Come On In (Hardcover)

Come On In: To Our World of Living with Vascular Dementia

An honest and deeply personal family memoir about vascular dementia, caregiving, love, loss, resilience, and the fight to protect the dignity of someone you love.

John Donoghue was a devoted husband, loving dad and grandad, natural entertainer, dancer, family man, and someone who could fill a room with laughter.

Then vascular dementia began to change everything.

What started with small moments of confusion and behaviour that seemed out of character gradually became something far more serious. After suffering a stroke at the age of 59, John's memory, judgement, behaviour, communication, mobility, and independence slowly declined. In 2006, he received an official diagnosis of vascular dementia.

Written by John's wife, Vicky Donoghue, and daughter, Michelle Spratt, Come On In: To Our World of Living with Vascular Dementia shares their family's deeply personal experience of living with dementia over eighteen years.

This is not simply a story about memory loss.

It is a story about how dementia can affect personality, judgement, relationships, independence, marriage, family life, and the everyday reality of caring for someone you love.

Vicky cared for John at home for twelve years, supported by Michelle, Nick, Mark, and the wider family. As John's condition progressed, the family eventually faced one of their most difficult decisions: accepting that he needed professional twenty-four-hour care.

Inside this moving family dementia memoir, readers will discover:

• The early warning signs that something was changing
• John's stroke and eventual vascular dementia diagnosis
• The emotional reality of becoming a full-time dementia caregiver
• How dementia affected marriage, children, grandchildren, friendships, and family life
• The difficult transition from home care to residential care
• Practical lessons learned through years of dementia caregiving
• The family's battle for NHS Continuing Healthcare funding
• The importance of evidence and Lasting Power of Attorney
• The emotional impact of grief, guilt, exhaustion, isolation, and loss
• Why it is so important to remember the person behind the disease

The book also reveals the family's difficult fight after John's NHS Continuing Healthcare funding was withdrawn. Through research, evidence, persistence, and an appeal, they eventually succeeded in having his eligibility restored.

They fought. They won.

But at the heart of this book is John himself.

The husband who loved his family.

The father who built snowmen, went camping, helped his children, taught line dancing, and filled family gatherings with laughter.

The grandad whose grandchildren adored him.

Vicky and Michelle refuse to allow the final years of dementia to become the definition of John's life. Instead, they remember his humour, generosity, integrity, love of family, and the values he left behind.

For families living with vascular dementia, adult children caring for a parent, partners becoming caregivers, or anyone seeking to understand dementia more deeply, this is a heartfelt account of what one family learned through love, exhaustion, heartbreak, determination, and hope.

Because dementia may change a person in painful ways, but it cannot erase everything they gave to the people who loved them.

John lost his freedom, but never their love.