Meet the Misfitz! Some are odd, some mischievous, some lovable and some are just down-right unlucky. However you see them, these likable characters take you on a journey filled with humor, wonder, mischief and even young love through their innocent eyes, inquisitive minds and endearing hearts. "The Misfitz" is a children's book of humorous poems and playful illustrations highlighting the way kids today think and see the world. Whether you're five, fifteen or thirty-five, "The Misfitz" is written to fill the hearts of young readers with laughter and relief that there are other kids out there just like them as well as feelings of nostalgia and love for parents, teachers and anyone who just remembers being a kid.

THE MISFITZ

A BOOK OF POEMSBy CHERI CARTER

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2011 Cheri Carter
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4567-5891-2

Chapter One

        The Great Pirate

    I'm a pirate, can't you tell?
    I have the hat, the patch,
    The yell.... Aarrgh!
    Without a ship,
    I cannot sail.
    But never fear,
    I will prevail!
    I'll burry me treasure
    Under this, under that.
    And without this here map,
    Mom may never find that cat.
    I will flood all the tubs
    And create my own sea,
    I'll shout from the roof
    How pirate life is for me!

    Oh, the great pirate I will be.


    Einstein's Theory

    "Sometimes I hear voices but I know I'm not crazy.
    Sometimes they will laugh or even shout!
    And when they speak, it's real low. It just sounds like a mumble,
    I can't tell what they're talking about.
    Do you think we have ghosts? I don't know what to think.
    I hear them the loudest at night.
    There are thuds and long creeks but during the day it is quiet,
    I wonder if they're afraid of the light.
    Wait! Afraid of the light? What if they are vampires!
    We're too young to die! I'm only four and you're nine!"

    "Oh, calm down, they're not vampires. We live in apartments.
    Those aren't ghosts, they're our neighbors, Einstein!"


    The Writer

    My novel is brilliant. It's going to be a bestseller!
    There's everything you could possibly dream.
    The town it takes place in is mystical and quaint,
    And the people are not quite what they seem.
    This story has it all. You'll laugh and you'll cry,
    There's romance and even a killer!
    My book is so good, they could make it a movie.
    It would be the best comedy thriller!

    So, what do you think? I can't wait for you to read it.
    I'm so excited, this is going to be my hit!
    Things are going to be great, I can see it already.
    Now, I just need to sit down and write it.


    Christina's Wrath

    I have to admit it was all my own fault
    I got beat up on the playground today.
    Everyone knew it was coming, everyone except me,
    Apparently, it was something I said yesterday.
    Her name is Christina,
    She's fast and she's strong.
    How was I supposed to know
    What I said was so wrong?

    I offered her my homework, my sack
    lunch and even my cash!
    Man, that's the last time I point out
    Christina's mustache.


    Funny Valentine

    How embarrassing, I can't believe it.
    Everyone's box is full except mine.
    No candy hearts, no cards or chocolate,
    Not a single valentine.
    This happens to me every year,
    This holiday's so stupid.
    Just once I'd like a Valentine,
    Until then I'll just blame cupid.

    Hey wait now, what's this?
    Is that a Valentine I see?
    Who is it from? There is no name.
    Is it from you to me?

    Wow, my very first Valentine!
    You just made my heart bounce.
    I mean, I know it's out of pity and all,
    But hey, for me that counts.


    My Friend, What

    There's a monster living under my bed,
    We've played together twice.
    He's not mean or evil at all,
    He's actually really quite nice.
    There was a full moon the other night
    And we were all riding in our car.
    As the moon followed me,
    I saw a bright shooting star.
    I closed my eyes and made a wish,
    I may never see one again.
    With my eyes closed tight, believing with all my heart,
    I wished for my very own best friend.

    I awoke the next night to a rustling sound
    Coming from underneath my bed.
    I fell off my mattress and hit the floor hard
    And what I saw there was a head!
    My bed flipped on its side
    As he arose from my floor.
    And with a wink and a smile,
    He let out a soft roar!

    "Where do you come from?" I asked.
    "How did you ever get in?"
    He said, "Why you wished for me silly.
    I'm your very own new best friend"

    I was frightened at first
    But now I'm not anymore.
    He's half dragon, half butterfly
    And half tiger, half boar.

    That's the best I can describe him.
    He's really quite a mutt.
    Wasn't sure just what to call him,
    So I decided to name him What.
    We laugh and play games,
    He even tells funny jokes.
    The hardest part though,
    Is keeping him hidden from my folks.

    Can't take him out in public
    Because quite frankly, he's horrific.
    The next time I make a wish on a star,
    I'll definitely be more specific.


    Under Where?

    That's not where you wear your underwear, Tommy.
    You take that off now
    Before I tell Mommy.
    We're already late and Mom's getting stressed.
    She just hates being late,
    Fine, I'll help you get dressed.
    Who taught you anyway, to wear them like that?
    Wait, if you put your underwear on your head.....
    Tommy, where's your hat?


    Wedding Clothes

    "I've never been to a wedding before.
    These costumes make it feel like Halloween!
    That's a really great bear outfit.
    Does your dad know? Has he seen?"

    "No, it's a surprise.
    Has your mom seen you?
    You make a great flower girl,
    I like all your petals too."

    "She hasn't seen me yet
    But I think that music is our cue to go in.
    Let's go! Hold my hand.
    I think it's time to begin!"

    "Hey, why is everyone laughing?
    They're all staring at me and you!"

    "Oh, don't feel bad ring bear.
    I got a little confused too."


    Flight of the Penguin

    Yes, technically we're birds
    But we're penguin birds,
    And penguin birds cannot fly.

    Even though you're my best friend,
    I can't say I'll go with you,
    But I'll support you if you still want to try.

    But first let me tell you a quick little story
    About a penguin my father once knew.
    He once knew a penguin who tried to fly every day,
    And wouldn't give up `til he flew.

    He finally made it up in the air,
    But his wings were too small
    And his belly was large and quite fat.

    Did he soar through the sky like an eagle in flight?
    No, he died.


    Last Laugh

    "You've left me no choice,
    You ate all the marshmallows in my cereal.
    I told you this morning I'd get you back."

    "Oh, really? Whatever.
    Quit being such a joker.
    Revenge is a skill that you lack."

    "Left you no choice for what, anyway?
    You're just trying to make me all nervous.
    You've got nothing except a bunch of lies."

    "Oh, yeah, big sister?
    Are you enjoying your dinner?
    Because I sucked all the salt off your fries."


    Rabbit Season

    I'm going to kidnap the Easter Bunny this year
    And there's nothing you can do to save him.
    I'll disguise his big ears and fuzzy tail too,
    If I have to, I may even shave him.
    Because last year that rabbit brought me nothing at all,
    No chocolate, not even a toy.
    My mom seems to think it's because I'm quite naughty,
    But really, I'm a lovely boy.
    I'll demand all his candy and he'll grant all my wishes,
    And I'll charge my friends money to pet it.
    But if anyone tries to free him, it's over.
    No really.....the bunny gets it.


    King Me

    "If you can beat me at chess, I dare you to bring it.
    It was by the very best that I was taught."

    "I'll play you a round, there's no need to dare me.
    You want game? Then my game has been brought!"

    "Oh, a challenger, I see. I'll let you go first.
    This game will be real short and sweet."

    "Sure, I'll go first. Then I'll take all your men.
    At the end, you will then taste defeat."

    "Just keep talking, little man. Your moves already look
    weak.
    You're going to wish you never took on this dare."

    "I know what I'm doing, it's all part of the plan.
    What do you think of that move right there?"

    "That's not a move! You can't jump my knight.
    Is this really the best you can bring me?"

    "Hey, I don't know this game. I only know checkers.
    Now quit all your whining and king me."


    Time Traveler

    My time machine is almost complete,
    And I just cannot wait to step inside.
    Haven't quite decided where I'm going just yet,
    But I'm sure it will be an adventurous ride.
    Maybe I'll go back to see the dinosaurs,
    Or how the pyramids were made.
    I could watch the first astronaut land on the moon,
    Or Beethoven, the first time he played.
    I'd play with great presidents when they were just kids,
    And sail on Columbus' ship.
    Or maybe I'll go ahead to the future,
    Wouldn't that be an amazing trip?
    Can you imagine seeing what the world would be like?
    Or seeing yourself when you're old?
    What if there are robots or flying cars by then?
    Who knows what the future will hold.
    I think I'll stick to going backwards in time though,
    Not knowing what's ahead is more fun.
    I'm so excited to go back and see all the things that have happened,
    And it's not much longer before I'm done!

    The outside of my machine looks fantastic.
    I have some work left to do but not much.
    There are just a few parts that need work on the inside,
    Something about physics and science and such.

    I just can't wait until it is up and running,
    I'm going to tell everyone that I know!
    If you had a time machine you could use to travel,
    When and where would you go?


    Yoga Master

    I'll have this yoga thing down, no problem.
    I don't see why everyone thinks it's so hard.
    I've got my mat and my brick and a yoga book too,
    I've even got my own leotard.
    So, there's the lotus, the triangle, the tree and the cobra,
    Man, some of these look really easy.
    Where's the sweat? This isn't even a challenge.
    Ugh. So far, this is cheesy.

    Hey, wait! What are these master poses?
    I think I'll give one of them a try.
    Put both my hands down, left leg behind neck,
    Right leg behind arms, kick the sky.

    Hey, Daddy! Look at me, I'm a master!
    I told you there's nothing to it.
    Oh, wait. I can't move! This is really starting to hurt!
    Quick! Where's the page on how to undo it?


    Garbage Day

    I hate the first day of school,
    Those bullies find me every year.
    They're mean and they're rude and they think they're so cool,
    I'm nice but yet walk in fear.

    They rip the lids off all the garbage cans
    And stuff you in head first.
    Last year it happened to me right after lunch,
    Cafeteria food, the worst.

    Maybe I'll be braver this year and fight back,
    Or maybe I'll hide somewhere they can't see.
    Nope, too late. I think they are coming.
    Yep, they've definitely spotted me.

    Oh man, here we go again.
    Why do I always freeze instead of run?

    Sigh.

    Arms lift me up and down in the can I go,
    Hey, some kid's already in this one!

    Hi.


    Chicks Dig Scars

    When I grow up big,
    I'll be a great Motocross champ.
    I've jumped 8 garbage cans
    On my killer dirt ramp.
    All the kids in my neighborhood
    Come to watch me fly through the air.
    Go faster! Go higher!

    I take on every dare!
    Didn't quite land that last jump though,
    But I finished first in the race.
    Couldn't manage to pull up high enough in time,
    And I landed right smack on my face.
    But so what if my spokes are all bent
    And I need some new handlebars.
    I may be covered in band-aids now,
    But I hear chicks really dig scars.


    RockStars

    We're going to be the greatest rockstars of all time!
    Believe me, mark my words.
    We'll tour the planet and rock every city,
    People will show up in herds.
    We'll make millions of dollars and have billions of fans,
    Every album we make will turn gold.
    With big hair and make-up and pants made from leather,
    All our tickets will surely be sold.

    Man, this life is going to be so perfect!
    I just know that I'll love every day.
    And it's all going to happen, you wait, I just know it,
    As soon as we learn how to play.


    One, Mississippi .....

    One, Mississippi. Two, Mississippi.
    Three, Mississippi. Four.....
    Arms are shaking, palms are sweating,
    I don't think I can take any more.
    How is hanging on a bar even considered a test?
    There's no math, reading or science involved.
    You don't need a test to prove I prefer books to sports.
    Just look at me.....mystery solved!

    Now that I've fallen, everyone's laughing at me.
    No more Mississippi, I'm weak.
    Can't lift that much weight or catch a ball for that matter,
    I guess you could say I'm a geek.
    But I'm smart with big dreams that I know I'll achieve
    And one day I'll get to laugh at you all.
    Because when I grow up big, I know I'll make a difference.
    So for now, you have fun with your ball.


    Airplane

    "Why is your daddy running to the bathroom?
    Did you two decide not to play anymore?"

    "Yep, playtime is definitely over.
    Wanna help me clean the floor?"

    "What? Why, what happened?
    Is there some sort of mess?"

    "Well, it was Daddy's idea to play Airplane
    And what happened next, I bet you can guess."

    "My arms were out wide
    Pretending to fly through the air.
    Then suddenly I found myself sick
    And my dinner in his hair.
    It started out fun,
    Balancing high up on his feet.
    Then it happened, I'm so sorry.
    No more Airplane after I eat."


    Dog Show

    Hey Daisy, come quick!
    I think it's happening again.
    Happens every Summer at this time,
    Usually starts somewhere around ten.
    Bright lights shoot up at night,
    They burst and explode in the sky.
    People cheer, clap and scream:
    "Happy 4th of July!"

    There's snaps and there's crackles,
    And the booms are so loud.
    Whistles deafen my ears,
    Can't hear myself bark in the crowd.
    Hurry up, you're going to miss it!
    It's a little scary but fun.
    You can sit next to me,
    Just enjoy it, don't run.

    The strangest lights you'll ever see,
    The weirdest sounds you'll ever hear.
    I think I'll do better this time,
    I only peed a little last year.


    Varsity Dream

    I'm open, I'm open! Hey, pass me the ball!
    Oh, what's the use? Everyone just ignores me.
    Hey, wait now. What's this? They've lost control of the ball,
    And now it's bouncing high and fast towards me.

    I've got it! I'm running and no one can stop me,
    I can see the hoop and nobody's there!
    I jump high and I shoot, oh please, please just go in.
    I land hard with my dream in the air.

    I can't believe it, it went in! I finally made a basket!
    What a rush! What a drive! What a play!
    Hey, why's the coach scowling and the other team laughing?

    Pause.....

    Aw, man! I went the wrong way.


    Haunted House

    This is the house all the tales are about.
    But don't stop, you better keep walking.
    It's been abandoned for years and condemned by the city,
    But there are shadows, I've even heard talking!

    It's been said by many to be haunted.
    Do you believe me? You should.
    For there are lots of chilling stories to be told,

    Like the light in the window
    Or the screams from the garden
    And if you dare to go near, you turn cold!

    There was a group of kids once who boastfully bragged
    That they would go inside if they were dared.
    So a dare was then made we never thought they would take,
    How could anyone sane not be scared?

    As they walked up the steps,
    The door opened up for them,
    Then we heard a loud thud and a shout!

    The door slammed shut behind them,
    They took the dare but big deal.
    They made it in but they never came out!


    Pretty in Pink

    She's a tomboy, just a tomboy,
    That's what everyone seems to say.
    But I'm a girl just like the others,
    Except I tend to get a bit dirtier when I play.
    It's not my fault girl toys are boring.
    I don't like dolls or frilly dresses.
    Give me a dirt bike or a fire truck,
    I like running and making messes.

    Are girls not supposed to like that?
    Climbing trees and building forts,
    Stomping through puddles,
    Or playing sports?
    Not only do I usually get picked first to play,
    I'm usually captain of the team.
    I'm the tall girl, bigger than most the boys,
    I kill spiders too and don't even scream.

    But she's a tomboy, just a tomboy,
    That's what everyone seems to think.
    Just because I can kick a football,
    Doesn't mean I can't be pretty in pink.
    I'll have plenty of time to be pretty when I grow up,
    So for now, I'm enjoying all the playtime I can get.
    When I'm a bit older, I'm going to be such a catch -
    How many cute girls do you know who can burp the alphabet?
    Not only do I usually get picked first to play,
    I'm the tall girl, bigger than most the boys,
    I kill spiders too and don't even scream.
    That's what everyone seems to think.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from THE MISFITZ by CHERI CARTER Copyright © 2011 by Cheri Carter. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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