Life Lesson Number I

I have always wanted a pet, something to take care of and pamper, something to call my own and to demonstrate how responsible I had become. At the age of ten, this realization came over me, and during the summer of 1975, I decided that I should ask my parents for a pet. I know my father wouldn't entertain the thought, so being a skillful negotiator, I decided that my mother was the better person that I should target in order to realize my dream. This was the first time I recall ever planning for something. This brings me to my first lesson:

For you to get what you want out of life, you need to do some planning to determine the best approach that you should use.

Don't simply jump in and start taking actions with the hope that you will be successful. Take some time to create a plan. If you need help, then get an expert to help you. In my case, all my friends, who had successfully asked and gotten pets from their parents, were my experts. Hopefully, you will notice I didn't ask my friends who didn't have pets or who asked and was refused to have a pet. The same goes for you. If you want to be successful, find someone who has successfully achieved what you have set your mind to and learn from them. If you have to pay them for their expertise, then do so, or find another way to get their help. Throughout my career and life, I have associated myself with persons whom I considered to be experts in their field, and I never blink an eye when I ask for their service and they tell me their fee. I have found out that the more expertise they have, the more they cost and the more I will benefit from them. An expert will help you put together a sound plan and avoid several pitfalls. For you to be successful, create a plan (it doesn't have to be elaborate) and find an expert to help you.

Life Lesson Number II

Identify the Persons Critical to Your Success

In developing a plan, I also realized that I had done something that I found to be very critical and applicable to future negotiations. Although my father was the ultimate decision maker and his buy-in is critical, Momsy was the power behind the throne, so once she agrees, then Dad would go right along with the decision (even though he would be screaming bloody hell that it is the wrong thing to do). This brings me to my second life lesson:

To be successful, you need to identify the persons or institutions that are critical to your success.

During your planning, take the time to identify the person(s) who are critical in determining whether or not you will be successful. A mistake a lot of people make is to identify the person with the assigned power as the one that they need. Oftentimes (especially in the case of my mom and dad) this is not the case. Usually, there is someone who has some influence over the decision maker. Take the time to identify whether or not this person exists so that you don't waste time negotiating and trying to convince the wrong person or persons. If you do this one step, you will be far more successful. Try it!

Life Lesson Number III

Ask for What You Want

Having decided that my mother was the target of my request, I proceeded, over several days, to ask her for my pet. I did this several times per day until I became very annoying—meaning, I was relentless. I was told no several times, but I still persisted, determined that I was going to get a pet. I gave several reasons why I needed one and, in each instance, was told the reasons were not good enough for me to get a pet. Eventually, I reached the point where I was giving up and was overly surprised when my mother finally agreed. She said I could have a baby chicken—a chick! I finally got what I have been asking for, a pet! This brings me to my third life lesson:

To be successful, you must always ask for what you want.

I fail to understand why people don't ask for what they want. Could it be because of false pride, embarrassment, fear of being rejected, or worse? Oftentimes at work, persons complain about missed promotions and other favorable opportunities at work or in life that has passed them. When I ask if they had asked that they be granted these favorable positions, almost 100 percent of the time, they answered no! For some strange reason, it appears that they believe that it is the responsibility of the benefactor to have a telepathic connection with them so that their request can be known and granted. Sometimes they claim that their past actions had implied that they wanted the desired outcome, so the persons handing out the favor should have discerned what they wanted and give it to them. I have one word for these people—stupid! It is often said that "the squeaky wheel gets the grease." This is always true. If I didn't constantly ask for my pet, I wouldn't have gotten one. So if you want something, then ask for it. Another thing I found rather peculiar is that many persons fear rejection and so fail to ask for what they want. They fear that they will be told no. A simple solution to this is to get used to hearing no. Start asking for things that you want for which people may tell you no. Get used to hearing it! People are not rejecting you; they are simply communicating that what you have asked for is not within their power to give, or there are other factors that you have to satisfy before they can grant your request, or your request is just not possible. Being told no can nevertheless be a daunting experience and can invoke several uncontrolled emotions for the inexperienced person, so I recommend that you start your no experiment with your immediate family first and very slowly broaden your sphere of requests to include other people. Of course, do not flippantly go and randomly ask for stupid things. Ask for something that you want, but there is a high risk that you may not get it. For example, whenever I see an item on sale that I want, I oftentimes ask if it is possible that I can get a further reduction in the sale price based on any possible reason I can muster up at the moment of request. I am still amazed when they answer "Yes, I can give an additional discount." Try it! Ask for what you want, and if you believe you have a reason why you should get what you have asked for, then state the reason as well. It works for me! I have been surprised many times when people say yes to my requests.

Life Lesson Number IV

I got my pet and named her Rosie. I was very happy. Nevertheless, I had really wanted a puppy, even a bunny rabbit would have been great, but I got a chicken! Just imagine a boy walking around with a baby chicken on a leash! Surely doesn't look very manly! Nevertheless, I was happy with Rosie. This brings me to my fourth life lesson:

To be successful, you need to be specific about what you want. If you are not specific, then you should expect to receive anything!

Did I ask for a puppy or a bunny? I did not. I asked for a pet and a pet was what I got. So I got a chicken! Many people make that mistake as well. They want something but are not specific about what they want and end up getting something that they are not necessarily comfortable with. I was happy with my pet chicken, but you may not be happy when you see what the other person gave you based on their interpretation of what you wanted. If you want something, be honest and say or write exactly what you want. You don't have to be ultra-specific, such as "My new house must be 32,135 square feet with a bone-white fireplace three feet from the main double door which has bronze handles." For some strange reason, the more specific you are, the longer it will take for you to get what you want. Try to set your goals in the middle level. Th at is, "I want a house with four bedrooms. It must have a fireplace and a two-door garage. I will be living in the house by spring of next year." By being specific, you know exactly what to look for and to attract into your life so that you can attain the success that you want. If you have unclear goals, you will find that it takes much longer for you to achieve your objective. Worse, you may get what you don't want. So to be successful, you must be specific! Try it! You are going to be overly surprised.

Life Lesson Number V

I was very happy with Rosie. She and I became the best of friends. Where we lived, we had other chickens that we grow as livestock, but Rosie was different and was given a special status. The chicken above all chickens! I provided her with her own feed and water. We went for walks in the yard. She was also kept away from those overly lovesick roosters that frequently tried to make her have an egg. I gave her special baths and checked her daily to ensure that she doesn't have any lice or other ferments that may take advantage of her. She blossomed under my special care, thus providing me with happiness and contentment. This brings me to my fifth lesson:

Whatever in life you have (a wife, friends, relationships, children, a job, your skill, profession, etc.), you must always maintain it for you to benefit the most from it.

This is a simple philosophy, which I have found to be very effective. If you don't maintain something regularly, eventually, it will deteriorate and will no longer be effective or serve the purpose that you want it to. Whether it be your health, spouse, significant other, friend, house, a car, you name it! If you don't maintain it, you will lose it! To be successful, you must identify what is important in your life and decide the best maintenance activities that are required to keep it (whatever it is) in the best possible shape. It may mean taking your wife to dinner once a month, sending her gifts on special occasions, spending some quality time wiTheach of your children, having a boys' or girls' night out with your friends, regularly changing the oil in your car, or frequently going to your church to learn more about your religious beliefs. Try it! Have regular maintenance activities for anything that is important in your life. You will be surprised about the results and the effect that your actions will have.

Life Lesson Number VI

You Can't Make It on Your Own

Usually every summer, my brother Brian and I go to our grandmother for a couple of weeks. Even with my newly acquired pet, that year was no exception, and I was chartered offto spend a few weeks in the beautiful hills of Trelawny, Jamaica. Green hills filled with the beautiful aroma of pimentos recently picked and drying in the sun, the ever-so-sweet sugarcane from the Long Pond Sugar Factory, and to top it off, the many sweet smelling varieties of mangoes and guineps. Fruits that cause your taste buds to be thrown into a candor of heavenly confusion. My grandmother lived at the top of Spicy Hill, and the view is breathtaking. When you look down at the sea in its rich majestic glory and the rhythmic movement of the waves as they gently break against the shoreline, you are left in awe at the power of its beauty. I would oftentimes sit under the mango trees and eat so many mangoes that it was almost impossible to eat dinner. This carry to memory that faithful evening when my grandmother got so upset that she was competing with the mango trees that she threw several of her boiled dumplings at my brother and me.

I barely escaped the barrage of dumplings! Between the mangoes, sugarcane, guineps, and fresh fish from the Trelawny beach, I really enjoyed myself. But in all this, I didn't forget my true love—Rosie. I needed someone to look after Rosie, so I left my cousin Doreen with specific instructions on how Rosie should be taken care of. Doreen also helped my mother with the cooking and washing. This brings me to my sixth lesson:

You can't make it on your own—you will need other people to help you.

The same way I had Doreen to help me, is the same way you will need other people to help you through life. It is impossible for you to do everything. For people to willingly and freely help you, you should respect and enjoy their presence. I am amazed at how people treat each other and the disrespectful behavior that an individual sometimes demonstrates to his or her peers, especially if they have been provided with some authority (implied or explicit). I have often advised people that the disrespect that they dispense to other individuals will eventually slowly come around to them and can ultimately affect the organization that they work for or their attempts to access opportunities. I am aware of persons being denied excellent opportunities simply because of their poor treatment of persons in their organizations. It can also be very uncomfortable when a manager enters a contract negotiation with a once-junior colleague that was mistreated and who now has a prominent position in the company they are negotiating with. You can guess who won't get the contract no matter how hard he or she tries. So always treat people (junior and senior) fairly and with respect, starting with your family members and friends. Be consistent in your actions and you will surely see the fruits of your labor. One good habit is to keep the contact information of people that you have interacted with, and once each year simply send them a hello e-mail. I do so at the beginning of each year. This simple exercise has far reaching results. Not only do you maintain your friendship, but usually someone is readily available to help when you are in a pickle and need assistance. I recall my good friend Sydney Williams driving several thousand kilometers, from within Ontario, Canada, and crossing the US border to come to the assistance of my family and I in New York, United States, when we got stranded because one of the rear wheels on our family van became frozen solid because of an ice storm and wouldn't spin. If it wasn't for Sydney, we would have been in a lot of problems.

I stress, you can't do it alone! You need people to help you, to mentor you, and to cheer you on. People who will point you in the right direction, prevent you from failing and take you out of tight spots.

Who is going to help you with your Rosie?