Back after a four-year hiatus, New York Times best-selling author Scott Adams presents an outrageous look at work, home, and everyday life in his new book, Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel. Building on Dilbert’s theory that “All people are idiots,” Adams now says, “All people are idiots. And they are also weasels.” Just ask anyone who worked at Enron.
In this book, Adams takes a look into the Weasel Zone, the giant grey area between good moral behaviour and outright felonious activities. In the Weasel Zone, where most people reside, everything is misleading, but not exactly a lie. Building on his popular comic strip, Adams looks into work, home, and everyday life and exposes the way of the weasel for everyone to see. With appearances from all the regular comic strip characters, Adams and Dilbert are at the top of their game—master satirists who expose the truth while making us laugh our heads off.
Excerpt
Entertaining Yourself at Work
Criticizing Coworkers
If you don't feel like doing any actual work, and yet you want to appear "useful," you can spend your workday criticizing coworkers, i.e., weasel work. It's both easy and entertaining and it shows your dedication to teamwork.
Luckily for you, your coworkers are no better at their jobs than you are at yours. So there's plenty of material to work with.
Try to resist the urge to laugh out loud as you enjoy your God-given right of making other people feel like losers. Pick out some obvious problems with a coworker's performance and then suggest the most unpleasant solution imaginable. For example:
"Gee, Carl, it looks like your customers and vendors aren't on the same page. You should host a conference somewhere in the middle of their locations, like Iraq, to work out all of the differences."
Later, when your coworker runs into problems with his project, you can remind him that you suggested a solution but it was "ignored." Then shake your head in disgust and shuffle away.
Taking Training
If you get a kick out of making your boss nervous, take training classes. Bosses know that when you display an appetite for learning, it means one thing: you're planning to leave for a better job.
Your pointy-haired boss would prefer that you remain slightly incompetent because incompetence is less expensive than training, a and incompetent employees can't leave for better jobs. And when your boss wants to experience the joy of criticizing subordinates, untrained employees are a target-rich environment.
That's why you should sign up for training classes at every opportunity, such as when your boss is on vacation. Training is easier than working-especially if you don't pay attention to the instructor-and it makes your boss squirm. That's a win-win scenario. After the training, drop hints of your impending departure like "Those training classes have made me see how wonderful the world is - out there."
Attractiveness
Attractive people have special weasel privileges because the rest of us like to look at them. No one wants to take a chance of angering good-looking people because if they go someplace else, then we'll have to sit around looking at each other. And that's not entertaining.
Have you ever noticed that attractive people leave early from any gathering? If it's a long meeting, they leave during the first break. If it's a party, they leave halfway through. Sometimes they say they're planning to attend but they don't show up.
I first noticed this effect when I was in my early twenties. At that age I didn't dare talk during meetings because I didn't know what any of the buzzwords meant. I could sit in a meeting for three hours and leave without even knowing what the topic had been. I compensated for my complete worthlessness by nodding and sometimes pretending to take notes. For me, the only way to survive the boredom was to stare at attractive women in the room and fantasize that they lusted after short, confused men with thick glasses. I imagined that if they only got to know the real me, they would understand that I have no discernible personality either, and it would be a turn-on.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Dilbert and the Way of the Weaselby Adams, Scott Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.Copyright © 2003 Victoria Alexander
All right reserved.
