Hot CONFIDENCE

BALBOA PRESS

Contents

Introduction: The Invitation...................................ixChapter 1: The Lost Property Box...............................1Chapter 2: Believe Hot.........................................19Chapter 3: Purpose, Presence, and Values.......................45Chapter 4: Make the Dragon Your Pet............................73Chapter 5: Bring on the Sunlit Bowl............................101Chapter 6: Activate Your Attraction Engine.....................131Chapter 7: The Call to Command.................................159Moving Forward: Shine Your Light...............................191Acknowledgments................................................195About the Author...............................................197Bibliography...................................................199

Chapter One

"Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand, and melting like a snowflake."

~ Sir Francis Bacon

"You have to choose. It's life or death. Whatever you decide, get on with it, girl."

Alison looked directly at me, her grey-blue eyes reflecting total non-attachment, her lilting Scottish accent ringing in my ears. "Nadine, it's up to you."

I knew she was right. I was neither eating nor drinking. I was sick to my soul. It was crunch time.

Something moved me to reach for my ceremonial drum. I stumbled into my healing room, where my beautiful, painted drum had rested untouched for at least five months.

Weak though I was, I smudged my room with white sage, offering prayers of gratitude for the life and love I had known, for my family, for the countries I had seen, for the clients who had meant so much to me. I offered thanks for the farm, for the healing centers I had established, and all of the wonderful experiences there. I thanked deeply for the joy of having known what it felt like to be on my true path and purpose, and for the privilege of helping so many people.

My prayers felt like messages of goodbye. And, in hindsight, they were: goodbye to an attitude and a life that was to be shed, like a tired old snakeskin.

The fragrant smoke inside the room was thicker than the swirling mist outside the window. I called in my sacred circle, comforted by the familiarity of the ritual, welcoming my spirit guides, guardians, and angels known and unknown to me, to be present.

I set an intention to accept, graciously and with love, whatever I found, in the knowledge that the answer that came to me would be for the highest good of all. I gave myself over to the journey completely.

The drum and my hand melted into one with the regular beat. I have no conscious recall of slipping into a deep trance.

When I came to, the setting sun was casting its magic across the valley below. Autumn light in New Zealand has a very special quality. I watched the valley below fill up like a golden bowl conscious that this was my time of day, my hour of power, at my favorite time of year, and I knew my decision had been made.

That was a turning point in my life. I knew that I had more work to do on the Earth. Flashes of images from the journey I had experienced seemed merged with the honey shafts of light that played across the hills. I was not done this time around. I had a message of love, of peace, of generosity, and of resilience to bring, and I had to live on to do that.

I knew my choice was to embrace life and what I could contribute. What I recall most vividly was asking myself, "Have I lived? Have I really burned my fingertips on life? Did I receive love, and did I give love as best I could have? Has my life really made a difference? Did I serve fully?"

At the time, I thought I was pretty special to have asked myself these questions. I have since found that these questions quite typically are asked, when we face death.

In my work doing Reiki and drama therapy with elderly people and with those who are terminally ill, I found the same or similar questions asked. Many doctors, psychologists, and psychiatrists I have spoken to, and Red Cross aid workers who have witnessed much death throughout Africa, have spoken of similar soul-searching questions raised when people are about to meet their point of passing.

More recently I came across Brendon Burchard's story of his near-fatal car accident, and the three questions he asked himself were: "Did I live fully? Did I love openly? Did I matter?" In his book, The Millionaire Messenger, Burchard quotes Norman Cousins, whose questions were: "Have I lived wisely? Have I loved well? Have I served greatly?"

What will you ask yourself at the end of your days? Will you be wishing that you had been different in your life? Will you be mad or sad with yourself for having missed out on the things that you know you were capable of? Could you have engaged life more fully? Will you be filled with remorse that you did not give and receive love as boldly as you might have? Are there words you never wrote, sang, or spoke? Could you have mattered more? What will you have done to ensure that your life really stood for something and made a difference?

Now is your time. As Alison said to me: "It's time you made a choice." Hot Confidence is all about giving you what you need to take the mini-me in you to a place where you can be extraordinary in all areas. Between these book covers, you have the conscious pathways to give you exactly what you need to become magnificent, so you can confidently answer, "Yes!" to each of the core questions:

"Have I lived consciously, aware and engaging life?"

"Did I receive love and give love as best I could?"

"Has my life made a difference?"

You are extraordinary at your core. Choose to be that!

* * *

Take a Candid Look

If you do nothing differently now, how will you be feeling by the next year? What will you be experiencing three years from now?

How will it be five years on into your future with your ideas unfulfilled, your books unwritten, relationships unresolved, the countries and places you wanted to explore unseen? At best: the dreams you hold today for yourself will still be the visions that they were; at worst: those intentions will be forgotten and empty.

If you are anything like me, you'll appreciate that there comes a time when enough is enough. When it is simply time to be the outstanding person buried inside of you. You may have had some success in the past in achieving sustained levels of confidence and self-esteem by attending courses or visiting health professionals. You may even have resorted to taking antidepressants or other medication to muddle through and manage to function. I know I have done all those things.

Shocked? At my lowest ebb, when I was on my own with my baby girl, she had had an accident that meant constant dressing changes. I had been mentally abused and physically beaten. I was isolated and alone on an acreage, feeling unable to cope. I was chewing over the agony of betrayal and loss. On top of all that, I was being pulled through a senseless lawsuit. I was doing overwhelm big time.

After yet another long, sleepless night, I pulled myself out of bed and was totally disorientated, literally incapable of answering the telephone or making the simplest decision. I could not access the many positive, resilient reference points I had. I knew that my adrenals were shot and that my neurotransmitters weren't able to provide my brain with the necessary chemicals for me to bounce back.

How crazy I felt! I was beating myself up for the situation I had gotten myself into. In spite of everything I had known, done, and taught, I was a mess. I was supremely ashamed of the state I was in.

The reason I share all this with you is not to indulge in the negativity; it is to show you that whatever situation you find yourself in, however low and lacking in confidence you might be right now—I have been there, too. Of course our experiences will be different, but I can relate viscerally to your suffering.

I know what it's like to be immobilized by a consuming depression that gnaws away at every fiber of your being. I know what it's like to feel suicidal and to have days when almost all you think about is how to end it all. My own father committed suicide when I was eighteen years old, and I spent years bringing that experience into a bearable space.

I have lost my homeland, changed countries, and I have had forty-seven addresses in forty-six years. I might know a little something about despair, lack of confidence, low self-esteem, and the constant fear of change.

The wonderful news is that I have transcended all this. That means it's possible to change even in the midst of such circumstances. I have also carefully elicited everything I did to overcome my doubts and fears and crafted a system out of that experience. This I perfected through ongoing study and applying my tools to help clients, who reported more joy, happier relationships, and more success after practicing my system than they ever imagined possible. I changed, they changed, and you can, too.

Building your confidence means taking action. It is in the doing that great reference points are developed. They become the core of your self-belief. It is said that self-confidence is the memory of success.

* * *

"We have a choice every day: to act on yesterday's good intentions or get an early start on tomorrow's regrets."

~ Kamari aka Lyrikal

* * *

What makes the difference between people who take effective action, people who take action occasionally, and people who fail to act at all? What does it take to light one's fire and keep it lit?

* * *

Are You a Spark, Damp Wick, or Cold Coal?

When it comes to understanding defeat, lack of success and "failed" accomplishments, there seem to be three kinds of people: sparks, damp wicks, and cold coals.

The Spark-No-Fire

Have you ever had an idea and become excited? You may have gone so far as to plan and dream and scheme. You might have mentioned your idea to someone. And then, even though you knew that it had merit, and even though it had a hold on you, you wound up doing nothing. Maybe you even knew your idea could help a lot of people. But the inspiration languished and died.

Then later up the road, perhaps you saw someone else conceive the same idea and run with it. Maybe they experienced accolades, payoffs, and success. Maybe this made you miserable or caused you to rage. Maybe you said to yourself, "Well, it wouldn't have worked for me, anyway!" or told yourself their accomplishment didn't matter. All the while, in your heart and your gut, you knew you missed another opportunity to create your life the way you'd love it to be.

There was your idea—your idea, your creative notion, your ingenious solution—out there, and someone else made something of it. Someone else inspiring others, someone else making money, someone else getting the credit.

The bottom line is: someone else took action. Someone else birthed your notion and is reaping the rewards. How does that feel?

The Damp Wick

You may be someone who would love to have an idea! Deep inside you know there's an ingenious concept floating about, yet somehow it never surfaces. You live in so much self-doubt you hold a belief that great ideas and solutions that sell, inspire, or transform are for "clever" people, "other" people—people who have something you don't. And you're right: they do have something you don't: self-confidence! As Henry Ford put it: "Whether you think you can or you can't, you are right."

The Cold Coal

Are you so locked down by self-doubt and fear that your life feels like a hollow space where you hide in dark obscurity rather than lighting fireworks? You may scurry from the light, disappearing into the coal box of your existence.

Are you moving farther and farther from the possibility of a happy fulfilled you, with each night that rolls into another mundane day? Are you resigned to your lot, clinging damply to the part of you that keeps you small? Do you ever look up to see others who are shining, and feel worse for the comparison? You slip even more firmly into the shadow of your life, reveling in the vindication: "I can't. I'm not worth it. I'm not good enough."

I know that you're wondering how come it is that I can write so clearly about the Spark- No-Fire, the Damp Wick, and the Cold Coal. I can write about them because I have been all of these. My journey is no different, in many ways, than yours so far, except that I discovered Hot Confidence.

I had to know how confidence worked for myself and for others. I tracked it down, unpacked it, stripped it, dressed it, installed it, and celebrated it—clumsily, feverishly, ardently, shakily, doggedly, willfully, humorously, learnedly, passionately, and sensually. I present it to you in all of its potent, mysterious glory. Behold: Hot Confidence!

* * *

Your Purpose and the Lost Property Box

Would it be all right with you if I assume rapport and dive into the doing? I'd like to acknowledge you for showing up. Your transformation has already begun. Let's start with an exercise that begins with a setup exercise: setting up your space. For maximum results, I recommend you do this setup exercise as a prelude to every process or set of exercises in this book.

Setting Up Your Space

1. Give yourself twenty to thirty minutes so you can take your time with this process.

2. Grab a pen and your journal or download your Hot Confidence Workbook at www. HotConfidence.com/workbook and turn to the Chapter One worksheet: "Your Purpose and the Lost Property Box." You will use the journal or worksheet to write down your insights and discoveries.

3. Make sure you are in a space that will be uninterrupted.

4. Turn off your cell phone, and shut down your computer.

5. Make sure you are warm enough and that you have some water to sip.

6. You might like to open the window for some fresh air.

7. It's optimum if your space is clean and uncluttered. If you wish, clear the space in whatever way you like: you can clap; sound Tibetan bells or a singing bowl, smudge with sage, burn incense or oils, or simply set an intention to cleanse and clear the space in which you sit.

8. Include "sacred" objects near you, such as crystals, flowers, or a special book or painting you enjoy.

9. You can light a candle with intention. This means as you light your candle you think of something specific. For example: "This candle I light to bring in my creativity"; "I light this candle for my magnificence"; "I light this candle in thanks for my unfolding potential."

10. Settle yourself in your space and take a few deep breaths.

11. Notice the inward and outward flow of your own breath, in your own natural rhythm.

12. Notice your points of contact with the ground.

13. Ask yourself: "Is there anything I need to leave outside my space in order to have an outstanding experience?" Any thought, worry, doubt, or fear that does not support your growth and highest purpose, send away from you as you breathe out.

14. As you breathe in, draw to you all the support, all the love, and all the acceptance abundantly available to you.

15. If you wish, welcome your guides, guardians, teachers, mentors, and angels, whether known or unknown to you in this moment.

16. Take a moment to offer gratitude for this time and for your magnificence. You are perfect as you are.

Now you are ready to begin the exercise that the setup exercise just prepared you for. You can download your free audio of the Purpose and Reclaiming Your Flow process at www. HotConfidence.com/energytools/your_purpose for your ease and quick, comfortable access. I recommend reading through the exercise here first, to familiarize yourself with the process, then actually doing the exercise while listening to the audiotaped version.

* * *

Finding Your Purpose (Exercise)

You have a way inside of you, on an unconscious level, of storing time and of knowing the difference between the past and the future. It's not so much the past that we are interested in right now. It is your future that we are going to focus on.

I'd like to ask your unconscious mind to create a representation of your future. Please imagine what I am going to suggest. Identify where your past lies in spatial relation to you right now. Is your past beside you or to the left or right? Is it above you, behind you, or below you? What I am asking you to do is to get in touch with your timeline. Your timeline is how you represent time.

In which direction does your future lie? Is it above you, in front of you, to the left side, or off to the right side of you? In your mind's eye, note where your future lies.

In your imagination, face in the direction of your future. That's where you're heading, after all. In your mind, take yourself to a time way out in your future. The future is something people look forward to. In your mind's eye, take yourself right out to stand on the far edge of your future and peer into the golden light that extends way beyond anything that you could have ever conceived of as your future.

Allow yourself to be there fully, in your thoughts. This is the future space where you are living your dreams and so much more. Take a moment to write down who you are, what you are doing, and what you have created. Write down anything else that is significant.

Now, turn and look toward the present time. Notice that the golden light of your future is at your back. From this future space, look back to present time. See your journey. Ask yourself, "How did I get here?"

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Hot CONFIDENCEby Nadine Love Copyright © 2012 by Nadine Love. Excerpted by permission of BALBOA PRESS. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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