Landscapes

AuthorHouse

Contents

Chapter 1 — A different point of view....................................1Chapter 2 — The reality landscape........................................5Chapter 3 — The four pillars of health and happiness.....................17Chapter 4 — The Love Landscape...........................................35Chapter 5 — What do you want?............................................41Chapter 6 — Putting it all together......................................47

Chapter One

You will find in these lines some of my most personal views on this beautiful experience we call "life." They are NOT by any means original; I cannot, and will not, claim to be the inventor of any; however, they are the result of more than 40 years of observation of human nature, reading serious, and often, not so serious authors and personal experiences.

Several things make this work unique though, one is that the "filters" rendering the tones of my views are my first hand experience as an immigrant to this great country of ours "the land of opportunity," which provided me as an adult with a completely blank canvas in which to think and draw my life anew. Another is my natural focus on "logic." It is not common for a trained Engineer (a Bachelor of Science in Electrical Engineering, working for the computer industry in my case) to write about the "softer" sciences in life like human behavior, psychology or sociology, but this is what gives me a different edge. I can talk about my perceptions based on pure logic and experience in a way that hopefully will make you, my reader, think ... "That kind of makes sense ..." however, common sense is NOT very common at all.

Also unique to this material is a compilation of past personal experiences helping several people. For whatever reason, it has been my good fortune throughout the years to be there to help people, including family members, battle a lack of well-being. From minor cases of depression all the way to my latest experience with a midlife adult who had a failed suicide attempt after losing his family, to the hypochondriac young lady who kept looking for a solution to her life problems in a pill. I was able to walk side by side with these people and being able to provide support, friendship and care, to witness firsthand how they themselves conquered a tough battle with depression similar to that I fought personally way back. Growing up, had my share of stressful and depressing experiences, ranging from battling a very hostile environment at school, losing my Mother to cancer at a very young age, the breakdown of our family circle without her, and later in life dealing with a broken marriage that ended quickly in divorce. We all have to deal with depressing situations through life. I was lucky to find around me the necessary support and clarity to navigate those situations successfully.

This brings to the table the applicability of these lines. In this work you will find one or many ideas that right now, or at some point, will be APPLICABLE TO YOU. Because at one point or another in our lives we all experience depression, or just a lack of happiness and motivation to continue, some of us briefly, others really deeply. At the end of the day, we all can use a "logical" approach to problem solving that is not linked to a commercial interest. I am not writing this book to make a living, and because I am not limited or linked to you by a commercial contract, like a health professional would be, I can provide ideas and suggestions for YOU to take, if you want, and let YOU be the driver in your own improvement.

You will find that this work is more of a primer or a handbook than a full fledged book. I acknowledge that your time is valuable and tried to maintain a direct and concrete approach so this document is short in length. It is my style to include known phrases and metaphors to illustrate a point. I hope you find this to your liking.

These lines are written from recommendations of personal friends who, after listening to my ideas in their times of trouble, have encouraged me to put them down and make them available to others who might need them. If you, my reader, pick one concept and put it to work in your life, my effort to make this document public will be worthwhile.

Chapter Two

We all have used or heard the phrase "but this IS real" as a complete absolute when trying to convince others, or even ourselves, of a point of view. However I am opening this book by making a statement over reality that is important to open your mind as the reader. Reality is NOT constant or absolute. Reality is a variable that is unique to you today and different for all. With this I am not saying that your reality is less valid. I am only pointing out that your reality is valid only for you and is different from the reality of your significant other, your kids, your parents or anybody else over time.

If you have kids around you, look at their reality and compare it to those kids of the exact same age living in a third world country. Do you see all teens for example, immersed in the technology of our times (chatting online or texting over phone lines)? Does the political climate in each country make a difference in the daily lives of those teens? What about weather conditions in the region, religion, or family values? Compare those living in our country but in a different state, or those living in the same state but in a different city. You can continue with the comparisons closing to your own circle to see that reality is unique to each individual. Yet, despite being unique, reality is still completely valid for each person.

Take the case of the young kid scared of the dark in the safety of his/her own home. Imagine is your own child running to you at night in a complete state of terror. You can feel the greatly accelerated heart rate, see the eyes with dilated pupils, notice the sweaty body, and increased level of urgency for their personal safety. The child IS afraid of monsters under the bed when you know that there are none. Can you look at the signs in the child's body and think for a moment that the threat is not real for him/her? Your response as a parent would be different if you acknowledge, or not, the fact that for that specific moment, for that child in particular, the threat is part of his/her reality. You could dismiss the incident as a fantasy or lovingly help the child in need. Whatever your action is, will define in part the future character of the kid and your own relationship with him/her.

The acceptance of other realities has a dramatic effect on how we relate to others. We constantly give away subconscious clues in our tone of voice, posture and general demeanor that are dependent on our acceptance of the reality of others, and this is why is important to realize that others and their realities are out there. Somebody once said that "every head is a different world" and it is indeed. We just have to acknowledge it.

There are, however, some common elements in the infinite landscape of our realities. The one that I'm going to focus on is that despite our idea of humans as almost pure rational beings (we are so full of self importance and egotism as a species), we are by far, living a life based on the most basic instincts.

To illustrate I will present the case of Joe and Joey. This is an exercise that I always use when teaching, even in technical conferences because for all our actions, and I mean all of them including business, we need to consider and understand how we humans act and react in the most basic way. It was Dr. W. Edwards Deming (1900–1993) in his theories of the "System of Profound knowledge" who stated the importance of the "humanity" or "Psychology" element in every transaction, business oriented or not. For more on Dr. Deming check out the W. Edwards Deming Institute in the World Wide Web.

So please make a note of the details I am going to list. First let me introduce you to Joe. I will describe him as a white, blonde, blue eyed male that at first sight has some obvious peculiarities. For starters, his head is larger in volume than mine when compared to the rest of his body. His is roughly about ¼th to 1/3rd the size of his body, when mine, and probably yours too, is about 1/5th to 1/6th. His body has almost no muscular tone. He is very flexible, way more than I am, but he cannot walk and his movements are not precise or controlled and honestly clumsy. He cannot talk and has very little control of his mouth so he slobbers continually. He does not read and obviously he cannot work or drive or be productive on any level. Even more, he is totally incontinent and needs to be fed, cleaned and washed constantly.

He is totally dependent on others and therefore I am asking for volunteers to take care of him for the night.

At this point I am going to ask you to be totally honest and write down how you feel about the possibility of taking care of Joe for tonight.

When I am presenting this example in public, it is common to have only about 10% of the audience consenting to help. Would you my reader?

Then I introduce Joey.

He has exactly the same characteristics ...

White, blonde, blue eyed male with some obvious peculiarities. Big head, body with almost no muscular development. He is flexible, cannot walk and his movements are not precise or controlled and clumsy. He cannot talk, and slobbers continually. He does not read, work or drive or can be productive. Is incontinent and needs to be fed, cleaned and washed constantly.

He is totally dependent on others also, but as a difference from Joe, Joey is only four months old.

At this point in the presentation, I typically can hear a big sigh of cuteness (aaaahhhhhhh) from the audience.

When asking for volunteers to take care of him for the night, typically the majority of the audiences, especially women, are up to the task.

Now, please enter the logic. What is the motivator for us to feel so differently from one individual to another just because of age? From a purely logical standpoint both individuals do not contribute to society now, yet our feelings are very strong and different for both (apathy, discomfort and even repugnance for the adult and joy, tenderness and cuteness to the child) only because of a few years of difference between them that, in an social time scale, are completely insignificant.

The answer is pure instinct. In this case paternal and maternal instinct drive us to like and protect the young, even when it is not productive at all and they will need our attention and resources just to survive. We are dominated by our instincts. This is something that the marketers know and use very well. We like to think of ourselves as rational beings, but the fact of the matter is that our lives are completely controlled by our instincts most of the time, like it or not.

Here I am going to use another example. Look at the case of a human female that has experienced motherhood for the first time between the ages of 25 to 35. She has a baby that is only four months old. In the event of any situation that would bring danger to the child, she is obviously compelled to defend the child, even to the point of putting herself in harm's way first. That is normal of course from every warm bodied human mother. A mother will do anything, literally, for her child in this case.

Now enter again the logic, and please bear with me for a moment.... Does it make sense from the standpoint of the group, call it society or whatever, to let an adult, fully developed and productive to be put in danger in front of a totally dependent individual that contributes nothing to society (yet?)

However all of us, me included, will rise to applaud the effort of the mother to protect the child first, simply because it is the call of our instinct to survive and endure as a species. This is, for a female, the first natural instinct of survival, is the first priority only to the point of procreation. Once we have fulfilled our biological imperative to continue the species, then her own individual survival takes second place. In other words, our instinct is SO strong that it can, in the right circumstances, justify our demise. We try to rationalize this example by calling it "the unconditional love of the mother." I call it, simply, our instinct. Love is such a strong word to use in this case.

I mean, nobody here disagrees with the reality of a super strong, overwhelming feeling of bond from the mother to the child, but when you ask for a general definition of "Love" you most likely get a description based on a deep compatibility of characters, a deep understanding of the personalities involved, trust and other characteristics that are NOT yet present in the case of mother and a four month old baby. In this case, it is raw instinct that creates this powerful bond that is labeled "motherly love."

You might say, well, there are many types of love, and I will agree completely. That will bring us to the fourth chapter of this book dedicated to the different kinds of love which I call the "Love Landscape." So for the moment hold that thought so we do not deviate from the theme at hand.

Human instinct is so powerful, that it dominates our reality landscape. And not only in extreme cases like the mother and son in danger, but in everyday life. How we dress, move, talk and behave, has an element of instinct, and of course, is a big component in how and what we consume and purchase. So after all, humans are not totally rational.

Human instinct is a sure recipe for survival at the species level and sits at the pinnacle of evolutionary power and success. Even for a species as predatory and aggressive as humans, our instinct has assured that our population numbers grow dramatically, to the point of almost saturation on this planet now in just a few thousand years which, in the time scale of our planet, is like a blink of an eye.

But keep in mind that a good understanding of our instinctive self is a key element for controlling our behavior, as salesmen and marketers know very well.

So the next time your spouse, significant other, family member or friend, or even you, acts in a way that surprises your logic, ask yourself, if instinct was involved. You will notice that instinct is prevalent in most of what we do.

Just be aware that even when instinct is a constant in the reality landscape, is not the same for everyone. It is different if you are a man or a woman, it changes depending on age, if you have kids or not. This is why there are so many books written about the differences between men and women such as the "Venus and Mars" theories. The bottom line is that our instincts are different. Please note that being different does not imply being better or worse, it is just not the same.

Here I am NOT justifying human flaws, just acknowledging the root causes. We need to clearly identify our animal roots in order to be really rational in behavior.

For one side, the female instinct drives her to settle, conceive and protect the young. Motherhood is not a choice but a goal at a biological level many times. The famous "biological clock" is ticking and is a heavy reality for women of bearing age.

On the other side, for the man, the drive is different. When you see the latest case of the male athlete, politician, musician or family member who strays into infidelity from a wonderful woman, some people find it difficult to understand why, when having a beautiful "trophy wife" at home or a loving, tender, intelligent woman for a wife or a long successful marriage and family, men often get involved in affairs that might clearly ruin their lives completely.

The manly instinct is to "multiply," not only to procreate. In other words, "to pollinate" as many females as possible to insure the continuance of our species. No wonder one of the most prevalent male sexual fantasies is to have sex with multiple partners at the same time. From the point of view of the female instinct, this desire is just ridiculous.

In a rational world, monogamy makes perfect sense; however, in a world ruled by instinct the concept of monogamy for life poses many conflicts for men. For example, men are visual because the female figure is a basic indication of fertility. However is not enough to indulge in the lovely curves and crevices of the most beautiful body. As soon as a man has seen one, he has to see others because the instinct drives men to variety, again to insure the continuance of the species. What have you done or will you do if you happen to catch a young boy (this is just a typical scenario) indulging in pornography at home? Will you scold him? Scream at the top of your lungs? Cite "religious dogmas" like "you will burn in hell for watching that filth?" That he needs to be kept "pure" for his chosen one? Or warn him that he might go blind and grow hair in the palm of his hands? Will you act naturally like it is not a big deal? Will you understand that the youngster is just responding to his natural instinct that is telling him, "Look at all that heavenly glory out there, you need to go out and reproduce."

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Landscapesby G. Oviedo Copyright © 2010 by G. Oviedo. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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