Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Acting (But Were Afraid to Ask, Dear)

West End Producer is the anonymous Twitter sensation whose hilarious and unfailingly accurate barbs satirising and celebrating the theatre industry have won him a devoted following.

His identity is the subject of feverish speculation in the media, fuelled by his regular appearances at West End opening nights in costume, wig and latex mask.

He has become a genuine theatre impresario, launching talent competitions Search for a Twitter Star and its successor, Search for a Twitter Composer.

And now West End Producer is ready to share all he's learnt about how to get ahead in showbusiness, in the form of a handy paperback book.

Full of the wit and mischievous indiscretion that has gained him such a cult following, packed with gossip and insider knowledge of the theatre business, and containing enough savvy advice on acting to kickstart a career, West End Producer's book offers tips (both practical and deliciously impractical) on:

• Getting into drama school (learning how to sit in a circle)
• Auditioning (perfecting the 'staring vacantly out front' pose)
• Rehearsals techniques (including how to act in a serious play)
• The different kinds of actor (from sex pest to company idiot)
• Combating boredom (and avoiding backstage naughtiness)
• How to behave at first-night parties (obeying the traffic-light colour code)
• And, most importantly, the correct way to bow at the curtain call

Also included in the book are many of West End Producer’s most memorable tweets, miniature comic salvos despatched with all the shrewdness of a man who truly knows his Barrowmans from his Balls.

'Prepare to be shocked, rocked and mocked in this genuinely laugh-out-loud-funny, lovingly crafted, meticulously researched, spookily insightful and accurately spelled guide to all things thespian.' Michael Ball

'Don’t even consider putting your daughter on the stage, Mrs Worthington, until you’ve first consulted this wonderful book.' Paul O’Grady

West End Producer – or WEP to his friends – was always destined for a career in the theatre after being born on stage during a particularly bloody production of Titus Andronicus. His father was a cross-dressing dame, for whom he used to make outfits; his mother was ‘the butchest Maria von Trapp I have ever seen’, according to Harold Hobson in The Sunday Times; and his first words were ‘Hello, Dolly!’

In his youth, he worked both backstage and onstage at his local amateur theatre, and was voted ‘Most Likely to Go Pro’. One day a director spotted him, plucked him from obscurity, saying he’d be great with ‘a bit of make-up and a hat’ – and cast him in a national tour of Porgy and Bess.

A miserable year on the road saw WEP nearly hang up his show-pants for good – but a chance, late-night encounter with the great impresario Binkie Beaumont inspired him to try his hand at producing. And he’s never looked back…

WEP literally lives, breathes and eats theatre, watching as many new productions as he can cram into his busy schedule. He was a weekly contributor to The Stage newspaper, where for six years his popular column offered practical advice to performers on all aspects of the business. His first book, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Acting (But Were Afraid to Ask, Dear), was a huge success, and was followed by the equally extravagantly titled Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Going to the Theatre (But Were Too Sloshed to Ask, Dear).

At present, WEP spends his days writing and tweeting to his loyal followers, producing, walking around Soho, disciplining actors, making sure everyone faces the right way in auditions, and getting sloshed on as much Dom as possible. He has been called West End Producer for so long that even he has forgotten his real name.