CHAPTER 1

Part I

The Formula

... So it began ...

* * *

Where do I travel now ...
a path not yet realized ...
Truth shall be discovered along the way ...
who's?

the one which matters most to self.

* * *

"I love you, Bastethany."

"I don't want you to anymore, Tah."

Silence as the phone call ended.

"Pathetic," thought Petah of himself, "So this is what fifty years of life on this planet has come to?" he continued in silence.

"Happy fiftieth birthday to me," spoke Petah to Lucky.

Lucky stared up at his human for a moment and walked straight to the sliding glass door. Petah knew what that meant.

"Quit whining and take me for a walk," spoke Lucky to his human who could not hear through the heart.

Petah would fight a loosing battle for another month within his mind before he realized the challenge had actually ended before it started. His Voice had told him years ago to block this thing with a woman who was with another man. His primal human lust for a certain kind of beauty overcame the true needs of his soul. Petah was beginning to realize the cost of his actions.

* * *

A wise woman once said to Bastethany, "Everything costs."

* * *

Perhaps practice hiding nothing ...
open the self to release all that burdens us ...
free the soul which is masked by our fears ...
with negativity gone ...

What follows?
the lightness of Being which follows the release, allows us to be open ...
open to receive all things positive ...
and walk our paths with smiles on our faces ...

If there is someone you want to say something positive to now ...

Release your burden based in fear and speak with them ...
break through the wall which is blocking you ...
the wall which is creating a yoke on your shoulder ...
the wall which is holding you back from continuing down your path ...

Why have the extra weight to carry if it is too much?
change your course to a calm, peaceful sea ...
create your lightness and go ...
fly.

* * *

... A Cleansing From Within ...

* * *

Thomas La Mance said ...

"The man who has no Inner Life is the slave of his surroundings."

* * *

From within himself, Petah began the cleansing process of that which was left behind by the removal of Bastethany's influence on his soul. The human Petah, had allowed his soul to be controlled by another. Something he had long said would never happen to him. Yet, through his own actions, Petah allowed himself to become the minion. A slave to another human. The thought disgusted Petah. For an entire month of weakness, he ate very little and drank more alcohol than water sending his soul to the pathetic, negative darkness of self-pity. Upon the realization of his personal devil escorting him to Hell, Petah woke up from what had become a nightmare. He removed the blinders of life he had been wearing for years and began to see the beauty of the Universe surrounding him.

"I alone created these feelings within Me and I, alone will remove the negativity surrounding them, for I am responsible for my own actions. I blame no other. I accept the challenge and will be victorious," Petah whispered to his dog, Lucky.

"Woof, woof, woof," spoke a smiling Sheltie to his human.

Petah saw a wall and decided not to stop in his path because of that obstruction. He could have, because of fear, sat down on the ground and cried like a terrified little child because he could not get around the wall. He knew he was not that child. He was alive and knew he still had much to do in life while learning through experience. Growth was something he sought. Petah wanted to know what was on the other side of the obstruction created by his mind. His choice at that particular moment was to sit or bust through the wall, somehow get around it. He chose at the moment to commit to getting around the wall. He knew his life path was blocked within that moment and wanted to tear down that which was blocking him. Continue on to the next level whatever that would be.

"Improvise, adapt and overcome," spoke Petah to Lucky. A phrase his father used to say to him for as long as he could remember.

* * *

It has been said that the Buddha stated ...
"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without."

* * *

... Transition ...

* * *

Within self ...
in a quiet mind ...
with eyes of flesh closed ...
the eye opens to a wonderful place ...

* * *

Petah was beginning to feel the energies of many things. Energies which had always been around him, yet he allowed his mind to be distracted by the past and was unable to focus on that which was near. He found peace in quiet moments of yoga and began to extend the peace to moments beyond the exercise of body into flowing with self into his days. With focus upon self while at work, at play with people who called him friend or brother and walking his best friend Lucky, Petah saw things with a clearing mind.

Still living in his house within a quiet neighborhood, his alone time became something he sought even while with others. He realized his recent past had been a time of need. A time to be a part of groups and a longing to feel accepted by not his self, but of those others. He had been searching for something his whole life, yet he knew not what that thing was.

From time to time having moved around his entire life, he would say to himself, "I just want to go home."

But where was that? A fifty year struggle with self had consumed his soul and it had confused him. He decided to find his home without the influence of anything other than his soul.

* * *

Peace through acceptance of a non-existent past ...
and the path continues with no thing behind ...
with eyes of the flesh opened once again ...
the future can be welcomed with opened arms ...

* * *

Petah was an Architect by both training and work for over twenty years, yet for the past seven years prior to this moment in time, he chose to do things which did not relate to Architecture. He used the excuse of not being able to find work as an Architect in this new village of Masonboro, North Carolina, to delve into other forms of art. A choice which drove a marriage of sixteen years to a woman who lost control of him, into compete destruction and resulted in divorce. His second. Petah floundered for a year and almost moved back to a place he loved, but he met Bastethany and used her as an excuse to stay in a place he did not feel was home. The small southern, coastal town of Masonboro, North Carolina.

"Maybe I just need to go back to Architecture, Lucky. That is what I am, I suppose. If I did that, Mom and the rest of the family would be happy. I could make a decent living. I could afford to start skydiving again. I could go out and get sushi all the time like I used to do back in California. We could take trips to the redwoods and go camping on weekends. We could live life, like normal people again. Wait, you're not human," spoke a half-smiling human to his dog.

Lucky just looked at his human and pulled his ears back.

"What? It's the right thing to do, Lucky. After all of the time and money I have spent becoming an Architect, it's is only right. Five years of college. Twenty years of busting my ass. And for what? I barely have enough money in the bank to eat. I have been stupid for the last seven years. I am an Architect and nothing else," spoke a whining Petah to a confused Lucky.

For the next few weeks, Petah worked on his portfolio. He compiled thirty years of art into a ninety-nine page body of work which included everything from architecture to the film industry. He ate healthy foods packed with protein and exercised furiously.

Curious to his soul, Petah received a phone call one day from someone who had been dear to his heart while compiling the acting portion of his portfolio.

"Hey Tah, I was just thinking about you. You haven't had head shots done in a while have you?" spoke Muse into his ear through his phone.

The sweet southern accent of Muse always calmed his soul. Petah loved hearing her voice.

"It's been years, Muse. You are the only person who has ever shot me. I'm thinking about not acting anymore and going back into architecture. I'm leaving Masonboro as soon as I can manage it and find a job in a city back in California. But, head shots would still be a good idea. One never knows what the future will bring."

"Ahhhh, California. I want to move back there too. The place feels like home to me. So many memories," spoke Muse in a way which seemed sad.

"I'm not ready for head shots yet, Muse. I lost quite a bit of weight recently, though I am putting it back on. Maybe in a few more weeks before I make a move."

"I understand, Tah. Whenever you are ready."

Petah froze for a moment. He gathered his strength and spoke.

"Muse, would you have dinner with me sometime?"

"What about Bastethany?"

"She dumped me."

"What? Why?"

"It doesn't matter now. I am better off without her. Just dinner, Muse."

A long silence, then she spoke.

"I just started seeing someone a few weeks ago, Petah. He wouldn't like it if we went to dinner," softly spoke Muse.

"I understand, Muse. I suppose my timing is off," quietly spoke a dejected Petah.

The two souls hung up and went back to their lives. Petah looked at Lucky while Muse looked at her dog, Umlet. Both thought of two ships in the night while sighing in the same moment, yet miles away from each other.

Petah went back to compiling his portfolio and finished the thing which he had been thinking about doing for years. He established connections across the globe and put his work into cyberspace along with a detailed resume beginning the process of getting back to what he once was.

During the past year, Petah had not only been working a low-paying job at a retail outlet called the Orange Box, he had also been working part-time as a contractor for a meeting planning company called Orthodox, Incorporated. He loved the job because they would send him all over the world to cool places staying in five-star hotels. After coming home from the retail job one night, the phone rang.

"Petah, I need you to go to Lisbon, Portugal," spoke the owner of Orthodox, Lucas Rockwell.

"I'll never say no to you Lucas. Especially since I need to catch up on payments for the Little She. Portugal is someplace I've always wanted to go. Thanks, Man!" spoke an excited Petah.

"How is the boat these days? You sailing her much?"

"Every now and then. Not as much as I would like."

"Just take off and get lost for a week or so when you get back from Portugal. It will do you some good and help you get your mind off, Bastethany."

"Maybe I will. I've been thinking about a trip to Ocracoke Island. That would be a good week-long trip."

"Don't go in the ocean around Cape Lookout. The Little She wasn't made for trips like that ya know. That Irwin is a day sailing boat. Nothing more."

"Yeah, I know. I'll stay in the Intracoastal Waterway. Sometimes I just want to sail into the rising sun and never come back."

"Petah ..."

"Just thinking out loud about our discussion before I bought the Little She from you. Thanks for sending me to Portugal, Lucas."

Petah and Lucas were at a bar months prior having beers. Petah was still with Bastethany. Lucas, being a father-like figure and one who loved Petah's sense of adventure, was counseling his friend on life. The two talked about how each other would just like to "take off" someday, leaving the stress and requirements of "normal" life behind.

"If you were going to take off Petah, how would you do it?" asked Lucas.

"Well, I've always loved sailing. I read Joshua Slocomb's book, `Sailing Alone Around the World' when I was in college and I got the bug. When I lived in California, my wife and I would go to the boat show in Alameda every year and drool over big sailboats. I almost bought one, but the wife wouldn't have it, so I gave up on the dream," spoke a dejected Petah blaming someone else for his own choices in life.

"You need to buy my boat, the Little She," forcefully spoke Lucas.

"I work part-time at a retail store and part-time for you. I can't afford a thirty foot sailboat."

"I'll make it worth your while. It will all work out, Petah."

Over the next three months, Lucas "worked" Petah into buying the Little She. Petah single-handed the sailboat the second time he took it out and fell in love with the sea in a new way. A sense of freedom Petah had sought became a reality and opened new thoughts in his mind. The more Petah sailed the Little She, the more the vessel became one with him. Petah was a natural at sailing and he felt it in his soul, just as he felt surfing had become long ago.

Petah called Muse to tell her about his good news from Lucas.

"Muse, I'm going to Lisbon, Portugal on a business trip with Orthodox!"

"Really? When Petah?" came a sweet and happy voice in his ear.

"In two weeks and I'll be there for eight days. Pretty cool huh?"

"That is so bizarre. I'm going there with my family a week after you come home `Tah. We will just miss each other by a week," came the same sweet voice descending to almost sadness.

* * *

The New enters in focus of the Present.

... It Can Make It. Can You? ...

* * *

Petah had never sailed beyond sight of land alone. Petah had never spent a night at sea either alone or with anyone else. Petah first sailed with his Father in Hawaii when he was eleven years old, but was not much of a sailor. Thirty-nine years later, he was still a novice, at least as far as expert sailors were concerned and that did not concern Petah. There existed something in Petah which dared him to explore that which was unknown to him even if others considered his actions dangerous or reckless. That way of being had existed in Petah for as long as his memories could take him back in time.

* * *

Fear is the mind-killer ...
Fear is the thing which keeps us from living life ...
Fear is something to be challenged on a daily basis and as always ...
we must do it alone.

* * *

Early Fall in North Carolina can be very hot and humid, yet this year was different. A cold blast from the north chilled the October air. Petah despised the cold. If he had to exist in a desert with temperatures able to cook eggs on rocks, he would be happy. In Petah's mind, he could strip down to his birthday suit and live easier than always adding layers of clothing which may never be enough. He loved the heat, especially when a body of water to dive into was nearby.

"I wish I was anywhere but here right now. I can't wait to fly to Portugal. I am alone. I get shafted in a huge way by the woman I thought I was in love with. The woman I want to go out with, is seeing someone else. It's impossible for me to work as an Architect here and I haven't heard a thing from any of the applications I've sent out. I miss the waves and so many other aspects of California. This is not my home. I do have a few people here who are actually my friends, but ... dammit! Cold weather sucks. This place is not only cold in the winter, but ugly as well. Bottom line is that I hate this place, so why the Hell am I still stuck here?" angrily yelled Petah into the cold, starless black night.

Lucky had been following Petah around the house since he got home from working his shift at the Orange Box. He followed his human outside into the cold and spoke as only a dog can speak ...

"You are a dork Petah, but I love you. I also happen to love this chilly weather, it actually feels fantastic on all this long hair! I just want to run and play with you, Petah. Come on, Dude. Let's at least go for a long walk. Oh, and quit being such a baby, you are not alone. Remember me?" as Lucky was looking up at his human with a smile only a Sheltie can have.

* * *

Upon leaving our souls ...
we leave that which connects us to Love ...
why would we do such a thing?
Fear of what will come next which always will ...

* * *

The overnight flight from Philadelphia to Lisbon, Portugal was a long one. As the sun rose in the east, Petah woke up from a deep sleep. He was always able to sleep well on crowded flights. He raised the window screen and peered out to see the blue Atlantic Ocean beneath him. As the plane descended and the anticipation of arriving at a place he had never been before created a shaking in his mind, Petah's forehead was pressed hard against the glass of the airplane window, seeking the unknown.