In Panic Attacks: Why They Were Worth Experiencing, author Paul Ianni talks about his life and what has led to his panic attacks, which began at age fifty. He hopes that by sharing his experiences, others might be able to better understand their own issues. He believes that many people don't acknowledge the fact that they have panic attacks; they just put on a brave face and ignore them. At the height of his panic attacks, he was desperate for a miracle cure-but he soon discovered that there was no such thing. A year after the first panic attack, his life was back to normal-and it was then that he realised his normal life had always been full of anxiety and fear. Using techniques that had previously helped him overcome academic difficulties, Paul was able to transform his life from panic and anxiety to peace and love. He conquered a lifetime of self-doubt and self-defeating negativity, learning to use his brain in a positive way to defeat his panic attacks. These techniques are simple to use and achievable by anyone. Combining them with what he has learned about new age thinking, Panic Attacks share what enabled Paul to turn his life around-and offers hope to those suffering under the same troubles.

PANIC ATTACKS

Why They Were Worth ExperiencingBy PAUL IANNI

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2012 Paul Ianni
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-0731-6

Contents

About the Author........................................................................................viiIntroduction............................................................................................ixPreface.................................................................................................xiAcknowledgements........................................................................................xiiiChapter 1 My Own Personal Panic Attacks and How I Dealt with Them......................................1Chapter 2 You Can't Change Something Overnight That Took Fifty Years to Accumulate.....................7Chapter 3 Five Things Needed to Rise above Panic Attacks...............................................11Chapter 4 Thinking.....................................................................................17Chapter 5 Fear and Anxiety.............................................................................47Chapter 6 What Contributes to Anxiety..................................................................55Chapter 7 The Positive Snowball........................................................................63Chapter 8 What Worked and What Didn't Work for me When Dealing with Panic Attacks......................81Chapter 9 Peace and Joy................................................................................105

Chapter One

My Own Personal Panic Attacks and How I Dealt with Them

My First Panic Attack

I remember every detail of that first panic attack at age fifty—it had me thinking the end was near. I had a lot of things happening in my life and my health was down. I just wasn't feeling well. I went to bed that night with the flu, aches, and pains, but my schedule was full. There were things that needed to be done. I could not afford a rest. I woke up from my sleep as usual at 2 a.m., sweating. My heart was racing, and I was feeling sick. Now this is where I made my big mistake.

As usual when I needed results, I talked negative to myself with self abuse things like, "Come on, Paul, pull yourself together. There is work to be done," "I knew you were no good," or "You're hopeless. I told you you would never be any good." These are the same comments that were used on me as a child, and as an adult, I was regularly using these comments to motivate myself when things needed to be done. There is no way I would speak to anyone in that way, yet I spoke to myself like that regularly.

After this bout of self-abuse, I felt even worse, so I gave my self an even bigger dose of abuse, and consequently the feeling got much worse. I felt so bad I got up out of bed, and then I collapsed to the floor. I had never felt so bad in all my life.

I made it to the bathroom to lie down on the cold bathroom tiles, as it was now wintertime and the tiled floor was very cold. I was so hot, I disrobed and lay on the tiles to try to cool down. I held out until eight thirty in the morning and made it to the doctor's surgery, but then it only got worse. In front of the doctor, I collapsed then lay on a bed and started to shake uncontrollably. My heart raced so fast it hurt my chest. I was so hot that I had to disrobe.

I had been in this condition for seven hours now. My heart was hurting so much that I thought I was having a heart attack. By now, it had built up to the point where I thought I was going to die. "That's it," I said to myself. "This is what happens just before you die." I remember saying, "God, if you're going to take me, then do it now." And then instantly the shaking stopped and I was calm as I waited for death.

After thirty seconds, I realised that I wasn't going to die, and at that exact point all the intensity came back and the panic attack continued. The doctor gave me two Valium tablets, and then half an hour later I was relaxed enough to go home.

At least having a panic attack in front of a doctor, he knew what was happening and prescribed me mediation. He also referred me to a psychologist.

My First Month with Panic Attacks

My very first three days were bedridden as I took two Valium tablets three times per day—six Valium tablets each day—just to help me cope. I only left the house escorted by my wife to visit doctors or the psychologist. I was too afraid to go anywhere in case of a panic attack in public.

After the first three days, my doctor prescribed me to only take Valium when a panic attack arrived. He also prescribed me a drug that would slowly address the imbalance in my brain. I had to take one of these tablets per day. Now at home and accompanied by my wife only, my fear was I had commitments and life had to go on. Only thinking these things was enough to give me another panic attack. So I contacted the people I had commitments with and cancelled. I told them I would be out for a month.

During that first month at home, I had about fifteen panic attacks. I was so frail and exhausted. I had trouble eating and lost six kilos in weight, and I am a slim person to start with; now my energy had been drained. But life had to go on. My wife and I had committed ourselves to a six-month project to renovate a house which we would eventually live in, with the builder lined up to do the work with us so life had to carry on.

My Second Month with Panic Attacks

Now my doctor had said to me, "If you can get by without the Valium, then you must stop taking them because the more you take, the less effect they will have on you." This was good information, which I had listened to carefully in the next two weeks. My wife was taking me out of the house for walks and trips to shopping centres. Then in the following two weeks, we had arrived at the house renovation site with the builder, and we commenced work. I explained to the builder that I was struggling with anxiety because he was a good friend of mine. On we went with our six-month project.

In that second month, with the help of my wife and the builder, I only had taken four Valium tablets—when things really overwhelmed me, even though every day I had severe anxiety and I felt very ill. Working was a help to overcome the panic attacks, and getting out of the house was a "must do," even though working every day gave me severe anxiety. But I would have had anxiety just sitting at home. So at this point, I had broken the shackles of confinement at home. I also stopped taking the drug to alter the imbalance in my brain. The doctor advised me against stopping, but the drug had increased my nightmares to the point of horror, and I stopped taking them without telling him.

My Third Month with Panic Attacks

The third month was also difficult. Every day, I had severe anxiety, as I did from that first panic attack. But unlike that first attack, now I had learnt to treat myself with understanding instead of abuse. I look back now and I think that was a big change in my panic attacks.

Let me explain it. Severe anxiety plus self-abuse equals a panic attack, and severe anxiety plus self-encouragement and self-understanding equals slightly less anxiety and possibly no panic attack. Anxiety is not comfortable, but at least your life can carry on while dealing with it.

By now, I was trying hard to deal with anxiety and take less medication. I thought incorrectly that if I didn't need medication, then I was cured, and I so desperately wanted to be cured.

My Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth Months with Panic Attacks

In the fourth and fifth months, my anxiety had lessened with only the need to take one tablet of medication after a tough time on the job got me a bit overwhelmed. Then in the sixth month, my anxiety had lessened to the point that if I didn't think about it, then it didn't occur to me the project was now working to divert my mind away from anxiety. I went a whole two weeks without being anxious or worried about something, and at that point I remember saying to myself, "I'm cured." Then within a few seconds, my mind again focused on the problem I could feel anxiety building, the heart racing, and the temperature rising. But with positive self-talk and no need for medication, I was able to talk myself back to being calm. Still, I remember being disappointed about not being cured. Six months had passed and the project was finished, and I was committed to getting my physical and mental health back to normal.

During the first two months of the panic attacks, I had many trips to the doctor and two trips to the psychologist. Then the six-month renovation project began and trips to the doctor were very few, and I could spare no more time for trips to the psychologist. I believe my doctor did a good job with me, and I am grateful for his help, and the psychology helped to point me in the right direction. The project was over now. I had time on my hands and was committed to leading a better life. My wife had purchased books for me to read, but during the renovation, I only had time to glimpse through them.

The things in life that I had taken for granted were so hard for me to get back into during the six months we had put our social life on hold. My first bus trip into the city caused me to almost have a panic attack; although I went through with it, I struggled. My wife took me to the cinema to see a comedy. I struggled with that too. I was quite anxious. It took a while to calm myself down, but the comedy helped me to loosen up eventually as it diverted my mind away from anxiety.

Our first social event together was a party that people were throwing for us to farewell us from our home to our new address. I was so nervous about having a panic attack in front my friends that it led to severe anxiety—to the verge of panic. I struggled greatly to go through with it. But as the night went on my confidence grew, and eventually I relaxed.

I resumed playing golf with my buddies after a seven-month absence. I was so nervous on that first day back, the anxiety made me ill. Golf was my pastime, which I loved playing, but that first game back was so difficult. It took me a couple of months of struggling with anxiety before I became comfortable with my golf to the point of not being nervous and being able to enjoy it.

So now I was just trying to enjoy a normal life, but it took time and effort and patience. Although I took many Valium tablets in those first three days, I tried to avoid taking them after that, and after one year, I still had many left over in the original packet. I used the drugs only to help me cope with the panic attacks, and I am grateful they were available, but it was my intention to break the need for them.

Chapter Two

You Can't Change Something Overnight That Took Fifty Years to Accumulate

Now I figured that it took me fifty years of negative thinking and verbal self-abuse to get to the stage where my panic attacks took hold of me and to see what damage they had done to my confidence. And it's now been three years since I have called myself any abusive names, and it's two years since I mapped out my course of commitment to a better life. And the difference between the first fifty years and the last three years is significant in my mental and physical health. So I know I am on the correct path, and I am committed to staying on it.

In the next part of the book, I would like to share with you everything that I have learnt and read about which made life better than it used to be. This will take a few chapters. After that, I would like to share with you what I learnt about myself, which made my life even better.

I Learnt about My Past

I learnt about my past, which eventually helped me deal with my panic and anxiety. All sources of information pointed in that direction; my past is where the seed of my panic attacks sprouted. My past is not to be blamed for my panic attacks, but it does help me understand and help me deal with them.

How many times have you sat down and said, "Why is this happening to me?" "Why am I always getting these headaches?" "Why is my back always aching?" If you knew why these things happened to you, then you can start to address the cause of the problem. And panic attacks are the same. They have a cause; they just don't happen. If you think panic attacks are happening to you and there is no cause, that they just happen, then you will not be able to help yourself to rise above them. So I see finding out the cause to panic attacks as a vital early step in dealing with them. Although like me you may not like what you hear at first, understanding anything is the best way to deal with it.

Now if you do suffer panic attacks and you seek professional advice like I did. It will probably begin with a trip to the doctor and then the doctor will more than likely refer you to a psychologist. I think professional help is important if you can get it. I only had two trips to a psychologist and three trips to a psychotherapist/hypnotherapist. Now they will ask you about your problem and about your life situation and then they will ask you about your youth.

Now I believe in their method many people will think talking about their youth is a waste of time. I used to think along those lines but I do not anymore. They are delving into your youth to see have far back the problem began and how deeply rooted it is in your past. Now there may be a chance that your problem began only months or just a few years ago without you knowing it. But that is why they are professional they are fishing around to work out the size and the beginning of your problem. But like me most people's problems will go back to their youth. Now that may sound hard to believe but it is more than likely where things began.

Now if you don't believe them then you will have to try other methods of overcoming your problem. In my case I did believe them and my direction to recovery was in motion and in the right direction. In my case I found out about the importance of living in the now or living in the present moment and it is essential. But also you will find out that fixing problems of the past are needed to successfully live in the present moment. So it can be complicated and some people spend a long time in psychology.

My Own Discovery

Later in the book I will talk about what I believe about my brain and how my brain works. But now I will give a small example which I discovered for myself which may help get my point across about fixing problems of the past. If you have heard about living in the now or living in the present moment it means to focus your attention in the present moment. And to try and not live in your past memories or drift off to your future life and keeping the focus of your attention in the present moment on the job at hand.

My example is if I am suffering anxiety and I bring my attention into the now and I am absolutely focused in the now I can still have anxiety. Being in the now helps but it does not always solve my problems. And the reason why which I worked out for myself in my case is; I now have control over my "present thinking brain" but my "subconscious mind" lives in my memories and can give me anxiety. Although they are both in my brain they are different identities you will just have to take my word for it now I will explain it later in the book.

Chapter Three

Five Things Needed to Rise above Panic Attacks

In my case, without admitting, accepting, and dealing with these next five topics, I would not have risen above panic attacks. There are people who do not suffer panic attacks to the same intensity as I did. To these people, I do still recommend looking into these next five steps closely. Perhaps they may be relevant. And to those people who suffer panic attacks to the point of despair, I urge you to implement them. Making these changes will not cost you anything. They are all internal changes in your mind. Nobody but you will know.

1. Admit that you have a problem with panic attacks and anxiety.

This was not a hard step for me to take. I was fed up with panic attacks. But before I got to that stage of panic attacks, there was a lot of fear and anxiety that preceded it. So if someone had said to me, "Paul, you are a fearful and anxious person," I would have said, "No, I'm not." But looking back, I was fearful and anxious. I was always worried about looking stupid and making a fool of myself. I always wanted to look calm and in control. I don't think that way anymore. If I'm nervous, I'll admit it.

Admitting to me that I had a problem with fear and anxiety was the first step in being honest with myself. It is difficult for a grown-up to admit this. I knew that I had a problem with panic attacks. That was easy and obvious. But admitting that I was fearful and anxious was something I would have argued against. I just wasn't brought up to be fearful. I guess it is an ego thing. Admitting you have a problem is a huge step, whether it is alcohol, drugs, or in my case, fear that led to panic attacks. An admission to yourself of a problem takes honesty, and being honest with yourself is essential as the first step in rising above panic attacks. There are lots of people walking around who say they don't have a problem with an issue so they may be comfortable with themselves, even though others have a different opinion. But I definitely saw my anxiety and fear of panic attacks as a problem, and the admission was made easy. The average person would never have picked it, although I was fearful it didn't stop me from doing things. It just made things much more difficult to deal with.

So there we have it, my first essential step to recovery. Not only was I a person who suffered panic attacks, but I also admitted to the fear and anxiety which led up to the panic attacks.

2. Be honest, take responsibility, and don't blame others.

This was not an easy step for me to take. It was much easier to make excuses for the panic attacks and blame outside factors and other people for all the things that went wrong. I could have said I had too many things to do. I was under too much pressure and other people were asking too much of me. I could have made all these excuses and blamed the panic attacks on them. Like it wasn't me. I'm not afraid other people put me under too much pressure, but it would only have been an excuse. And then after reading books and using psychology, I found out my early years had had a lot to do with the way I was and who I turned out to be as an adult. So I could have had an even bigger excuse. I could have blamed my father and those Marist brothers that bully and so on. And at first, I did. I had an even better excuse for the panic attacks. Not only did everyone put me under too much pressure, but all those people in my youth had left me hard done by, which is not the case.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from PANIC ATTACKSby PAUL IANNI Copyright © 2012 by Paul Ianni. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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