Developing a Capacity for Delight

The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention

— Julia Margaret Cameron

Do you believe happiness is a choice? How much of good feelings are generated by external events and environments, and what internally helps you discover greater joy and fulfillment? Researchers have recently defined happiness as the radiation of joy over one's entire existence or a deep sense of flourishing that arises from making healthy choices. Shawn Anchor, author of The Happiness Advantage and a former instructor at Harvard, studies the science of happiness. He claims you can change your health, relationships, work, energy, and life in general. He believes happiness is the fuel that actually impacts every aspect of your life. Students do better on tests when their brains are positive. You are more successful at work when you determine an optimal mind-set. Happiness improves and nourishes your brain functioning.

Many self-experts claim this, but there is a hollowness without research. For instance, longitudinal studies were done of nuns who wrote down their perceptions of their lives in the 1930s. Nuns, by the way, are a good experimental group because their days are somewhat uniform regarding dress, nutrition, and daily rituals. Their logs were then objectively analyzed by a team of researchers and categorized into areas of happiness based on their journal entries. Interestingly, 54 percent of the so-called happy nuns lived to age ninety-four, while only 15 percent of the unhappy nuns lived to age ninety-four. Living a long and unhappy life is not compelling, but the replication of these studies appears to produce valid and similar results (Anchor 2013).

What is your vision of a good life?

What are you doing when you experience feelings of sustained happiness? There is a high likelihood that you are most content with your life when you are making choices that satisfy certain basic needs. However, do you know what these needs are; and if so, do you have a vision and plan to make consistent choices to ensure feeling good about your life?

There appear to be basic human needs that are universal. There is a high likelihood that these needs are genetically programmed and are with us from birth until death. These needs when satisfied can lead to feelings of happiness and joy. Conversely, painful feelings are common when the needs are not met consistently.

Human beings are incredibly resilient, and our physiology is programmed for us to live a long life, depending on our genetic makeup and choices to promote or deter our overall sense of wellness. Furthermore, the need is not only to survive but to thrive. We also seem to have a need for love and belonging. It is likely that some of your most satisfying experiences entail interacting with those whom you respect and admire. In contrast, some of your most painful memories probably are associated with times when you were criticized, blamed, or put down by others. In an optimal environment, we seem to naturally want to make choices that enhance our sense of significance and feelings of self-worth. It feels good to be recognized and admired for who we are as well as our accomplishments.

We also seem to have a need for freedom to be in control of our lives and make choices without coercion, threats, or bribery from others or the external world. It simply feels good to be in charge of our destiny. There is a high likelihood that you have produced quality results when you were allowed to be in charge of an assignment or project. Freedom is intimately linked to internal motivation.

Lastly, we have a need for fun and enjoyment. Life appears to be more demanding as one goes through childhood and adolescence and enters adulthood. The careless joy, laughter, and permission to allow ourselves to enjoy the moment are often trumped by increasing life demands, responsibilities, and a tendency to worry and ruminate about the future. Consequently, the need for fun goes unfulfilled unless you choose time for activities, hobbies, and leisure pursuits that you enjoy. It is sad that too many of us do not seize opportunities for enjoyable activities for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to lack of time or perhaps feeling guilty that we should be doing something else on our endless to-do lists (Glasser 2011; Wubbolding 2010).

Perhaps meeting basic needs seems very self-serving, superficial, and even hedonistic. If you believe I left out something very important, you are both right and wrong. You are right in the sense that I did not specifically mention the need for spirituality and faith. Ironically, the search for love, the desire for significance, and the yearning for freedom from external control are important in your quest to deepen your purpose and meaning as you pursue the good life.

You can certainly change your circumstances, especially if you are in a very unsatisfying location, relationship, or job. However, external factors contribute only a small percentage; many researchers believe approximately 10 percent of your overall sense of well-being is linked to external factors unless you are living in poverty, ravaged by addictions, or in a disrespectful significant relationship. You also have a genetic tendency that relates to your temperament and disposition, but you can change your brain. Even for identical twins, which on average are remarkably similar, further depth in research findings indicate that there are identical twins with significant differences in the way they experience their world and life (Anchor 2013).

Thriving in life and resulting feelings of happiness and wellbeing is a choice that facilitates movement toward pursuing the good life. Peterson (2013) stated that recent research reveals the following:

• Most people are generally happy.

• Happiness often be gets more satisfaction, as it leads to desirable outcomes in school, work, fulfilling social relationships, and even good health and a longer life span on average.

• Most people are resilient and bounce back from adversity.

• Happiness strengthens character, which leads to positive relationships and helps serve as a buffer against the discouraging impact of disappointments and setbacks.

• The strength of one's character is often revealed during times of crisis.

• Other people matter and relationships are primary influencers of a meaningful life.

• Spirituality and religion matter.

• Satisfying work can provide greater meaning and purpose.

• Money makes an ever-diminishing contribution to wellbeing, unless it is used in a charitable way to help others.

• The "heart" matters more than the "head," and educators must focus not only on critical thinking but need to be teaching unconditional caring and kindness.

• Good days typically entail a sense of autonomy, competence, accomplishment, and positive connection with others.

• The good life can be taught!

Self-evaluation becomes a skill that allows you to understand the consequences of your choices and overall direction in life.

• Physical activity initiates a cascade of successes throughout the day.

• Develop the capacity of delight via meditation, prayer, relaxation, or just deep breathing and focus on the present or what is right in your life, thus developing a greater capacity for delight.

• Enriched relationships are the primary key related to fullness in life.

• Find a field of study or work that matters to you.

(Anchor 2013; Ben-Shahar 2007; Fredrickson 2009; Glasser 2011; Meyers 2000; Peterson 2013; Rath 2007; Ricard 2011; Wubbolding 2010).

Pursuing the good life can begin by taking an inventory of what is going well in your life presently. Counting your blessings and not your afflictions has both pragmatic value and research support (Wubbolding 2010). To pursue the good life necessitates taking an inventory of life, slowing down, and noticing what is right or even beautiful in your life now. I spent too much time in the past ruminating on what I could have done better and worrying about worst-case scenarios in the future. Ironically, all I really have is this present moment.

What provides you with feelings of happiness and delight?

How do you know what choices are linked to short-term pleasure or long-term sustained joy? Seemingly too many people look for temporary highs, such as alcohol, drugs, sex without love, and so on because it gives them a temporary rush of pleasure. When asked why they engage in this self-destructive behavior, they'll likely tell you it is fun and they want to have a good time that makes them feel good. The intense pleasure will likely evaporate, leaving a sense of emptiness and perhaps shame that sets the stage for searching for a more powerful mood alterer.

Although life is often challenging and bad things can happen to good people like you as we have so many responsibilities as adults, it is possible to react to adversity in a hopeful and resilient manner with effort, grit, and determination. Your journey is also facilitated by enjoying present moments, strengthening character, enriching relationships, and making healthy and need-fulfilling choices each day. You can then reap the consequences of greater meaning, purpose, and sustained joy.

Try to imagine what would make you happier.

• A 70" improved high-definition television that is curved?

• A new car?

• Living in a warm climate?

• Winning the lottery?

• Retirement?

Perhaps a few readers remember what life was like in the 1940s. Approximately one-third of homes did not have running water, indoor toilets, or a bathtub or shower, and more than half had no central heating. Sixty percent of adults over twenty-five years of age had an eighth-grade education, with only 25 percent earning a high school degree and only 5 percent graduating from college.

Now, compare that with living in today's world, where the typical household has running water, at least two bathrooms, and central heating, and is typically equipped with microwave ovens, dishwashers, flat-screen televisions, personal computers, and of course iPads and cell phones.

When asked to rate their level of happiness, individuals living in the 1940s reported being "very happy," with an average score of 7.5 on a ten-point scale. The average score today is 7.2. Hmmm ... why don't all these extra gadgets and luxuries make us significantly happier (Haidt, 2006)?

What generally tends to make you happier?

Sonja Lyumbomirsky (2007), an internationally renowned social psychologist and author of The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want, states that happiness often refers to the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one's life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile (p. 52).

Positive psychologists originally concluded that we have a genetic set point for happiness that accounts for approximately 50 percent of how we generally feel. Our circumstances (e.g., income, home, climate we live in, etc.) appear to only account for about 10 percent of our total happiness. Fortunately, however, that leaves an additional 40 percent of happiness that is totally within our control via attitudes and choices. However, now it is widely accepted that happiness is dynamic, and we not make broad and general statements regarding concrete percentages. The causes of well-being can better be understood as a pie chart of influencers rather than fixed percentages (Peterson 2013).

There are many myths when it comes to determining the optimal pathway to experience a happier state. Many of us believe if I only had (you fill in the blank), I would be happier. Or, if I could just change my circumstances (e.g., job, home, car, etc.), I would be happier. And lastly, many of us belief that happiness is something you either have or don't have.

The truth is that we tend to adapt to our circumstances, both good and bad, fairly quickly. It is true that you will likely be happier if you are blessed with good genes and optimal circumstances. Fortunately, however, we do have some control over our feelings of happiness that can be attributed to the attitudes and behaviors we choose each and every day.

The good news is there are so many ways that I have researched and experienced that make life more meaningful, and yes — happier! There are even times when I feel great and can't wait for the next day. I am putting forth effort to try to make those days more the norm rather than the exception. I would like you to join me on a journey toward being more appreciative and grateful for the goodness in life, as well as preparing ourselves for the inevitable adversity and challenges that lurk ahead.

There is actually a science of happiness that relates to recent findings in the human brain. You can literally train your brain to become happier. A more "positive brain" is linked to every domain of your life. As Richard Hanson, PhD, stated in his seminal book entitled Hardwiring Happiness (2013),

All mental activity – sights and sounds, thoughts and feelings, conscious and unconscious processes – is based on underlying neural activity. Much mental and therefore neural activity flows through the brain like ripples on a river, with no lasting effects on its channel. But intense, prolonged, or repeated mental/neural activity – especially if it is conscious – will leave an enduring imprint in neural structure, like a surging current reshaping a riverbed. As they say in neuroscience: Neurons that fire together wire together. Mental states become neural traits. Day after day, your mind is building your brain. (p. 10).

However, you can develop a positive mind-set by trying to savor the good times longer with additional focused attention to become more aware of your mental processes without choosing via autopilot habitual choices and ingrained habits (Peterson 2013; Siegel 2011). For instance, what do you think about when taking a shower? Having warm water and feeling clean can be a positive contributor to your overall sense of well-being, but only if you intentionally try to be mindful and enjoy the experience. Taking a shower and ruminating about your seemingly endless to-do list is probably not as satisfying. Being more aware of the present with greater clarity helps explore our inner lives, which promotes more intentional and need-fulfilling choices and resulting activities based on what is needed at any given moment. This keen awareness can significantly improve almost every aspect of your life, especially if you can focus on the now of your experience. Savoring contributes to your well-being and necessitates sharing positive experiences with others, immersing yourself in an activity, and diverting yourself when you try to dampen a pleasant experience with unwanted self-statements and thoughts.

To illustrate the power of the mind, Dr. Jonathan Haidt, who is a professor at the University of Virginia, asked 350 students in his introductory psychology class to engage in four activities. One of the activities was to indulge the senses, as by taking a break for ice cream in the middle of the afternoon and then savoring the ice cream. This activity was really enjoyable, but like all pleasures, it faded quickly. The other three activities were potentially gratifications: attend a lecture or class that you don't normally go to, perform an act of kindness for a friend who could use some cheering up, and write down the reasons you are grateful to someone and later call or visit that person to express your gratitude. Dr. Haidt's most significant findings were that people experienced longer-lasting improvements in mood from kindness and gratitude activities than from those in which they indulged themselves. In fact, many students stated their good feelings continued on into the next day — which no one said about eating the ice cream (Haidt 2006).

Seeking pleasure is very tempting; satisfaction sometimes can be obtained via healthy behaviors such as a back rub or enjoying a warm breeze. However, gratifications often come from using one's strengths to accomplish something, learn something, or improve something. They are much more enduring and often jump-start other meaningful and altruistic endeavors.

What choices appear to impact your level of an overall sense of well-being? Ironically, there is little relationship between money and materialistic items and sustained positive feelings. In fact, as Dr. David Meyers articulates in his book The Pursuit of Happiness, "Money is two steps removed from happiness: Actual income doesn't much influence happiness; how satisfied we are with our income does. If we are content with how much it is, we're likely to say we're happy" (1992, 39). Recent research presents mixed results regarding the relationship between money and happiness. However, wealthy people apparently take less pleasure in the small things in life, perhaps because they already have big things. Why don't all these extra gadgets and comforts make us significantly happier? Perhaps it's because our behaviors and thoughts directly impact our feelings and physiology (Anchor 2013).