CHAPTER 1

He Hurts When

Some people think men don't have feelings they're willingto express. What hurts a man's feelings usually stays within hissoul. What types of behavior or statements from women orthose who associate with a man disappoint and hurt? You maybe surprised as you read and learn. It's been said that it's easy tobruise a man's ego.

He Hurts When

• you talk about a former boyfriend while smiling fromear to ear;

• he patiently waits for you to have sex with him, and yousay you will, tease him, but have no intentions of goingall the way;

• he loves you, shows you, but never tells you until it's toolate—he's lost you;

• he cries in the dark, and you don't hold him;

• You always make money an issue because you earn moreand you never let him forget it

• he no longer sees a glimmer in your eyes when he walksinto the room;

• he knows that you are betraying him, and he sufferssilently;

• you compare him to your father or pastor;

• he feels God is far away from him and doesn't even hearhis prayers.

He hurts when

• he realizes he's ruined the best relationship he everhad and cannot go back in time to reconnect with hisfaithful, loyal, loving lady;

• he realizes you no longer have his back;

• he loves you but should not have married you;

• he married you but never loved you

• he breaks your heart and cannot mend it;

• his body is aging and he misses his youthful days.

• he needs the feel of your body next to his, and you turnyour back toward him;

• your loved one dies, and he can't heal your pain;

• you are angry, and you throw your engagement ring athim;

• He can no longer carry his weight in the relationship ormarriage.

• you shut down on him, and the silent treatment lasts fordays.

He hurts when

• you use sex as a weapon against him—as a reward orpunishment;

• he thinks you gave him the best years of your life—withregrets on your part;

• he reaches over to touch you, and your body tightens,sending messages of "not now, please go away";

• you tell him "I'm pregnant," and he really doesn't wantthe baby;

• his past mistakes catch up with his present situation,and you can help him—but you don't;

• he loves and cares about you, but struggles with hissexuality—he's on the down-low.

• you miscarry his baby;

• his career is over or has not begun, and he cannot takecare of you or his family.

He hurts when

• his best friend hurts;

• he hears you say "I don't need him";

• he can't understand or read your moods;

• you question everything he says;

• he feels disrespected;

• the weight of the world is on his shoulders;

• you used to take good care of yourself, paying attentionto details, and you stop;

• you forget his birthday.

• The empty nest creates anxiety for him and hisrelationship with you.

He hurts when

• you were a good girlfriend but never transitioned tobeing a mother and a wife;

• you don't let him be "the Man";

• he shares his secrets with you, and you share them withyour girlfriends;

• you tell him to get out and leave his own home;

• you don't spend quality time with him;

• you don't even try to love his children;

• he finds out that you aborted a baby of his and nevereven told him you were pregnant;

• you ask him for the truth, but you can't handle thetruth.

He hurts when

• you break up with him, and you start dating his bestfriend;

• you don't catch him when he falls; you don't even prophim up in his time of need;

• you stop encouraging him with positive affirmations;

• your relationship fails;

• you don't understand that he needs his space—hisbuddies, nights out with the boys, and his man cave;

• you revisit old stuff that has nothing to do with currentsituations;

• you leave, and he knows that you are never coming back;

• he gets mixed messages from you;

• he wants children, and as a couple, you have troubleconceiving.

He hurts when

• you hide behind cosmetics, and he admires your naturalbeauty;

• he feels that you sold him a bill of goods;

• you are his date at a party, and you dance with everyman who asks you for a dance;

• you always put your children first, and he feels last onyour list;

• he strikes you and realizes he could easily do it again;

• he sees his lady cry;

• he realizes he doesn't love you anymore but cannot walkaway.

He hurts when

• his partner, his lover, has become his roommate;

• you don't realize the sacrifices he's made for the good ofthe relationship;

• he doesn't have your undivided attention—due to yourcell phone going off all night long;

• you drove him away, and now, his body is with you, buthis mind is on the other side of town;

• someone else got pregnant—before he met you;

• your addictions are destroying the relationship;

• his wife has Alzheimer's, and her world no longerincludes him;

• his dreams are fading away, and you don't understand.

• He is sick and realizes his life dreams may not come tofruition

• You constantly remind him of his failures

He hurts when

• your insecurities are too heavy for him to bear;

• you don't realize that he can't bear your pain and youcan't borrow his strength;

• you say you forgive him, but you really don't;

• he accepts your mental illness, yet you discontinue yourmedication and your behavior causes problems in therelationship;

• you commit emotional and spiritual suicide due to beinghurt in your past, and you don't even try to move on;

• he knows you're only with him because of his prestige,finances, reputation, and the car he drives;

• you totally ignore him and embarrass him after a mutualbreakup.

He hurts when

• he realizes he left the relationship too soon or stayed toolong;

• he stays in the relationship with you but does not forgiveyou, as he said.

• the mother of his child speaks negatively about himwhile in his company;

• he realizes you never loved him;

• you tell lies unnecessarily;

• you need medication or therapy and stop both, only tofind out that your behavior is destroying those who loveyou;

• he thinks about years gone by when he encouraged yourabortions, and now he has children and a family andyou don't.

• You don't carry your weight

• You give up on yourself

• You give up on him

He hurts when

• the girl of his dreams ends up being his worse nightmare.

• you know he is a man of the cloth, but forget he is a man.

• you yell at him.

• you can not control your temper.

He hurts when

• you don't realize that some things are better left unsaid;

• you love him for one or two things, and when they aregone—so are you;

• he feels used;

• you hit him, humiliate him, and beat him down withyour negative words;

• you die;

• you commit emotional or physical adultery;

• he said he does, he did, but he doesn't anymore.

CHAPTER 2

He Loves It When

Want to make a man feel happy, special, and content? Itreally doesn't take much, and the results you will reap are worthit! If you're a good listener, a man will tell you ...

He Loves It When

• he walks into the room and sees a smile on your facewhen he glances at you;

• you prepare his favorite meal;

• you stop the unnecessary nagging;

• you trust him;

• you are happy;

• he knows you have his back;

• you take good care of yourself;

• you pamper him when he's under the weather.

He loves it when

• he can be the king of the castle;

• you continue to grow and develop your skills;

• you take interest in his interests;

• you don't push marriage too soon;

• you are honest and tactful;

• you encourage dreams;

• you take initiative toward his well-being;

• you understand that he wants you to be the best youcan be

• you pray with or for him.

• you are consistent.

He loves it when

• he finds out you are having a baby, and it's the righttime in your lives.

• you have faith in him;

• your expectations are realistic;

• you accept his compliments with grace

• you can enjoy family;

• you chase your own dreams;

• you have good housekeeping skills;

• he lays his head on your breasts;

• you cuddle.

He loves it when

• you understand his libido is low;

• there's peace at home;

• you are a good mother;

• you encourage his children and have a positive influenceon them;

• you miss him and show him;

• you are confident;

• you support his decisions;

• you compliment him without expecting one in return

• you trust his judgment.

He loves it when

• he trusts you to not go read his text messages or e-mailswhen he's not looking;

• he's out on the town and other men notice your beauty.

• you allow him to be a gentleman;

• you give him the best you have to offer;

• you surprise him with a gift;

• he feels appreciated;

• you share fun times together;

• you compliment other women—he knows you areconfident with yourself.

He loves it when

• you smell good;

• you are sexy and feminine;

• you trust him with your deepest thoughts and secrets;

• you hold his hand;

• you're intimate but not necessarily sexual;

• you are on time;

• you just want to spend time with him;

• you know how to greet him.

He loves it when

• you are passionate;

• you let your hair down;

• you wear dresses and show off your pretty legs;

• you make him feel like he's the only other person in theworld;

• he feels he is a priority in your life;

• you truly forgive him;

• your love for God is apparent;

• you smile for no reason at all, and you're happy andcontent in that moment with no expectations or desires;

• you give him a full-body massage.

He loves it when

• you rub his feet and tell him everything is going to beall right;

• you can watch a sunset and appreciate nature at itsfinest;

• you share quiet moments together;

• you don't compare him to your ex, father, or brotherbecause you know he is unique;

• your girl talk stays with the girls;

• you whisper a secret, seductive message into his ear;

• you initiate sex;

• you allow him to admire your nakedness.

He loves it when

• you flirt with him;

• you wear different hats—girlfriend, good girl/bad girl;

• you have a sense of humor;

• you wash his back;

• you can teach him a thing or two behind closed doors

• you give him two tickets to his favorite sporting eventand tell him to take a buddy of his;

• you realize that he is not a mind reader

• he knows he is the object of your desire in a crowdedroom;

• you leave love notes—for his eyes only;

• you wink at him from across the room.

He loves it when

• you call him handsome on a regular basis;

• you care;

• you give him his space;

• you speak your mind—not in circles;

• you pick up the tab once in a while;

• you surprise him and order "the fight";

• you let him know you desire, want, and need him;

• you affirm his accomplishments.

He Loves it when

• He can let his guard down with you

• his back is against the wall, and you provide relief;

• you let him finish his thoughts without interrupting him;

• you are spontaneous you leave your bad day at work;you do not carry it home with you;

• you cheer on his favorite team—with him;

• you keep the relationship fresh and exciting;

• you consider his feelings;

• you apologize with sincerity

• you stroke his ego;

• you make good, prudent decisions.

He loves it when

• you read; and you keep abreast of current events •you put his request into practice;

• he can sniff your scent;

• you do not cover up;

• you sleep in the nude;

• you don't crowd his space;

• he sees you enter a room with grace and style;

• you respect your parents.

• You understand how much he loves his parents

He loves it when

• you feel comfortable enough to let your guard down andbe able to cry in front of him;

• you don't ask a million questions;

• he knows you take time to search for the right card, withthe right message to send him;

• you take time to learn him;

• you let him love you;

• he can teach you something; behind closed doors

• your naked breasts lean on his nude back as you sleeptogether;

• you're vulnerable.

He loves it when

• he knows you are his;

• he's proud of you;

• he marries the right woman for the right reasons;

• you don't rush him;

• you know he loves you—without a doubt!

CHAPTER 3

Can You Handle It?A Relationship

Men and women may dream about it, making plans to createit, treasure it, and keep it. When the rubber hits the road ...

Can You Handle It?

Ever since the women's movement, women's liberation, andburning bras, women have become more independent, verbal/vocal, and competitive. There's absolutely nothing wrong withwomen being liberated—even earning the same wages that aman would in the same job.

How has the movement affected a woman's role in arelationship with a man—her man? Do women like beingin a position to be told what to do by her man? How aboutassuming a submissive role—not the backseat—just submissive?What does submissive mean to women—to you? Think aboutthis, if you are in a relationship with the man you have chosento share your life with, haven't you given him permission tohave your best interest at heart? If that is the case, then you needto trust him enough to make prudent decisions for you fromtime to time. And if you disagree, disagree with respect. Followhis lead because he is quite capable. After all, you selected him.Remember, if he really has your best interest at heart, he will notset out to bring you hurt, harm, or danger. You being misguidedor misdirected is not in his best interest. If he loves you, caresabout you, and respects you, trust him!

Can you handle not being able to be Miss Social Butterflyall the time? Can you stay home sometimes—just for the merefact of being there? Can your needs be secondary once in awhile without resenting it and taking it out on your man? Andcan you really compromise? Do you really want to compromise?When you are in a relationship, you are still independent, smart,and capable of making your own decisions. The one thingyou're not is single, or single-minded. There's a man sharing yourspace, involved in your territory—a man who may not alwaysunderstand you, console you, and comfort your every desire;a man who loves you to be happy but is limited in makingyou happy. You, man or woman, are responsible for your ownhappiness. Others can only add to what already exists. Canyou handle the moods of another person in your space? Does itmatter to you if he's talkative today and reclusive the next? Canyou handle a relationship with someone other than yourself?Can you handle feeling alone in a relationship with a man orfeeling crowded when you crave your own space? Can you reallyhandle what you think you want to, only to find out the realitythat you may not handle well or at all!

CHAPTER 4

Be Yourself, Don't Pretend

Do you like phony people? Not too many of us do. Soplease ...

Be Yourself, Don't Pretend

How would you respond if you were dating a man whotold you he loved to cook—to bake, even—and after dating,being engaged, and getting married, you realized, he told youthat, but he actually couldn't cook at all. He couldn't boil an eggwithout supervision! You'd probably feel a little disappointedand deceived. You may even respond in anger.

Now, flip the script. The man you date thinks you enjoysports, especially football. Every Sunday, the two of you watchall the games together—beginning around one in the afternoonand ending somewhere after 10:00 p.m. Long day, right? Butyou love football—or at least you told him that. The truth ofthe matter is, you despise sports, especially football. You simplycannot understand why it takes three hours to play a game thatshould be over in one. Usually, when a man is attracted to awoman, he's attracted to what he sees, what he hears her say,and the interests they share. When a man is sold a bill of goodsand is hoodwinked into a relationship that is based on untruths,he resents it. After all, wouldn't you?

It's very important to men that you are who you say you are.The moral of the matter is simple—be yourself; don't pretend tobe someone you have no business being or don't even like. Whena man wants and desires to be with you, he's made that decisionbased on the real deal. Be the real deal, and he won't break the deal!

Go back to the first paragraph. The question was, "Howwould you respond if you were dating a man who, for the mostpart, sold you a bill of goods?" not "How would you feel?" Inmost cases, a woman would respond by ending the relationship.Don't be shocked when and if he does the same. Remember, thetruth will be revealed at some point during the relationship, sodo yourself a favor and reveal who you are earlier. One, it paysoff in the long run.