I am a Cambridge Graduate (English 2:1 1972). I am the son of a Vicar. Arriving in jail as a first timer is shocking, particularly as a 56-year-old, normally 'good' citizen, or 'burgher of this borough'. (Shrewsbury, Shropshire, UK). That's what happened to me on April 7th, 2005, after I had been distressed enough to set fire to my own office at home. Within less than 24 hours of the incident, I was bundled into The Dana at Shrewsbury. I had handed myself over to the police because I knew I had done something wrong. I also knew I was ill and needed help. I was at wit's end. After librium had helped me down from excess alcohol - (a major contributory factor in the causation of the sorry event) - I set about surviving, on the only terms available. These were my own. Writing was the means by which I tried to make order out of Chaos, or what I later determined was KAFKA = the institutional insanity of the prison unsystem. I wrote irregularly but constantly, jotting down everything and anything of interest - to keep the mind alive in this most mind-destroying of places. The Alpha-Omega was my special vehicle - a concise way of getting mind over matter. I stole unashamedly from the books to hand, and then made my 'A-Z' sense of the meat of them. There was a wonderful hour of performance just after Christmas in Stafford Jail when prisoners shared talents. That's what I'm doing now, I hope. For any 'outside' or 'inside' prisoners. 'The mind is its own place, and in itself/Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.' Writing helps self-analysis, making sense, keeping self together - hope. 'Don't let the bastards get you down.' Words rise.

DEEP INSIDE

By MIKE WILLMOTT

Trafford Publishing

Copyright © 2007 Mike Willmott
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4251-0989-9

Chapter One

      51 MEN IN A CAGE - HMP THE DANA

    Warm summer sunshine, peace in the Cage,
    apart from the early match-cheering from the Gay Meadow.
    51 cons take their afternoon exercise:
    a clockwise perambulation round the 100-metre circuit.
    One screw stands languidly watching each side:
    no action likely – an hour's tedium for them,
    outside the tall fence – no contact, lonesome –
    imprisoned in their head – time to contemplate
    their mental imprisonment: their lives, their wives.
    Overhead, the fishing-net strung over the octagon fence
    to prevent incoming projectiles, hurled from outside,
    over the wall from Castlefields –
    half-tennis-balls, loaded with crack.

    But shame is not the whole story.
    Even encaged, there are common decencies,
    common courtesies, and hail-well-mets,
    well-wishing for next court appearance,
    gentle askings after health, partners, kids;
    laughter and stories, experiences and tales:
    in the Cage the raconteur thrives.
    Also, there's the hum of learning,
    where random expertise is shared in short-hand:
    drugs, crime, alcohol, punishment, the Outside –
    the inevitable, infiltrated with the unusual, or the deep.
    The Cage encourages souls to express themselves,
    and hidden learnings to be exposed:
    Immigration; What happened to the Gold Coast?
    Funerals in Ghana; Charles Bronson and the Governor;
    Zimbabweans in Hamburg, spreckening Deutsch;
    Organic farming; Gangland Telford; Nutrition.

    It's not really a cage –
    it's not a den of iniquity.
    It's a Pandora's box,
    producing something rich,
    and strange.

HMP COTTAGE INDUSTRIES

SYB

Prisoners make all sorts of things
for other prisoners, in other prisons.
Sudbury, Derbyshire, produces some fine quality foot-wear,
that looks quite classy.
Featherstone, Wolverhampton creates bodywarmers
with jazzy buttons.
All your plastics – combs, toothbrushes, bowls, etc
come from Gartree, Liverpool;
towels and bedding from Wandsworth.

Unfortunately, HMP Full Sutton,
who produce track-suit tops for Shrewsbury
got tangled up with `Shrewsbury' and `Shrowsbury',
and managed to shorten it down to SYB.
Hundreds of track-suits are wrongly labelled.
Or are they?

Shrewsbury Yob Brigade
Shrewsbury Young Bastards
Shrewsbury Yelling Buggers
Shrewsbury Yawning Bed-pressers
Shrewsbury Yellow Boys
Shrewsbury Yacking Badmouthers
Shrewsbury Yesmen Beanheads
Shrewsbury Yoked-up Bedfellows
Shrewsbury Yuppie Burglars

(or even quite plausibly)

Shrewsbury Youth Band

All is explained – later –
(which it always is – inside - never sooner).
Shrewsbury – SY - Category B (Remand) Prison
becomes, legitimately:

SYB

What a name tag!


ON THE BRIGHTER INSIDE - DOWN THE PAN

Sanitation in the cell has improved since Dickens' day.
Nevertheless, it's a bit rudimentary
to have to sit behind a 3 foot 6 `guard',
staring your cell-mate in the face,
emitting at least unsavoury noises,
and, unfortunately, some cell-filling odours.

But on Day Four in the Dana,
the wretched pan sprang a leak.
We had to have the `experts' in:
cons earning pocket money.
The one in the blue was passing sixty,
with thick-rimmed glasses.
His `apprentice' was forty,
though treated like fourteen.

Amidst several `fuckings',
and lots of spilt water,
it was discovered that the replacement was the wrong size,
and the joint was fitted with a punctured gasket.
(The two Ronnies would have made a better job of it,
though their dialogue wouldn't have been as colourful.)

Mission completed,
after a brief three-quarters-of-an-hour.
At one moment, at least four cons leant over the pan,
observing a screw being twisted in –
(quite fitting, for a prison, with failing outlets).
What professionalism! What finesse! –
Should have been a piece of piss!

Now – testing time, and possibly Eureka.
There was the new pan,
but the last twist of the ear-splitting drill
split the shiny bowl – possibly made in Stoke -
(like most of the druggies in the Dana).

`CUNT!' said the foreman in blue, with his dulled glasses.
We all laughed – like a drain!

    A THANKSGIVING TO
    GOD FOR HIS HOUSE

    Lord, Thou hast given me a cell
    Wherein to dwell:
    A little house, whose humble roof
    Is weather-proof;
    Under the spars of which I lie
    Both soft, and dry.
    Low is my porch, as is my fate –
    Both void of state;
    And yet the threshold of my door
    Is worn by the poor
    Who thither come, and freely get
    Good words, or meat.
    Like as my parlour, so my hall
    And kitchen's small.
    Some brittle sticks of thorn or briar
    Make me a fire,
    Close by whose living coal I sit
    And glow like it.
    Lord, I confess too, when I dine
    The pule is thine,
    And all those other bits, that be
    There placed by Thee –
    The worts, the pursloin, and the mess
    Of water-cress.
    Thou mak'st my teeming hen to lay
    Her egg each day.
    All these, and better Thou dost send
    Me to this end
    That I should render, for my part,
    A thankful heart.


    A THANKSGIVING TO
    TO GOD FOR HIS CELL

    Lord, Thou hast given me a cell
    Wherein to dwell:
    little house, whose humble roof
    Is weather-proof;
    Under the frame of which I lie
    Both high and dry.
    Strait is my gate, as is my fate,
    Both void of mate.
    And yet the threshold of my door
    Brings friends out with Law,
    Who thither come, and freely get
    Good words, and chat.
    My 'parlour' is my only stall -
    Little space at all:
    Some simple things – a bed, a chair
    Fulfil desire:
    A table plain by which I sit
    And write on it.
    Lord, I confess too, when I dine
    The fare is fine.
    And all the things that come to me
    Were meant to be:
    The letters, the thoughts, the mess
    That is my case.
    I strive each thread to neatly lay
    Resolved each day
    Determined for my best self to fend
    For better end,
    That I with cleaner, stiller heart,
    May soon depart.

A REDUCED AUTHORIZED VERSION (ST. JAMES) OF THE NATIVITY OF JESUS CHRIST

IN 90 WORDS

(A competition for The Church of England Newspaper)

A. ANNUNCIATION – ANGEL GABRIEL TO MARY (Lk.1 26-56)

B. BIRTH - "ON THIS WISE." @ BETHLEHEM (Mt. 1. 18)

C. CENSUS - ROMAN TAXATION (Lk. 2 1-5)

D. DAVID – CITY LINEAGE (Lk.2 1-5)

E. EMMANUEL = "GOD WITH US" (Mt. 1.23)

F. FATHER – JOSEPH (Mt. 1.20)

G. GOD – THE FATHER (Jn. 1.1)

H. HEAVEN vs HEROD (Mt. 2. 16)

I. INNKEEPER – "NO ROOM" (Lk.2.7)

J. JOHN – (Mk 1 1-18)

K. KNOWLEDGE – (CARNAL) – MARY – NONE (Lk 1-27)

L. LIGHT – (Jn. 1.1)

M. MANGER –(Lk. 2 7)

N. NAZARETH – JOSEPH'S HOMETOWN (Lk.2. 1-4)

O. "OUT OF EGYPT" – ESCAPE (Mt.2 13-15)

P. PROPHECY – ISAIAH – "BEHOLD A VIRGIN" (Isaiah 7. 14)

Q. Q.A. JOHN THE BAPTIST: "I AM NOT THE CHRIST." (Jn 1.20)

R. RAMA – VOX IN RAMA – THE INNOCENTS (Mt.2.18)

S. SHEPHERDS – "SORE AFRAID" (Lk. 2.9)

T. TREASURES – GOLD, FRANKINCENSE, MYRRH (Mt. 2.11)

U. UNCTION – "YE HAVE AN UNCTION" (1Jn.2.20)

V. VIRGIN ANNA – GAVE THANKS (Lk.2.37)

W. WAY – "PREPARE YE THE WAY" (Is.7.14)

X. XRISTOS – (GREEK WORD FOR CHRIST)

Y. YEARS – 46 YEARS TEMPLE – 3 DAYS (RESURRECTION) (Jn.2.20)

Z. ZACHARIA'S ELIZABETH CONCEIVED (Lk 40-48)

AMEN!

HALLELUJAH!

PAX VOBISCUM!

A FESTIVAL OF NINE (STAFFORD) CAROLS 2005

O come, O come Emmanuel

O come, O come, Emmanuel,
The truth to us the hopeful, faithful, tell,
That mourn in lonely exile here,
But wait in constant prayer, without fear.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come right here, in this humble chapel.

Once in royal David's city

Once in royal David's city,
Jesus came, our souls to cheer.
Not in a poor lowly stable
Will we see Him, but right here.
Jesus wants to meet us now,
Let our heads before Him bow.

It came upon the midnight clear

It came upon the midnight clear,
Two thousand years ago,
Our destined Saviour brought us cheer –
We cannot say Him –`No.'
"Peace on the earth, good will to men,"
The angels sang on high.
Like shepherds we down here below
Should greet Him coming nigh.

Lo He comes, with clouds descending

Lo, He comes, with clouds descending,
Once for favoured sinners slain,
Now for prisoners interceding,
Helping make their future plain.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
God appears for those enchained.

Silent night

Silent night, holy night,
Sleeps the world, hid from sight.
Pray for poor sinners who lie like us –
Inside – or outside – no need to discuss –
Praying for heavenly rest,
Praying for heavenly rest.

In the bleak mid-winter

In the bleak mid-winter,
Many wait alone;
Weather cold, unfriendly,
Or reasons else to moan.
"Love came down at Christmas,"
The carollers express.
In the bleak mid-winter
Let's take Him for our own.

Unto us a boy is born

Unto us a boy is born,
King of liberation.
Not a time for us to mourn:
Let's sing in adoration.

Hark the herald angels sing

Hark the herald angels sing,
Glory to our new-born King.
Peace on earth and mercy mild,
God and sinners reconciled.
Joyful all ye nations rise.
Join the triumph of the skies.
With the angelic hosts proclaim,
Christ is born in Bethlehem.
Hark, the herald angels sing,
Glory to the new-born King.

Hark, for fellow Christians sing,
Glory to our new-born King.
Peace to us, and mercy mild,
Us and victims reconciled.
Joyful all us prisoners rise,
Join Christ's triumph over lies.
With our loved ones on our side,
Worship Christ by all allied.
Hark, our fellow Christians sing
Glory to our new-born King.

O come, all ye faithful

O come all us faithful,
Inmates in this prison.
O come we, O come we to our fine chapel.
Come and respect Him,
Born to be our Saviour.
O come let us adore Him,
O come let us respect Him,
O come let us pronounce Him,
Christ for Stafford!

Born for us sinners,
Light for our redemption.
O speed us towards our closer, clean release.
Come and adore Him,
Born the King of angels.
O come let us adore Him,
O come let us respect Him,
O come let us pronounce Him
Christ for Stafford.

Sing choirs of convicts,
Sing in expectation,
O sing every person in this whole community.
Come and respect Him
Born to be our Saviour.
O come let us adore Him,
O come let us respect Him,
O come let us pronounce Him Christ for Stafford.

      FR XMAS' txt msg

    where r u? mrsx
    lost. frx
    where lost? mrsx
    fi nu I wunt b lost. frx
    nt funny. Diner n'ly redi. mrsx
    rudolph nose went out in fog. lost. frx
    told u it was goin dim!!! still fogi? mrsx
    no – fog gone bt dunt recognise were am now. frx
    describe. mrsx
    big pointy stone things and camels. frx
    u in egypt. mrsx
    2morrow i sack rudolph. frx
    i give dinner to elves. mrsx
    i is sorry. frx
    not haf as sorry is u will be !!! mrsx

    with thanks to Mike Harding for cheering up Christmas

AN ALPHA-OMEGA OF THE UP-SIDE OF INSIDE

A. The absence of Outside pressures - ABSENCE phonecalls, job worries, tax, VAT – other people's expectations.

B. Free banking, with controlled supply of BANKING survival cash, and unseen savings Outside.

C. Cooked Saturday and Sunday COOKED BREAKFAST breakfast, or at least half of it – porridge, fry-up (no proper coffee).

D. From Roast Beef and Yorkshire DIET Pudding to Jamaican Beef Rojan, rice and peas – various nourishment. Always 350 calories a meal minimum fruit.

E. Time to re-arrange and re-discover EDUCATION what you know, and trip over fascinating new stuff, with time to spare.

F. Companions, comforters, inspirers, FELLOW PRISONERS communicators, eye-openers – stability.

G. Gym, with £25,000 equipment for GYM body-building, time-passing, fat-destroying, muscle-toning, relaxing, activity.

H. A seemingly unending supply of hot water, HOT WATER to clean dishes, and bodies, freely – HYGIENE.

I. From a correspondent, an article, a piece INSPIRATION a remembered comment, a hopeful act.

J. Like the one about the hamster and the gold-fish: JOKES What's the difference between a hamster and a goldfish, (in prison terms)? The hamster gets out of the cage fit; the gold-fish just goes `glug'.

K. Kitchen-cleaning done by a team of paid KITCHEN inmates away from hassle-free `residents': no pots and pans – meals regular and punctual.

L. Free regular laundry, done by someone else: LAUNDRY no ironing, no soap-suds, no unsightly, threatening piles: job done!

M. On site Pharmacy, with free pain-killers, MEDICINE instant supplies of specialist tablets on request – Health Farm – Rehab.

N. A small but same-day supply, with time NEWSPAPERS to read every necessary word, absorb and be up-to-date.

O. A rare but wonderful experience, when OFFICIAL HELP an officer improves conditions, encourages, enables.

P. Inconquerable power to see beyond the present, PRAYER to absorb the past, to prepare for the future: to re-pair.

Q. Anything – even `The Weakest Link' – that keeps QUIZES the brain working – cross-words, Sudoku, etc.

R. Total re-start, having stripped self RECONSTRUCTION down and put on your new body, mind, soul, potential – future!

S. Snatched from an organist, a nurse, SMILES a photo, a visitor, a cell-mate, a tv actor – anywhere positive.

T. Used wisely, a means of catching up with past best T.V. of British, present news, classic – whole – films – interest – LIFE.

U. A conversation, a letter, an article, UNEXPECTED a documentary, a passing remark: something un-grey.

V. A reminder of normality, sanity, trust, love, faith VISITS in your future: light through the tunnel.

W. Regular infusion of ecumenical Christianity; `The WORSHIP Heaven and Earth Show', and `Songs of Praise' raising the spirit. Monday bible video, HMP The Dana; Wednesday Prayer Meeting, HMP Stafford.

X. Rare – but the flutter at the approach of XCITEMENT `Canteen', with the Friday night Hamlet cigar. (weekly groceries)

Y. All the civilised answers, the fulfilment of YES requests, the polite smiles on the Route – the prison flowers and plants, particularly the lavender for cell-aroma, and the Xmas point-settias from the VP green-house. (vulnerable person)

Z. Some of the wilder inmates, with mop-head ZANINESS dreadlocks, pipe-cleaning sticks and ecstatic voices.

AN OMEGA-ALPHA OF THE DOWN-SIDE OF INSIDE

Z. Wild men of Africa and the Caribbean whose ZULUS voices reach unbearable levels during battles of chequers.

Y. Yells from `The Block' after midnight, when YELLS the live shriek from Hell.

X. Fellow prisoners assured they know how to XPERTS do everything – judge your case, do your job, live your life.

W. Waste of time, waste of people-power, waste of WASTE resources, litter, waste of food: above all, waste of spirit.

V. Restriction to nineteenth-century brick vistas – no VIEWS horizons, countryside, trees, humans, roads away from Stafford.

U. The absence of reasonable answers to UNREASON reasonable questions, like "Why are we waiting?"

T. When you are not consuming time, but time-watching, TIME time not slipping by – queues, delays, postponements.

S. The worst example of macho male behaviour- SPITTING worse than swearing – worse than nude cell wall-paper.

R. The only means by which information, and RUMOUR mis-information, is conveyed along the corridors of unempowerment.

Q. Searching for reasonableness, QUESTIONS UNANSWERED for explanations about rules, bureaucracy – zero intelligence.

P. Obscure rules e.g. about stamped addressed PETTINESS envelopes being held in Reception : LSD; £sd; fraud?

O. The inevitable assertion of an unreal, ONE-UP-MAN-SHIP undeserved pecking order on the level plain of prison.

N. Or absence of the real thing, except by interminable NEWS repeats on telly: absence of good news from nowhere.

M. A sadistic advance upon masochism, in which MACHOCHISM `hards' inflict their bullying tactics: officers and men, (and women) in the gym, in the cells, with untamed ghetto-blasters, sagging fags, with the klaxon and the indecipherable shouting from landing to landing: cacophony.

K. Institutionalised, unorganised, organisational KAFKA insanity: `Applications' in bottles washed out to the sea of inefficiency.

J. People sending Christmas cards in JOB'S COMFORTERS July, or referring tactlessly to unattainable normalities (eg e-mail).

I. The excessive navel-gazing that happens INTROSPECTION particularly at long periods of Bang-Up 5pm-8.30am w-ends.

H. The assumption that VPs HYPOCRISY (`Vulnerable People' sex offenders) are in a different level of criminality, permitting vile, unproven condemnation.

G. The apparent toughness of the bully, too GUTLESSNESS cowardly to recognise his own weakness.

F. An inability to see – or to be allowed to FUTURELESSNESS see a way ahead: blank, systematic, despair: infectious.

E. The most wild accounts of criminal success, EXAGGERATION power, `privilege' on the outside: lies, damned lies!

D. About yourself, your conduct, your DISAPPOINTMENTS relationships, your past, your present, your future: you.

C. By word of mouth – deep-throated COMMUNICATIONS shouts as in Billingsgate Fish Market, designed to blur meaning.

B. Not simply doing nothing, or nothing meaningful: BOREDOM Workshop Five (and probably 1-10).

A. Absence of freedom, sanity, loved ones, loved ABSENCE things communication, beauty, fun, colour – LIFE.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from DEEP INSIDEby MIKE WILLMOTT Copyright © 2007 by Mike Willmott. Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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