Communicating Your Message to Those too Busy to Listen

AuthorHouse

Contents

Introduction....................................................................viiA Brief Note on the Fast Facts and the Earth Voyage Journal.....................xiChapter 1 - Language............................................................1Chapter 2 - Culture.............................................................25Chapter 3 - Dealing Directly with the Other Party...............................49Chapter 4 - Communicating More Effectively......................................99Chapter 5 - E-mail..............................................................165Chapter 6 - Final Thoughts......................................................235

Chapter One

As you begin reading this book, know that there are more than 450 official languages being spoken by human beings throughout this world.

Take a moment to think about that - 450!

From a cultural point of view this is a fascinating statistic; what better way to illustrate the incredible diversity of the human race.

From a business point of view however, this is a disaster.

Why a disaster?

Simple.

If two parties speak the same language, then they have a chance to do good business. If two parties do not speak the same language however, then they do not have a chance to do good business. It's as simple as that.

Taking this example a bit closer to home, think about those people with whom you speak on a regular basis. Do you usually talk with people you can understand, or do you talk with people you cannot understand? My guess is that, unless you happen to be extraordinarily patient, you tend to limit your speaking partners to those whom you can understand.

Granted there are some exceptions. Many of us talk to babies, to plants and to pets, and we often do this on a regular basis. However, I'm guessing that few of us actually conduct any real-world business with babies, plants and/or pets (animal trainers excepted of course).

Speaking the same language is really only part of a much bigger picture. Even if two parties appear to be using the same words and phrases, they may attach vastly different meanings to those words and phrases. Put another way, it is possible for one person to hear something that another person never actually said. I'm sure this has happened to you on occasion.

Why all the difficulty?

Well, despite the fact that human beings have been using spoken language for thousands and thousands of years, language is hard.

How can this be, you may wonder.

Let's take a look......

Language is Hard

Language is hard - now what can this possibly mean? How can something nearly all of us use almost every day of our lives be hard? Truth is - it just is. Don't believe me? Then, consider the following points:

1. Language is Evolving

People change over time. Those who bump into a person they have not seen in years need no convincing of this. People change, and they change in many ways. They do not simply get fat or thin or grey or bald - their personalities change as well. While an individual might be daring and somewhat foolish in youth, that same individual might well become conservative and a bit fastidious later in life.

There is nothing wrong with this; in fact it's all part of human nature. It's all part of the way the human species successfully adapts to changing circumstances.

Human culture is similar. In fact, changes in human culture are simply reflections of the changes taking place amongst thousands, or millions, or billions, of people as they react or adapt to changes in their environment.

Picture in your mind an autumn landscape where the hills and valleys change color from green to a golden yellow-brown. It's beautiful isn't it? But what is really going on here? The hills and valleys themselves aren't changing color. What's happening is that the leaves on each individual tree are changing with the seasons, and it is the combination of all the many leaves on all the many trees that adds the color-changing beauty to the landscape.

Keeping this in mind, one must also consider that human language is closely linked to human culture. As a culture grows, develops, evolves or devolves, it takes its language with it.

What, precisely, does this mean?

What this means is that language is a moving target. What you learn today might not be applicable tomorrow.

Need an example? Let's consider William Shakespeare.

As you perhaps know, William Shakespeare was a playwright who lived in England from approximately 1564 to 1616. His claim to fame is that he is regarded by many as the greatest writer in the English language of all time.

Think about that. The greatest writer in the English language of all time. That's quite an accolade. What this means is that neither you nor I will ever likely meet anyone who has a stronger grasp of the English language than this fellow who died in the seventeenth century.

Let's take a moment to sample some of William Shakespeare's work. What follows are a few passages of dialogue from the famous balcony scene in Romeo & Juliette (one of William Shakespeare's best-known plays):

Romeo: She speaks. O, speak again, bright Angel, for thou art As glorious to this night being o'er my head, As is a winged messenger of heaven Unto the white upturned wond'ring eyes Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him, When he bestrides the lazy pacing clouds, And sails upon the bosom of the air

Juilette: O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

Communicating Your Message to Those too Busy to Listen Deny thy Father and refuse thy name, Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn to my Love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet.

Beautiful, right? But what is really being said here?

People may or may not have spoken like this while William Shakespeare was alive, but one thing is certain: People don't talk like this today. You say something like this to your loved one in this day and age and you're more likely to get a vacant expression than loving adoration.

True, we can tell that the language being spoken is English, and we can identify most of the words with ease. Nevertheless, the spellings and sentence structures are significantly different from those we use today, so much so that we must concentrate a bit harder than normal to understand what is really being said.

Why?

Because language is hard, and because the English language has evolved over the several hundred years since William Shakespeare's death (although some would make the claim that it has in fact devolved).

2. One Word - Different Meanings

Common sense might lead a person to suspect that every word has a single, unique definition.

Right?

Building on this, if you wish to describe two different things, you would have to use two different words.

Correct?

Not necessarily.

Take, for example, the simple three-letter word "can". If I were to ask you to use this word in a sentence, what would your sentence be? Perhaps you might think of something like the following:

"I am holding a can of soda."

Is this correct?

What if I told you that "can" was not a noun at all, but a modal verb, and offered the following example:

"I can do it."

Who would be right?

The truth is, both examples are correct. The simple, three-lettered word "can" defines a storage cylinder used for holding goods or products; it also defines an ability to do something. Just for fun, consider the following sentence:

"I can open this can."

Anything wrong with this? No, not really. Not unless you happen to be uncomfortable attaching multiple meanings to a single word. Let's look at another word shall we: "tear". Which of the following sentences is correct:

1. I will tear the paper in half.

2. A tear rolled down her cheek.

Again, we have what appears to be the same word, spelled exactly the same way, but in one instance we have a verb, in another a noun. What makes this word especially interesting is that its pronunciation differs based on how it is used. It is 'tare' when we wish to rip, but it is 'teer' when a drop is produced by the tear duct.

As I said, language is hard.

3. Grammar is Complex

Grammar is a handy tool - an extremely handy tool. But it is also a complex tool, one that is often difficult to use and use well. Any of you who remember your grammar lessons from school need no convincing of this.

Let's take a moment to briefly compare the laws of grammar to the laws that regulate our modern society.

Society's laws often restrict the way that people behave, but at the same time they enable everyone to live together in relative peace and harmony. Were it not for society's laws people would pretty much be acting any way they wished. There would be chaos.

Likewise, the rules of grammar often restrict what people can say and how they can say it, but in doing so they enable everyone to understand everyone else to some degree. Take away the rules of grammar, and there would be chaos.

Despite this, many of the rules of grammar can also be extremely complex, if not confusing. For many grammatical rules, there are also exceptions, sometimes glaring exceptions.

All of this combines to make grammar an especially challenging subject.

And why is grammar so difficult? Because, language is hard.

4. Foreign Language

One of the reasons grammar can be so difficult is because grammar is rarely the same from one language to the next.

A little history about myself ...

When I was in seventh grade I decided to learn a second language. I chose to study Spanish. Unfortunately I didn't do very well.

Why, you may ask?

Having never studied a foreign language before, I was under the impression that all one needed to do was learn a lot of vocabulary words. Put another way, I was under the impression that everyone in the world spoke exactly the same way, they just used different words.

Boy was I mistaken.

I did okay at first, when all we had to do was memorize vocabulary. However, once we got into sentence structure, verb conjugation, masculine/feminine/neuter nouns, and word order, I hit a mental speed bump - and I hit it hard.

Happily, I managed to recover from this initial shock, but the experience taught me a valuable lesson: when moving from one language to another there is rarely such a thing as one-to-one translation. Different languages not only use different words, they use different rules of grammar as well. And, in order to learn the new grammar, it is often necessary to unlearn one's old grammar.

And why - because language is hard that's why.

5. Similar Languages = New Problems

It's not difficult to imagine two people speaking the same language; picture two people speaking English and you've pretty much captured the notion. But what does it mean when people are speaking similar languages?

By similar languages, I mean something along the lines of British English versus United States English.

Let's be clear and upfront about one thing: speaking a similar language is not the same as speaking the same language. The difference between a similar language and the same language is the difference between 95% and 100%. In other words they're close, but not identical.

Now that this has been clarified, how can speaking a similar language cause problems?

Easy.

When you and another person speak different languages, you expect there to be mistakes and mistranslations when you try to communicate. Therefore, you are on the lookout for these problems, and you deal with them as they arise.

When you and another person speak the same language, you do not anticipate any mistakes or mistranslations - nor should you. After all, you're speaking the same language.

However, when you and another person are speaking a similar language, the overwhelming similarities can lure you both into thinking that you are speaking the same language - even though you are not. Therefore, it will not necessarily occur to either of you to be on the lookout for mistakes or mistranslations. And, when these occur, as invariably they will, they will be more certain to trip you up.

Like I said, language is hard.

6. Dangers of Humor

We all enjoy a good laugh don't we?

Well, truth be told, sometimes we do and sometimes we do not.

Sometimes, humor can in fact be dangerous.

Now how can humor be dangerous you might ask?

Simple. There are two circumstances where humor can be dangerous:

a. When the other party does not understand your humor.

b. When the other party does not appreciate your humor.

The Earth Voyage Journal entry cited in the last section is a true story about a trip my wife and I took to the Tower of London. Admittedly, it does touch upon an issue that some might find a bit bawdy or risqu, after all one does not often mention 'hooters' in a professional business setting. Though I've never received any direct complaints about using this story (at least, not yet), the fact of the matter is that I may indeed have inadvertently offended some people over the years.

These days I make much of my money through professional speaking engagements. If I happen to offend anyone in my audience (something I try very hard never to do), then I lose potential speaking jobs. When one loses jobs, one loses money. The arithmetic at this point is simple enough: lose enough money, and one will quickly learn how very dangerous humor can be.

And why, may you ask, can something such as humor be so very dangerous - because my friends - say it with me - language is hard.

Body Language

I always move around a bit whenever I speak before a live audience.

By this, I do not mean that I pace nervously about like a lion in a cage. I also do not tremble like I'm caught out in the cold without a jacket (at least I hope I don't).

What I mean is that I walk calmly about the stage while talking. At times I also approach members of the audience. In addition, I use a lot of facial expressions, and I do a lot of gesturing with my hands.

Now for the big question: why am I not standing still?

The answer: because if I stood still, I'd look a bit strange.

If I spoke without moving my body, or my face, or my hands, then it's likely people wouldn't really be paying attention to what I said, they would be wondering what the devil was wrong with me.

I ask you to take a moment, sit back, and think about your recent conversations. How was your body behaving? Were you sitting or standing still? Was the other person sitting or standing still? Most likely not. Most likely you were both moving around a bit.

Why is this?

When people speak, they speak not only with their voices but with their entire bodies. Put another way, there is a spoken and an unspoken component to human conversation.

The unspoken component is called body language, and it's more important than you may realize.

Studies show that nearly 70% of all human speech is body language. Think about that for a moment. Nearly three-quarters of everything you say, you say with your face, your hands, and you body.

Consider this: you see another person across a crowded room. There is no way to hear each other amidst the cacophony of voices. Is it still possible to communicate? You bet it is. If you want to acknowledge and/or greet that person, you smile and wave. If you want that person to come towards you, you beckon him or her over. If you want to indicate that you're running late, you point to your watch.

This is one type of body language - the silent type. There is a second from however, one used to augment verbal speech.

How does this second type work?

Imagine that you and I bump into each other on the street one day. Our eyes meet and I say: "Oh, it's you."

What do I mean by this? Is this good or bad?

The truth is it's hard to tell exactly what I mean without an additional frame of reference. This is where body language comes in handy.

If I start smiling from ear to ear, if my eyes open wide, if I extend my hand to shake yours, then when I say "oh, it's you" you can pretty much bet that I'm not only pleasantly surprised, but that I'm genuinely happy to see you.

On the other hand, if my face melts to a scowl and I take a step or two back, you know this is not good news.

So, what we have here is the exact same sentence, but two completely different messages. The difference is the body language.

By definition, body language involves the whole body. Nevertheless, there are two parts of the human body that play a larger role in body language than any others. These are the face and hands.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Communicating Your Message to Those too Busy to Listenby John R. Obenchain Jr. Copyright © 2009 by John R. Obenchain Jr., M.B.A.. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.