Marriage and Divorce

Marriage is a journey into the unknown. You never know where it may lead and what hardships you will encounter, which may leave a bitter taste in your mouth. It may be a temporary or a lifetime commitment. Many of us enter into a marriage for love, others for personal gain or others. Perhaps many marriages are a great investment; and for some, it's like investing in the wrong stock, which could be a total loss.

Some marriages can best be described as a candlelight marriage, full of fire at the beginning, but soon, it will burn out, with less smiles, which will multiply and divide itself between love and hate. A marriage can be filled with lust, greed, and discrimination. It can be more "Do as I say, not as I do"; accepting the better and leaving the worse; and taking away the love and leaving nothing but pain, sorrow, and hate. Marriage is not just marrying the individual; it's also being faithful to the vows that God sent forth. Many people feel trapped in their marriage and don't know which way to turn, and are intimidated by the thought of what their spouses may take from them.

Many have accepted the facts of living with domestic violence— fighting that could escalate into fatal stabbings or shootings. Some people are trapped in abusive marriages for years, others a lifetime; some resort to committing suicide as a way out.

What's even more devastating is when a child has to live in an environment of domestic violence. Scared to death, their hearts beating like a drum, trembling with fear, being blinded by their own tears, anxious over being made to witness the verbal and physical abuse their parents inflict on each other fighting like cats and dogs. Exposed to this, a helpless, innocent child is now branded—for life. Nevertheless, for many, a line must be drawn to avoid greater hardships in the years to come.

However, domestic violence cannot be used in court in a divorce case to influence a judge's decision. Physical force can get you incarcerated from one to three years, giving your spouse grounds for a divorce, depending on the laws of the state you live in.

Incarceration is a legitimate ground for divorce in many states, including New Jersey, Texas, Pennsylvania, and Maryland. A marriage has its own reasons for taking place, and every marriage has its own destiny—some for life, and some for a price.

You may have heard of the advice "To find a good wife or a good husband, find them in church," but I say this: both of my wives were church going women and claimed to have been saved and sanctified. However, they saved their lies for their advantage. Acting under the influence of other people as to whom you should or shouldn't marry has left many separated from their spouses, divorced, even dead—just because they chose to go through the motions, bearing a title and accepting things just the way they are. Many people are like a fish: they'll bite at almost anything and end up on a hook. Follow your own heart.

Entering into a marriage for the wrong reasons gets no approval from God, who wants nothing other than for married couples to love and cherish each other for the rest of their lives. Marrying someone is no different from giving a homeless person a dime: if it doesn't come from the heart, your giving is in vain and has no value. Marriage is not about the material things one can gain, but gaining a heart, which is priceless. When all the material things are gone, the heart still stands, even if it has to stand-alone.

Divorce is a word that suggests being free; but in some cases, being free can be very costly. Many people feel going to divorce court can be very intimidating, because of the word defeat. Many people are already defeated even before the proceedings, because the seed has already been planted in their minds by a friend, a neighbor, or a relative who had been in the same situation and lost the battle in court.

Thinking positive can cause good things to happen; negative thoughts can poison the mind and destroy you. The word defeat penetrates the minds of those who self-destruct.

A divorce battle in court can get very ugly—no holds barred; hitting below the belt is perfectly legal. Many people have opted to stay in their marriage for different reasons—for money, inheritance, personal property, maintenance, child support or just for the kids' sake, or even for their religious beliefs. Marriage has always been a battle of understanding and trust; both parties play a combination in a good marriage. And having one without the other is a time bomb just waiting to go off.

We have heard the phrase "let freedom ring" without really knowing what freedom really means in our own home. Many are still living in slavery—being a slave in their own home, not because of the color of their skin but the mismatched colors that make up their characters, turning them into a slave servant in their marriage, and their marriage is put on a shelf and preserved for many reasons.

In most cases, people stay in a bad marriage until they've reached their limit, until they feel they just can't take any more. And feeling like an overloaded fuse that's about to blow, angry and expecting an attorney to pull a rabbit out of a hat. It's been proven that money can't buy a person everything. Many wealthy people can't be bothered to clean up their own mess. They're choked and blinded by it, but they lack the time or knowledge to deal with it, so they use the power of the dollar and leave their lives in the hands of lawyers.

However, every divorce case is different, and no attorney knows your spouse better than you do. Your attorney can only prepare your case based on what you tell him, and he will apply his knowledge according to the law. Understanding your case plays a major factor in the result. Nevertheless, having a good attorney guiding you through the legal hurdle is very important, so make sure you have a good one, someone who has your best interest at heart and is not just interested in what he can squeeze out from your wallet.

You would be amazed by how many attorneys an individual goes through in the course of a divorce case. Finding the right attorney can be very difficult. Many talk a good game, drawing a picture no artist can draw, convincing you that he can conquer the world, until he has conquered your mind and drained your pocket dry. A terrible attorney can destroy your determination to fight, elevating your anger, lessening your desire to pursue your case, planting the idea of defeat in your mind.

Number one rule: Never enter into a divorce filled with anger. Anger will destroy you.

If a fighter enters the ring filled with anger, swinging wildly and without any strategy, and struggling and hoping to land the right punch, his opponent is going to knock him out. Don't be an angry fighter. The sea may get a little rough; but stay focused, and stay on course. Use your anger as a leveling tool; use it to your advantage to defeat your opponent.

Never enter a courtroom with only a verbal agreement with your spouse. Always have a written statement covering the verbal agreement. In court, a verbal agreement is your word against your spouse. The tables might turn with some underhanded dealings that would take you totally by surprise, leaving you without any sound defense.

Always be prepared for the worst. You need to keep your homework and important documents at your fingertips. No matter how large or how small in value your documents may seem to you at the time, file them in alphabetical order for easy access in court. Digging for your documents in court is a reflection of you digging your own grave.

Always be prepared for anything that might come up. Hang on to those documents that track your spouse life—from the day they were born to the present: birth certificate, school records, current light bill, rent receipts, paycheck stubs (showing proof of income and ability to work), proof of employment or self-employment, even canceled checks from employers, proof of retirement benefits, proof of medical benefits such as Medicare, and any health insurance papers. Proof of medical benefits can entitle you to benefits outlined in a law called the COBRA (Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act), along with banks statements, social security benefits, etc.. Remember, don't take anything for granted.

The judge has the first and last say in your divorce case. It's very important to make a great impression. Your first impression could be your last. Prepare your case in a professional manner, with documents to back up all your statements. Getting the judge's interest will open doors in the judge's mind and introduce doubts as to your spouse, allowing you to take your case even farther.

With the right documents, you can destroy your spouse's credibility, and destroying their credibility is the number one key to influencing the judge's decision.

How can a mechanic properly fix a vehicle without the proper tools? Your documents are the tools you need to fix the problem. They could help you avoid the hassle of maintenance for months, or even for a lifetime. As I said, having the proper documents is a very important factor in how your case goes in court. He says or she says has no bearing in the courtroom.

Never be too quick to answer questions. An attorney has many verbal tricks up his sleeves. Think before answering anything. Make sure you understand the question. And if for any reason you do not understand the question being asked, all you have to say are six little words: I do not understand the question.

Robert's Childhood

Robert was Born in New Orleans, Louisiana; and a short time after his birth, his father and his mother took him and his two sisters to live with their grandmother in a small town called Fayette, Mississippi, north of New Orleans. That is to say, when Robert was born, he was born with something called the widow's peak.

The widow's peak is a V shape at the center of the hairline. When Robert was a child, his auntie told him the widow's peak meant he would never be able to keep a wife. As far as Robert was concerned, his auntie was just teasing him, in a superstition way.

Robert thought the widow's peak meant he would never be able to keep a wife long enough; people said the widow's peak simply meant he would outlive his wife. When Robert was in the second grade, his parents decided it was best for him and his sisters, Julie and Sally, to return to New Orleans to attend school. Their father felt the school in Mississippi wasn't advanced enough to give them the best education they needed.

But little did Robert's father know that Robert was the clown of the class. Robert was very disturbed about going to school in New Orleans, because the school in Mississippi was the only school he knew, and he hated the thought of leaving his cousins behind and going back to the place where he was born but had no memories of. Going to school in New Orleans was very troubling for Robert and his sisters. Not a day would pass when their classmates would not make fun of them, calling them country.

Robert never took his education seriously, until he wasn't promoted to the third grade. After that, he realized he needed to apply himself, because he didn't want to be left behind. He started to realize how important his education really was, and he refused to repeat another grade ever again.

At this point, he had no idea where his journey would lead him, growing up a little too fast and taking on responsibilities that would deny him his childhood and his education.

It all started when he wanted to be a trouble-free child, which meant he never wanted to ask his parents for anything, knowing it was a struggle for them just to keep a roof over their heads, food on the table, and shoes on their feet. So at a very early age, Robert would make money cutting grass with his father, who paid him a dollar a day. He would save his money in a shoebox under his bed.

Things were cheaper then. A quarter would buy him a whole bag of candy. He could get a soda for only five cents and a gallon of gas for something between seventeen and twenty cents. Robert's father bought him only one jacket, and from that point on, Robert bought his own school clothes and supplies. He made a dollar any way he could, and never depended on his parents for anything under any circumstances.

He later became a paperboy, which he didn't like at all. A short time later, he worked at a drugstore as a delivery boy, riding a bike to take medication to people; and he stayed in school. However, juggling school and work, he never got a chance to attend a football or basketball games in his entire student life. Even in the worst of weather, he would work; at times he would come home soaking wet.

Robert got out of school at three fifteen, and had to report to work at three thirty. His schedule didn't allow him to do much of anything but go to school and work; he had very little time for homework. Each morning he would get up for school after having had only a few hours of sleep. Some mornings he would oversleep, too tired to respond to the alarm clock. Eventually he started missing his classes, or skipping schooldays altogether.

And each time he missed school, the school would mail a letter to his parents to let them know of his. His parents never saw the letters because he would take them out of the mailbox and get rid of them.

His attendance got so bad he ended up missing ninety-nine days of school. He would report only on test days. He was called to the office by his counselor, who warned him that if he missed one more day of school, he was going to be expelled.

From the look in his counselor's eyes, Robert knew she was serious; and getting kicked out of school was the last thing he needed. In his mind, he kept telling himself he couldn't miss another day, and he determined he would do whatever it took not to oversleep again. The very next day, he got up for school, after barely getting any rest, too paranoid of oversleeping.

Robert went back to his old routine of working long hours, coming home, getting his homework done, neglecting himself again with only a few hours of sleep. One morning, he found himself waking up exhausted from oversleeping again, which meant one more absence from school. In the back of his mind, all he could hear was his counselor's warning: if he missed one more day, he would be expelled from school. When he got up for school the next morning, he was very nervous, hoping his counselor wouldn't expel him from school.

After being in school all day, he finally felt that maybe his counselor didn't catch his absence, so he started to feel a little relaxed. Until his teacher informed him his counselor wanted to see him in her office.

As he walked down the long hallway, his heart was beating like a drum. He listened to his own footsteps echoing each step he took, remembering his counselor's every words. His body felt totally weak, and his hands were shaking. He knew he would be expelled, and he did not know how he was going to keep this from his parents.

He entered his counselor's office very slowly, acting clueless, playing dumb, knowing he had done something wrong. All he could hear in his mind was her saying, Go, clean out your locker, because as of today, you no longer attend this school. Instead, she looked at him if to say, Robert, a mind is a terrible thing to waste. Out loud she said, "How can you come to school only on test days, and then pass all your tests, when other kids who come here every day fail their tests? I just can't understand that."

She continued, "For this reason, I can't just expel you from school." She looked at him with an expression of great sadness. "Robert, you are too smart to throw your education down the drain." Robert knew what she was saying was true. But he felt trapped between his education and his job, which he needed to suppose himself, because he felt his parents had their hands full supporting the family, in particular catering to his two sisters' needs. His schedule didn't leave him any time to wash and iron his school clothes, and even his clothes; so he would put them in the cleaner each week.

Later, at a mature age of fifteen, he wanted to buy a car, but he was too young for credit and too young to drive. And he didn't have enough money to buy one. Robert's father knew he was a hard worker and was saving his money, so he decided to make Robert a proposition. He told Robert he would co-sign for the car, if Robert would pay him to do so.

Without hesitation, Robert agreed to pay his father to cosign for him for the car. His mother was very angry and frustrated, shaming his father for even making such of a proposition. She said, "He's your son, and you're going to charge him for you to cosign for him?"