The Filthy Dirty Funny Joke Book (Paperback)

A 115 page book of fun jokes to read and laugh about when you are bored, depressed, or you simply want to have a good laugh at my expense, etc. etc. Laugh Your A** Off!!! Just Do It! I have skills that some people can only wish to DEVELOP...I just lost 1000 lbs. I divorced my husband. I saw Jesus the other day...I looked in the mirror! Shazaam! How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? 5. 1 to do the job, the other 4 to say, "Is it in yet, is it in???" How many gay guys can you fit on a stool? That all depends on how loose they all are...If you were sitting on my face you wouldn't want to answer the phone! What kind of spaghetti does Casper The Friendly Ghost eat? SPOOKETTI Why are Bert & Ernie always fighting? Neither one of them wants to be a BOTTOM! Why is BIG BIRD SO HAPPY? Because he they haven't been able to catch him YET! Why do fish eat fish? I AM THE WALRUS! The next time someone calls you an Asshole just say, "That’s right, I am an ASSHOLE...Did you say you want to see my asshole???" Prick...wanna see mine...Jerk...that’s right, I have beef jerky between my legs...Go To Hell...Yes, it’s quite nice this time of year...EAT ME. WHEN? Bastard...who told you my mother wasn't married when she got knocked up...FUCK...WHEN? FUCK YOU...Right HERE? NOW? Who Do You Think Your Foolin'? Certainly NOT YOU! I'm gonna tear you a new asshole...It’s about time someone stepped up to the plate...I haven't been laid in 20 years! I'm gonna fuck shit up...why don't you start by fucking your shit up!!! God Dammit, Jesus Christ, You Mother Fucker...That’s right, I fucked my mother...Hell, I fucked my whole family...Got Head??? Got MILF? Got DILF? Do you know what Incest really is? Keep It In The Family Molestation? Keep it outside the family...How do you know you don't have two assholes? How many assholes does it take to satisfy a straight man??? As many as he can sink his dick into...How did I get HERE? I dunno, how did you get HERE! How Ya Doin'??? How Ya Doin'??? HOPE HEALS...SOUND HEALS...LIGHT HEALS! BE WELL...Trailer Park Trash “I’m going back to my trailerpark. I need to lay down at The Trailer Park Trash Institute for Wayward Souls.” This what I learned from living with my former Slumlord Donald W.F.: Loose Lips sing big ships, Big Loose Lips Sink even bigger ships, So one day while he was busy telling me these two above statements, I said, “Why don’t you shut those loose lips THE FUCK UP.” , Never fire all of your ammunition on your 1st volley…So when I moved out of his dumpy Victorian House @ The Nightmare On Irving Street here in Portland, Me I save the best for last…I didn’t pay him my last month of rent…, You can get more with honey than vinegar. At which point I started pouring honey all over myself and then I said to La Donelda, “Do you want to lick it off of me…” Always serve revenge COLDLY. So, one day when he was busy saying it, I got up poured myself a really cold glass of ice water and I dumped the ice water all over him…, Let ‘em think you’ve gone away and then FIRE BACK…So, I left and waited 10 minutes & I got my shotgun in my room to prove his point. I ain’t nevvvah seen a SLUMLORD run out of the room so quickly to call the Police. It’s not like there were any bullets in the shotgun…Anyone want to know what a Hot Karll is? You get below me or below a glass table and I’ll pull my pants down and take a dump all over you or the glass table. People who’ve pissed me off: Sarah Rowell, Misty, Bob, Chris, John D’Ambrosio, Helen Hawl, Jeff DeGallery, Dawn: I pissed on all of them just to get them out of my head…You know, it’s better to be pissed off than to be pissed on, unless of course, you like being pissed on… Speaking of being pissed on, I don’t mind it. The more the merrier. I’d rather be pissed on any day of the week than pissed off all week long…or years later…still PISSED OFF about some slight some errant human being caused me…laugh about it!!!