LOOK OUT, I'M PARENTING HERE

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Contents

INTRODUCTION..................................................................xiiiTHE EVOLUTION OF TED'S FAMILY.................................................xviPART 1 TEDDY'S TIPSTip 1 Let Love Be Your Guide..................................................3Tip 2 Create Structure........................................................5Tip 3 Be Consistent...........................................................10Tip 4 Establish Control.......................................................15Tip 5 Tolerate Anger..........................................................21Tip 6 Raise Their Spirit......................................................25Tip 7 Be A Parent.............................................................28Tip 8 Enjoy Each Other........................................................30Tip 9 Be In The Moment........................................................32Tip 10 Listen Carefully.......................................................35Tip 11 Value Your Relationship................................................37Tip 12 Set a Good Example.....................................................39Tip 13 Foster Respect.........................................................41Tip 14 Be A Teacher...........................................................44Tip 15 Prepare For Release....................................................47PART 2 GETTING THROUGH THE DAYChapter 1 Rise and Shine......................................................53Chapter 2 Soup's On...........................................................63Chapter 3 Out The Door........................................................73Chapter 4 See You Later Alligator.............................................81Chapter 5 The Pick-Up.........................................................90Chapter 6 Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig.................................101Chapter 7 Ring Your Dinner Bell...............................................110Chapter 8 Perfecting The Magic Act Of Dinner..................................120Chapter 9 Bed Time For Bonzo..................................................128PART 3 LIFE LESSONS Things you're going to want to knowLesson 1 Why Is Your Toddler Crying?..........................................143Lesson 2 Teaching Your Toddler To Share.......................................147Lesson 3 Babysitters..........................................................151Lesson 4 Sleeping Through The Night...........................................154Lesson 5 Shyness..............................................................160Lesson 6 Brothers And Sisters.................................................164Lesson 7 Misbehaving In Public................................................168Lesson 8 Potty Training.......................................................174Lesson 9 Off To School........................................................177Lesson 10 Being Away From Your Toddler........................................181Lesson 11 Your Toddler Is Not Responsible For Your Ego........................184Lesson 12 Crime And Punishment................................................189CONCLUSION THE HARDEST THING OF ALLSaying Good Bye...............................................................195

Chapter One

How to get your kids up and ready
for the day, without going nuts

a.) KNOW YOUR CUSTOMER

b.) HAVE A PLAN

c.) OPERATE ON "KID TIME"

d.) ACCEPT THE UNEXPECTED

KNOW YOUR CUSTOMER

The first key to successfully persuading anyone into doinganything is to gain a good understanding of that person. Youneed to know who you're dealing with to understand how towork with them. When you think about it, you will realizethat this rule applies to kids too.

As hard as we try to get our kids to respond in a certainway, the truth is, we have little control over how they feel.Many physical and emotional characteristics just seem tobe with us from birth. Regardless of how we have learnedover time to deal with things, such as the morning alarmclock or other things that could be annoying, many of ourcore emotional and physical responses remain unchangedthroughout our lives. These feelings may vary widely fromperson to person, and even between siblings.

For instance, I really struggle waking up in the morningand have since I was an infant. My mother always saidthat even as a baby I always wanted to be held for quitea while when I woke up. Still today it takes me about 45minutes to be awake and alert in the morning. Much of thattime I spend just lying in bed, looking at the ceiling untilI get my wits about me. Conversely, my wife Teresa hasno problem popping right out of bed as soon as the alarmclock sounds. She immediately is on the run, while I staggeraround aimlessly, until a higher level of awareness eventuallyovertakes me.

So when it came time to decide how we were going tomanage getting our kids up in the morning, Teresa took our2 &fra12; year old daughter, Brooklynn and assigned Sammie,our 3 month old daughter to me. I believe Teresa made thisdecision based on the thought that the older child would bemore cooperative and that she would be more self-sufficientand able to get herself washed-up, fed, and dressed. My taskwould be to transition the baby from the state of being soundasleep to out the door in a timely fashion. This would be adaunting task, given my state of mind in the morning, but Iput myself into "parent mode" and was up for the job.

There was only one problem. We did not take intoconsideration the personalities of our kids. Sammie our babypopped up as soon as you woke her, ready for action. Whilein the next room, Brooklynn our toddler would just lay therelooking at the ceiling. I was fine with the assignments andSammie was very cooperative with anything I wanted to do.However, Teresa was struggling. She would get Brooklynnto sit up in bed, but if she left her alone, she would return tofind her back under her blankets.

Eventually we traded assignments, swapping who wasworking with which kid. This was my wife's decision,of course. Teresa was thrilled to be able to pull Sammieimmediately out of the crib, change her diaper, stick abottle in her mouth, and move on to getting herself ready.Meanwhile, I got to lie in Brooklynn's bed, rub her back andarms, and stare at the ceiling with her, until we were bothready to move about.

You may not be able to match up personalities with yourkids, but the key to success is to understand that they are alldifferent. The better you understand them, the easier this isgoing to be on your kids and you.

In the morning, you are asking them to leave a nice, warmand comfortable condition and state of mind, for somethingelse. Their first response to waking up will be based on theunique and inborn characteristics of their personality. And,as hard as it is sometimes to deal with, doesn't this ultimatelyreflect who they truly are and what makes them unique andspecial to us as their parents?

HAVE A PLAN

As much as I like to be spontaneous, mornings withsmall kids is no time to be making it up as you go along. Thethought that you will just figure it out in the morning willcertainly leave you feeling as helpless as a sailor at sea on aship with no sails. Any experienced parent will tell you, withtoddlers every morning there is a storm-a-brewin' and youbetter be prepared and have your hatches battened down.

I know you would think that getting cleaned, dressed,and fed couldn't be all that hard. But don't forget, you arenot the only one that has to get ready. You have a toddler inthe house, and you have to get them ready too.

While you will certainly have to deviate from any planyou make, having one in place is a must. Here are a fewthings you may want to consider, so you can start to thinkabout how to properly prepare:

1). Which child (if you have more than one) gets up
first?

2). What will they be wearing for the day and is it
clean and where I can find it?

3). What can they safely do alone while I am doing
something else?

4). What will they eat and do I need to help them
accomplish that?

5). Can the diaper bag / backpack be packed the
night before? 6). Is the stuff that you need to take ready?

7). Do you know where their shoes are? (Believe it
or not, this is always a big one.)

8). Does your car have gas, and do you know where
the keys are?

9). Do the kids need to take any cash or take filled
out forms with them? (There always seems to
be forms to fill out and return to someone for
something.)

Now that you know some of the issues that you will beaddressing in the morning, it is time to put a plan in placeto help you deal with them. How do you do that? Here's agreat way to start your plan:

1). Make a list down to the smallest details of what
you will be needing to accomplish before you
leave in the morning, i.e. "grab the favorite baby
blanket out of the crib and put it in the diaper
bag, grab keys and cell phone, pack diapers and
sippy cup, brush kids teeth, etc.

2). That list should be a minimum of 25 different
things that will need to be done every morning.

3). Do not worry about the list being too detailed or
that you are making the list too long. Once your
plan is in place, a lot of these things will blend
together as you become better at multi-tasking.

4). Once the list is made, divide the tasks into three
different categories. Those that can be done in
one of the following time frames: the previous
day, in the morning before the kids wake up, or
after they are awake. (Warning.... "After they are
awake" is the worst time to get things done; try
to delegate as much as possible the day before or
morning before.)
5). Now all you have to do is decide which tasks
can be done at the same time, like getting one
dressed while the other one eats or preparing
your backpack (highly recommended for active
parents)while packing your toddlers diaper bag.

6). This brings us to celebration time. You have
successfully put a plan in place and it is time to
share it with your spouse, loved one or anyone
else that might care (or be willing to help).
Sharing your enthusiasm with your partner about
anything you have taken the time to plan out, will
help you to gain their support for the plan. If you
are not married, as usual you can celebrate this
alone.(I have done a lot of that.)

If your are to "Enjoy your achievements as well as yourplans" and the time to do that is when you first put the planin place and before you discover that it doesn't really work.Hold on now, before you throw all of this hard work intothe waste paper basket, know that most of it will prove tobe very beneficial to keep everyone on track.

However, before you chisel it in stone and hand it toMoses to bring down from the mountain, understand youwill need to adjust the plan as you go to make it reallysuccessful for your family. Remember the object is to learnwhat works for your crew and follow that routine. This willtake some fine tuning and will also change over time. Butclearly, adapting to what works, rather than what you thinkshould work, minimizes the stress on everyone.

OPERATE ON "KID TIME"

I am sure that most of you have noticed that as you getolder, time goes faster. This applies not only to the years,months, and weeks, but also to the smallest fragments oftime. This is actually a reflection of losing touch with themoment, having your mind wander from reviewing the pastto anticipating future events. This leaves little time to beaware of what is happening right now. This is not true foryour children.

Toddlers are intensely in the moment. While you arebusy reflecting on the past and worrying about the future,they spend their time in the "now." As a matter of fact, it isdifficult for them to even understand the concept of time. Sodon't be surprised when your requests to "Hurry-up, becausewe have to leave in three minutes", is met with little or nosense of urgency on their part.

Just like you may get intensely into reading this book,listening to the news, or watching a sporting event; yourtoddler may be intensely into watching his Fruit Loops hitthe kitchen floor. Everywhere they go, everything they do,they are experiencing the sights, sounds, and feelings of thatmoment and therefore they are easily distracted from thetask that you may have on your mind.

All of this means that you are just not going to getthings done within the time frame you would with adults.And really there is little you can do about it. They need thetime and space to experience all the wonderful new thingsof this world. So even though you are on task to get out thedoor, remember that they are not just wasting time. They areliving every moment and learning from everything they do.So budget in some extra time to let your kids be kids. Afterall, they can't be anything else.

ACCEPT THE UNEXPECTED

There is a defeatist old saying about "The best laid plansof mice and men oft go awry." I believe they were sayingthat no matter how good the plan, don't be surprised thingsDON'T go as planned.

Well, that is clearly learned in parenting early on andprobably isn't news to anyone who has chosen to read thisbook. As a matter of fact, if everything was going exactly asplanned, you wouldn't have your nose in this book lookingfor assistance. You would be back in step 4 of planning andenjoying the celebration. But here you are and things havenot gone as planned or in the case of those who did not evenbother to put a plan together, things have not gone as hoped.So the point here is to just accept it.

There are always hopes, plans, dreams, and expectations;realistic and also those if considered with a clear focus areprobably unreasonable. And, because we cherish our toddlersso much, we want the best for them and always expect thebest of them, they will more often than not, fall short. Evenour best thought out and most reasonable plans will oftenleave us disappointed. The question here becomes, whenthis happens what do we do? How do we react and how dowe adjust?

When I was in my mid-20s, I spent a number of years as aproduction foreman for General Motors. Talk about things not goingas planned; my days were full of it. All the various departments withinthe plant provided products (or sub-assemble) for the next departmentto use. The worst part was that the other production supervisor couldnot have cared less how their department was negatively affecting myperformance as long as their department looked good.

There was a pretty sharp and more experienced supervisor namedBeatty that used to work an 11 &fra12; hour night-shift with me. Withthe plant half closed down we had time to swap "war stories" aboutemployees, the union, and anything else we wanted to complain aboutat the time. He told me something (in shop language of course) that Idid not understand for years to come but turned out to be one of thoselittle jewels of wisdom that you eventually understand and find it appliesacross the board. He said, "Ted, it is not that you GOT screwed, thatis important. At the end of the day it is how you TOOK the screwingthat really matters."

I know you are wondering, what in the world this has todo with parenting. The point is "It is not the fact that yourplan got screwed up that is important, at the end of the day,it is how you accepted and adjusted to the situation thatreally matters."

It is kind of like how you respond to a bad shot whenplaying golf. When you hit one into the water I know youreally want to scream and start throwing things. If you do,it will not only show that you are out of control, but it willeffect what you are trying to do for the next fifteen minutes.That is why professional golfers always try to maintain acalm demeanor when faced with adversity. The question toask is: What do I do now to make the best I can out of thesituation?

When you put your kids to bed at night, it won't reallymatter if thing went as planned. What they will be left with,is your example of how they should react when things in theworld don't go the way they want them to go.

The best advice I can give you, is to just do your best,and:

1). Accept the current situation AS IT IS, without
anger.

2). Decide if you can live with it being this way as it
is, going forward.

3). If not ... change your plan to compensate,
knowing how your toddler or others are react to
your current plan.

It all comes down to surrendering to the situations as itis and adjusting as needed for was does happen, instead ofpouting about what has happened. It is fruitless to spendyour time complaining about things that did not go yourway. So don't cry over spilt milk, just understand that in thefuture you may just need a sippy cup. Don't badger yourspouse because your mother-in-law always shows up thirtyminutes late to baby-sit; just next time tell her you need hera little earlier.

It helps to realize that you are the parent of a toddler andthis is just the way it is going to be for a while. The bottomline is that you must just learn to accept the problems as theycome and roll with the punches (gracefully if possible.) Itwill be easier on you and all those around you.

Chapter Two

How to get some decent food into your kids for breakfast

a.) BE PREPARED

b.) GIVE LIMITED CHOICES

c.) HAVE A RITUAL

d.) REWARD PERFORMANCE

e.) ENLIST THEIR HELP

BE PREPARED

There is a time for you to be very spontaneous with yourkids and just go with the flow. Breakfast time with toddlersis NOT that time.

Continues...

Excerpted from LOOK OUT, I'M PARENTING HEREby Ted D. Moss III Copyright © 2011 by Ted D. Moss III. Excerpted by permission.
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