The L.O.V.E. Approach: 4 Proven Steps to Transforming Relationships in Your Family, Church, and Community

What can I say to a person who is angry, withdrawn, hopeless, in crisis, confused, or obstinate? How can I discuss and resolve problems in a way that preserves relationships and is consistent with my Christian values? How can I bring hope and solutions to situations that seem daunting? How can I convey the truth in love?

In this story, Michael, Mariana, Katy, and Josh find the answer in the four steps of The L.O.V.E. Approach: Listen and Learn, Open Options, Vision and Value, and Extend and Empower. You follow their stories and observe as they learn each step. Then you can practice the steps yourself, either alone or with a partner. Then you “listen” as each of the characters uses the steps in a difficult dialogue with a person they care about (Michael’s with his wife, Mariana with an employee, Katy with a young woman in her ministry group, and Josh with his son). Finally, you discover what has been transformed in their personal and professional lives as a result of using the 4 steps.

The story is based on real people and situations known to the author, but particulars have been changed to protect confidentiality. In this book, you also practice the 4 steps (in special practice chapters), and have the opportunity to use them with another person, so you see for yourself how transformational they can be.

In creating The L.O.V.E. Approach book, Peggy Hartshorn, Ph.D., draws on her professional communications expertise and 20 years background as a college Professor and her decades of experience as a wife, mother, friend, peer counselor, and leader in faith-based Christian organizations. She first wrote The L.O.V.E. Approach as a method of problem solving for ministry to pregnant women in crisis. It has been used in life-affirming pregnancy help centers since 1994, taught in person and on-line by Heartbeat International to pregnancy help organizations in over 60 countries. The L.O.V.E. Approach has proven its effectiveness for over 25 years to transform problem solving and relationships and bring hope and healing in the most difficult situations. In her new book, Dr. Peggy Hartshorn offers this invaluable tool to people of good will everywhere, for use in your homes (with spouses, children, other family members), with your friends and colleagues, in your ministries and nonprofits, on leadership teams, and in church settings of all types. The book has been reviewed, welcomed, and endorsed by Protestant, Evangelical, and Catholic pastors and leaders, and by experts in business, leadership, counseling, and psychiatry. While The L.O.V.E. Approach is based on 1 Corinthians 13:1-8: “Love is patient, love is kind, . . . it is not pompous . . . it does not seek its own interests,” this book is not didactic, nor is it denominational or theological.

How to Use The Book

Narrative chapters demonstrate the foundational basis for The LOVE Approach and how to use each step—L (Listen and Learn), O (Open Options), V (Vision and Value), and E (Extend and Empower)—and they show each of the characters using the steps in a real-life scenario. These chapters are interspersed with others that offer practice for each step, including space for personal reflection and questions and answers.

You can read and practice on your own, but it’s even better to have one or more partners working with you so you can share your responses and learn from each other, just as Michael, Mariana, Katy, and Joshua do in the narrative chapters. This book is an indispensable resource for individuals, couples, book clubs, couples’ support groups, small group ministries, women’s or men’s groups, home-based ministries, study groups, or retreats (for groups, couples, families, church staffs, or organizational and ministry teams). A companion website: TheLOVEApproachBook.com contains downloadable key graphics and charts, useful in learning and using The L.O.V.E. Approach.