron?) I remember so vividly an examplewhen I was a young stay at home mother.

Money was tight, and I prided myself on my frugality. I sewedand gave everyone handmade Christmas gifts. Garage salesprovided the money for any vacations we took. But, where I triedmy hardest was grocery shopping. I cut coupons, cooked fromscratch, and every newspaper ad was devoured. That brings meto "my Dogma". Chef's Delight Cheese. At that time, it cost 69cents for a block of cheese, and my family loves cheese. I saw theVelveeta on the shelf, but I knew it was in no way better than mycheese and it cost $1.19. Almost double! How could people be sowasteful? They must not be good stewards of their money. Howmany times did I want to stop those women and point out what avalue they were passing up? One day my store had a special, andI had a coupon. What was the worst that could happen? We triedthe Velveeta. I then realized what I had missed all those years.Some things cannot be measured by money! My passion changedimmediately. I try to remember this after all these years. As newcultural and intergenerational ideas and teachings smack into mylife, I tend to take one side immediately and with passion. ThenI have to remind myself to back off and weigh each side and putthings into perspective.

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Lord, open my heart and my mind. Help me to understand thatYou have given each of us different needs and talents. It is notthe willingness to change that causes me problems. It is more ofunderstanding what should be changed. Lead me.

CHAPTER 4

I Have The Answer

An older gentleman was seated next to a young blond womanon an eight hour airplane trip. To pass the time, the gentlemantold the blonde that she could ask him any question, and if hecould not answer it, he would pay her $5.00. Then he would askher a question, and if she did not know the answer; she wouldpay him $5.00. She was tired and shook her head as she curledup with a book. So he raised the ante and said he would pay her$50.00 if she asked him a question he could not answer, and hewould still receive $5.00 if she could not answer his questions.To get him off her back, she asked "What goes up the stairswith four legs and comes down the stairs with three legs?" Forseveral hours he searched through his computer encyclopedia.He even used his cell phone and called the Library of Congress.He called several professors who he knew and none of themknew the answer. Finally, he turned to her as she slumbered andshook her, stating that he gave up. Handing her the $50.00, heasked for the answer. She took the $50.00 and handed him backthe $5.00, stating that she did not know either.

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I have been told that not everyone enjoys my jokes as much asI do. I have read this joke over and over and still appreciate thescene. It might be because it reminds me of myself and manymembers of my family. We share such a passion for learningthat we forget that some people just want to relax. We recentlyhave set up two websites for all our family members to "Chat"and share news. In many ways, it has been a blessing and hasdrawn some of the younger cousins closer together who havemoved far away. It has been a forum where each person canshare a thought, feeling, or idea without interruption. Canyou not separate your family into the two categories that thegentleman and the blonde lady could represent? One wouldbe seeking the challenge, the other taking a time out. The oneproud of the knowledge he has gained, and the other contentwith his present state of mind. The best comes at the last.How many times do you think you have your act together?You are ready for the challenge. You might even shake yourfist at Satan's face because you are on top of the world. Dailydevotions, tithe paid, great sermon Sunday, even shared thegospel this week.

When out of the blue, at a moment's notice, a crisis arises andquestions begin flowing. "Why, God?" "What next?" "Are Youthere?" There are times I want God to give me all the answers.I sometimes forget that my walk is a walk of faith. "I believe,Help me unbelief" this is my prayer.

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Lord, when I feel I need an answer, help me to know it is onlyYou I need. You are Omnipotent. You will have the final say. Iam learning to let go of needing to always understand.

CHAPTER 5

He's Still Counting

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and thosewho can't.

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That takes me back to when things just didn't add up for me. Iremember when our daughter Elizabeth was born. We had ourgirl. We were so excited when we had her dedicated at our homechurch. Even when we visited the church my husband had comefrom, they insisted that they get to dedicate her also. Many timeswe have fondly jested that she was twice blessed. What a joy shehas been! Today she is a beautiful woman who possesses empathyfor people who are oppressed, neglected or in need, emotionally,physically or spiritually. She seems to be able to reach the coreproblem of each need. This trait was acquired by a couple of lifechanging events. You know what I mean. You probably have hadmany yourselves, Financial ruin, Accidents, Surprise pregnancy,maybe even a Death.... the list goes on. Bethy (Who knowswhen we started calling her that?) was having one of her bestyears at Ball State. She was working her way through school andit wasn't always easy making the best grades with few hours tostudy, but this semester was going to be one of her best. It was timefor finals and she was prepared. But while she was walking homeone evening, she was attacked and wound up in the hospital. Theschool gave permission to go back and finish finals later, but atthe time she could not imagine going back. She lost her credits,not to mention her sense of safety and well being. As a mother,I know of nothing that can hurt a heart more than seeing a childhurt, and then witnessing the struggles that result from the scars.But even deeper were the questions thrown at God. We DedicatedHer!!! We raised her with Christian principles. Where was thehedge of protection? How could such a sin defile a child we haddedicated? It hurt too much! How could I trust again, knowing Ihad three children who could be so vulnerable? For a period oftime, I must admit that my faith and trust were weak. Answers donot always come quickly. Two years later, she shared with us somegrowth that she had gained by the experience. How she was able torelate to so many others in the same circumstances? I had mentallyused all the old clichés: "All things work together for good ... Hewon't give you more than you can handle ..." I remember cryinguncontrollably when I heard her words. I marveled at how shecould see the good when I saw only pain and exposure. It was thenwhen God's words were no longer clichés. If He could bear suchpain for my family, then I can also handle what he needs for Hisfamily.

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Lord, it is all yours! I know You can count. It may not always addup the way I think it should, but I know You make no mistakes. Allthat I foolishly think is mine, I give to You.

CHAPTER 6

Pass It On

Bumper Sticker on Large Luxury RV: We're spending ourchildren's inheritance.

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When I first saw this, I believed it meant money, but the more Iput in the Light of God's teachings I became overwhelmed withthe ramifications. I have so much to leave to my children andgrandchildren. It started the moment they were born.

The first thing I value is our faith and walk with God. It has notbeen perfect and I know our children remember every mistake weever made. Even the traditions we pass on are important. Sundaymornings at our home, Gil would be the first up and he would startsinging. Every one of our kids was still in a comatose state. Theyhated getting up, especially when Dad enjoying his best day, wasin such a good mood. Meeting with our brothers and sisters inChrist has always been our refuge and our strength. If they receivenothing more for their inheritance than knowing that their motherand father loved God and wanted only to draw them closer to Himeach day, then that would be enough.

Another value we want to pass down is the importance of givingtime and individual attention to our children. I look around atfamilies who are so busy making a living and trying to accumulate"stuff" and letting their children get all the leftovers. It is not easy.Even in the church, there is a tendency to get too busy. I evenremember my mother expressing concern about all the ballgames,school plays and music programs. (Do we ever stop mothering?)It was exhausting but enjoyable to see each child develop. Ourchildren knew their interests were always important to us. Muchof our time was spent in playing family games. Still is! I lovedwatching the interaction and strategy, and the way each learnedto communicate needs and frustrations. I love competition, so weprobably could have done better teaching that winning isn't asimportant as "how we played the game." I cannot stop withoutmentioning our sense of humor. I don't know how sober familiesmake it. (They may wonder about us also!) I remember a problemwhich I thought I could handle no more. I had been sharing it forweeks with my best friend, Bobbie, to no avail. Neither of us couldcome up with a solution. I hurt so much that all it took was foranyone to ask me how I was doing for me to break into tears. Thisparticular Sunday was the worst. After church, we went to ourfavorite restaurant with friends.

During a conversation, I had to rush to the restroom, for if I hadstayed, everyone would know that I was going to cry. Bobbiefollowed me. As I was sobbing and sharing, I looked up to see hertaking paper towels and wiping all the sinks and faucets clean (weused to clean houses together). This may not be funny to you, but itthrew the two of us into a state of hysteria. I am grateful that all ofour children can relish this humor. I wish we could give them morefinancially. But God knows best. Each one has achieved their ownfinancial independence. They have gained pride and independencethrough hard work and discipline. It has given them understandingand compassion when they see others struggle financially, and Iknow it has given them the desire to share and encourage others.

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Lord, help me to examine the significance of what I am leaving tomy family. I want to pass on to them memories and values that willbe kept long after I am gone.