Oddities, A One Act Resolution is a play about one's ache and loneliness when secluded by the wraith of suicidal ideation. The mind reacts as Nature has gifted us to: fight or flight. In fight does the Founder wrestle with reality splintered into various archetypes that evolve from a maelstrom of confusion. He becomes psychotic. He becomes delusional. He jumps into the bottle, the flask, the flagon for comfort, though delirium and ache come parading in the form of Death and the Bearer of Burdens. But still he clings onto reality as tightly as he can, as his Archetypes of Donut, Cavalier, Somber, Riot, Passive, and Ponder gather in the mist of the Mind, called Yonder Town. Thru allegories and allusions these Archetypes clash and comfort each other as they aim to break the suicidal hold that Death and desperation wrap around the throat of the Founder, who is not able to appreciate the honey river of the Stream, from where the six originate, the Stream that floats from the Garden, a Sanctum for the Founder. There is a fusion of Eastern and Western thought as a peculiar mythology develops.

ODDITIES

A One Act ResolutionBy Shivcharran Hulasie

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2011 Shivcharran Hulasie
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4567-3109-0

Chapter One

CHARACTERS:

THE FOUNDER DONUT CAVALIER SOMBER RIOT PONDER PASSIVE THE BEARER OF BURDENS DEATH

[OPEN CURTAINS]

[AT THE CENTER OF THE STAGE IS A WOODEN TABLE AND WOODEN CHAIR, WITH THE SMOKE OF INCENCE RISING. TO THE LEFT AT THE FRONT OF THE STAGE ARE SEVEN WOODEN CHAIRS ALIGNED IN A ROW. TO THE RIGHT OF THE STAGE IS A SINGLE WOODEN CHAIR. THIN SMOKE DOMINATES THE STAGE.]

[ENTERS THE FOUNDER. HE IS DRESSD IN BLACK. HE HAS A BOTTLE IN A BROWN PAPER BAG IN HIS RIGHT HAND. IN HIS LEFT HAND, HE HOLDS A BLACK HAND-GUN.]

[HE SITS DOWN BY THE TABLE. HE COCKS THE GUN AND SIGHS.]

THE FOUNDER: [A VOICE IS HEARD.] SO, HERE I AM AGAIN, ENGAGING THE TERMINAL HOUR.

MY MIND LAGS TODAY. MY MIND IS SWIFT TODAY.

MY THOUGHTS ARE STREWN AND TATTERED. SHATTERED. SPLATTERED.

I AM TIRED. TUCKERED. SPENT.

MY MORTAL FORM ACHES FROM A DULL STITCH.

BUT I CONTINUE TO UNRAVEL.

I WANT TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I AM NOT STRONG. I AM SAMSON SHORN.

FINALLY, I CAN SIMPLY APPLY A SLIGHT PRESSURE, AND [PAUSES], THAT IS ALL.

THE FINAL EXIT, THE CURTAIN SHALL CLOSE.

A LIFE BEFITTING THE TRAGIC THESPIAN'S ENDING ON THE BARD OF AVON'S STAGE.

I AM THE WINGLESS AND LASHED INSECT SEARCHING FOR LOST KNOWLEDGE IN THE MOUND, FOR MANNA IS CLAIMED HERE WITHIN THIS GOLDEN COMMUNE, HENCE I MUST GATHER MILK AND HONEY FROM THE HIVE FOR THE LOST SOULS ON THE BANKS AND SHOALS AND STRANDS AND BEACHES OF CHAOS OF THE MIND.

BRING BLASPHEMY AND GIGGLES TO ANARCHY, AND YOU WILL HAVE CHAOS! [PLACING THE GUN TO HIS LEFT TEMPLE AND PULLING THE TRIGGER SEVEN TIMES QUICKLY. SHUDDERING CLICKS ARE HEARD.]

WHY DO I LAUGH WHEN I AM ALONE? WHY AM I GIDDY? IS IT BECAUSE I ACHE SO MUCH, SO DEEPLY, THAT I MUST IMAGINE AND INVENT LAUGHTER TO ACCOMPANY ME? AM I SO ALOOF FROM HUMANITY AND NATIVITY THAT I MUST CREATE FALSE IMAGES TO WITNESS MY EXISTENCE? I AM A HOMELESS GOD.

MY PRIDE HAS BEEN WOUNDED. MY VANITY HAS BEEN WOUNDED. MY SOUL HAS BEEN WOUNDED. I BLEED. I PLEAD. I AM DISEASED. I WILL BE DECEASED.

IT HAS BECOME AN ART FORM THAT I HAVE NOT SLEPT FOR FORTY DAYS AND FORTY NIGHTS. INSOMNIA IS THE VOGUE. SO IS FASTING.

I DO NOT HIDE MUCH TODAY. I DO NOT CONCEAL ANYTHING TODAY. I AM TRANSPARENT TODAY.

IHAVENOMOREWORRIES,NOMORENAGGING,CUMBERSOME RESPECT FOR LIFE.

SOON, IT WILL BE OVER. A FRIVOLOUS, MEANDERING LIFE WILL DASH THE COURSE ... AND I SHALL BE VICTORIOUS!

I AM SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN!

[LIGHT DIMS FROM THE FOUNDER.]

[ENTERS DONUT. SHE IS DRESSED IN A BRIGHT FLOWERY-PINK AND NEON BLUE GOWN. SHE PRANCES AROUND THE STAGE]

DONUT: [SINGING] I'M GONNA BE A DANCER, A SINGER, A WRITER, A MUSIC MAKER. MANY NOVELS, MAYBE A BABY DOCTOR ... [SHE PAUSES]

MY WHAT A BEAUTIFUL GARDEN!

[ENTERS CAVALIER. HE IS DRESSED IN CASUAL DENOM CLOTHING. HE IS SMOKING.]

CAVALIER: HEY DONUT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? [RUEFULLY] BETTER YET, WHERE ARE YOU GOING THIS TIME?

[HE SITS DOWN ON THE SECOND CHAIR ON THE LEFT OF THE STAGE. LIGHT DIMS ON CAVALIER]

DONUT: [INNOCENTLY] OH! I'M IN MY GARDEN ...

THIS LEAF WHICH GLEANS IN MORNING SUNLIGHT, AS WINDS AWAKE HER WITH ELATION; THEIR SMILE WHICH DRIFTS TO A NEW DAY, CATCHING THE SUSPENDED GREEN PETAL, CONVERGING WITH TIMBRES OF THE SUNRISE AMBIENCE.

ORCHESTRAS OF MELODIES COMPOSE STREAMS THAT DO AGREE, THIS PETIOLE OF GREEN, SO GRAND AS THAT BRIGHT ASTRAL QUEEN: HER COSMIC LAMINATION, THIS RADIANCE, HER ALLEGIANCE TO THIS EVER DELICATE FROND SHE BLOWS HER WARMING BREATH.

THE LIGHT OF LIFE FROM THIS GLINTING IMMORTAL EYE, HER VOICE, SO FRESH OF THIS EVERGREEN MINT: A BLADE, SO NURTURED IN THE AUTUMN AIR A GLADE, SO FAIR, AS SHE GLEAMS IN THE VIRGIN AIR.

[LIGHT BRIGHTENS ON CAVALIER. CAVALIER GETS UP AND APPROACHES DONUT.]

CAVALIER: [FLASHING HIS RIGHT PALM OVER HIS HEAD] SWOOSH! UM, LET ME GUESS, DONUT IN WONDERLAND?

NO, BETTER YET, THE COLORS MAN! DONUT AND, UH, DONUT IN THE SKIES WITH DIAMONDS. WOULD YOU LIKE YOU GET HIGH WITH A LITTLE HELP........OOPS! DO NOT WANT TO BE SUED BY LE BUGS.

AND BESIDES I DO NOT GET HIGH! YEA RITE! I AM INNOCENT YOU KNOW. A CUTIE PIE. A SWEET HEART. [CAVALIER TAKES A DEEP PULL.]

[LAUGHING] YOU ARE SUCH MIND TRIP DONUT! BETTER ONE: PEPPERMINT DOUNT. ALPHA CENTAURI HERE I COME! [CAVALIER CONTINUES TO LAUGH AND SMOKE.]

[HE HUMS THE SONG `EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE' AS HE PUFFS]. I HOPE THAT LE COPS DO NOT SUE ME.

NO THEY CANNOT SUE ME. CANNOT! I REMEMBER WHEN RUBY RUBRIC RED, THE RUBY EYED ONE ON THE BRINK OF THE RUBICON, THE GREAT QUEEN RENAE, ASKED ME IF I WERE AN ANDRIOD ON BOARD A SPACESHIP BECAUSE I DID NOT USE CONTRACTIONS. OH! AFTERWARDS I WAS MADE A PLEDGE. I MUST BE SLIPPING AGAIN. I HATE WHEN I START TALKING TO MYSELF AS IF I KNOW THAT WHAT I AM SAYING IS SOMETHING INTELLECTUAL.

I SHOULD STOP. EXCELLENT! AS STEVEN WOULD SAY. THEN AGAIN I WOULD NOT EXPECT YOU TO KNOW WHO STEVEN IS DONUT. AND DO NOT EVEN ASK ABOUT RUBY RED. ACTION! UM? WHO AM I TALKING TO? [SINGING] I AM TALKING TO MEEEEEE!

[HE HUMS THE NIRVANA SONG, `LITHIUM'] I AM SO HAPPY...I AM NOT GOING TO BE SUED.

DONUT: HUSH YOU! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SERIOUSLY, CAVALIER.

NO ONE EVER APPRECIATES THE DREAMER! [DONUT RUNS TO THE FIRST SEAT ON THE LEFT OF THE STAGE AND POUTS. LIGHT DIMS ON DONUT.]

CAVALIER: WHOA! WHAT A SPOOKY CHICK SHE IS! I CANNOT BELIEVE WE SHARE THE SAME PSYCHE!

[BEHIND CAVALIER, LIGHT BRIGHTENS ON A FIGURE IN BLACK, CARRYING A BLACK SAC OVER THE RIGHT SHOULDER, AS HE LIMPS ACROSS THE STAGE. ON HIS RIGHT ANKLE IS CHAINED A LARGE IRON RING WHICH GRAZES ON THE STAGE. LIGHT BRIGHTENS ON THE FOUNDER. THE FOUNDER CAN BE SEEN DRINKINGFROMTHEBOTTLE.LIGHTDIMSONTHEFOUNDER. AS THE FIGURE IN BLACK REACHES THE MIDDLE OF THE STAGE, LIGHT DIMS ON HIM. THIS SOLEMN SEQUENCE WILL OCCUR EACH TIME THE FIGURE APPEARS ON THE STAGE.]

CAVALIER: [STARTLED] I MUST BE SEEING THINGS. I HAVE NOT STARTED DRINKING YET. [CAVALIER BURPS, AND THEN SITS IN HIS DESIGNATED SEAT. LIGHT DIMS ON CAVALIER.]

THE FOUNDER: [LIGHT BRIGHTENS ON THE FOUNDER. A VOICE IS HEARD] IT IS NOT REAL. NOTHING EVER IS REAL.

I DO NOT EXIST IN FORM FOR I AM NOT PERFECT. FOR I AM NOT FAULTLESS. I AM NEVER IN THE PRESENT. I AM IN THE PAST. I AM IN THE PRESCIENT.

I AM DUPED DOWN BY MANY CLOUDS AND CLUTTERS OF HEAVEN. THERE IS THUNDER. THERE IS FEAR. I RUN DOWN THE CORRIDORS OF THIS SACRED PLACE ONLY TO FIND NOTHING. HEAVEN IS EMPTY. A BLIND THOUGHT OF A BOUND FIGURE. COBWEBS.

EVERYTHING IS AN INSANE IDEA AND DOGMA OF SOME FIGUREHEAD, ASSUMING THE ROLE OF GOD'S RELIEF. TIME I AM, DESTROYER OF WORLDS.

THINKING THEIR GUIDANCE, THEIR ROT IS WORTH LISTENING TO, IS WORTH FOLLOWING AS A MINDLESS CANDALA, IS WORTH BOWING TO. GOD DOES NOT LIKE ME. BECAUSE I AM NOT AMUSING. TIME I AM, DESTROYER OF WORLDS. SO WHEN LORD NATARAJA STANDS FIRM. SO WILL TIME END. CANDALADOG EATER.

I PRAY AND THERE IS NO ANSWER.

STILL THEY TELL ME TO PRAY. THEN THEY TAKE MY MONEY.

THEY FORGET THAT GOD WILL BE BORED ON THE DAY OF DISOLLUTION. LORD VISHNU WILL YAWN. THERE WILL NO LONGER BE THE DANCE OF LORD NATARAJA, LORD SHIVA. THE ETERNAL FEET WILL BE PLANTED IN THE STREAM OF DISBELIEF. TIME I AM DESTROYER OF WORLDS.

I CLEANSE MYSELF, I PURIFY MYSELF AFTER I DARE TO EMBRACE GOD. FOR I AM GOD STRIPPED IN THE EXCREMENTS OF THE ONCE SACRED GANGES. NOW DEAD BODIES FLOAT IN HER WATERS. I AM EMACIATED AFTER GOD'S TOUCH.

STRUCTURES OF DIVINITY AND NATIVITY ARE BLAZING GRAVES STAMPED AND POUNDED ON THE OVERMAN, PREVENTING HIS RIGHTFUL ASCENT, AS HEIR APPARENT. TRUTH, THE NOOSE TO SNARE THE INNOCENTS.

IT IS THEIR PATHETIC DISTRACTING TRUTH, NOT MINE. RELIGION THE COLD FLAKE FROM FAKE HEAVEN.

IT AMAZES ME THAT FROM A FEW LINES WRITTEN FROM HUNDREDS TO THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, SOME THINK THEY CAN UNDERSTAND AN ANCIENT AND DEAD LANGUAGE AND THEN TELL US WHAT TO DO.

[FRUSTRATEDLY] I HAVE NOT LEARNED A GODDAMN THING.

DAMN MY RESILIENCY!

DAMN MY HARD HEADNESS!

DAMN MY FOOLISHNESS TO BE AN ATAVIST, A NIHILIST, A MISANTHORPE.

I AM LOST FOR I CANNOT DANCE AS THE ASTRAL DANCER LORD NATARAJA. I AM ALONE. I AM ALONE.

I AM NOT HONEST FOR I CANNOT LAUGH. I AM NOT AMUSING. THIS BODY I AM ABUSING.

ALL I HAVE KNOWN IS THAT I AM A NOTHING, A WORTHLESS FREAK, A BEAST, A SON OF CAIN, IN THE DARK LANDS OF BEDLAM, NOD.

NO ONE SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND. I AM JUST A BURDEN.

A SOLEMN DISMAL THOUGHT SUBDUES MY JOY, TEARS FALL -DIMMING MY EYES- JUST SCATTER; DANK ARE MILK AND HONEY, A SHALLOW POINTLESS THOUGHT GUIDES ME IN THE DARK; MY IMAGINATION DROWNS IN WATER.

TAKE ME TO THE MEADOW I AM LONGING FOR, NEAR THAT STREAM, MY THOUGHTS BABBLE DOWN THE WHITE GOLDEN FALL, BRING ME TO THAT SOOTHING GARDEN I AM LONGING FOR.

[LIGHT DIMS ON THE FOUNDER. ENTER RIOT AND SOMBER. RIOT IS DRESSED IN DISHEVELED DENOM CLOTHING. SOMBER IS DRESSED IN A GREY GOWN.]

[LIGHT BRIGHTENS ON DONUT AND CAVALIER. DONUT AND CAVALIER STAND AND JOIN RIOT AND SOMBER.]

CAVALIER: UH, YOU GUYS? DID YOU HEAR THAT? [HE RUNS TO RIOT AND GRABS HIM BY THE COLLAR. HE SHAKES RIOT BACK AND FORTH] DID YOU HEAR SOMEONE SPEAK SO ELOQUENTLY?

RIOT: [LOUDLY] HEAR WHAT, YOU PARANOID, NEUROTIC, DRUNK RAT BASTARD?

CAVALIER: [SARCASTICALLY] SO, WE ARE GOING TO GO THERE, ARE NOT WE, RIOT?

RIOT: SCREW YOU, CAVALIER! I DIDN'T WANT TO COME HERE. AND WHAT, ARE YOU TRYING TO ACT AS IF YOU HAVE A LITERATURE DEGREE BY TALKING LIKE THAT? AND BESIDES, I FOUND THIS [POINTING TO SOMBER] BROODING....

RIOT AND CAVALIER: [TOGETHER] AGAIN!

DONUT: DON'T YOU TWO START PICKING ON SOMBER. SHE IS NOT A PRONOUN, OR AN ADJECTIVE! AT LEAST ... [SHE IS INTERUPTED]

RIOT AND CAVALIER: [IMITATING DONUT] DON'T/DO NOT YOU TWO START PICKING ON HER. [BOTH LAUGH AND HIGHFIVE EACH OTHER, BUT MISS, AND FALL TO THE FLOOR] [BOTH GET UP]

RIOT: YOU KNOW CAVALIER, YOU SPEECH IS BEGINNING TO PISS ME OFF. [CAVALIER FACES THE AUDIENCE AND SHOWS A HUGE CHEESY GRIN]

AND TO YOU [POINTING TO DONUT] AT LEAST WHAT DONUT? MISS HYSTERIA THERE ... [POINTING TO SOMBER AND IN A HIGH PITCH VALLEY GIRL SPEECH] LIKE OH MY GOD, I'M LIKE WORTHLESS, LIKE NOTHING'S GONNA' CHANGE! LIKE, LIKE, LIKE THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END. LIKE WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? DUCK MY HEAD INTO THE SAND? OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND? [PLACING BOTH PALMS TO HIS CHEEKS]

LOOK AT HER! SHE'S A FREAK, A MORON. A RABBIT. A DUCK. [SOMBER WALKS AWAY] SHE'S GOT NOTHING WORTH MY WHILE.

[DONUT, CAVALIER, AND RIOT TAKE THEIR RESPECTIVE SEATS. LIGHT DIMS ON ALL THREE.]

SOMBER: AN AUTUMN DAWN DID COME THIS MORNING AS DID A SHOWER, AS I SLEPT DREAMING THE UNTAMED PHENOMENON AND THE DARK WATER DID DROWN ME AS I WEPT IN A RHYTHM A SONG OF SADNESS

DID I COMPOSE LAST NIGHT LOST ARE MILK AND HONEY

VOICES WHICH HAVE TROUBLED ME AGGRESSIVE FROM WITHIN NOISES I CANNOT ATTEND

THE SILENT SCREAMS THE SEQUESTERED FEELINGS THE RAVING FACES CONTORTED CASTS WHY MUST I WEEP?

SO MANY DRAB IMAGES THEIR POWERLESS PLEAS THEY ARE ALL ME THEY ARE ALL ME

[SOMBER TAKES HER SEAT BESIDES RIOT. LIGHT DIMS ON ALL FOUR]

[ENTER PASSIVE AND PONDER. BOTH ARE DRESSED IN BROWN ROBES WITH ARMS FOLDED INTO THEIR RESPECTIVE SLEEVES. THEY SIT IN THEIR RESPECTIVE SEATS. LIGHT DIMS ON PASSIVE AND PONDER.]

THE FOUNDER: [LIGHT BRIGHTENS ON THE FOUNDER. A VOICE IS HEARD] SOMETIMES, I HEAR THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD.

IT IS LIKE A BATTLEFIELD. IDEAS ARE RACING. IDEAS ARE ERASING.

MY MIND RUNS A THOUSAND LEAGUES AND A THOUSAND FORTNIGHTS IN A BLINK OF AN EYE. AN INSTANT ELAPSES AND I AM UNAWARE.

I BELIEVE IN EVERY CAUSE AND EFFECT, WHEN MY IDLE MIND SO YIELDS. I AM STILL HUNTED FROM MY PAST LIFE. KARMA, DHARMA, SAMSARA-ACTION, FAITH, REINCARNATION.

MY DEPRESSION BINDS ME AND GRINDS ME.

I HAVE NO QUALITY OR BEAUTY FOR I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE. I AM IN THE PAST. I AM IN THE PRESCIENT. MY MIND IS SO HOLLOW. YET SO MANY THESPIANS I ATTRACT TO MY DECREPIT THEATRE.

MANY ARE THESE VOICES VYING, FOR THAT SECPTER FOR EVENTUAL SPEAKING AND ACTION. THEY SAY I LOVE YOU, BUT THEY SKIN ME. THEY TORTURE ME IN AMUSEMENT AND SAY, "I LOVE YOU."

MAYBE I AM COO-COO, A SCRAWNY GREEN BIRD, PEPPER, WAITING ON THE FLIGHT DECK TO TAKE OFF.

GEE! THAT WAS FUNNY! I AM A FUNNY GOD! [POINTING TO THE AUDIENCE]

WHAT, YOU THINK I AM A FUNNY DOG? ARE YOU SAYING I AM DEAD?

ARE YOU SAYING I HAVE NO CONVICTIONS OR TRUTHS, ONLY LIES? [HE POINTS HIS GUN AT THE AUDIENCE]

BANG!, BANG!, BANG!. HECK, I DO NOT WANT TO WASTE THIS ONE SILVER BULLET. I AM A NEW AGE VAMPIRE, YOU KNOW.

I AM A THOUGHT LIKE GOD. I AM TIME, DESTROYER OF WORLDS.

MY GODDAMN MOODS! UP AND DOWN THE ELELATOR. AH! AH! AH! CHOO! [THE FOUNDER SNIFFLES.]

NO WONDER I AM WORTHLESS ... WHO WANTS TO BE QUASIMODO'S TWIN. SANCTUARY MY ASS!

BEHOLD THE FOOL! THE ULTIMATE MOCKERY, HOW THE MULTITUDES RAGE WITH LAUGHTER, AS THE LAME BODY

LIMPS IN THE CORRIDOR.

O DRAG ON, PRINCE OF THE GROTESQUE: INHALE HIS ODOR RISING IN WAVES BREAKING ON THE SHORES, SOAKING THE HYSTERICAL, DRENCHING THOSE REGAL BODIES.

COLD STONES ARE CAST ALLOWING THE RED DROPS FREEDOM FROM REEK TO REIGN OVER THE DISGRACED FACE. TAUNTS AND SCORNS THE GRAND WELCOME INDEED THE EXALTED CHARADE THE PROCESSION OF THE ROYAL ASS

BEHOLD THIS FOOL THE ULTIMATE TRAVESTY AND O HOW THE CRUDE CELEBRATE THE MOCKERY O HOW THE LEWD ARE THE PATRONS OF VIRTUOSITY

[LIGHT DIMS ON THE FOUNDER. LIGHT BRIGHTENS ON PONDER. PONDER STANDS]

PONDER: BLACK DAY! BLACK DAY! ALL IS NOT WELL, HERE IN YONDER TOWN

TODAY IS, PERHAPS THAT GRAVE DAY: SORDID MOODS HAVE HOODED AS THAT GREY CLOUD; AND ALL ACTIVE PASTIMES ARE SURRENDERED FOR INERT, MELANCHOLIC BROODING

LETHARGY ROAMS THE ONCE SINGING STREETS CHILD-LIKE GIGGLES: NO MORE FROLICKING THE SUN, THE ASTRAL QUEEN HAS UNEXPECTEDLY TAKEN HER LEAVE

AND DOES NOT ANSWER THE ELDER'S QUERIES AS TO HER SUDDEN DEPARTURE

THE FIELDS ARE SOAKED AND MANY A SAPLING DROWN AS THE ANCIENT OAKS SOB IN THEIR OWN MEANINGFUL WAY, UABLE TO EXPAND THEIR BRUSHING BRANCHES AND SHELTER THEIR PROGENY.

EVEN THE GREEN OF LIFE IS DULLED TOO MUCH RAIN TOO MUCH TEARS NO MILK AND HONEY TOO MUCH SORROW

A DARK NIGHT HINTS AT MORE DISASTER, PERHAPS THAT FINAL DISASTER THE FOUNDER'S SONG OF FRUITION AND CROPPING NOW MOVES ONE TO TEARS: SMILES ARE OBSOLETE

[LIGHT BRIGHTENS ON DONUT, CAVALIER, SOMBER, RIOT, AND PASSIVE. ALL FIVE STAND UP AND JOIN PONDER.]

RIOT: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? YOU IDIOTS ARE RECITING POETRY!

WHY ARE WE HERE? AND WHO'S MISSING?

[ALL SIX TURN TO THE SEVENTH CHAIR]

PASSIVE: HOW OBSERVANT RIOT. IT IS OBVIOUS THAT THE VOICE OF REASONING SHOULD PREVAIL AND GATHER US.

UNFORTUNATELY MY DEAR, TENDER RIOT, YOU WILL NEVER BE THAT CALM, PRACTICAL VOICE.

RIOT: HEY, BITE ME PASSIVE!

CAVALIER: YEAH, BITE HIM WITH YOUR FINGERS. [HE MAKES BITING GESTURES WITH HIS LEFT HAND ATTACKING HIS CIGAR ON HIS RIGHT HAND WHILE BARKING]

RIOT: O, SHUT UP, CAVALIER. MISTER LOGIC HERE IS ALL TALK.

[WITH FINGERS OPENING AND CLOSING] YAP YAP YAP.

[LIGHT BRIGHTENS ON THE FIGURE AS HE LIMPS ACROSS THE STAGE. LIGHT BRIGHTENS OF THE FOUNDER. THE FOUNDER DRINKS FROM HIS BOTTLE. LIGHT DIMS FROM THE FOUNDER.]

CAVALIER: HEY, YOU GUYS [FREAKING OUT, AND GRABBING RIOT`S COLLAR.]

DID YOU GUYS JUST SEE THAT? DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF THAT BAG?

RIOT: [TURNING HIS FACE] WHEE-YOO! MAN, YOU ARE BLASTED AGAIN, CAVALIER: MISTER FORTY OUNCE!

DONUT: WHAT DID YOU SEE, CAVALIER?

CAVALIER: I DO NOT KNOW. [TURNING TO SOMBER] HEY ATLAS, AM I GOING CRAZY?

SOMBER: [WITH AN ANGRY TONE] DON'T CALL ME THAT, YOU DRUNK!

CAVALIER: I AM DRUNK? HELLO, ALPHA CENTAURI TO SOMBER, SNAP OUT OF IT!

RIOT: THE CRAZY BIRD LADY AND THE MALT LICQUOR FACTORY. GOD! WHY AM I HERE?

CAVALIER: GOD DOES NOT LIKE YOU RIOT, HE TOLD ME SO?

SOMBER: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK GOD IS A HE, CAVALIER?

CAVALIER: SHE FINALLY SPEAKS!

SOMBER: O JUST DRINK AND SHUT UP, CAVALIER!

CAVALIER: I CANNOT.

HEY, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY SAYING I AM SMASHED RIOT? AT LEAST I AM NO MISANTHROPE, HAH! AND SOMBER I AM NOT DRINKING. [HE PLACES HIS THUMBS INTO HIS EARS AND FLAP THEM TOWARDS SOMBER]

RIOT: MISAN-WHAT? O NEVER MIND!

SOMBER: YOU ARE SUCH A LITTLE BRAT CAVALIER!

DONUT: STOP IT! STOP IT, ALL OF YOU. [SHE TURNS TO PONDER] PONDER, WHY ARE WE HERE TOGETHER?

CAVALIER: YEAH, AND WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE LOOKING AT US? [POINTING TO THE AUDIENCE]

RIOT: GOD YOU ARE SO DRUNK, CAVALIER.

(Continues...)

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