This book was not intended to be about me. It is a memoir, yet, I truly do not consider myself so significant that anyone would want to read my memoirs. It consists of stories throughout my life that have been significant because of the lessons learned. If not for the belief that I am here as a student, in this University called Earth, with the ultimate goal of evolving spiritually, then life in and of itself would be an existential purgatory. I write to teach. The paradox is that we are alone in this journey called life, yet we are never truly alone. We are all connected. Embrace the Lessons speaks to a Universal truth that acknowledges that the purpose of the human experience is to grow as spiritual beings. I share with you my personal stories of transcendence, in the hopes that you will become open to your own. You are invited to open yourself to the lessons that Life has to offer. Embrace the Lessons is a look inside one woman's journey to remain on the path of healing and transcendence. Much of this book was written over the course of three decades. It is packed with insight and inspiration. It is thought provoking, heart-felt, and entertaining. It is written for you. It is written to inspire you to engage in frequent acts of courage and stamina in order to awaken to your own personal growth and transformation. Awaken to your Teachers. Listen, watch, and observe the many forms in which they appear. Fear not. Open your mind and heart in order to Embrace the Lessons.

Embrace THE LESSONS

BALBOA PRESS

Contents

Preface.........................................................................xiAcknowledgments.................................................................xvPART 1. GIFTS FROM THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE.........................................1Chapter 1. The Gift of Pain.....................................................3Chapter 2. Amazing Grace........................................................15Chapter 3. Criminal "Justus"....................................................22Chapter 4. Blessed are the Children.............................................31Chapter 5. Healing..............................................................43PART 2. GIFTS FROM GOD'S CREATURES..............................................51Chapter 1. In God's Time........................................................53Chapter 2. The Gift of Glory....................................................58Chapter 3. The Gift of Charity: Making Room for One More........................64Chapter 4. The Gift of Security.................................................75Chapter 5. The Gift of Abundant Love............................................85PART 3. GIFTS FROM SPIRIT.......................................................95Chapter 1. From Spiritual Bankruptcy to Spiritual Awakening.....................97Chapter 2. On Being Psychic.....................................................122Chapter 3. Spiritual Stops Along the Path.......................................133Chapter 4. Coming Full Circle...................................................141Chapter 5. Do Not Depart........................................................154Chapter 6. Spirit Guides and Angels.............................................160Chapter 7. Meditate On This.....................................................176Afterward.......................................................................181

Chapter One

The human condition requires that we experience and incorporate pain into a higher level of consciousness that ultimately serves to transcend one's spirit. As part of the human condition we question why we should feel pain. Indeed, our brains are neurologically set up for pleasure. As a human species we have a low tolerance for pain, which has motivated us to generate things that have made life much less painful. One might even say that we have evolved to the point that pain seems unnatural to us, and has indeed become unacceptable to us. We live in a time of immediate gratification. The invention of the microwave oven was perhaps an important time marker of this new era. Until the microwave came along, we had to spend hours preparing and cooking meals. There was no such thing as a Drive-Thru or Fast Food. It is not uncommon in today's world to wait impatiently for the microwave to "hurry up" and heat up our food. It is also not uncommon to not 'have time' to 'run though a drive thru.'

The invention of the remote control brought immediacy to our finger tips. Some of us remember that children used to serve as both TV antenna and remote control. Remember when your father would say: "Hey, get up and turn the channel. Wait. Stand right there, the reception is better—and hold your arm up—yeah that's good." Back then we had three TV stations—ABC, CBS, and NBC. We thought we hit it Big Time when PBS came upon the scene. Now there are hundreds of channels and we frequently "can't find" anything that interests us. We "surf" the TV, radio, and the web in an attempt to find something that suits our every whim. We live in a time and place where we expect to receive pleasurable/stimulating things almost upon the moment that we desire them. Pain has become unnecessary and unacceptable. Pain has become something to avoid. In fact if we encounter pain, we automatically assume that something is terribly wrong.

We have this unrealistic expectation that we can and should be able to sustain an indefinite period of bliss. In the rooms of 12 Step Programs it is not uncommon to hear people say that they are happy, joyous, and free. Another common expression is that members are "happiest beyond their wildest expectations." Now, I'm not against people feeling happy. In fact, I rejoice in such a blessing. The problem is when people begin to think something is wrong if they are not happy all the time. I like to ground people in the reality that "Happy, Joyous, and Free" is not a place. It is not a destination. It is a temporary emotional state of wellbeing that is afforded to us as a respite from the daily trek called Life. We cannot be happy all the time. That is just not natural. Even though we have evolved into the Information Age, this does not mean that we are no longer part of nature. There are just some things that we cannot bypass, and one of those is that life is challenging. If you are sad, anxious, upset, hurt, or angry it doesn't mean that something is wrong, it just means that something is. It is as it is. Be with whatever it is, and it too shall pass. Everything comes and goes. That is natural—eternal bliss is not natural.

Pain comes in many forms. There is physical pain, emotional pain, and mental pain. I separate emotional and mental pain because the two feel distinct to me. Emotional pain is a feeling response to an event. Mental pain is typically the result of repetitive beliefs that in turn produce emotional pain (such as sadness or anxiety). As human beings we encounter physical, emotional, and mental pain as part of the experience that life offers. It is through the challenges of physical, mental and emotional pain that we are offered the opportunity for spiritual growth. Spiritual growth is not currently a high priority in this country because it lacks immediacy and requires stamina and a humble approach to pain. Why should I feel pain if I can take something or do something to bypass such pain? How can there possibly be value in working through pain? The value comes in the lesson learned—be it gratitude, fortitude, self-empowerment, compassion, love.

I believe that we each have our own traumas and challenges in life. The amount, frequency, and depth of these traumas will vary from person to person. For some it may be one major traumatic event in life. For others it may seem to be a never ending cascade of mini traumas. There are those, too, who believe that we chart our traumas and our lessons before we get here (are born). This makes sense to me, as it would be characteristic of a loving God to allow us to participate in our Course of Education. After all, it is all for Glory, all in the name of Love. Of course, I don't feel very loving when I am in the middle of one of my Lesson Plans. In fact, I'm more likely to curse, hold my breath, and stomp my feet. I'm more likely to cry "foul" and declare how unfair life is. I am more likely to do all those things because as a human being I don't want to go through the painful experience. I don't want to go through something that in the long run may make me a better person. It is part of the human experience to want to bypass spiritual growth, yet part of the condition as a spiritual being to transcend through such experiences. That's our job. I've learned to accept this, and as a result, life has become much easier to maneuver.

After some internal debate I've decided to let you in on some of my own personal traumas that I have weathered in life. These were troubling times that caused such growing pains that I needed to journal as a means of freeing myself from the source of pain, in order clarify and open myself up to the lesson. As such, contained within this book are some excerpts from journal entries. The decision to use a journal entry is due to the raw honesty that would be diluted if I were to rewrite the entries. I have shared my uncensored, inner thoughts because I believe that some may benefit from the realization that they are not alone, or perhaps are better off. Most people, when asked, would rather keep their own problems than trade for someone else's problems. There is hope, regardless of your own personal situation. There is a path out. That path begins with honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness to change. The path is also a lot easier to walk if you appreciate the humor that can be embraced along the way.

Journal Entry: I Know I'm in Trouble When ... Depression has become such a familiar presence in my life that it is almost a norm. But for 2 years of blissful normalcy, I have been on antidepressant medication for most of my adult life. I've learned how to work with depression, when to take it seriously and when to become one with it. When I say "become one" what I mean is that since depression is more the norm than the exception, it is really no cause for alarm. "Oh, I'm depressed ... and? ... and what? ... so what? ... continue on, do the next thing that's in front of you. Live, anyway."

There are little signs to tell me that I need to monitor the severity of depression. For example, when I wake up in the morning and I have no idea what day it is. I will sit there for a few moments and search my mind to determine the actual day. Is it the weekend? Is it a work day? Regardless of the day, I have this overwhelming sense of "I can't. I just can't get out of bed. I can't face another day." If it is a work day there is almost a sense of dread, because it will require energy to put on my "public face." You know that "face." The one that smiles and tells the world: "Hi, I have it together. Nothing wrong here. Just going about my day." Most of the time this is a good thing because it gets me outside myself and focused on whatever task is at hand. It's a mild symptom, a little warning sign, when I wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread.

If the episode of depression continues I notice that my taste in music changes rather dramatically. Normally, I am "in concert" when I travel in my truck. I have a CD on and I just sing to my heart's content. I have been told that I have a nice voice, and my response is usually: "Well, that's a good thing because I love to sing and I'm going to whether it sounds good or not." Singing moves energy in a very healing manner. It just doesn't matter what kind of song it is. Whether it is a sad song, an angry song, a happy song, or a seductive song, there is a song for any mood, and the music helps me to work through or with the emotion that I am feeling. Depression is stagnation. Music moves the depression to a higher energy frequency.

Another warning flag goes up when I don't want to hear any lyrics at all, only music. If I only want to hear classical music, I know that my depression is something that must be monitored closely. Don't misunderstand. I have a full appreciation for classical music. I have often wondered if I was an accomplished violinist in another life. It's as though I can feel the instrument in my arms. I can almost play along, knowing the note that will come next and feeling "at one" with the instrument. There is an intense passion that almost hurts, as if a wave of grief comes over me. I find no meaning in the paradox, other than the music makes me feel alive and mournful at the same time. When I yearn for classical, I know that I am going within. I know that there is a deep, dark void that is like a vacuum. As I travel into the "Black Hole" I become intolerant of any music. I think to myself: "No music. No sound." Silence is essential. Silence is essential because there is too much noise in my head. I yearn for numbness. Days, sometimes weeks, will go by with no music, no radio, no CD's, no sound, no singing. No life. The vibrations of life are too intense. No music is a serious warning sign, and an indicator that I will be in trouble if I don't take some sort of action.

I lose my appetite. Nothing interests me. Food doesn't taste as good. Eating is a chore that I want no part of. Even chocolate and ice cream don't interest me. This rarely concerns me, because even if I lose weight (as I have in the past) I know that I will put it back on. My weight fluctuates 10-20 pounds, depending on my mental status. I have different sizes of clothing for whatever place I'm at. Seinfeld once did an episode on how things always seem to balance out. That's how I feel about weight gain and weight loss. It's happened before, it will happen again, it will all even out. Never mind the havoc it creates for my metabolism, blood glucose, energy level, immune system. I've learned to live with that as well.

Sleep patterns change dramatically when I enter the "Black Hole." I have often told people that I was "born tired." I'm tired almost all the time. If I sit still for more than ten minutes, I can fall asleep. Forget sitting. If I stand still for more than ten minutes I can fall asleep. I've fallen asleep on bus benches, on the floor in a department store, while waiting in line at the grocery store, during class, watching television, on buses, trains, at work, and believe it or not, standing in line in the middle of Grand Central Station during rush hour. Sleeping is not a problem. When I make it to my bed at night, it probably takes only seconds to fall asleep. I'm out like a light, and not even a major electric storm will wake me ("Did you hear the thunder last night?" "What thunder?"). Apparently, I don't move very much while I'm sleeping, either. I get what I affectionately call "bed injuries." A 'bed injury' occurs when I sleep in one position for so long that a muscle strain occurs. For example, when I sleep on my side I must put a lot of pressure on my back because I wake up with an incredible sharp pain between my shoulder blades that lasts for days. I'll wake up with a stiff neck because I didn't move for hours at a time. Weird, huh? Whatever.

Anyway, when sleeping becomes a problem it is a major indicator that the depression is getting deep. I wake up (wide awake) at 1:00 am and cannot fall back asleep for hours. Then I play the "is it time to wake up" game. I'll lie there, trying to relax, focusing on my breathing and occasionally looking at the clock. "Is it time yet?, Nope, its 2 am ... 3am ... 4am." During this time frame it's as if someone gave me a shot of adrenalin. I am ready for the Super Bowl. Not tired at all, ready to start cleaning, thinking, thinking, thinking. The only reason I don't get up is because I'm afraid of how tired I will be the next day. This sleeping pattern can go on for days and weeks. It is draining, and eventually brings me to the next level in the Black Hole.

Believe it or not, all of this is tolerable. Not comfortable, and certainly not what I prefer, but it is tolerable. What is not tolerable is how depression affects my mind and my soul. With regard to my soul, it is as if suddenly there is no will to live. There will be waves of dysphoria throughout the day. The wave almost has the same sensation as an elevator when it drops on the way to a lower floor. There is this 'falling sensation' or maybe 'free-falling' sensation that I get in elevators. I know I'm going down, fast, and I can only hope that the elevator is functioning properly because it feels like it's going to crash. Then the elevator slows to an airy stop. All anxiety dissipates. The same kind of sensation occurs with the waves of depression that come over me. I've had many years to conduct a "self-study," if you will, and there are no external factors that trigger this sensation. It's like a chemical reaction, a wave, which has no tangible cause. 'The Wave' is not a good thing. It is an indicator that if I don't have my medication evaluated I am going to be in trouble. It's as if my soul, my spirit, my essence, is falling.

I know I'm in trouble. I know, and I have outbursts of tears, for I am afraid that I will be discovered. God forbid anyone should know how dysfunctional I can become. Enter the tricks of the mind. Let the games begin. Initially, when depression starts to rear its ugly head, I become rather philosophical. It is exuberating and exhilarating. My mind travels all over the place with very intricate theories. I get this sensation that I am connected with the Universe. It is as if I have tapped into The Truth, the Oneness, as if I have a knowledge and understanding of questions that many will never dream of answering. There is a knowing. I am of this earth-plane and of the spirit-plane at the same time. There is so much knowledge and wisdom to tap into. It occurs in an instant. In a flash, all these truths unfold. It is not unlike one of the opening scenes in A Beautiful Mind, when John Nash is looking at how light is fragmented through the drinking glasses, creating a pattern that matches another student's tie. John Nash sees the mathematical theory. My mind is not mathematical, yet the concept is similar in that there is an unfolding and a moment of Truth. My mind does this all day, for days on end. I listen and I hear and I know and I understand. And then, like classical music, there is a tremendous pain in 'the knowing' for it reminds me of my existence here on earth. It reminds me of the Human Condition and the task before me. I am not of the spirit world. I am of the earth. I am in this body, trudging through the road of life.

Now there is a painful reality, a painful awareness. I become incredibly sensitive. I will be in my truck driving down the highway, and grieve at the sight of land being cleared for development. "Do they not know what they are doing to the delicate balance that nature provides?" I grieve for the trees being cut down and chopped into mulch; the very trees that took decades and centuries to grow. The trees that provided oxygen, shade, shelter, housing for animals, beauty, and majesty. I grieve at the fact that man is too busy building to consider allowing a tree to stand, to consider working around the tree, to even consider transplanting it. If we can go to the moon, why can't we save the trees? I grieve for the animals that are displaced. That was their "development" that they lived in for generations. "Do they not know that there are families, young ones, infants living on that land? Animals are the custodians of the earth. How can we displace them?" Isn't "displace" a kind word? 'Displace' harbors us from the harsh realities of the bulldozers and machines of mass destruction. We kill in the name of progress. As I drive by these clearing fields I grieve deeply in my soul. I want to retreat, to escape to the mountains where I cannot see and experience the "progress" of man. It is almost unbearable, and it is also a reality of procreation.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Embrace THE LESSONSby Vickie H. Shannon Copyright © 2011 by Vickie H. Shannon. Excerpted by permission of BALBOA PRESS. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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