Are you prepared to laugh, cry, think and be enlightened! all while reading the life of a young lady catured in the chapters of this book? The autobiography of Sifikia Ruffin-Trimble "Mirror Mirror" is a reflection of a life you will never forget. This book vividly explains how a person can go from a life of gang banging, sex and drugs. To living the victorious life that we all were meant to live. Some events in this book may be sensitive to younger readers. However, necessary! as all facts are true and relevant in essence of the requirements thereof. This is Volume 1 of her life, expanding from age 12-24 years old. Reader! buckle your seatbelt as you dare to journey inside the life of this young author.

Mirror Mirror

By Sifikia Ruffin-Trimble

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2009 Sifikia Ruffin-Trimble
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4490-0822-2

Contents

Chapter I The Funeral............................1Chapter II The Fornication........................9Chapter III The Fight..............................19Chapter IV The Fugitive...........................33Chapter V The Farewell...........................37Chapter VI The Foolishness........................51Chapter VII The Forgiveness........................61Chapter VIII The Family.............................69Chapter IX The Faith..............................73Chapter X The Final Analysis.....................97

Chapter One

The Funeral

It all seemed like a bad dream. I awoke and immediately rushed to the restroom to vomit up the nightmare. As I kneeled down, hands gripping the ice cold seat of the toilet in our tiny two-bedroom project apartment. The horrible dream, the nightmare, the terror knocked at the door. "Are you OK in there", my sister (sunshine) yelled from the other side, with the voice of one who sounded as an angel. "Yeah! I'll be alright", I groaned still unsure of what was happening. Then reality was spoken. "Well, mama said get ready for the funeral". My heart dropped! You mean to tell me I wasn't dreaming. What do you mean funeral (I thought to myself). How long have I been sleep? Am I still sleeping now? My mind was racing about a hundred miles per minute. Someone wake me! Tell me it isn't true. There's no way my oldest brother is dead. Wait! I have to remember what happened.

"Get off the phone punk, and let me use it to call my family a cab".

Oh yeah! Now it's coming in clear to me. That was the voice of my oldest brother Jr. yelling at his slightly younger brother Fitzgerald; who was whispering sweet nothings in the receiver of our telephone.

"I'll be off in a minute, hold your horses", he yelled back. Five minutes later as Fitzgerald was still on the phone, Jr. came back again. "Get off the phone talking to that slut, who is it any way Tina, Gene, Barbara"? I could hear the anger in Fitzgerald's voice as he told the young lady he would call her back. Immediately they began to argue, yelling back and forth. Sounding like two K 9s ready to attack an intruder. Then came the shoving, fists flying, what-knots breaking. Now mama's mad! I ran and hid in the basement of the apartment, afraid of what would happen next. Everyone was in an uproar. "Get Out!" mama yelled, "Why did you start messing with him anyway". Although I was in the basement it seemed like everyone was down there with me.

Their voices were as vivid and clear as a freshly washed glass from the dishwasher. Frightened! I began to clutch my ears. See I had heard about the shoot outs my brothers would have with other people & the fights they would have among themselves. But luckily I was never home when these things would occur. I would always come home and find the house torn up or bullet holes through the living room windows. Sunshine would tell me about all the things that I missed, while I was off visiting my dad. Well unfortunately, I was there this time. Balled up in a knot, in the lowest level of our apartment. All the lights were out, as I sat there wishing that everyone would stop yelling, that the unfamiliar noises would cease. I was a frantic 12 year old girl, who was scared to move a muscle. Then I heard the words that I thought would end this horrible night. "I'm outta here", Fitzgerald yelled. "Yeah! you better leave", Jr. sniped.

I crept up the stairs praying everything was now calm. Jr. was still in an uproar. His wife and children were just as afraid as I was. I glanced over at them as they sat on the couch, hovered together like koala bears. "I can't stand this family", Jr. proclaimed. As he slammed the basement door I had left partially cracked. "Well leave", mama said. You could hear the mixture of anger, hurt and frustration in her voice. Ohhhh! but what did she say that for, here we go again. Jr.'s anger flared up once more. This time I ran and hid on the staircase leading to the upper level of the apartment. When the stairs began to squeak I immediately stop running up them and sat very still, afraid that if I made too much noise I would somehow be involved in this catastrophe.

"You make me sick, you forever taking sides. I was just trying to call my family a cab, so we could go home, but forget it". Then Jr. snatched the cord out of the wall and through the phone against the basement door breaking it into pieces. "I hate this family", he yelled once more. I was thinking the exact same thing as I sat on the stairs shaking, like I was in the North Pole without a coat.

BOOM! I heard coming from the kitchen. As I tilted my head slowly to the left and bended my neck around the staircase. I saw trash everywhere. Paper, chicken bones, dirty diapers, soup cans. Jr. had kicked over our 32 gallon garbage can. Never had I seen him in such a rage. He would always be the one who kept the family laughing and together. As he walked through all the trash kicking it around the house, that was the last straw for mama. "Get out right now! & don't ever come back". As they pushed each other, while stumbling towards the door. Once outside the argument continued, then he threw a brick at her missing her by about two inches and hitting the side of the apartment instead. Then two gunshots were fired! Mama was shooting at Jr. When will this night end? As mama was returning into the house you could hear Jr. yelling "You shot twice and missed. Laughing as he ran across the large grassy hill in the middle of our project community.

Then we all came from the back of the house and sat on the front porch to get some air and calm down from this horrible night. "What am I going to do with that boy", my mother asked of my aunt who lived in the apartment next door. Then just when things seem to be calm we just so happen to glance to our left and saw in the distance a man who looked like Jr. But we couldn't tell if it was him or not. It was about 10pm at night and it was hard to see the man's face as he stood at about a block away through an open field. Though the jersey and the blue jeans were the same as Jr. we just did not know if in fact it was him.

As we stared at the man and he intensely stared in return, my sister T-T came flying around the corner from the other direction. "Mama, she yelled frantically! Jr. is lying around here on the ground and I cannot get a pulse". We all turned back to see the man who stood in the distance but he was gone.

As everyone rushed around the corner Sunshine fell by my side. I didn't know what to do. Should I stay and make sure that she would be OK, or go see about Jr.? See sunshine was 8 1/2 months pregnant and fell down flat on her stomach. Finally she moaned in her angelic voice, "just go see about Jr." I ran as fast as I could. The wind slapping me in my face. The concrete pavement gripping my feet for a steady and balanced pace.

I wasn't nearly prepared for what I was about to see. As I approached the large crowd I wondered where all these people came from so fast. Over half of the project neighbors where standing in a half circle around the lifeless body of where my 24 year old big brother laid. Suddenly, everything went silent; I could hear no sound at all. Everyone seemed to be moving in slow motion. I watched everyone facial expressions, fingers pointing, whispering in one another's ears, weeping, yelling, but there was no sound. It was as if I was watching the performance of a mime. Then all of a sudden everything came in clear. "Oh My GOD! What Happened, Isn't that whatchamacallit son"? These were the words I heard coming from the crowd. I looked to the left and saw Fitzgerald up in the face of a police officer yelling, "You probably did this". How long had they been on the scene? I thought to myself. Then I watched as T-T attempted to grab the young lady through the screen door of the house where my brother laid. "You gotta know something, what happened to my brother"? She screamed, as another policeman pulled her away. Then something happened that caused my body to become frozen in time. The crowd parted as I watched my mother kneeled down holding my brother in her arms weeping bitterly. "I'm sorry, baby please say something", she cried. I stood there frozen stiff as the EMS drove up. My mother climbed in behind them, the doors shut and off they went. Everyone began to go back to their apartments. I stood there staring at the ground. I must be dreaming! I thought to myself. Maybe he will be OK, So I'll just go home and wait for mama to call, but once I got home I fell asleep. Now here is sunshine saying get ready for the funeral. Where have I been for the past week? Surely, I haven't been sleep that long. Oh well; I better get dressed.

The family piled into the big black limousine. They were all talking and trying to stay in good spirits. Once again I heard no sound. I stared at them with my head slightly tilted to the right and watched as their lips moved and they nodded their heads. Then we pulled in the front of the funeral home. My mother grabbed my hand as we went

inside. I looked around at the family and friends that we knew as they sat crying and hugging my mother. The more we approached the casket, the colder the room seemed to be. People looked at us with anger in their eyes, cold stares, I felt like I was surrounded by wolves. These were the people who heard that mama had shot at Jr. that night, and of course believed the worst thing imaginable. After looking into the pine wood box that held my brother, I turned to hug his wife, but her hug was as cold as ice and quick as lightening. At that moment my heart was broken for the first time. I loved her so much but she clearly wanted nothing to do with our family.

Silence paralyzed me once more as I sat in the hard bottom chair watching the lips of the preacher move like rapid fire. I wondered what he was saying, but my mind was totally somewhere else. I could imagine he was warning us that life was to short for us to be unsure whether or not we were saved. I could picture him saying it's a time to live and a time to die. Then he stopped. Everyone began to go back up to look at my brother for the last time. Then the cascket was closed. Suddenly, my life seemed empty. My big brother was really gone, the one who made me laugh when I was sad. The one who taught me how to drive a car. The one who told me I could be anything I wanted to be. Tears began to flow down my face like a river. It felt like my cheeks were on fire with every drop.

My mother came over to me and said, "Don't cry! That's not really your brother. He's not in there; he's in heaven, that's just a shell". Then she walked away. I immediately stopped crying. Why mourn? I began to think to myself. That's for wimps, fragile people, I'm tough, I can take anything, and I'm no wimp! At that point my heart was hardened. I no longer cared what people thought, what people said, or did. I would never cry again. It was time to do or die & I was a survivor. The fragile & timid 12 year old girl had disappeared and the woman who could care less had just stepped in.

Chapter Two

The Fornication

Seven years has pasted, I was now 19 years of age, a high school graduate and had a boyfriend in my life that made me feel like I was the best thing on the planet. We had been dating since I was sixteen years old (a sophomore at Southeastern High School. This guy really knew how to make a woman feel like silk. He spoiled me rotten, as if I needed any more of that. See my dad would already buy me anything I asked for. So this guy just made it even worse, cause he would give me what I asked plus a whole lot of just because gifts. I never knew that he genuinely loved me. All I knew was that I felt good when we were together and if anything would ever go wrong, then I could let him go without a problem.

I was 16 when we met, on May 19, 1990 at my cousin's house. He was my cousin's best friend and we both just so happen to stop by to see how handsome my cousin looked on his way to the high school Military Ball. After being introduced to the young man who would take me to my prom in two years, I really didn't think much about him. He was handsome and very well built, but it was something that just wasn't clicking. What was it that was throwing me off? Oh Yeah! That's it! His hair. I couldn't believe this guy still had a jerry-curl. That's been played out for at least a year and everyone is wearing high top fades now. So I hugged my cousin, told him to have a great time at the ball and left. Little did I know this guy (Doc) was checking me out the whole time.

A month or so had pasted and I was over to my sister sunshine house for summer break. My cousin lived around the corner from sunshine and decided to come and chill with us that day. He brought Doc along with him who lived a few blocks over. We all sat around on the porch talking & drinking as if we were grown. None of us was over the age of 21. Then my cousin called me over to the side. "Come here let me holla at you for a minute cuz", he slurred as he stepped off the porch leading towards the sidewalk. So I got up and pardoned my way through everyone who was pau-laying (relaxing) on the stairs of the front porch. I knew I had it going on with my little white shorts that fitted just right. And my shirt that showed just enough cliviche' to be flirtatious. See although I was only 16 I had the body of a 21 year old. As I switched past Doc I knew that he was looking, but I had to be non-chalant. My cousin began to speak softly as we walked toward Warren Ave. "You know my boy Doc like you", he slurred. With a surprisingly fake look my face I said, "for real"! Did he tell you that? How do you know? "He told me to tell you", he said and to see if ya'll could kick it on a regular basis". As we walked back toward the house where everyone was chilling, remaining it the exact same places as when we left. My mind began to wander. What would I do with the information I had just received. Should I pursue a relationship with this guy or drop it. Well I guess time would tell.

After talking back and forth on the phone for about a month, we decided to go ahead and see each other on a regular basis. This was the third guy I had called myself going to seriously date. But I had encountered allot of knuckle heads within the past four years. However, it was something different about this guy. He seemed more concerned with what I wanted and needed more than any other man I had ever known (with the exception of my dad). After a while I really began developing strong feelings for him, but how could I show him. How could I thank him for all the things that he would do for me? Then one night as we sat snuggled on my sister's couch, I made my move. As I straddled his lap we began to engage in a very sensual kiss that led me to unbuckling his belt. All of a sudden, he stopped kissing me. His eyes stared into mines intensely, and then he said, "I can't do this". I was startled. What! I thought to myself. Isn't that supposed to be my line? (I loved being a tease) "What's the matter? I said with my voice being as soothing as I could possibly get it. "Don't you fine me attractive"? Now that was definitely a trick question. "Yes I do", he said with urgency in his tone. "It's not you, it's me". OK now this guy is beginning to trip me out. "There's something I think I should tell you", he said in a very soft voice. My heart began to race. I was definitely in panic mode at this time. What kinda guy is going to stop a woman from leading towards sexual intercourse? What is he about to say?

Does he have a disease? Is he gay? Oh! I could not contain my mind from running a hundred miles per minute. I slowly sat back on my side of the couch. "What is it", I asked while buttoning my blouse. His next words really confused me. "I'm Scared", he whispered. "Why", I asked not knowing if I really wanted to hear the answer. Then he told me the thing that caused my ego to sky rocket. "I'm a virgin, I've never been with a woman", he said. The room became as silent as a desert at midnight. I could hardly contain myself. Here I was a very active 16 year old, with a 19 year old virgin boyfriend. I thought I would be the perfect teacher for him. See I had been sexually active for 3-4 years now, so I thought I had this thing mastered. Instead of seeing this as something to be honored, to be cherished, I instead saw it as an opportunity to take advantage of. "It's OK I will teach you", seductively I spoke. Then once again I made my move. The foreplay was even the more sensual. Suddenly, he jumped up and ran out the house. I didn't know whether to feel bad, insulted or laugh, but what I did know was that he would be back.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Mirror Mirrorby Sifikia Ruffin-Trimble Copyright © 2009 by Sifikia Ruffin-Trimble. Excerpted by permission.
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