CHAPTER 1

1. Who is calling me now?

This question reminds me of a popular book and movie in whichGod was calling.

Our daily phone call logs show that people know us and callus. Some people may not know us but have our records (thequintessential telemarketer) and call us as well. Then we have thewrong connections.

Something that strikes me is that many times, we are more politeresponding to wrong connections than to people we know.

I wonder why.

Is it that we have a definitive mental model of who the people weknow are?

Is it that we believe every telemarketer is out to sell? Because Ipatiently listen to some of them, by chance I realize that many ofthem are calling me for feedback to make their services better orperhaps to give me a gift that I deserve.

Perhaps someone is reaching out for me to contribute to his or herwell-being and growth?

Then there are people who call us to give us good news. Bad news.Useless news. Useful news. Is it fair to assume that, just because afriend is calling, it will always be good news or to assume that, if acompetitor is calling, it will always be bad news?

Why do we prejudge?

As Buddha once said, "A person cannot take bath in the same rivertwice, because the river has flowed."

Why do we assume that every situation with a person is going to besimilar?

On a related note, perhaps the best love stories are those that havevariety. It is not about spicing life up. It is about being free and opento life, not having prejudgments.

The more we put into life, the more it gives us.

The challenge is this: how do we grow in spite of ourselves?

2. Let me pick up the phone.

Have you ever been to a game arcade and watched your kidsshooting at targets?

Most often, the best scores happen not when they fire and then aimnor when they aim and then fire, but when they do a little of both.

Answering calls is a bit like that. Responding to a call for arelationship is a bit like that.

I wonder if one can ever plan to initiate and be in a relationship,unless we are talking of matrimony or dating sites. (I wonder whichones last longer these days!)

Somewhere out there our sense of picking up the phone reflectshow we embark on relationships, how we see our past, our current"state of being," and maybe how we long for the future (say, if thatphone call is from the head of HR, who may be calling to offer thatbig package).

As we pick up the call, we may be modeled by who we are and whatwe have been through. Some people pick up the call "just like that,"whereas some are meticulous about checking to see whether it issomeone they know and decide whether to pick up or not pick up(response).

As I look at the call timers on my phone, I realize that I havereceived four times more calls than I have made. (And here Ithought I was a consultant who sold for a living!) I recall doinga similar stock take five years back. The statistics were just theopposite.

As I reflect, I realize that maybe I am at a stage of life where I amnot embarking on new relationships as much as being grateful toGod for the ones I have and nurturing them—maybe spendingmore time with these relationships, some of whom may actually crywhen I die. Maybe I am being able to let people "in."

3. Great to hear from you!

"Hey, thanks for calling."

"Long time, no see."

"Would you mind not disturbing me now?"

"Go to hell. I don't want to talk to you."

We may be using the same set of ears that God has given us, thesame phone, but what comes through could be so very different.

Wouldn't it be easier to believe that, irrespective of the call script, itis great to hear from the other person?

Through what that person is conveying may be a life lesson, anopportunity to give in the truest sense.

Perhaps "Would you mind not disturbing me now?" could help usbe more patient. The sacred texts talk about titiksha (forbearance)as a key cornerstone of life. As I write this, I am patiently waiting torelive in a more positive way a relationship that I hold in the dearestsense, but one that I had a huge role in messing up.

"Go to hell. I don't want to talk to you" could mean that I will talkto you when you to go to heaven. I once read, "If you treat me like aqueen, I will treat you like a king." That's simple, isn't it?

A qualifier: it is better not to expect to be treated like a king or evento be the king.

If the cosmic forces have enough positive energy that one has beenable to create by treating the other person as a queen, it will happenanyway.

The queen-king analogy can be extended to a two friends ("if youtreat me like a friend, the positive energy and forces will causeme to treat you so as well), boss-subordinate (respect is mutuallyearned, not demanded) and so on.

Wasn't it a wise scientist who once observed, "e=mc²," that is,energy and mass are interchangeable and morphable. When we dieand are buried or cremated, don't we all turn into mass and energyas well? (Have you ever observed the flakes emanating out of thepyre?) Why is it that it takes a death experience to understand whatis actually a life experience?

4. BTW, the signal isn't great!

Rather than disconnect and dial or message back, we continue totalk.

We hope the signal gets better so we can hear each other.

We continue to battle the forces of nature and bandwidth, thinkingthe signal (connection) will improve.

When was the last time we reflected on the best way to deal withlife's waves?

Is it by fighting the waves or floating with them?

As one in among a billion subscribers, we may not have the luxuryof influencing mobile networks.

But being one among billions of planets, we do have the luxury ofinfluencing our life's networks.

Who we are is in our hands, and that truly determines what is onour hands. Medical science has proven that, even late in life, palmlines do change, influenced by physiological factors and our "stateof being."

I would not even attempt to guess what the palm lines of the greatswere.

I would certainly be excited to draw inspiration from what they did,what was in their hands, because they chose to let their palms openup, to allow their palms to grip life's situations with all their might,humility, strength, and wisdom.

Can we just open up our palms right now, close our eyes, andprepare to grip what we must to live life fully and well?

The saddest situation in life is when "die today" but are "buriedafter a decade"—or maybe a couple of them.

5. "I am losing signal ..."

Have you ever wondered when one gets more irritated: when oneloses signal right at the beginning of a call or when one is in themiddle of a conversation?

Chances are it is the latter.

Relationships are probably a lot like that.

Most frustrations and anger and everything irritating happenswhen one is deeply in the middle of it all and suddenly begins tolose the signal.

However, my experience shows that, if the intent is for a true,lifelong connection, a deep-rooted one at that, the signal will berestored, just like that! Magic!

The connection will stay in spite of a temporary loss of signal.

All it takes is a smile, a hug, a confession, being accountable andresponsible, true commitment.

As I write this, I am in the middle of a signal-restoration project.

I can tell you this: all it takes is the look in the other person's eye toknow what this relationship really means and doesn't mean.

A good friend of mine, who heads strategy for a telecommunicationscompany, tells me that even networks have an intuitive ability, givenall things equal, not to drop a call with a frequent caller! Technologymirrors life, doesn't it?

After all, software is nothing but a programmable extension of thehuman mind.

I wish we could also be like software, programming andprogrammed for all the good and nice things in life.

6. Let me disconnect the call.

It takes a certain ability to appreciate that even good signals meannothing if the person at the other end is keen to disconnect mycall(s).

Perhaps there isn't a real connection.

I have been reflecting on the number of times that I have knowinglydisconnected calls.

It gives me some amount of pride to say, "Rarely."

And it is not that I pick up all calls.

Some I don't pick up; I let the call be.

Many times, when I have been disconnected, I was left with someamount of rejection.

It is this experience that makes me wonder if letting calls be, ratherthan disconnecting, gives people a little more peace in thinking thatI may have missed the call and will call back.

A voice mail or perhaps a quick SMS could help acknowledge thatone will reach the other person.

When I have messaged back to unknown numbers to check onwho it is and say that I will call back if required, I have had thepleasant joys of not missing out on valuable opportunities to make adifference to others' lives. I have experienced this many a time withchild-help organizations' help lines' chasing me, among others.

All I am trying to share is that maybe there is merit in notdisconnecting life's calls and letting calls be.

7. We start with at least fifty thousand calls a day.

Even if we haven't called anyone in a day—try doing it; it is so peacefulto be alone for twenty-four hours, although I am saying "alone" andnot "lonely"—we still have more than fifty thousand calls to deal with.

This is the number of calls that we are making inside us. This is thenumber of thoughts that typically go through our minds every day.

It is a paradox that the best call quality when we are speakingwith someone is not determined so much by what is happeningoutside—the handset, networks and so on—but what is happeninginside: inside the caller and inside the receiver, the called.Research shows that most of these calls—as much as 85 percent ofthem—are related to the past.

About 10 percent are related to the future.

Only 5 percent are related to here and now.

And it is the here and now on which we have most influence.

What a pity that we are not making more here-and-now calls and"living in the moment."

What is most in our control is something we least try to control;we cannot change the past and we can create a future only by fullyliving and working in the present. The "present" is truly a "gift."

Some of these inner calls are good thoughts: "I will help a poorchild today."

Some are bad: "Let me mess up his happiness."

Some are useless: "I am wondering what he or she is thinking now."(You can't control what he or she is thinking now, so why breakyour head?)

Some are necessary: "I need to go to the station today."

With uncontrolled minds, which most of us live and "swear" by(literally), we tend to bundle a good or even useless thought with abad one, so "I need to go to the station today" is normally followedby "and what a mess the traffic and this city are!"

Our natural tendency is to seek solace in the bad (to generate lots ofsympathy) when we live in a world that gives a lot of good, even forgood feelings, even when we haven't done something good.

On second thought, you have actually done something good whenyou have good feelings. By feeling good, you have released all thepositive and "feel-good" hormones inside your body. You haveadded to your breath and, through that, a little more to your life.

That's a start!

8. My first call.

The first call I made on my first mobile phone was to my mother.When I ask friends, most of them remember who got their firstmobile phone call. Of course, there are a few who do end up with,"The salesman who sold my SIM to me; I wanted to ensure itworked!"

For the record, it doesn't matter who it was.

What does matter is the excitement of the first call before thesecond call happened and the third ... and so on until theexcitement of calling died down or perhaps we got another newmobile, a better version. And so on.

• When did I first learn to walk? Or did I learn? Nah, whendid I first walk?

• When did I first talk?

• When did I first fall off a bicycle?

• When did I first lose my cool?

• When did I first break a bone?

• When did I first break someone else's bone (if that has everhappened)?

• When did I first eat pizza?

• When did I first cut classes?

We usually remember most of these "firsts" if they're positivemoments but rarely the "firsts" that are negative moments unlessthe magnitude of those negative moments was so huge that we cannever ever forget. Some of these negative "firsts" are etched in myheart and even amnesia may not erase them from my mind unlessI train my mind to do so! This is one the many bases for taking tomeditate.

9. I am trying to call you.

Many times we try to call another person and can't reach him orher.

I have noticed that, typically, the calls that don't go through(barring network problems) are the ones I made when I was tryingto connect with the other person "just like that," or maybe with notenough positive intent. I was trying to connect "with the person"rather than connecting "out of myself" with him or her.

In simple terms, what it means is the power of making calls with noagenda.

When we speak with near and dear ones, don't we normally connectout of ourselves with no-agenda calls, unless life's necessitiesrequire us to discuss an agenda like a business proposition or thelatest movies to hit town. The operative words here are "intent" and"warmth."

Another context of "I am trying to call you" could also be when youneed help.

There have been times when I have called someone to seek somehelp, or advice when really what I was looking for was some timeand warmth. The other person was busy and I felt more messedup after calling than I was before, reflecting on why did I not getsomeone to share with.

Is there really a right time to call?

Is there really a right place to call from?

Isn't there more to life than planning?

Isn't life about living in the moment?

10. Airwaves in the sky.

The drive to my office takes me through the lanes of the city until Ihit the expressway.

I like—no, I love—watching the sky.

The clouds stay. Some move. The hue of the sky changes. The suneases a bit through the clouds at times.

It is so beautiful.

My mind wanders, and I start wondering whether I could be likethe airwaves, airwaves that provide a basis for people to connect,that could provide a medium for nature to connect.

As I reflect more deeply, I wonder whether airwaves also end upinterfering with people and other beings.

A bad airwave could scare a bird away.

A bad airwave could drop that important call.

And more ...

Maybe there is more basis in being the Sky, rather than wanting tobe like it. Maybe that's a formula not to want anything.

Overencompassing.

Infinite.

Natural.

Letting people be.

Letting the birds fly.

Letting the clouds meander.

Letting the airplane take a mother home.

Letting myself be around for those lovely fireworks at the HongKong Harbor. Or the Diwali night, back in India.

Giving indications to people about whether it will be a sunny day orit will rain.

Being the happy sky with all the sunshine.

Being the cloudy sky with all the heaviness of the heart.

And at times letting oneself be. To cry. To rain.

The relief and the expressions that come with it.

My rain helps crops prosper.

Gets that little girl to dance out of happiness, rather than dancingfor happiness.

Why not?

And then I realize that airwaves are best held in the sky.

What would airwaves be anyway without the sky?

11. I hear you better now.

If I can never be the person I wish to be, I will always be the personI could never become. Chill! It's just a frame of reference for us tosee ourselves.

Such a frame is a paradigm, the way we see the world.

Many times I wonder why, in spite of a bad call connection, I stillhear the other person so clearly.

Does it boil down to my state of being at the time of the call? MaybeI have just finished a lovely lunch and have all the gumption I needto do justice to that call?

Or is there something deeper? I imagine that most of it has to dowith our paradigms.

This reminds me of the classic story in which a young office-goerbecomes irritated by the noise a few kids are making in a trainstation. It is early morning and all is quiet; one expected it to bequiet day all day.

This irritated man walks up to the father of the kids and says, "Whythe hell don't you stop them?"