Leap of Faith

"Doing is a quantum leap from imagining."

Barbara Sher

In December of 1985, I graduated from Pacific Lutheran University in Tacoma, Washington with a Bachelor's Degree in Music Education. Since I was a mid-year graduate, there weren't a lot of jobs available, but fortunately for me, I was offered two positions. If I chose the first one, I would be going to work each day right there in the same area near Seattle where I had done my student teaching. There was a high school choir teacher who was going to be on a long-term maternity-leave and if I had wanted it, I could have filled her position for a good portion of the spring semester. I would simply get up and drive my car to work each morning, returning home after the school day had ended. My second choice was to take a job in Kwigillingok, Alaska, a village of two hundred people, only accessible by small plane. Once there, I would teach music to three year olds in the Early Childhood Program, through twelfth graders at the high school. Since my training was predominantly in the field of Jr. High and High School choral music, the thought of adding Early Childhood and Elementary aged kids was a little daunting. The job would start in mid-January and run for nine weeks, with the possibility of more jobs becoming available as the neighboring villages heard about the program. Of course, the high school job in the city would have been the safer, easier choice, but something kept telling me to lose my fear and take the leap of faith toward the more risky, more adventurous job in Alaska. Once again, I was having one of those experiences in life where your hair raises up on your skin and you just know that something amazing is going to happen because of the inspiration you are feeling during that magic moment. I knew I had to choose Alaska!

I went home for Christmas in the Bay Area of California, and the first week of January, I flew from San Francisco to Seattle, Seattle to Anchorage, Anchorage to Bethel and then took a puddle jumper to the village of Kwigillingok (Kwig). The planes kept getting smaller and smaller and when I landed in Kwig, I hopped out of the small Cessna aircraft, onto a dog sled pulled by a snow machine, and was whisked off to my village housing next to the Kuskokwim River on the shores of the Bering Sea. All I had with me was the clothing in my backpack, a trunk filled with musical supplies, and my guitar. There was no running water in the village and telephone and television were just being introduced to the people of Kwig. The temperature ranged from zero to forty below, depending on the wind chill, and I realized quite quickly that my idea of winter clothing was not going to cut it in this climate. I was given my own snow machine to travel back and forth between the elementary school and the high school. In order to survive the wind chill, I got one of the elders in the village to help me sew my own fur hat and mittens. Then I learned a new meaning to the term layering!

There were so many amazing adventures to go on while living in the remote Alaskan wilderness aside from the adventures of teaching music to the Yupik Eskimo kids. One day, a group of teachers and villagers took a trip to the neighboring village of Kongiganak (Kong) to watch a basketball tournament. I can't remember exactly, but I think the ride from Kwig to Kong by snow machine was about a two-hour venture. During the first part of our journey, we had to cross the Kuskokwim River, which wasn't hard to do on the outbound because the tide was out and we simply drove down into the deep gully that was the riverbed and sailed on through to the other side. But on our return, it was a different story. When we reached the river on our way back home, the tide had come in and the gully we had crossed on the way over was now underneath a very thick slab of ice that had risen to the river's surface at high tide. The water flowing beneath that slab of ice was colder than sin and moving at a rate of speed that would carry you to your death in mere seconds were you to be immersed in it. In order to arrive home safely, (Kwig sat just the other side of the river) each of us had to drive our snow machine across the slab of ice. But as soon as the weight of the machine rocked the icy cover, it tilted the rider backward in what could have become a freefall into the icy river below. So the instructions from the elders were to 'gun it' as soon as you felt yourself tilting backward. If you were to hesitate, you and your snow machine could simply slip off the slab and be gulped up by the torrent below. YIKES! This was definitely NOT the same kind of hair-raising experience I referred to earlier. But raise my hair it did! Once again, I had two choices: I could turn around and ride back to the village of Kong, or I could lose my fear and take a leap of faith. So I watched a few of the pros cross over and then I said a prayer and 'gunned it'. Glad it turned out to be the 'thrill' of a lifetime, rather than the 'chill' of a lifetime!

The nine weeks I spent in Kwig were the start of a life filled with passion, purpose, adventure, and all kinds of opportunities that took me all over the state of Alaska. When I chose to take the job in Kwig, it was the beginning of a life long journey that would introduce me to the many diverse cultures of people living in the last frontier. Eventually, my experience in the bush communities would land me the job of my dreams. I was hired at the largest high school in the state of Alaska, teaching kids in a building where over forty different languages were spoken. It would also provide me with the inspiration to write the Change of Heart song that became the catalyst for the TV commercial I had imagined in my youth.

I was blessed to be the choir director and guitar teacher at East High School in Anchorage, Alaska for almost two decades. During those years, I continued to dream about singing, writing music and sharing a message of peace, love and happiness through the magic of a song. I also imagined things like winning Grammy Awards and Emmy Awards. You might wonder what this has to do with anything, but as a writer, singer, musician and lover of all things creative, it felt very ordinary to let my mind take me to places like this in my imagination. And I had learned over the years that my imagination was making my dreams come true. So, imagine I did. In 1999, the Grammy Foundation decided to allow schools to participate in their tradition of recognizing excellence in music with the presentation of their prestigious award. Our East High Fine Arts program was presented with its very own Grammy! After that, the Change of Heart PSA won two Alaskan Goldie Awards, which led to an Emmy Award nomination in the category of musical composer. You can't imagine the feeling I had (the one I had imagined over and over through the years) when they said, "And the Emmy goes to ... Janie Lidey!"

I know that who I am has everything to do with my faith in God and my relationships with people. The things I write about would not come from a heart untouched by love. So the Emmy really goes to ... all of us.

Leap of Faith

If I had no fear if there was only love
I'd do all the things that I've been dreamin' of
If I had no doubt if there was only time
I would climb the highest mountain I could climb

And I'd take the leap of faith that I always wanted to
I would spread my wings and fly the
way that I was meant to do
I would be strong enough to call my own bluff
And make all the dreams that matter come true
Gonna take the leap of faith Gonna take the leap of faith
Gonna take the leap of faith

If I were not afraid I wouldn't have a care
And I'd do all the things that I never dared
If there were no regrets no future and no past
I would live each day as if it were my last

And I'd take the leap of faith that I always wanted to
I would spread my wings and fly the
way that I was meant to do
I would be strong enough to call my own bluff
And make all the dreams that matter come true

I'm gonna climb the highest mountain
I've ever climbed before
I'm gonna spread my wings so I can soar
I'm gonna dare to reach for things I've
never dared to reach before
And I'm gonna do it all without a single fear

I'll take the leap of faith that I always wanted to
I'll spread my wings and fly the way that I was meant to do
I will be strong enough to call my own bluff
And make all the dreams that matter come true
Gonna take a leap of faith
Gonna take the leap of faith
Gonna take the leap of faith ...

Music & Lyrics by Janie Lidey & Matt Wilder
Janie Lidey Publishing, BMI
Wilderside Publishing, BMI
©2013

Begin It Now

"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now."

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

While I was in college, I was introduced to another quote that, like Einstein's "Imagination is more important than knowledge" awakened me to a truth that isn't taught to us in the every day world of life and education. It is a truth that has helped lead me to finding my pure potentiality on this earthly journey. Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe said, "Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now."

Begin it now, along with somethin' about an angel, are the threads that weave this next story together. It all started when I decided to take control of my happiness by walking away from a marriage I thought I should be in forever because I had promised to do so. I stayed because I felt that it was the right thing to do. But, when I realized that the dreams we shared in the beginning of our relationship were no longer in place, I knew I had to carve a new path for myself. I had to find the strength and courage to begin a new journey. Of course, staying in the marriage would have been the safer, easier choice, but something kept telling me to lose my fear and take the leap of faith toward the dreams I had for my future. Once again I was having one of those experiences in life where your hair raises up on your skin and you just know that something amazing is going to happen because of the inspiration you are feeling during that magic moment. I knew I was destined for change, and when I chose to 'begin it now' these are the things that came my way.

While traveling through California in the summer of 1997, I ran into a lady in a laundry room after a day on the beach in Santa Cruz. She turned her attention to me and asked me if I was having any medical problems at the time. She said she noticed a certain dark aura coming from my lower abdomen. I thought it was an odd thing to be asked by a stranger, especially since I had actually been going through a series of medical procedures in that very area just before my trip. I said that I had and then I asked her what made her pose such a question. She said that she just had the gift of 'seeing' things. The next thing she said to me was that she sensed I was going through a rough period and that I must be some sort of writer who needed to experience the pain to gain the inspiration to write. Once again I thought it was an odd thing for a stranger to assume, especially since I had just finished writing an entire album worth of songs, all of which stemmed from the pain I was going through in this transition period of my life. I shared this with her and she just looked at me as if it all made perfect sense. It gets deeper ...

My laundry room lady and I talked for a while and I shared with her that I had just spent the weekend in Newport Beach, California. I had gone down to attend a fund-raiser for a girl named Amanda, who had been in a car accident and had slipped into a coma. A lot of the people at the benefit concert wore guardian angel pins in honor of Amanda in hopes that in doing so, we would be instrumental in helping her miraculously awaken from the state she was in. At this point in the story, the stranger stopped me and said that I had an angelic aura about me and that the next thing I wrote about should be angels. She said, "You need to know that the song isn't just for you and I mean that in a very big way!" "Truly", she said, "big like Disney".

We talked some more about what I had been through in the past few years and that's when she told me a few more things that she could see happening in my life. She said that I was going to meet the man of my dreams in the spring of 1998, and that he was going to look like some sort of famous person. She said that the number 8 would somehow be significant, and that I would have a baby when I turned 38. At this point I was hoping she wouldn't tell me when or how I was going to die!

I flew back home to Alaska the next day, and when I arrived, my piano lured me in, guided my fingers across its pearly whites, and out came a lovely song called, Somethin' About An Angel! I didn't really write it myself, I was just the vessel, as they say. Within one week, I traveled south to Portland, Oregon for a voice care class, and when asked to share something at the end of the week, I knew what song I had to sing. Moments after finishing my performance, two women approached me. They were both in tears, and both had a story to tell. One woman said that she had decided not to attend the workshop after her son had died of AIDS that week. But something kept drawing her toward the class. She said, "I think I am here because I was supposed to hear your song. It gave me so much hope and such a feeling of peace, that I think it is the reason I came." The other lady, a new grandma, said that her daughter had just lost her child to SIDS and she was not doing well at all. She said that she felt like this song could save her daughter and could I please record it for her. I briefly thought back to the woman in the laundry room and wondered if this was what she meant when she had said, "And you need to know that this song isn't just for you".

I flew back to Anchorage again, and this time I had a mission. I wanted to find somewhere to record the song so that I could send it to these two women. I went to the local grocery store that next morning where I would get my pictures developed and although it is something I didn't usually do, I decided to have a cup of coffee while I waited for the one-hour photo guy to develop my negatives. While I sat, I imagined finding a recording studio that wasn't too expensive and maybe had a Christian type atmosphere. Moments later, a man I had met a few times before, came up and said hello to me. During our conversation, I brought up my desire to find a place to record, and he just happened to have a friend that did some work out of his home. He mostly did Christian type projects and was priced reasonably!

It didn't take long to get hooked up with the recording engineer, as I was pretty much on fire by now. I set up a time to record and then packed up the pencil drawing of Jesus that one of my high school students had given me that year, along with the huge yearning I had in my heart for Amanda, (the girl in the coma in New Port Beach) to magically wake up, and I headed for the studio. I imagined that in the process of recording the Angel song, the energy of it could be a cog in the wheel of Amanda coming out of her coma.

I had hardly been in Anchorage at all that summer, so after I finished my recording project, I decided to spend a night out with my girlfriends. At the end of the night, we stood in the parking lot and I played them my fresh new recording of the Angel song on the cassette deck in my red Toyota 4-Runner. I told them the story about Amanda, the coma she was in, and the desire I had to help make a difference in her life with the magic of this song. The next morning, my friend Terri called me to ask if I had seen the story on CNN about the girl in Southern California who had just miraculously came out of her coma over night! She said, "This can't be the girl you were telling us about, can it!" I quickly phoned my sister Kris, who was friends with the family, and was told that it was Amanda they were talking about on the news!

The midnight sun had slowly begun to wane, and as the darkness of winter crept in, I found myself spending a lot of time staring at the pencil drawing of Jesus that I had brought to the studio with me the night I recorded Somethin' About An Angel. I just kept imagining finding a man like Him: Kind, compassionate, loving, family oriented, and with a face that felt like home to me. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder about my laundry room lady and what she had told me would happen in my future. Remember, she said that I would meet the man of my dreams in the spring of 1998, I would have a baby when I turned 38, and the number 8 would be significant. After the magic that the Angel song seemed to bring with it, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe she was right about the man of my dreams as well!