The Keys to the Ladies' Room

AuthorHouse

Contents

Introduction: We've Come a Long Way, Baby.....................................xiChapter 1: The New Paradigm...................................................1Chapter 2: Making the Shift...................................................11Chapter 3: Your WHY is the Bull's-eye.........................................25Chapter 4: Going Tribal!......................................................31Chapter 5: Tribal Hunting.....................................................47Chapter 6: Your Story.........................................................53Chapter 7: Your Compelling Introduction.......................................69Chapter 8: A Purpose-Driven Process...........................................99Chapter 9: Tell Me ... Why YOU?...............................................131Chapter 10: Spreading the Word................................................143Chapter 11: Drip, Drip, Drip ... Getting Your Message Out.....................147Chapter 12: You are a Magnet..................................................159

Chapter One

If you are still reading, clearly you are searching for something more, something different. Maybe you sense something is missing. I applaud your willingness to explore new ideas and embrace change! In our industry, so steeped in tradition, these are not common qualities.

Let's face the facts: our business was built by men, for men. Every aspect of this business was designed around the strengths of men. Protocol is based on what works for the male advisor and what attracts the male client. From the way we engage clients to the way we advise them, there is a strongly masculine feel pervading the industry.

We first experienced this masculine influence in the training programs, where advisors are taught a linear approach to building a business: prospecting, selling and closing. Historically, most prospecting was done by phone; 80-90 percent of your time was spent smiling and dialing. Detailed phone reports made it easy for managers to monitor activities.

When women entered the sales force, their networking skills (a natural strength) and preference for face-to-face interactions proved difficult to monitor. Managers couldn't measure how much effort or impact was generated each day; there was no report showing how many people these advisors were meeting with. So their efforts were often disparaged. They must be "out getting their nails done," right?

Women were strongly encouraged (and that's putting it lightly) to adhere to the 250-dials-a-day policy, even when their networking was creating better results. How else could they be managed and kept on track? The industry wanted hard numbers!

While achieving financial success is important to all financial advisors, this goal resonates more strongly with men. For many it's their primary motivator, with competition a close second. To leverage these factors, industry managers often post production lists in a central area, complete with quotas, goals, rankings and rewards.

Women don't relate to this culture the same way men do. They respond to the human element – most notably, the desire to nurture and care for others. It's their softer nature, and historically, this set them up for a culture clash with the industry. Its focus on numbers has systematically undermined their sense of purpose, which is so essential to their process and progress.

To compensate for this imbalance, women have learned to conform, adapt and incorporate a more masculine approach to finance. And they've done an admirable job! But no matter how hard they tried, it always made for an awkward fit. What's more, this process of adapting to a heavily masculine industry has caused many women to lose sight of their own natural strengths, strengths that are critical to their desire for success.

For example, in most offices, long hours earn advisors a certain degree of credibility. "He who gets in the earliest and stays the latest is the hardest-working financial advisor." Yet, this directly conflicts with women's innate drive to accomplish more in less time.

So rather than working at peak efficiency for eight hours, women felt compelled to put in longer hours – even if they were unproductive hours that robbed them of the chance to nurture their loved ones. Over time, this imbalance eroded their motivation and desire to succeed.

Even seminars have long reflected the masculine, warrior mentality. For years, attendees focused solely on the features and benefits of the products, rather than the ethics and values of the companies, advisors and clients. "You have a need, I have a solution. Let's shoot it, bag it, and take it home."

Today, the seminar experience is a bit more female friendly. Smaller group events, where participants engage in conversation in a more intimate setting, are fostering stronger relationships and a sense of trust. This smaller environment is ideal for the female client and advisor, and even male advisors are beginning to recognize the value of a softer approach. But I think we can all agree that evolution has not come easily to our industry.

Finding your voice

As an advisor, you developed your skills within a very controlled environment. That highly structured world has dictated your processes, behaviors, even the scripts and language you use. While many of these structures are immovable, there is plenty of room to operate and speak in a way that feels less indoctrinated and more authentic.

That said, it is not easy to craft your own style in an industry that is so dominated by tradition. Shedding these old scripts can be as difficult as escaping that internalized voice of your parents when you speak to your own children.

When I was a new parent, I was determined to incorporate my own "evolved" ideas in raising children. It wasn't that my parents' methods were bad; I just wanted to become a different kind of parent. However, I was surprised to find it incredibly difficult to break free of the scripts I had soaked up as a child. There were times when I sounded just like my parents. Their words, even their tone of voice came flowing out of me. It was scary! And the busier I was, the more I reverted back to these ingrained patterns. It was so programmed, it felt instinctual.

To carve my own path, I first had to start by making a firm commitment to myself. Then I had to shift my habits and behaviors to make room for my own unique style of parenting. This required a sincere and concerted effort.

To make purposeful changes to your practice, you will have to make that same conscious effort to drown out the voices of the industry. This process requires a willingness to examine and dismantle traditional industry business-building guidelines, and learn to develop your practice within a different framework – a gender-balanced and purpose-focused paradigm.

Make way for the women

The influence of women, both as advisors and clients, has grown so much that it can no longer be ignored. Statistics indicate that women will soon be controlling the majority of the country's wealth. As of 2012: Women comprise 51.4 percent of the U.S. population, yet make or influence 85 percent of all purchasing decisions.

• Women account for $7 trillion in consumer and business spending.

• Women control more than 60 percent of all personal wealth in the U.S.

• Women are starting businesses at twice the rate of men.

Yet Smart Money reports that over 70 percent of women feel underserved and dissatisfied with the financial-planning services they receive. So, the more you incorporate a female-friendly style in your practice, the more effective you will be at setting the pace for success in the new paradigm of financial services.

A male advisor once told me, "I treat my women clients exactly the same as my male clients!" Therein lays the problem. While we are all equal, men and women are NOT the same. As we learned in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, men and women approach life from entirely different directions. While men take a focused, linear approach to wealth, women think of and relate to their wealth more holistically. Psychologist Michael G. Conner writes, "Women tend to be intuitive global thinkers. They consider multiple sources of information and factor in their interconnectedness before making a decision, and can have difficulty separating their personal experience from problems. Men tend to focus on one problem at a time. They take a linear or sequential perspective, and can be prone to minimize and fail to appreciate subtleties that can be crucial to successful solutions." Understanding these fundamental differences is critical to building a female-friendly and purpose-driven practice.

When you ask a client "What are your goals for this money?" you are taking a masculine approach. However, if you ask a female client, "What is the purpose for your money?" you are appealing to her global sensibilities, which often results in more feedback from a woman and a deeper understanding of her needs and desires. While this information provides the advisor with greater insight to make appropriate decisions, it has many other advantages as well. By drawing her deeper into conversation, and recognizing that her style and perspective may be different from her spouse, you are building a foundation of mutual respect and loyalty.

According to author and private wealth specialist Hannah Shaw Grove, "Where competency and results create loyalty in the male client, it is not enough for the women; women factor in the interpersonal and the advisor's communication skills into the equation." So, in a nutshell, if a woman doesn't like and relate well with you, you probably won't get her business (no matter how many degrees and recommendations you have).

Today the industry is shifting, learning to incorporate and cater to the strengths and tendencies of both men and women. Hallelujah! This represents a massive breakthrough for female financial advisors and for clients.

In the following chapters, you will learn what it takes to develop a female-friendly financial practice, and establish a process that aligns with and encourages women's natural abilities. It may feel a bit unorthodox ... especially for the men. However, it will soon feel much more natural and authentic than the cardboard routine you're running now. I promise. Just bear with me, because this shift you're about to make opens the door to a goldmine of opportunity, both personally and professionally.

The woman's way

Women bring a plethora of unique and natural strengths to the world, but we're going to focus now on the particular qualities that support your role as a financial advisor. As you explore these core strengths, you will immediately recognize ways to leverage them in your meetings and interactions with female clients, and gain a level of traction that you never could before. Whether you are a woman, or you are working with women, the following traits are guaranteed to influence your process.

Women are relationship driven

Relationships take time to develop. It's a reciprocal process, with gradually escalating "you show me yours, I'll show you mine" exchanges. It is a two-way process, and learning to accelerate it is truly an art.

When you profile a female client, she needs to learn about you and your life as well. It is not just the product or service you can provide that will secure her business; it's the relationship you develop with her. Women only do business with people they like. If you want to do business with her, let her get to know you.

Women are made for multitasking

Women are often engaged in more than one task at a time. In prehistoric times, women picked the fruits and vegetables, watched the children and kept an eye out for predators while the men were out hunting. As a result, their abilities evolved in a way that lets them accomplish multiple tasks simultaneously. While today's woman is typically not picking berries or watching for wild animals, she is juggling more roles and tasks than ever before.

Although a woman is designed to multitask, she does require process in order to be effective. Without processes (structures) in her life, she would never be able to manage all of her responsibilities.

Your understanding of this is critical to the women in your practice because in their eyes, your job is not just selecting the right investments; it's also knowing how to make their lives more efficient and less stressful.

Women crave a process that defines how they should work with you. They will feel far more relaxed and confident when you give them a systematic process for achieving their objectives – and they will feel far more certain that YOU are the person they should be working with.

If you've been in the industry for a while, you have seen that your role has changed dramatically over the years. Gone are the days when you were pitching a single stock or bond. Today, you need to manage multiple aspects of wealth and financial security: investing assets, managing debt, protecting assets and planning legacies. It can be an overwhelming responsibility – unless you develop a well-defined process that addresses these issues in a systematized way.

If this realm of responsibility sometimes seems daunting for you, the advisor, think how it must feel to the client. With the pace and scope of today's world, a well-defined process for managing your clients' needs is absolutely mandatory – it supports the best interests of both the advisor and the client.

Women are driven by a purpose

As nurturers, women have evolved to focus on others: raising children, supporting a husband, caring for aging parents and developing community through service and friendship. All of these roles are based on a desire to improve the lives of others. This deep sense of purpose motivates them each and every day.

While women also have a desire to create and accumulate wealth, this is rarely a primary motivator. ON the other hand, helping women understand what drives and inspires them, and clarifying their underlying purpose for their money, is one of the most effective ways to engage them in the process of managing their money.

In a time when greed seems to be such a dominant motivator in our culture, clients need to know that your interest in them is not just about the income they will generate for you. Many of them assume that you only want their business because of the commissions.

This is why it is SO important for you to be able to speak to people on a deeper level. If you can articulate your purpose – what you truly hope to accomplish with each and every client and WHY this is important to you – You will capture their full attention. When they really "get" what drives you, and realize it's more than just a paycheck, they become more receptive to your advice and less concerned about fees and performance.

Women are masterful communicators

Women tend to be very verbal creatures (as most husbands will gladly attest to). Women are known to speak over 75,000 words a day; men typically range around 25,000. So, in general, women get a lot more practice in communicating – and they get pretty darn proficient at it.

This is why women have an easier time developing relationships. Good communication is a cornerstone to every good relationship, and it's defined by open-ended question, good listening skills and the ability to read non-verbal cues.

In your financial practice, communication is not just about filling out a profile or planning questionnaire; it's about learning who your prospect or client really is, listening to their experience and understanding their situation.

Effective communication is all about relating. If your prospect, client or audience can relate to what you're saying, the relationship moves forward. If you talk over their heads, you alienate them and they drift away. (Most advisors do this far more than they realize.)

The best way to bridge the gap is to adjust your vocabulary, speaking in a way that sounds like your tribal market, not your colleagues. This makes you seem much more relatable and transparent – essential qualities in today's marketplace.

Good communication skills become even more critical when you're meeting with a married couple. Sally Krawcheck, a CEO of Bank of America Merrill Lynch, tells a story about when she and her husband met with their first financial advisor. "This advisor never looked me in the eye, but spoke only to my husband. BIG MISTAKE." Regardless of his experience, skills and qualifications, he would never get their business because he did not know how to communicate with a woman. The sad fact is this is a common mistake.

Women bring many strengths and characteristics to the table, but the four that I have highlighted here are highly influential in their relationships with financial advisors. Advisors should make a concerted effort to improve their own skills within these three areas if they want to attract more clients, increase production and accelerate growth.

As you proceed through the process of developing your Purpose-Practice, you will see how each of these characteristics plays an important role in transforming not just your business message and model, but also how you perform your role as a purpose-driven advisor.

Chapter Two

You'd have to be living under a rock not to know that the financial industry and the world at large have undergone a dramatic transformation in the last decade – and it's still going through it. From stock broker to wealth advisor, commission-based transactions to fee-based management, the industry has transitioned to a more ethical, client-centric practice. Decisions are no longer based on which products pay the most; we now operate according to what is in the best interests of the client. Advisors are provided with more options and solutions, thereby diminishing conflicts of interest; and clients with greater access to information are more aware of acceptable practice standards, thereby raising the bar for advisors.

While the trajectory of the business is certainly headed in the right direction we still have a long way to go. (Need proof? Check the daily headlines.) Nonetheless, the time is ripe for every financial advisor who aspires to develop a business based on a high level of principles and values.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from The Keys to the Ladies' Roomby Adri Miller-Heckman Copyright © 2013 by Adri Miller-Heckman. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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