If you are new to mentoring, want to improve your mentoring skills or want to set up a new mentoring programme, this is the book for you. The skills that you will need as a mentor are fully explained and you are taken step by step through the stages of mentoring relationships. This book is packed with guidance, advice, examples, case studies and lots of practical ideas and suggestions that mentors can use. We look at the mentoring of different age groups and explore mentoring in different settings including in education, the workplace, the community and with people experiencing health and personal problems. For mentoring scheme organisers, Gordon explains how to set up and run a successful mentoring programme.

INTRODUCING MENTORING

A Guide for Mentors and Organisers of Mentoring SchemesBy GORDON HOLDING

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2012 Gordon Frederick Holding
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-0355-4

Contents

Introduction........................................................xiChapter 1 What is Mentoring?........................................1Chapter 2 Process, Skills and Attitudes.............................17Chapter 3 Mentoring Ethics..........................................64Chapter 4 Self, and Self Esteem.....................................81Chapter 5 Younger and Older.........................................95Chapter 6 Mentoring in Education and Training.......................114Chapter 7 Mentoring to Aid Career Choice............................151Chapter 8 Mentoring in the Workplace................................200Chapter 9 Mentoring People with Health Problems.....................229Chapter 10 Managing Relationship Problems...........................242Chapter 11 Organising a Mentoring Scheme............................267Conclusion..........................................................299Further Reading.....................................................301About the Author....................................................305

Chapter One

What is Mentoring?

A mentor is someone who offers personal support to others. If we are in need of support, a mentor is someone whose experiences we can draw upon and someone we can look up to as a role model. Our mentor will generously give of his or her time and will care enough to listen and offer a helping hand. Whilst there are numerous definitions of mentoring, in this publication it is seen as:

a relationship in which a more experienced person supports a less experienced one through a challenge, transition or difficulty.

We will call the former 'the mentor' and the latter 'the mentee'.

How is mentoring distinctive?

Whatever background we come from or lifestyle we lead, we can all experience new situations which leave us feeling vulnerable. We can all find ourselves facing challenges that we find hard to cope with. In these circumstances it is often the support of other people that sees us through. In difficult times we might be supported by a partner, family member, neighbour, colleague or a personal friend. We might also seek help from a counsellor, doctor, social worker, or psychologist. Are these people mentors? If not how is mentoring different?

Mentors often occupy the space between a professional tutor, counsellor, medical practitioner or advice worker on the one hand and a personal friend or relative on the other. Almost anyone can become a mentor provided that they come to it with the right attitudes and are able to build good relationships with other people.

The mentor/mentee relationship will be for a particular purpose and for an agreed period of time. Therefore, unlike a family member or friend, the mentor will not usually have had a long term close relationship with the mentee.

Many of us go through phases in our lives where the support of family and friends is not available or is not appropriate. Alternatively, the issue may be one where our friends and family feel that they lack any relevant experience or are not in a position to support us e.g. at work or in education. At the same time the situation may not be one where we feel the need to seek formal professional help.

Even when we do get professional help, some additional support from a non professional can be of great benefit to us. In these circumstances turning to a mentor for a while may be an answer.

The term mentor can be used very widely to refer to anyone whom we look up to and who provides us with guidance and support. Whilst much of what we cover in this publication will be of general interest, we will focus mainly on mentors who are supporting other people within an organised mentoring scheme. Such mentors will be expected to follow the scheme's guidelines and code of conduct. The mentor within a formal mentoring scheme has a role which is distinctive. It will have boundaries which distinguish it from the other relationships mentioned above.

We trust that mentors will be warm and friendly towards their mentees and that together they will develop a trusting and rewarding relationship. However, experience suggests that they would be wise to keep their private lives separate from their mentoring role. Moreover, it is not always a good idea for a close family member, friend or neighbour to become the formal mentor. Why not?

• They may be too emotionally involved to see all sides of a question and may be inclined to push the mentee to make particular choices.

• The mentee may need the perspective of someone outside the situation.

• The mentee may not wish friends or members of the family to know about the private matters to be discussed with the mentor.

• They may have a personal interest in the mentee making certain decisions.

• It may raise the emotional temperature at home and make it difficult for the mentee to relax with family or with friends.

• It may be difficult for family and friends to maintain confidentiality. • Family members may have some power or authority over the mentee.

• The mentor needs some protection from excessive demands by the mentee and vice versa.

Of course, once the agreed period of mentoring is over, a mentor and mentee may find that they enjoy each other's company and they may become personal friends (if the mentee is a child or young person, the scheme rules may impose restrictions on such friendships).

If you become a mentor, you and your mentee are strongly advised to identify a purpose for your meetings together and to agree a time limit. In a formal scheme the purpose may be set by the scheme that you are part of. Here are some examples of schemes to illustrate the range of settings in which mentoring can take place and aims which can be pursued.

• Mentoring a new employee to assist that person to adjust to their new work role. The pair agree to meet for half an hour each work day morning for the first week followed by a meeting once each week for a further four weeks. The employer sets up the arrangement after consultation.

• Mentoring of an employee seeking promotion by an experienced head of another department within the organisation.

• Mentoring of an unemployed man, by an unpaid volunteer, within a scheme run by a local community centre. The pair agree to meet twice weekly for up to two months to help the mentee find suitable work.

• Mentoring of a 17 year old high school student, fortnightly for three months, by a community volunteer whilst she explores possible career paths.

• Mentoring of a small group of adult students returning to a technical college course after being away from study for many years. This is built into the college timetable and takes place weekly during term time for the whole duration of the one year course. The mentee may be a member of the college staff from another department or a student from a year ahead. The emphasis here is not upon teaching a subject but upon helping students to plan their study and to give emotional support to encourage students to persist with their studies.

• Mentoring by volunteers from a local church of a group of refugees who can only speak the language of their home country. This starts intensively for a month and continues fortnightly for up to 12 months. The purpose is to assist the refugees to adjust to a new culture, to assist with their language learning and to plug them into support networks including government agencies.

• Mentoring of retired socially isolated men, by mentors from an older men's group, to introduce them to new people and to a range of groups and activities operating in their area—such as the Men's Shed (see later for more detail).

• Mentoring of women struggling to cope with breast cancer by mentors from a support group who have gone through the same course of treatment themselves.

• Mentoring of individuals struggling with an emotional disorder by volunteer mentors working with the local mental health service.

• Mentoring of juvenile offenders by mentors recruited by a juvenile justice service.

• Mentoring of ex offenders recently released from prison who are struggling to cope 'on the outside'.

• Mentoring of young Aboriginal men from single parent families, by Aboriginal Elders.

• Mentors from a local environmental awareness group who support people wishing to make their homes more energy efficient.

• Peer mentoring in a High school where older students support new students making the transition from primary school. This helps the newcomers to settle in and reduces bullying.

• Mentoring of school students by mentors employed full time to work in schools. The mentors give emotional support and encouragement to students whose attendance is poor, do little homework and are underachieving.

• Mentoring of a salesperson colleague, based in another region of the country, using email and a planned weekly video conferencing session.

• Mentoring of the owner of a new small business by an experienced and successful local business owner as part of a government funded enterprise scheme.

• Mentoring by university staff of new students from underprivileged backgrounds who have no family history of undergraduate study (evidence from the UK suggests that students from such backgrounds are more likely to drop out of university before completing their degrees).

• Mentoring of twelve and thirteen year old boys who have been identified by the police as users of soft drugs. The mentors are older men who, after special training, have agreed to mentor the boys for a period of 12 months to assist them to stay away from drugs.

• Sponsorship of senior executives in a company by Board members as a part of a succession planning programme which will see the mentees replace the board members as they reach retirement.

• Senior players in a professional sports club mentoring younger players. This is separate from coaching and includes support to cope with the emotional and social challenges of being in the public eye.

The above examples are very diverse but they all have a clear purpose and take place inside an organised scheme. Underlying all of them are the personal circumstances and the emotional needs of the mentees. Emotional support, confidence building and raising self esteem are crucial features of the relationship which we will explore in detail later. However, here it is important to remember that mentors are not trained counsellors, social workers or psychotherapists. If we try to take on these roles we may do more harm than good. By all means, as a mentor, give emotional support in pursuit of your shared purpose but if you suspect that your mentee has a serious emotional disorder or is suffering from a severe trauma, refer your mentee on for professional help (unless of course you are a specially trained mentor who is working with a mentee referred to you by mental health workers).

The above examples also point to the importance of some modest initial training. Mentors usually derive great benefit from such a course before starting to mentor. The length and intensity of the training needed will depend upon the backgrounds of the mentors and the aims of the particular scheme they are entering. The first example above might only require a day of training for experienced employees. The sixth example would demand much more. For volunteer mentors in a school situation a two day training programme might well be sufficient to start off. This could be followed by some later, one off sessions, as they gain more experience.

The absence of guidance and training in some mentoring schemes is a matter for concern. This book should help scheme organisers to prepare a worthwhile training programme. In some countries formal courses and qualifications (or units of qualifications) have been developed as we shall see in chapter 11.

Where schemes support people struggling with significant emotional problems mentoring relationships can become very intense and stressful. Moreover, the commitment might be relatively open ended. We need to tread very cautiously here and understand the limitations of our role.

Rather than attempting to act as a counsellor in these circumstances, mentors should liaise with mental health professionals and try not to usurp their roles. Mentors can work with the caring professions to offer additional support but must not undermine them.

You may have also noted that example five above refers to a small group rather than an individual. Usually mentoring occurs one to one to give some privacy in case the mentee wishes to share confidential feelings, experiences or information. However, sometimes mentoring a small group of people, together, can be beneficial because they may share the same concerns and can support each other. There is a danger here. A strong or opinionated group member may lead others in a direction that, had they thought about the issue more carefully, they would not want to go. A choice of school subjects or even of a career would be examples. The group mentor must always be alert to this danger and be willing to see the mentees individually if necessary.

Most people can become successful mentors but some individuals have such poor social skills or ingrained prejudices that they need to be steered away from the role. Others may have such strong convictions about correct and incorrect actions that they would find it difficult to step back and allow their mentees make their own decisions. Such people would not find it easy to follow the approach to mentoring which is explained here.

If we formalise mentoring doesn't it become teaching, coaching or counselling?

Mentoring can overlap these other roles but it is distinctive from them.

Counsellors, teachers and many coaches usually have a lengthy period of very demanding training leading to a professional qualification. By contrast some mentors may only have a relatively short period of training, an initial briefing or short notes of guidance to explain the mechanics of the scheme.

Counsellors typically work with people who are experiencing very distressing emotional problems. As mentioned above, mentors may help to support people in these circumstances but should also encourage their mentees to seek the assistance of qualified counsellors when professional help is needed (see chapters nine and ten). However, mentors are often to be found helping people to tackle practical issues, such as engaging with new responsibilities at work. There may be powerful emotions involved here too but they are not necessarily causing the level of severe emotional distress which would require professional help. An overlap with counselling is perhaps most noticeable in some of the attitudes which we should display, such as being non directive, which will be explored in subsequent chapters.

Successful mentoring is a learning experience for both parties.

Learning is central to mentoring but ideally it is collaborative, side by side learning, in which the mentor has more experience than the mentee. The mentor can offer information, suggestions, advice and experience but the mentee is free to accept or reject any of these. Learning by the mentee often involves learning how to learn, learning to manage emotions and relationships, and learning rational decision making skills.

It differs from the role of a qualified school or college teacher, workplace instructor or coach. These latter roles involve an element of direction and of assessment of the work of the student, trainee or athlete. To some degree the professional trainer or teacher has a curriculum which must be followed and exercises some formal authority. The mentor on the other hand cannot give instructions to the mentee, dictate the agenda, set assignments or formally assess the mentee's performance. However, there is a degree of overlap since many of the skills involved in teaching and coaching are also valuable in mentoring. Indeed it could be argued that mentoring is an egalitarian and informal form of teaching that does not necessarily require professional qualifications; although it can benefit from them.

Megginson et al make a useful distinction between two models of mentoring. One is sponsorship mentoring which usually takes place inside organisations. Here mentors are senior to mentees and assist their career development by sponsoring them and passing on their knowledge and experience.

The other model is called developmental mentoring where the emphasis is much more upon a relationship of equals, one of whom has rather more experience in a certain area but perhaps not in others. It is a side by side relationship not a power relationship. It encourages personal growth and tries to develop the independence of the mentee.

Sponsorship mentoring can be a valuable tool within an organisation but It is the developmental model of mentoring that is the main focus of this book.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from INTRODUCING MENTORINGby GORDON HOLDING Copyright © 2012 by Gordon Frederick Holding. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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