LOVE or Insanity

AuthorHouse

Chapter One

Ella's mother, Mariah, was five foot nine with long, wavy hair, a Mae West figure, and a mild personality. Her father, Anthony, was six foot five, bald, built like an Atlas body builder, and had a jealous attitude. They were sharecroppers living in Crawford, Mississippi. They had five children: Carl, fourteen, was the oldest son. He was tall, slender, and easygoing. Frank, twelve years old, was tall, muscular, and honest. Eddie, five years old, was short, stocky, smart, and alert. Francine was ten years old with a short and curvy build and a lot of energy. Ella was seven years old and was tall, slender, quiet, and withdrawn.

They called their father's mother Big Mama. She was five foot five with short, grey hair and a medium build. She was a bootlegger with a tough attitude. His sister Elma was always willing to help someone when she was sober.

Ella's parents decided that they would move up north for a better life. Big Mama and Elma separated from Ella's family and moved to Cotton, Illinois. The rest of Ella's family went to Kane, Illinois. After arriving in Kane, Ella's father found a job working at the steel mill, and her parents bought a house. It wasn't a fabulous or modern place like the neighbors', but it was a place you could call home, and their parents showed that they loved them.

Their father would go to work and come home, always leaving something in the lunch box for Ella and Eddie. He would give them hugs and kisses. He also helped his wife by doing the girls' hair and making sure the boys did their chores, and he spent time with them. He made sure none of his family went hungry by keeping food in the house, and he made sure they had enough clothes. Their father died at the young age of thirty-three, leaving their mother to take care of them alone.

Their mother had to go the big city to work; she had two jobs fifty miles away. This caused her to work late, and sometimes she couldn't get home. At times, she would be gone for two to three weeks at a time, leaving the children to be checked on by neighbors. Most of the time, they would take care of themselves. Their mother would come home exhausted, but she didn't have to do anything. They would have the house cleaned and her food ready when they saw her coming; all she would have to do was rest. They were a loving and happy family working together.

About two years later, their mother fell in love with a man name Earl from Chicago, Illinois. He was nice and kind to all of them. Their mother and Earl got married, and they started looking at him as their new father. They called him Poppa. Something changed about six months after they got married. Their mother got sick, and the doctor told her she couldn't work anymore; if she did, she would have a heart attack, so she had to quit. It didn't please their Poppa that they all had to depend only on him. The food cabinets were sometimes empty, and then they would see him coming down the street with two bags of food on payday. Their mother would be happy, and they would be singing, "We got food, and we are going to eat!" Poppa would come in the house and take all the food into the bedroom. He took out enough food for their mother and him to eat and then put the rest in the icebox he kept in the room. The door would be cracked, and they could see them eating. He would be rubbing his stomach and saying, "Stomach, look out! Here it comes!" as he looked out at the children, taunting them. They could see the sadness in their mother's eyes. The children got the leftovers, hardly enough to feed a cat. They would go out on the front porch and try to sing their hunger pains away.

This happened constantly, so their mother would try to sneak food to them when Earl was asleep. When the neighbors heard them singing as they walked by, they would stop and listen. They sang in such beautiful harmony. They told their mother that she should get them in a singing career. She never acted on their comments, and they believed it was because she was too wrapped up in her personal problems. As time went on, they went to school with pants too short and patches on their clothes, but they were always clean and ironed.

When everyone got older and couldn't take anymore, they started to move out. First it was the oldest brother who moved out and got married. At sixteen years old, he worked in a record shop until he got old enough and made enough money to buy it for himself. Then it was Ella's second oldest brother who left at the age of seventeen. He joined the army and later became a singer. Ella's older sister got married at the age of eighteen and became a psychiatric nurse. That left her younger brother and her to make do for themselves. They put their heads together and created some side jobs working in the neighborhood, particularly for the elderly who couldn't do things for themselves. That's how they made enough money to eat and buy their clothes to make it through school. Her younger brother finished high school at an early age. He joined the navy as a pilot and later became a lawyer. This left Ella alone working for the elderly. They saw how tall and shapely she was growing up to be and told her she should be a model; that's what planted the idea in her head.

One day, Ella's mother whipped her in front of her father when she was naked at the age of fifteen. She was fully developed and thought her mother was wrong. She then left her mother and father's house to stay with her sister across town. Ella swore she would never marry a man like him.

Ella was now sixteen years old and living in Kane, Illinois. She liked to go out and have fun like most teenagers in town. One particular weekend, she and her friend Paula went to the Wagon Wheel, a place where all the teenagers met to have fun dancing, playing games, and buying their favorite junk foods. The place was sectioned off, with dancing on the first floor and a game room located in the rear. You ordered food on the second floor; it had a bar and stools along the wall and then booths on the other side of the room. Ella and Paula decided to go and get a cool drink. That's where they saw the guy from a nearby town. He looked to be about eighteen years old and was tall, muscular, and handsome. They saw him sitting with some friends at a nearby booth, and they both wanted him. They decided that they would both flirt with him, and whomever he chose, neither one of them would be mad with the other and they still would remain friends. Paula started winking at him, and he sat there smiling, and then Ella would blow a kiss at him, and he smiled again, sitting there like he was confused, wondering whom to choose. Then something happened to help him make up his mind. Melvin, Paula's brother, came walking in the place, shouting for her. "Paula! Mother said to come home! It's your curfew time!" Paula was trying to ignore him so the new guy wouldn't know that her brother was talking about her, but Melvin got louder.

Finally, Paula called out, "Wait a minute!" Ella sat there trying not to laugh at her friend, but she couldn't help sniggering to herself; she knew that once Paula had left, she would get the boy. Paula got up, embarrassed because her brother was so loud. When she reached him, she hit him on the arm and said, "You didn't have to be so loud. I heard you the first time."

After they left, Ella turned to the new guy and directed him to come and sit with her, using her index finger. He came running in a hurry. She introduced herself as Ella, and he introduced himself as Simon. He said he was from Olivet, and when she asked, "What brought you here?" he replied, "My cousins and I heard that this was where they had the friendliest and prettiest girls. They weren't lying because you're gorgeous." She smiled and blushed, and that's when he asked her if she wanted to dance.

As they were dancing, she realized that he was just as smooth on the dance floor as he was a smooth talker. After they danced for a while, it was Ella's curfew and she had to go. He asked if he could see her again, and she said yes. They exchanged addresses, and then he asked if he could walk her home. They walked together, holding hands and talking as his cousin and friend slowly drove, following them at a short distance; she didn't want to get in a car full boys. As they continue to walk, he told her he was a basketball player for his school and he would like for her to come and see him play sometime. She replied, "Maybe. I'll have to let you know," knowing that she was eager to go.

That first time after they were apart, she wrote him a letter letting him know how good she felt being with him and that she would like for them to get to know each other better. She also said that she would be glad to go to some of his games with him. She let him know that she thought he was handsome and that she would be at the Wagon Wheel for them to meet there around 8 p.m. if he didn't have a game. He wrote back telling her how beautiful she was and that he couldn't stop thinking about the smell of her perfume, that it was still with him. He also let her know that he would be there looking for her.

They met that Saturday night and then danced and talked through the whole night. Time seemed to fly by quickly. He took her home, telling her that he wanted her to be his steady girl. She was just as infatuated with him as he was with her. They kissed passionately, and it made her tingle all over. She agreed to be his girl, and from that night on, they saw each other every chance they got. They started going to the movies, and she was at as many games as she could attend. They were always hugging and kissing each other. As the month progressed, he took her by his Aunt Corinne's house to meet her; that's where he was living. He then started introducing her to different members of his family. When they were not together, they were always writing love letters to each other.

In one of those letters, she wrote that she would always wait for him no matter how long it took. He took that letter to heart and always kept it. Weeks turned into months, and everyone knew that they were a couple. Even though other girls liked him, they knew to keep their hands off of him. A girl name Kathy Dove, with her sexy shape and charming personality, thought that most guys couldn't resist her and was determined to take him away from Ella. This particular weekend, Ella was late getting to the Wagon Wheel to meet Simon, and Kathy got him to dance with her. They were all into the music and dancing when Ella walked in, and they didn't notice her as she was standing around watching them dance without saying a word. All of a sudden, Simon make a turn and looked up. He saw Ella just standing there watching them. Without a word to Kathy, he left the dance floor so fast that he left Kathy dancing by herself. He ran up to Ella, trying to explain why he was dancing with Kathy. In the meantime, everyone was laughing at Kathy and whispering to each other, "That's what she gets for trying to take someone else's man." She was so embarrassed and furious at the same time, leaving the floor in shame. Ella said to Simon, "I'm just glad you never did me that way; you could have let her know you were leaving."

About two weeks later, Ella didn't make it to the Wagon Wheel at all. Simon noticed it was getting late and he had waited long enough, so he walked over to where she lived. When he arrived, she was babysitting her niece and two nephews. She let him in even though she knew he wasn't supposed to be there without any chaperone in the house. The children were asleep, so they sat on the couch and were playing and then kissing each other. She saw they were getting heated up with passion and things were about to go too far. She told him to stop but he held her down with such force she couldn't get loose. With his one hand holding her hands and his body holding her body down, he pushed her dress up and pulled her panties down, then forced her legs open. He entered her very gently, trying to keep her from feeling pain. He knew she was a virgin, and as he released himself inside her, she reached the moment of ecstasy. After everything was over, she told him to get out. She cleaned herself up so no one would know what happened or that she had let him in without permission. She never told anyone about him forcing her, for fear of the repercussion from her family. She didn't know what might happen to him.

Later she found out she was pregnant. She informed Simon, and he was excited that he was going to have a child by her. He promised that he would do the right thing and marry her so he could give his child his name.

Ella had become friends with his cousin, Otis, a jolly person who liked to joke around. During the course of her pregnancy, they were always laughing and talking together when they saw each other. Simon had begun to get jealous of his cousin and Ella's relationship even though nothing was going on but friendship between them. He didn't like anyone getting more attention than him.

One day, Ella and her friend Mattie went to visit Simon. She and her friend split up, and Mattie saw Simon before Ella did. Then Mattie came back to where Ella was, saying that she saw Simon on another block. Ella and Mattie were walking with Otis in the middle of them, and Otis decided to put his arm around Ella's neck to tell her a joke. Simon was coming toward them from around the block. They all met each other coming around the corner. Simon saw Otis's arm around Ella's neck and went into a rage of jealousy, telling Ella she must like his cousin. He told her to go ahead and be with his cousin. She tried to explain that nothing was going on between them, but he wouldn't hear it. He ran off in a rage, and Ella ran behind him crying. Simon saw an older girl friend across the street. He knew she liked him, so he went to her and started hugging her. Ella got angry and slapped him. He grabbed Ella, and they started wrestling. Simon yelled, "You don't hit me in my damn face!"

Chapter Two

A group had gathered around laughing at them. Simon was embarrassed. He saw one of his cousin driving by and jumped in the car, telling him to take off before Ella got to the car, and they sped off.

Ella and her girl friend went back home, and she was still crying when she got inside her sister's house. Francine and Ella's brother-in-law, Corliss, asked what happened. She was still crying hysterically, and her girl friend had gone home. Finally Ella called out Simon's name, and Corliss said, "Did he do something to you? I'm going to get your brothers and we're going to beat him good."

She finally caught her breath and said, "Don't you touch him; he quit me."

Corliss said, "That's all you're acting crazy over? I thought he had done something to you." He went back to his room shaking his head while her sister got her to calm down.

Ella tried to write Simon, but he didn't answer her letter. Months went by and not a word from him. Her brother-in-law sent her to one of those places where you stay until your baby is born, and then you give them up for adoption. She stayed there for a few months; they wouldn't let her go home to her sister. She lied, telling them that her sister was ill and she needed to go home, but they told her no. She then wouldn't get up in the morning, and she wouldn't eat. They finally let her go home, but before leaving, she had to sign a promissory note telling them that she had a family emergency and that she would return. Then they put her on the bus. She just wasn't able to go through with the adoption plan; she wanted to keep her babies.

She went back to her sister's house, and her brother-in-law was angry with her because he felt she could have had a second chance and become a model. She tried finding Simon, but no one would tell her where he was, or they just didn't know. It was time for her go into Saint Mary's Hospital, and she gave birth to two boys. She named the older boy Curtis and the younger boy Horace. The older child came out strong and frisky, and the younger child came out pale and sickly. From birth, the doctor said he would always need special care.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from LOVE or Insanityby Bernell Sims Copyright © 2011 by Bernell Sims. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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