From the Cradle to Crayons

So you have a baby, and you are so busy loving and caring for this child that you don't even notice how quickly the first few years have passed you by. Of course everyone tells you this is going to happen, but it's one of those things you can't really understand until you go through it yourself. Infancy, toddlerhood, the preschool years, and before we know it—kindergarten! How on earth did that happen so fast? It's such a big step, and it's really the beginning of formal education as we know it. There are so many different things to think about and various decisions to make regarding the beginning of this journey.

Many people base their decision of where they are going to live or where to buy a house based on the public school system in a particular area. Others research different private schools. No matter what your intention or desire is, you are giving this next step a lot of consideration, as you should. Once you decide on the school, there is plenty for parents to think about. This book is here to guide you through this wonderful, exciting, and sometimes overwhelming journey.

I very clearly remember the first time someone mentioned to me that I had to register my son for school. It was only January, and he was still four years old. I panicked. What? No one told me this before! Does everyone else know about this? September seemed so far away. I remember wishing at that exact moment—and many times since—that I had some kind of handbook or guide to tell me what to do or what I needed to know. After all, I had lived by my What to Expect When You're Expecting book each time I was pregnant, rereading it each time as if I had never had a baby before. Yes, I had a wonderful mother and two older sisters to help me, but I wanted to curl up in bed at night when everything was finally quiet and just really take it all in. Correction—I wanted to soak it all in. I wanted to know everything I should know about my child starting kindergarten. So over the years I started making mental notes, which became scribbles on paper. The scribbles became pages, and the pages have become this book.

Allow me to preface this book with one very clear fact: I do not have all the answers. What you are about to read are merely my observations, experiences, and some lessons learned throughout the years. It's an attempt to guide you through the journey of kindergarten. As an educator and a parent, I have so much I'd like to share with you on an extremely important topic: our children. Parenting today is challenging, to say the least. Yet it is the number-one most important job in the world, and it doesn't even come with a manual.

Can you imagine attempting to perform surgery, fixing the engine of a car, or being an accountant without ever having any education in those fields or at least a crash course to prepare you somewhat? Of course not, but that's what parenting is like—figuring it out as you go along, making mistakes and trying not to repeat them. It's not easy. I'm sure every generation before us felt the same way, as will our own children when they finally enter into this phase as well. But let's be honest here: we are up against a lot more nowadays than any other generation before us. My own mother tells me she feels sorry for parents raising children in today's world. The age of technology is moving faster than we can even possibly keep up with. Just when I've talked my oldest out of having a Facebook account, my youngest is on Instagram! They know more than I do about technology, and that is a very scary concept. Cell phones, texting, laptops, Facebook, Twitter, and Vine—I don't even know who is in my own house sometimes with FaceTime! I hear voices of my children's friends in their bedrooms as if they are actually here: "Hey, Mom! Say hi to Dan! Say hi to Becky!" I can't keep up.

We parents are up against more external influences today than ever before. If you are reading this, thinking, This won't become a big problem for our family; I'll stay right on top of things with my children, good luck! No one can escape the challenges of raising children with technology. It is and will continue to be part of life as our children know it. I wish I could count how many five- and six-year-olds have brought in their iPod or iPad for show-and-tell. The things they are exposed to or can be influenced by are far out of our reach to some degree. Of course it is our responsibility to monitor what our children are doing, especially when it comes to Internet access, but what is readily available to them without our consent is startling.

So how do we raise decent, kind, well-mannered, and intelligent children? Where do we begin on this journey we call parenthood? In a word—home. Everything begins in the home. The examples we set and the things we teach our children will shape who they become and the relationships they will develop and will give them the roots they need to grow and find happiness in their lives. As I have mentioned, I'm a teacher. Teachers tend to blame parents, and parents tend to blame teachers for what we are seeing in today's youth. As I have the wonderful and blessed opportunity of being both teacher and a parent, I say let's stop this now. Let's work together and help our children along their path. Parents and teachers must be a cohesive unit. We are all advocates for the child. We need to remember that we are all on the same team and we all want the same result in the end: to have a happy and successful child.

When we think of success, we need to remember that success isn't necessarily measured just by the report card. Sure, high grades are more than desirable. After all, we now have additional learning centers, both before and after school; math programs over the summer to keep parents from living in fear that their students will be "behind" all the other kids; as well as honors systems starting in many schools as early as the third grade.

When we are talking about the success of the child, we have to think of the whole child—the big picture. Does your child have friends he or she enjoys playing with? Is he involved in some form of sport or physical activity? Does she have hobbies? Is he willing to try new things? Can she use her imagination? Are the children happy? Are they independent? Are they ready to venture out on their own in the school setting? Where can this all come together for your child? In kindergarten. Kindergarten is where this all begins.

Most of us have some specific recollections or memories of kindergarten. My husband fell in love at age five with his teacher, Miss Allison. She had red hair. Guess who he married? A redheaded kindergarten teacher. My oldest son remembers meeting his best friend on the first day of school, and they are still best friends to this day. Some recall the classroom, certain toys, or what kind of lunch box they may have had. I remember the playground and the fact that my aunt Jean worked in the school. She brought our milk into the classroom every day. Getting a smile or a wave from her was the highlight of my day.

We may remember being nervous, excited, or scared. This is a big day! After all, there's a lot of buildup to the first day of kindergarten. All summer long, our parents introduce us to people, telling them, "Johnny's going into kindergarten in September!" Or "Guess who Susie's teacher is!" There is always a big conversation between the parents as to which friends their child will be with too. "Oh, you got Mrs. Jones? Great! They will be together then?"

The focus is entirely on the children at this point, but what most of us will never know or remember from our first day of kindergarten is how our parents felt. No one remembers how their mom or dad felt. (In fact, in those days, I don't think there was even one single dad at the school. It was all moms, as far as I can recall. My mom stayed home with the three of us girls, and my dad went to work.) When I stop to think about it, I have never once asked my mom how she felt when she dropped me off. I have no idea if it was emotional for her, being that I was her "baby," or if she did the happy dance because she just unloaded her last kid. Nope, no one thinks of or remembers their parents on this monumental day. No one gives much thought to how they felt or what they were going through. So many parents, so many emotions; that I can tell you from a teacher's perspective. Some tear up, many take pictures, and most are anxious. I know—I've been there myself four times. I always got teary-eyed, sometimes took pictures (okay, I forgot my camera by the fourth child), and often felt anxious. Why? Well, for one thing, I felt like I was handing my baby over to a total stranger. (Now that I think of it, I was, in a way.)

After all, here is this person who is going to be spending the better part of her day with my child. All of a sudden, my daughter is drawing pictures with hearts on them for someone else! I admit it—I was a little jealous. I was grateful that she was bonding with this woman and I felt comfortable with her, but I'm only human. Another thing I struggled with was the fact they were now on the school schedule that they would be on for the rest of their lives! This is it? I only get you all to myself for five years?

It just didn't seem fair. I felt so ripped off. My children went to full-day kindergarten that started and ended just like all of the other grades ... I started to wonder if I was really ready for this. Then I remembered something (like a sledgehammer to my head): "Oh, yeah ... this isn't about me. It's about them." It's about if they were ready to leave me and embark on this new adventure called kindergarten. Guess what—all four of them were more than ready. In fact, most children usually are.

The Underestimated Importance of Kindergarten

What exactly is kindergarten anyway? Does it exist in other countries around the world? Yes, in fact, it does, although sometimes with different meanings and by different names. For the most part though, kindergarten is defined as an establishment or institution where children between the ages of four and six prepare for the first formal year of education.

Okay, so let's break this down a bit. You may have a four year old entering kindergarten in the United States but his birthday is quickly approaching, and most cutoff dates to enter kindergarten are between October 1 and December 1. Most children are five, turning six, but it varies. I feel the meaning has changed quite a bit over the years—preparing for the first year of formal education? Not so much anymore. Most kindergarten programs actually are the first formal year of school, not a preparation for one. Kindergarten is not the finger-painting, block-building classroom of yesteryear. We now have a more formal, state mandated, core curriculum that is to be followed by private and public schools alike. In fact, many school districts throughout the country have kindergarten take part in the standardized testing along with the rest of the school. There are textbooks and workbooks for many, classroom libraries, writing journals, learning centers, and even homework. Kindergarten has become much more of a formal year of education.

As a teacher, I feel as though I'm always trying to find a balance between work and play for the children. My ultimate goal is to incorporate the two into my curriculum. Learning should and can be stimulating—and certainly exciting! There are countless subject areas to cover at this age level, but we need to remember how old the children are. Oftentimes I feel as though I need to make sure the children have sufficient time to actually play! But we all know that learning does not have to only come from a paper and pencil, and at this age it is imperative to make learning hands-on, engaging, creative, and just plain fun. Children will remember a lot more about the life cycle of the butterfly by raising their own butterfly garden in the classroom than by just seeing it in a book. Learning can and should be cooperative and interactive.

Academics in kindergarten consist of language arts (pre-reading and reading, handwriting, phonics, pre-writing and writing) as well as math, science, social studies, and in some cases religious studies. This is all wonderful and of course necessary, but what about learning and developing socially and emotionally? How and when does all this happen? Is there any other grade in the world after kindergarten that actually allows you stop and play together or even talk over a snack together? No, not really ... most of these incredible and critical exchanges only take place in kindergarten. There is so much to be learned from each other through free play, board games, outdoor organized games, sports, blocks, Play-Doh, painting, and whatever else you can imagine! These are the moments when the shy little boy may make a new friend, or the assertive girl may have to learn to wait her turn. A child may learn that there is more than one way to build a tower or ask for help when he or she isn't sure how to play Candy Land. Children may learn that when you are playing "house," you don't always get to be the mother.

If you were to walk into my classroom during indoor recess or free play, you would find a classroom full of engaged children with a variety of activities going on. I call it "controlled chaos," or at least that's what it may look like. But do not be fooled. While the children are all engaged in their activity of choice and I am correcting papers or preparing our next lesson, rest assured that as their kindergarten teacher, I am fully and completely aware of who is (or isn't) playing with whom, what they are playing or working on, who helped clean up and who didn't, who is reading to whom, and so on. I watch who pushed in their chair when they were finished at the writing table and who put the markers, crayons, and colored pencils away. I see who went first in a game and who didn't try to quit when things didn't go their way—and on and on and on. These are the priceless and invaluable teaching and learning moments I live for. I promise that your child will know all of his or her academic lesson and be fully prepared for first grade by June. But even more importantly, I can assure the parents that I am teaching, shaping, and molding the future of tomorrow.

As in many schools, informal visiting tours go on throughout the school year. Certain times of the year are certainly busier than others, whether it's the beginning of the year and you have people who just moved to the area or have an open house of sorts. You may even find this more so in many private schools as people are "shopping around" to learn about the different schools and programs in their surrounding town.

Whatever the case may be, I find it fascinating (and secretly quite comical, to be very honest) that whoever is giving the tour, whether it's the principal, another teacher, or the secretary, they breeze by kindergarten if it is clearly not a structured learning time. The noise (which doesn't bother me; they are children) or the varied activities seem to almost embarrass them to the point that they feel the need to explain what's going on and reassure our visitor that free play is almost over and instruction will soon begin again. It is at this time that I am called over to explain what they are witnessing and go over our academic curriculum.

I remember a visitor with a member of our administration popping in. The children were working with partners. Each pair was body tracing his or her partner for our particular exercise. The administrator actually tried to make a quick exit so as to not expose the potential new parent to the lack of structure the parent was witnessing! It wasn't terribly noisy, and everyone was quite busy. Do you know what they were actually witnessing? Turn taking, shared learning experiences, working with partners—learning through a hands-on activity—children having fun in school! Sounds like a perfect recipe for success to me.

Before my visitors could get away, I invited them in to see these amazing young people at work with original and creative ideas of their own. I invited the children to explain to the adults what they were doing. One little girl said it best: "We're learning what's so special about each other!" and they did learn what was so very special about each other. When the tracing and cutting was done, the partners had to look at each other and draw and color what kind of hair the partner had, what color eyes, if he or she wore glasses, had pierced ears, and whatever other details that made the partner unique. They had a blast doing this activity and learned a little bit more about a fellow classmate that day.