How many times have you sat at your desk and wondered where you are going? Is this what I want to be doing one, three, five years from now? Do I feel that I am qualified for something more?

FIRE!

The new person in the office who just transferred from a smaller firm is difficult not to like. This person is always smiling and ready for work with loads of positive energy.

Now for some time, I have seen how I just go through the motions of my job. I have worked throughout my life to get the job I have, and now, I just feel flat. I was not a straight "A" student or star football player, but I am happy where I am and where I have come from. I see Holly around the office, she is around my same age, her drive is contagious, and I am dying to know what gives her that extra push! So, at a rare slow moment, I finally asked Holly if we could get together sometime? She said, "sure, how about the coffee shop down the street?"

We met at the coffee shop after work. When we finished the minor shoptalk, I finally asked her "what is your drive?" She asked, "what brought this question out?" So, I told her how I have watched her fly around the office with confidence and I wanted to know what her secret was for daily happy energy. With that, she looked kind of confused, so I continued. "I mean that I look at myself and think, we are about the same age and for some time now, I feel stale especially at work." I see you move, work and it kind of has me jealous to work harder but I need to know how are you able to do what you do. And why you do it. At that, she smiled and said this to me. "Dan I have been to a lot of places and worked most of my life. I am sure you would be surprised to know of my educational level and background. I have met and continue to meet some very influential people along the way in life and they told and continue to tell me things that seem to fit the puzzle of having a successful life." It was now my turn to look confused, so she explained more.

I have had several failed jobs and have been demoted to the point that I would have taken any entry-level position. At one point a boss pulled me in their office and said, "I am concerned about you Holly." And I said "why, has my work performance dropped off or is it my attitude?" He said, "no, I see potential in you. How many company functions have you been to since you have been with us?" I said only a couple, when I knew that I haven't been to any which I think he knew because he gave me this look but he continued saying, "what direction do you plan on going in life?" At that point, I was stuck, since I really did not have a clear picture or even a clue of any thought about future life goals, short-term and long term. So, I simply said "up." And to my surprise, he said right!" Next he asked, "how do you start a good fire?" I said sheepishly, "with matches paper and wood." He said, "of course," then he said something that opened my eyes wide. "Holly, why do you add green wood to your fires?" You see Holly, at this company we like dry wood in order for this company to blaze with opportunity and promises. You add a good burn but you are starting to smolder because you are just being content to be here, when deep down inside yourself, you know that you want something more, so much more. Don't you want my job, my position, and of course my pay? Then Holly, I suggest that you start hanging around other people that use dry wood for the company's sake and for your own growth. At that time, Holly looked at her watch and said that she had to take off and I asked if we could talk again. She said, "sure, how does three days from now sound?" I said, "fine, and this would give me time to think about our conversation we just had."

LETTING GO AND MOVING ON

During that time one afternoon, I sat at my desk jut thinking, Holly saw me and at the end of the workday, I found a diagram on my desk that Holly left. I looked over it very intently and something about this visual drawing depicting life energy, life goals, and fuel from being with people that use dry wood, to keep their successful life a blaze finally put my thoughts in order. (See appendix #1)

After she explained the diagram in more detail at our next meeting, I asked where would I meet people with the same goals as myself. Holly smiled and opened her arms and said "look right here, a coffee house or like I meet you at work." If you are new like me go to the community service agency and get involved with their volunteer programs of helping with at risk youth and the elderly, they have a multiple of activities you can get involved in. Then there is the local library, company work events, such as employee/family picnics, softball team, 5k and 10k weekend runs, church weekday activities the list is endless. (See appendix #2). I go anywhere that I can find people to add positive energy to my goals, dreams and wishes and always tell people what you want to be doing in life both long-term and short term. This process is an all win for ever body because everybody is giving each other positive energy and positive input towards every bodies goals." This got me thinking but another thought popped into my head and I let Holly know. "With my background, how can I relate to these people?" I mean............ She stopped me right there and said "now when we first met, I told you that there were things about me that you would be surprised to know." I said "like what?" She said, "I was an orphan who grew up on the streets, I dropped out of school and worked in fast food places." I then went to a community college and got my GED and so forth. But before I went to a community college, I was told something that changed my entire life for the good. I was told to let things go that would be a burden for me to carry in getting my goals. Dwelling on the past was getting me nowhere. I kept thinking what I always thought and got the same negative unhappy results. I used to think that my being a woman was holding me back from achieving my goals in the business world, but what it comes down to is, who is willing to work the hardest and make plans for success. I had to let all of my insecurities go and be human. I found a short story which helped illustrate my new way of thinking. This is about two monks who were walking to another monastery which was 15 miles away. Along the way they had to cross a river. At the rivers crossing, they came upon a woman struggling to get across. So, one of the monks went over and picked the woman up and carried her across and sat her down and continued walking. After a couple of miles walking, the one monk said to the other monk, "we made a vow to never touch a woman and you just carried that woman." The monk replied, "I know. But I sat her down and you my dear friend are the one who is is still carrying her not me."

So you see Dan, you have to let things go if they will not help or aid you in getting where you want to go or what you want in life.

COGNITIVE DISSONANCE

As I left the coffee house, Holly had me thinking. I have had these thoughts before but hearing them said and explained has opened a new positive door in my mind. Started to think back of times in my life where, if I would have put into practice what I was told today, how it would have changed things. Then it dawned on me, that it does no good for me to think about the past. The future is wide open for me! I will start doing things today to move me towards my new life long positive goals.

The next three days, I found myself more at ease at home and my work became a challenge that I wanted to conquer. I could not wait to talk with Holly. When I got together with her, she asked me how I have been since we have not had a chance to talk much these past days. I told her that I feel in control and happy. Holly looked at me and smiled and I knew something was coming. She told me, "Dan, what have you been thinking?" Well, I think that I can put things in order and I stopped and said, "it's hard to put into words." I want to move up and make more money, but I also feel that I can excel even more where I am now. Holly continued to smile and said, "Dan, what you are up against is called "cognitive dissonance" Now I took on one of my custom puzzled looks and she explained. "Cognitive dissonance is where you have two (2) different ideas, beliefs, values, wishes, or goals." You can do fine having these two thoughts, but once they come into conflict with each other, that is where problems start. You say to yourself, how can I give up one of my beliefs? I mean look at yourself now. You want to move up, but then again you are happy where you are at the moment and you know you cannot do both. Come on Dan do not give me that look–look what we are talking about. We are talking about change in your life for the better. You have to look at all of the options and say what is this going to do for my long-term goals? Now every step you take, you will have to see how it will affect your long-term goals. If you set your short-term goals and they do not coincide with your long-term goals, you will go nowhere. Do not focus on what you want right now, look at what these actions mean for the future. I say for me, change was the hardest part to accept, but change is part of growth. So think of all of the positives in both positions and which works best for you. You cannot loose!

For me the idea of moving as far as I can within this company appeals to me and in 5 to 10 years, I will slow down. For you the choice is yours! Make sure that you take care of things that need to be taken care of, while at the same time focus your newly found energy on your newly found goals. As we rapped up, she asked if I were going to the company softball game on Saturday, and I said yes. So she said we will talk then. She said "Dan, it is not easy doing what you are beginning to do but stick to it and get totally involved with all details required and you will not let yourself down."

POP FLY

That night, I went home and got a sheet of paper and I wrote my positions and the positions available within my company. I did not just write down the openings that I wanted, I wrote down how I felt also. It is a friendly and open company. If you want to move up, you have to be willing to work hard.

After 3 ½ years of sitting at my desk, I finally looked beyond, and I visualized a new position. For the first time in my life I believed I could and would get what I wanted. Nothing lost, only knowledge gained. So, I wrote down what I needed to accomplish and set out to do it! Work flew by and I still wanted more but it was the weekend and I was ready to play ball.

I am not the pitcher or the first baseman, but I have an arm so I played center field. It was the bottom of the 5th and a pop fly was headed towards the left but I went after it anyway. As you can imagine, it was one of those sports bloopers, where the two outfielders ran into each other. Fortunately, Dale was not hurt and neither was I. He just told me to listen when he yells he's got the ball. We eventually won the game. After the game, Holly and I began our usual talk on the bleachers. To my surprise, Holly said that the play in the outfield gave her an idea. She said, "Dan, when you saw that ball coming, didn't you hear Dale yell?" I said, "no." I just looked up and I was concentrating so hard. When I did see Dale, it was too late to do anything. Holly said "Dan, maybe I have been doing the same thing lately." She held up her hand and said I will explain. I have been so set on getting this project done that I did not see all of the information available to me to make doing the project easier. Even when my co-workers pointed it out I ignored it for some reason. I have had a problem with criticism. In the past when someone would criticize me I automatically got on the defensive because most of it was destructive criticism. It was my turn to be the teacher. "Holly, criticism only means to correct something someone sees wrong. If the person abuses that criticism by exaggerating it with words like never, always etc., then you can say why you disagree with that persons point of view. I think in this circumstance if you did not hear those words the information given is for your benefit. Holly, when we look at something, we have to let everything come into play because it may help us in the long run. We cannot get so caught up that we lockout other information. We need to stay focused on our goal but also take a step back to see the bigger picture". As I spoke these words, my blinders came off and I started to see things in a wider lens. In my future planning it will help me see all obstacles plus all the short cuts. I noticed then and there as Holly and I were talking that this is how energy works, whereby two or more persons have similar or even the same goals, interest in life, they feed or put energy into each other in getting expediently closer to their own goals.

MOVING ON TO WHAT

I could hardly sleep that night and when I saw Holly the next morning I told her. She said we should get together at her house tonight. She said that she has something to show me. I arrived at her place at about 6:30pm. After we ate, we got down to business. She left the room and came back with a pile of papers. She said, "since I have started making changes/modifications in my life, I have kept lots of notes." I told her I have started my own pile of notes also. After a laugh, she got serious. She said, "Dan, you remember when we first started talking and you asked me what my drive was?" Well, I can honestly say that it is my self-esteem. I told you that I had a troubled past and I had a lot of odd jobs. One time I was working on a lawn crew and my low self-esteem at the time must have shown. One day after I had finished a job, this older married couple invited me inside. The couple laid something down that brought the change process into reality regardless of failure. They said that they could tell that I had a low self-concept of myself and they also know that my child hood was not the greatest. They asked me if I knew where my self-esteem came from. "How do people develop their self-esteem?" I responded by saying from "me, myself." They both said "no." Your self-esteem comes from the people around you, how they interact with you how they speak to you, especially your parents, brothers, sisters, relatives and teachers. All of this begins when people are infants. They both told me they have three children and with the second child, the wife noticed a change in how her husband treated him. You see my husband did not think anything by saying things to him like, "boy you sure take a lot longer to learn how to talk than your older brother or your older brother Tom never had any trouble getting potty trained." When he got into school even the relatives would say "Sam sure has a harder time in school than Tom did and he is always in some kind of trouble, what a hand full trying to raise that boy right!" My wife saw the changes, as he got older in his messy room and his grades from school. One day, while my husband was talking to Tom about what a great job he did, he saw out of the corner of his eye the reaction in Sam's face and ever since then he worked at praising both of our sons Sam and Tom with the same enthusiasm. The change was immediate and with our third son, we stayed away from my husband's past verbal mistakes. I interrupted her and said "miss, I am a grown mature adult over 23 years of age. How do I change what has happened to me in the past, now?" They said, "Holly, it does not matter if you are a young adolescent, or middle aged and even old, you are not dead, so you still have the opportunity to plant a positive self-esteem seed in you to replace the negative self-esteem seed in you which you can cultivate and nourish to its maximum potential."