ME
(MY EMOTIONS)By R.T.J.J.Trafford Publishing
Copyright © 2011 R.T.J.J.
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4269-4143-6Chapter One
HERO
Once he was there
Then he was gone
The man of the house
No-longer home
Paid the bills
Bought us a house
Drank 7 and 7
While sitting on the couch
Taking us shopping
Loving our moms
Guaranteed everyday
He'd be coming home
Taken from me
When I was nine
To really get to know him
I never really had time
Never saw me play sports
Didn't live to see a game
Most of my performances
Would not have caused him shame
Lost my guidance
Discipline became naught
Preparation for manhood
Too many lessons I was never taught
Going to the hospital
Rolling him around in a bed
Young mind unable to fathom
That soon to soon this man would be dead
Unable to understand
Figured he'd be back in a week
38 years later
Self control I still seek
On April 19th
My life was rearranged
On that very day
Everything began to change
It was GOD'S decision
Father knows best
In order to build character
You must pass certain test
I'm still standing
My hero is gone
Never told the man I loved him
For going to work and always coming home
R.T.J.J.
CUD
In the time that we were young
Our little lives had just begun
We were fresh fruit from GOD'S tree
Never knowing what we would be
Our father died and left our mother
For us her children we had no other
She lived, and died, she cared for us
In our mother was love and all of our trust
For we in our hearts must truly say
That "in love with mother" we'll always stay
She completed her life, she lived it in full
With this cruel world she no longer has to duel
She is resting in peace,
She's resting in glory
She leaves her children
To tell her story
R.T.J.J.
Uncle Rob
My second dad
A man I loved
From a completely different
Line of blood
Never judged me
Always there
Always listened
Never once unfair
No Condemnation
Betrayal not a trait
Lying was not a problem
If he said it, it was a date
Courage, Wisdom, and Strength
From me has been taken away
See, He was more that just my Uncle
He was my friend, and my mainstay
Always their for me
Never felt neglect
Feeling empty at my selfishness
Because his passing had brought regret
Today is a day of rejoicing
My uncle has received his reward
JESUS' WORD CANNOT LIE
MORE POWERFUL THAN A TWO EDGED SWORD
He promised He would come for us
And call us to His own
Said His Father's house has many mansions
And for us He'd prepared a home
My uncle has found his glory
He's hit his perfect stride
My God has blessed him with perfect Spirit
That with the Saint's He may abide
R.T.J.J
THE MESSAGE
Have you heard the message of GOD and His Love?
How he sent His son from His glory above
See JESUS died so that we might live
Unselfish by nature only in love does He give
See I believed no man
Only the words of my own
Til I searched through a book
About a man and His Throne
I said to myself
This just can't be true
Someone made this up
Just out of the blue
So I lived my life
In a ungodly way
Digging deeper into hell
Day after day
Using and abusing
Those I loved most
Getting with my friends
And about this I would boast
In and out of jail
My second home
When released to freedom
The streets I did roam
Always believing
I was really a man
The concept of manhood
I couldn't understand
Then I met a woman
One I'd known but never knew
And she told me that the story
Of JESUS is true
She said that He died
And yet He still lives
And if I asked Him in faith
My sin he'd forgive
She said get on your knees
And pray to the LORD
Give your life unto JESUS
And receive your reward
So I opened the book
And reread the story
About powerful giving
And wonderful glory
I read the book
Almost everyday
And little by little
I began to pray
And upon my knees
I began to cry
See He loved me so much
He was willing to die
Then one day
I felt a little strange
And little by little
I began to change
But don't believe me
Just try it one day
Get on your knees
And begin to pray
And when you stand
Different you'll be
I tell you the truth
Jesus set me free
R.T.J.J.
Emotional help
God help me with my feelings
To control my emotions
To ignore foolish behavior
My anger is like an ocean
Pent inside me is a bomb
An uncalculated explosion
Seeking to utterly devastate
And stop the lungs of motion
All I seek is peace
To be treated with respect
But the power some wield
Has brought about neglect
Neglect of others rights
Damn to their feelings
Treated like human cattle
God we all could use some healing
R.T.J.J.
FIGHT BACK
No longer will I be depressed
Forever will I fight!
I'll tell those demons to go to hell
When they come at me tonight
I'll draw near to the father
So Satan will have to flee
I'll rebuke him in the name of Jesus
To return his misery
I'm tired of them messing with me
But that don't mean they'll quit
But with prayer and faith I will do battle
And make those demons split
During the day their missions are subtle
In preparation for their nightly attack
I prayed to God for a little wisdom
And now I know how to fight back
Bolo punches don't work on Satan
His chin is to damn strong
But with short jabs and uppercuts
A person can't go wrong
You jab with praise
Uppercut with prayer
Faith a solid right hand
Obedience is his nightmare
God has given us all the weapons
The greatest of these is love
So step to mark and square your shoulders
And fight with your spiritual gloves
R.T.J.J.
FLESH AFTER DEATH
STAREING INTO SPACE
MY MIND HAS LEFT
NOTHING IS STRANGER
THAN IMAGING YOUR DEATH
A WHOLE NOTHER WORLD
FILLED WITH GLORY OR DOOM
FILLED WITH SPACE AND HAPPINESS
OR DARKNESS AND VERY LITTLE ROOM
WHERE WILL YOU BE
TELL ME DO YOU KNOW
WHERE WILL YOU WIND UP
WHEN IT'S TIME TO GO
UPSATIRS OR DOWN
HEAVEN OR HELL
CONTROL YOUR OWN DESTINY
NO TIME TO FAIL
AFTER DEATH IT'S OVER
TIME NOW TO TAKE A STANCE
WHEN THE FLESH RETURNS TO DUST
NO RETURN NO MORE CHANCE
SO WHERE WILL YOU BE
AFTER THE TRUMPET SOUNDS
WHERE WILL YOU GO
WHEN YOUR FLESH RETURNS TO THE GROUND
R.T.J.J.
FOOLISH
Heavy is my heart
A weight in my soul
A life of destruction
I lived very bold
Now I'm tired
Trying to find peace
Anxiety invades my spirit
Satan refuses to cease
Got to keep praying
To cleanse me inside
Rebuke these demons
Till they run and hide
God has the power
Satan is a lie
But that doesn't mean
He won't continue to try
To bring you down
Is Satan's game
To humiliate and degrade you
And cause you great shame
But I now understand
He can be defeated
In heavenly places
He's no longer seated
Truly he has fallen
Truly he has fell
Into his own created torment
A place called hell
He wants you to come visit
And stay for a while
So he causes you trouble
With trial after trial
Cunning and baffling
Underestimate him not
I here where he lives
It gets very, very hot
I must admit
He had almost won
Until my momma told me
That Jesus is the one
Full of strength
And sanctification
His spirit brings glory
And gratification
His love is unlimited
Thank God I know to pray
In Jesus blessed army
I have decided to stay
Memories can kill you
And drive you insane
Your past can hurt you
And bring enormous pain
Until you understand
Your sins are forgiven
You're no longer trapped
In the life you were living
Cleansed by the blood
Redeemed through the power
Forgiveness being renewed
Everyday on the hour
R.T.J.J.
FOOLS ON EARTH
God is my only friend
No one left to trust
No matter how I live
Heaven is a must
Eternity is not an option
Eternity is to damn long
Why should I let a rock?
Beat me in praising and singing God's song
If I praise Him and I am right
I'll receive eternal life
If I ignore His word and His name
Only my self can bare the blame
Fools inhabit the planet
Always putting money first
Doing evil in the name of God
In reality just making things worst
The state of man is sickening
Relying upon his own understanding
God's wealth is to be shared by all men
Only God has the right to do any demanding
R.T.J.J.
DEVASTATING ATTACK
I'm just fucking not happy
What more can I say
I've neglected to go to church
I've neglected to pray
No peace without the father
No comfort within
Feeling like raw shit
Wrapped, cooked, and baked in sin
Fighting so many demons
From within and without
Not praying and going to church
Has caused me great doubt
Internal turmoil
Filthy in my guts
Unworthy of glory
Tossed upped punk ass slut
Can't find my manhood
Loosing who I am
No true friend to speak of
I've found I give a damn
The pressure is closing in
I am under attack
Although I knew it was coming
I've forgotten to fight back
I knew Satan was coming
Long before he arrived
I know by the blood of Jesus
This to I will survive
Subtle was his approach
Devastating he thought it would be
But I still stand tall and strong
Living in victory
Defeat is not an option
Lying down is not a thought
Victory is my destiny
By Jesus blood I've been bought
Fear tried to choke my spirit
Thinking in the wrong direction
Covered by the blood of Jesus
He was raised for my protection
Nothing else to fear
Satan won't go away
Time for me to go to battle
And get back upon my knees and pray
R.T.J.J.
GO AWAY
The devil got after me today
Almost had me depressed
He came with the pits of hell
He came like a demon possessed
He attacked through my loneliness
Attempting to cause despair
He suggested no one loved me
And told me no one cared
He came at me from all directions
Seeking to cause me trouble
I stood my ground in the name of Jesus
And rebuked him on the double
I told him to get out
And dismissed him from my cell
I bound him in the name of Jesus
And sent him back to hell
I told him I didn't love him
I got on my knees and prayed
I told him God is my only King
And to Him alone went all my praise
I refuse to be defeated
By such a thing as he
I'd be a fool to let him win
While I've been promised victory
I refuse to be depressed
Or let him cause me strife
I refuse to be a fool
And let him ruin my life
R.T.J.J.
Another Day
Morning breeze of another day
As the sun takes its place in the sky
Another chance to be successful
Another opportunity to try
Another day to say I love you
To my two blessed kids
I have a chance to express my gratitude
To GOD my truest friend
Rising to the morning sun
The warmth invades my bones
As yet another fact
My God is still on HIS THRONE
Ants go about their busy schedule
The fly's they irritate
Leads me to the conclusion
It still is not to late
Birds they sing in sweet melody
As spiders wait upon their prey
Yes GOD I must say thank you
For another Glorious day
R.T.J.J.
BETRAYAL
Pretty soon they'll understand
R.T. simply don't give a damn
To hell with their actions
Their presence is just another distraction
They now have quit
Not understanding I don't give a shit
There's peace in the fact that they've gone away
Because if love wasn't shaky, they surely would have stayed
Trying to raise a grown ass man, with bad advice
They can collectively kiss my ass, morning, noon, and night
Say I love you strictly with words
If action speaks- there's nothing to be heard
Wanting someone to kiss his or her ass
Self-righteous idiots caught up in the past
Trying to tell me about my behavior
Love is unconditional-not one of your favors
Bring it all or don't bring none
Be real or leave because I'm not the one
To my family- you may all go to hell
The stench of your presence, has left an awful smell
R.T.J.J.
DECIDED BY GOD
Tortured is my soul
Stunted is my growth
I played at being intelligent
In stupidity I would boast
Life isn't simple
New troubles everyday
Dipping, dodging, and sucker ducking
Re-learning how to pray
Struggling with my intentions
Walking in the blind
Searching for true happiness
Uneasy-with no peace of mind
Wanting but not striving
Gifted but driven
Believing when GOD says
So it is said so let it be written
I am not a truck
Just do foolish things
Praising GOD is a no brainer
To HIS word alone I need to cling
Not the wisest man
But this one thing I know
Must serve and trust in my savior
Through whom all blessings flow
R.T.J.J.
DON'T GIVE UP
FOLLOWING MY DREAMS
WON'T GIVE UP
WILL GET OUT
AND STRUT MY STUFF
WITH GOD ON MY SIDE
I WON'T BE STOPPED
JESUS WILL LEAD ME
WHEN I GET OUT
I WANT A LOVE
I NEED A WIFE
MY OWN PERSONAL FRIEND
WITH WHOM TO SHARE MY LIFE
MISTAKES I HAVE MADE
PERFECT I AM NOT
FOLLOWING MY JESUS
IS NOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT
GOD IS THE KEY
TO HEAVEN OR HELL
ONLY HE CAN READ OUR HEARTS
AND BRING US OUT OF OUR SHELL
GOD IS LOVE
NO MATTER WHAT
WHATEVER HAPPENS
I'LL NEVER GIVE UP
R.T.J.J.
GOD IS NEAR
The walls are closing in
My enemies are all around
Seeking to destroy my existence
Trying to pull me down
I feel demon forces at work
Wishing to invade my soul
Trying to turn my future
Of my destiny they want control
I fight with them constantly
For righteousness I struggle
When I hit them with the cross of Jesus
They back away befuddled
They circle out of jealously
Intending me as their prey
I douched them with the blood of Jesus
But they still don't go away
I find myself in a fight
The demon forces are near
But I stand my ground with the Holy Spirit
Cause God is already here
R.T.J.J.
HANDLE IT
Mesmerized by this emptiness
Stuck in whirlwind of emotion
Dark whole of loneliness
Thankful for her devotion
Sailing in my fantasy
Reaching to free
Wondering what happened
Why am I no longer me
Struggling with temptation
Loosing many rounds
I keep getting handled
But refusing to go down
Tough is the fight for freedom
Equality comes from within
I decide my own self worth
I don't need the approval of other men
Stomped but not out
Fallen but not defeated
The battle rages on
Nothing has been completed
Strength is ever growing
Tapped into a new source of power
Feeling stronger every minute
Growing more confident by the hour
Knowing I'll never loose
As long as I never quit
Just another day in life
Yeah I can handle this shit
R.T.J.J.
Healing and Promises
The Lord is my Shepherd or so they say
Can you prove He's with me day after day?
When I was shot, was He at my side?
When my car hit that pole did His love abide?
When my baby born and for nine minutes did not breath
When her lungs filled with air who caused me to be relieved
When my son was beaten and almost died
Who quickened his body and brought it back alive
When I was beaten robbed, and left for dead
When I walked through blue wearing all red
When I was doing wrong and shot in the head
Was it the spirit of God bringing healing to my bed?
Time has come that in something I must believe
Is God really real through the devil have I been deceived
Can I know the truth is God really King
Should I glorify His presence in His name should I sing?
Should I believe this book they say were written by whites
The ones that wore hoods and only came out at night
But how do they know who truly wrote the book
Were they looking over their shoulders did they get a good look
Well all I know is that I've been changed
Since I fell on my knees and began calling His name
I haven't been robbed or shot in the head
I haven't been beaten and left dead
My babies are alive both are well
They both believe in Jesus, His story they tell
In Jesus they call in Him they trust
If Jesus is real find Him I must
R.T.J.J.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from MEby R.T.J.J. Copyright © 2011 by R.T.J.J.. Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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