CHAPTER 1

WHAT IS CONSCIOUSAWARENESS?

The problem of how to be mindful is actuallyresolved not through stressful effort but byrelaxing, allowing, and observing what isalready there.

Rodney Smith, Tricycle, Winter 2011

Mesmerizing Focal Points Are Everywhere

After stepping into my complex's junior Olympic-lengthswimming pool, I shivered for a few secondsuntil pushing my head and torso below the water.I came up cold but refreshed. Then I swam my first lapand back, lay on the steps, and gazed ahead at the twoeucalyptus trees outside the pool's fence. The left tree is talland round. Hundreds of bright ash-green leaf clusters caughtmy attention. The sun's setting rays illuminated the cluster'scomplexity.

I thought, Can the work of any artist compete with this incredibletree?

What prompted me to bond with a tree and its leaves? Forseveral years, my meditation practice had emphasized attentiveobservation.

We're captivated by physical beauty when great music or artframes our conscious awareness. An example of such framingwas gifted to me during a South Rim Grand Canyon trip.Grand Canyon, earth's largest and most breathtaking crevice,has a visitor center called Watchtower designed by architectMarie Coulter in the 1930s. Watchtower, a circular towerwith a winding staircase, takes visitors to four levels. On eachlevel, dozens of Coulter-designed windows look out over themile-deep canyon. Each offers unique focal points. Scores ofbrownish-red layers of rock stand unperturbed. A perfectlyrounded granite cone thrusts up among piles of globular rocks.A cluster of mammoth, flat and smooth horizontal rocks abutsa canyon-deep vertical wall equally as flat and smooth as itsneighboring rocks. Configurations of rocks and trees intertwinein oddly mesmerizing arrangements. These windows vacuumout intrusive thoughts, and thus we more directly perceivesuperlative Grand Canyon scenes. Becoming more mindful,we're shocked by their beauty.

Like Coulter's windows, some meditations provideframes or reminders of how to witness our surroundings. Myappreciation of the exquisite details of my complex's swimmingpool developed after several years of meditation grounding mein the recognition that my essence expresses itself as consciousawareness. Meditative practices, including this chapter'sawareness of awareness, can propel us into more awareness.

During any particular experience, we can notice focalpoints. A focal point attracts us and vibrates for us. Thetallness and roundness of the big tree was my first focal pointobservation. The second was the bright, ash-greenness of theleaf clusters. The third was the awesme complexity of the leafclusters. These focal points did not detract from my overallawareness of the big tree itself. I saw the entire big tree and theentire little tree next to it. These trees were obviously outsidethe fence of the swimming pool. Yet my attention on thetree's three successive focal points emotionally and physicallyconnected me to the tree and the entire environment. I becamemore alive. Each of these experiences was unique. In spirituallanguage, I was "present" or "here and now," "mindful." Mostimportantly, I was aware that I was consciously attentive, oneafter the other, to the tree's ovular form, then to the bright ash-greennessof the leaf clusters, then to the clusters' complexity,and then to the tree's location outside the fence. This form ofawareness I call "conscious awareness" because we're self-awareof being aware of something.

My yoga teachers command students, "Be fully aware ofeach movement, posture, and breath." These teachers often usethe term "mindfulness" for pure or conscious awareness of anactivity and its focal points.

What keeps us disconnected from conscious awareness ofour environment and its successive focal points? One answeris unconscious negative beliefs that continuously shoot outnegative thoughts and feelings. I call these semiconsciousnegative thoughts and feelings add-ons because they're anuisance added onto our otherwise happy lives. Chapter 2provides extended definitions and examples of negative beliefsand their add-ons.

Last year at my church, a liberal, inclusive denomination,I taught forty minutes of this chapter's awareness of awarenessmeditation to a Coming of Age class for youngsters elevento thirteen. I took twelve of them down the street until wereached an area with abundant trees and bushes. Then I guidedthem through the awareness of awareness meditation at the endof this chapter. When finished, we returned to their classroom,where I questioned them about their experiences. I began with,"When you were aware of being aware, did you see an objectmore clearly?" One boy's answer was, "I don't care about allthose trees and flowers. I only care about cars. The cars didshine more when I knew I was looking at them. The colorsespecially." A girl responded with, "I felt a bit more ... how doI say it? There! I was there with what you asked us to look at." Aboy, who I later learned has a neurological disorder, reported,"I loved it. I was one tree. I was one house. But I couldn't do itfor the two minutes you asked for. My mind kept screwing upwith ideas." My reply to him was, "Great! If you do it only forone minute for each object, or only for ten or fifteen seconds,do that. Whatever works for you." He nodded with a smile.All the children spoke about their enjoyment of the meditation.

The following Sunday during the coffee break after theservice, the Coming of Age teacher spoke with me. She shookher head in amazement. "The kids were excited after youleft. They talked about the exercise the rest of the class. Onlypositives. No normal sneering at all."

I wondered, What would these kids' lives be like if they took anawareness of awareness class during the entire last year of primary school?

Base Awareness and Conscious Awareness

Base Versus Conscious Awareness Base Versus Conscious AwarenessWorking with awareness of awareness meditation, werecognize the distinction between base awareness and consciousawareness. When we're not present with objects and their focalpoints, we're in base awareness or on automatic pilot. We can drivea car for five minutes without being aware that we're actuallydriving. If we kiss our mate while on automatic pilot, ourrelationship has momentarily tanked. The kiss becomes merelya pleasurable sensation, like a quickly downed mouthful of beer.What is she for me? Just a physical kiss? Where is my affection,appreciation, and attraction for her?

Nevertheless, with base awareness we're somewhat attentive.Otherwise, no one would qualify for a driver license or amarriage certificate.

Why am I making a distinction between base awareness andconscious awareness? The answer is that the spiritual journeyis about stabilizing our conscious awareness, our mindfulness.When we become mindful, trees shine with their contours andcolors—their focal points. With pure, intentional, or consciousawareness, we knowingly connect with the outside world ofobjects and people, plus our interior world of thoughts andfeelings. Doing so, we lose our emotional attachment that keepsus in base awareness. We're fully experiencing some reality, butwe're free of any expectations about it, any judgments about it,or any fears about it. I expect my wife will arrive home by fouro'clock. But I don't mentally fixate, or emotionally attach, to herarrival. Below is a summary of base and conscious awareness.

Base awareness—the automatic, involuntary, mechanicaloperation of our five senses of seeing, hearing,smelling, tasting, and touching, plus what Buddhistscall the "sixth sense" of thoughts and emotions.

Conscious awareness—intentional mindfulnessor self-awareness of the serial focal points of ourexperiencing. The more we're consciously awareof our inner and outer worlds, the more vibrant andenjoyable our experiences become.

Awareness in The American Heritage Dictionary has thesynonyms of cognizant, conscious, sensible, awake, alert, watchful,and vigilant. Conscious is defined as, "Having an awarenessof one's own environment and one's own existence,sensation, and thoughts," or, "Mentally perceptive or alert;awake ... subjectively known or felt." My term "awareness ofawareness" is matched by the dictionary's phrase "having anawareness of ... one's own existence, sensation, and thoughts."

This distinction between being and not being aware of ourawareness is so subtle that it escapes us almost the entire day. Anurge to develop awareness of awareness is what keeps monks inisolated forest retreats for years. I'm certain that this capacity forawareness can be best fulfilled in an environment of ordinarywork and relationships.

Is Conscious Awareness Supposedto Make Us Happy?

People love mindfulness when it pleases them. Paradoxically,most people go into fear, anger, doubt, or disappointmentwhen they become consciously aware of a distressing thoughtor emotion. As a single man, it wasn't important that I dressedfor a party in black slacks and a mild brown shirt. After I beganliving with my wife, Sophie, she'd exclaim, "No! No!" atsuch clothing choices. I felt abused. Although I was gratefulfor her astute criticism of my colors and styles, I suffered whenI became mindful that my outfits were aesthetically lacking.

I meditated on this abused sense and unearthed a negativebelief from childhood: trying to appear high-class attractive is notright because I'm not worthy of looking great. I dressed cleanly, atleast, but not elegantly. Now that I'm aware of my dressingmotivation derived from this childhood-based belief, I dressmuch better. I also appreciate—rather than loathe—Sophie'sadvice about my dressing habits.

Mindfulness includes conscious awareness of our sufferingcaused by negative beliefs. Therefore, we can wrongly identifymindfulness as the source of our suffering rather than identifyingour attachment to negative beliefs as the source of our suffering.

We devalue conscious awareness when we confuse ournegative beliefs with their expression through consciousawareness. Regarding high-class dressing, I'm not worthy was mydeeply seated, unconscious belief. Appearing high-class attractiveis not right was this belief 's add-on expression, which I initiallyconsidered an okay response. After I understood that thissupposed response was actually a negative reaction to the belief I amunworthy, I let it go with, It's totally all right to dress elegantly. Sophienow appraises me as, "A lot more acceptable with your clothes."

In sum, mindfulness (even if uncomfortable) of a negativereaction can convert it into a positive response. If we comprehendthis dynamic, mindfulness becomes 100 percent beneficial.Chapters 2 and 3 articulate negative beliefs, their reactive add-ons,and the path to terminating their harsh effects on us. Themantra is, Be fully mindful of both negative reactions and positiveresponses.

In spiritual literature, this period of conscious awarenesscausing emotional pain is called "dark night of the soul."Spiritual seekers (everyone is a seeker to some extent) muststruggle through their dark night before arriving at awakeningor enlightenment. After we blow through our uncomfortabledark night, intuitive knowing transforms us into more secure,friendly people. The seeker must realize that her dark nightis not permanent. It's an essential and temporary phase of the self-growthjourney.

Identical discomfort occurs with physical training. Whatif our body is aching and our gym coach commands us, "Fivemore push-ups"? We can relax our bodies with the thought,This is an okay ache. If I keep up this training, these aches willgradually disappear. Likewise, mental-emotional aching causedby meditation diminishes if we steadily perform our selectedmeditations.

Where does the lower self (suffering due to negative beliefs)and the upper Self (mindfulness or conscious awareness) contendfor the prize of domination? This brawl occurs inside me. I amthe main character of this incredible theatrical production,just as you're the main character of your drama. We (the maincharacters with all their misbehaviors) can solicit mindfulnessto release and finally laugh at stifling beliefs controlling us.This same drama of ego versus conscious awareness occurs inall human lives.

At the summit of the spiritual journey, mindfulness takesover. Our self, our sense of separation or conditioning transmittedby our parents and culture, largely vanishes. Now mindfulness,or Self, vibrates with its inherent bliss, wonder, and silence.

Meditation on Awareness of Awareness

Carry out the details of this meditation according toyour intuition. After mastering this meditation, you morefully will recognize your capacity to choose and to connectwith worldly objects. You'll respect your own awareness ofyour awareness as the king and queen of your life's parade ofexperiences.

Awareness of awareness meditation can be practiced anytime during your waking hours. This active-time (i.e., anytime)meditation will increase your mindfulness of external objects.The instructions for this meditation appear complex, but afteryou do it a few times, they become quite simple.

Because it trains the mind, this is a mindfulness meditation.

At least fifteen minutes a day is recommended, but addminutes if your time restraints allow.

Several students from my classes practice awareness ofawareness more diligently than any other meditation theylearned. One in particular, Ruth, mastered utilizing it whenevershe had a distracting thought. Ruth told the group, "When Ithink something negative, I look around and pick out a prettysetting. I focus on one or two focal points and quickly carryout awareness of awareness. Maybe it takes a few seconds or ahalf minute. Then I'm back to being present. At night, I do alonger version of it."

Instructions

For this meditation, select any environment that appeals toyou. It could be a corner of your backyard, your work desk,bedroom window looking out at trees and clouds, or a kitchencabinet topped with items.

First be consciously aware of one central item of this setting.Second, be aware, one after another, of the eight focal pointsof this one object:

one through five: the five senses: sight, taste, sound,smell, touch

six: luminosity (degree of brightness)

seven: space around it

eight: space between it and you

Perhaps you choose the right kitchen counter as yourmeditation setting. Select objects on this right counter. Yourfirst object might be a banana. Observe one banana's features(sight), peel it to hear it, taste it, smell the banana, and touchit. Next, observe the space between it and other objects on thecounter. Finally, notice the distance between it and you. Foreach of these eight focal-point assessments, make sure that you'reaware of your awareness of each focal point. Other terms for awarenessof awareness are conscious awareness and mindfulness.

Next shift to a second object on the counter, perhaps abottle of wine. Once more, play with the eight focal points ofthis bottle. Be aware of your awareness of each focal-point sensoryexperience.

For this meditation, you might choose one setting andthen two or three objects, or focus on one object. Don't berigid about observing all eight focal points for each object.Meditation is all about enjoying your experiences.

Chewing Meditation

Below is the simplified paraphrase of "chewing meditation/chew this over" from Awakening the Buddha Within, a bestsellingbook by Lama Durya Das. Most of the commentary and theitalicized sentences are mine. It's a classic Buddhist meditation.

This meditation specializes in mindfulness. Like consciousbreathing, chewing meditation makes our perceptions morevivid and satisfying. Its focal points are clear and pulsating.

Chewing meditation can be expanded to include all foodsand activities. Several participants in my meditation classes havesubstantially dropped weight after spending a couple of monthsreal-timing this meditation. They eat slower and, hence, lessfood.

Two minutes for each raisin might be sufficient for you.

1. Sit down and relax. Put three raisins in your right hand.One is for your spiritual community. One is for yourspiritual guide. One is for your spiritual path. Play withthese three raisins. Examine them closely. Feel them asif you've never seen one before.

2. With your left hand, pick up one raisin. Study its colorsand shapes. Feel its surface. Smell it. Especially, be awareof any opinions about your associations with raisins andtheir taste. Do you usually gobble raisins? Throw themover your dish of fruits?

3. Place it in your mouth and chew it as slowly as possible.Don't swallow it. Just softly and lovingly chew it.Mindfulness is all about attention, so pay attention toyour thoughts, such as, Wow! I've never tasted a raisinbefore. This is a ridiculous meditation. It's delicious—I wantto swallow it now.