Changing Relationships with Ourselves and Others is the follow-up to author Adelphia’s first book, My Journey Within, in which she shared her own personal story of self-growth and development. Here, she takes a deeper look into relationships and how they affect both self and others. She explores a compilation of both examples of personal and individual growth and the effects of current and past influences for individuals. She hopes to offer expansion of your mind through a reminder that what is seen on the surface is not necessarily the bigger picture of your life. Rather, it is merely that which you choose to show to others, not your true inner workings. It’s easy to get caught up in your own life, and that can make it difficult to see the bigger picture, hindering you from working toward your bigger goals.Changing Relationships with Ourselves and Others also investigates the contracts that are signed by individuals before coming onto the earthly plain. These contracts are both for the individual and collective groups, indicating what their learning curves will be. Nothing you do in life is truly wrong; these decisions are simply required so you can experience certain events in your life, creating opportunities for growth.

Changing Relationships with Ourselves and Others

By Adelphia

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2012 Adelphia
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-0389-9

Chapter One

PERSONNAL Grief/Loss

1

Relationships—why do we have them? They are fragile. They put us through human emotions that we often feel we could do without. Why, then, as humans do we persist in having relationships? The answer is that without these relationships, the human race would become almost devoid of feelings. To function properly, we need these emotions, whether positive or negative, to guide us through life while we are here. It is a part of us being able to interact with one another on all levels of life. We cannot do without relationships. To do so would inhibit our own growth. What we learn, though, is to see which relationships are beneficial to us and which are not. Even those that are not beneficial in the long term are often at some point good for us. We learn to let go of relationships that no longer serve our highest good. The lesson for all of us is to appreciate and learn from these relationships. We never know what will happen in our lives. As with all things in life, relationships break, because all things are fragile. Some are meant to last; others will not.

I will start this commentary from the moment I received a phone call from my brother. I had been waiting for this call to announce the arrival of their latest daughter. The phone call came, only it was not what I was expecting.

"Hi, D. She has arrived," I said.

"No" came the reply. "She is not coming."

I didn't know what to say. What can you say when you realise a child is not coming that she has passed away (returned home)?

I was joking with my daughter and her friend a few months earlier that my brother and his wife were expecting a daughter. This was before we asked them what sex the baby was. I am clairvoyant. Therefore the joke was we already knew this little being was a girl.

At this point, I asked my brother if he would like me to ring our sister and inform her of their loss. This was a loss for all the family and their friends, who had been expecting the arrival of another beautiful child.

I rang our sister and informed her that our niece was sleeping and would not awaken. Neither of us could think of anything to say to each other. After getting off the phone with our sister, I rang my brother back and asked if he would like me to come to see him. (He lives in another state.) He hummed about this, and I just said, "Do you want me to come?"

"Yes," the reply came.

That night I was still not sure, and my husband and I disagreed. He said yes and I said no. Many factors came into this, including financial and distance considerations. There was a sense of foreboding of what was still to come. I got new tyres for my car, something that needed to be done. This was the opportunity to do it. We checked out air fares, and it turned out it was cheaper to fly, but I was unable to fly directly from Adelaide to Melbourne. Driving was the only alternative. I love driving, but I had a fear of that distance (approximately 700 km). It seemed a long way to go when emotions were running high. I knew I would be well looked after by my spiritual warriors, and I was.

The following day, I drove eight hours to be with my brother and his family. Upon arrival at the hospital, I was met by a sea of faces. Many I did not know, I had not met my sister-in-law's family previously. What do you say to a group of people who are in shock, and starting to grieve, not comprehending why this had occurred? As a stranger to most of these people, I was not about to inform them what was happening on a spiritual level. I had a strong sense of this it was not the time or place to freak these people out.

What I knew made this even harder, my sister-in-law had to wait to be induced, to give birth to this beautiful being. While waiting, she could hear other children being born. To my sister-in-law, I wish to tell you how much I admire and respect you for the experience you endured. I cannot imagine the agony you went through and continue to go through. To my brother, who is a very proud person, I can only empathise with your pain.

When I entered the hospital room and saw my brother and his wife, again I was at a loss for words. My brother fell into my arms. All I could do was hold him that was perfect. All anybody needed to do was be there and give them love and support. I said to my sister-in-law, "I honestly do not know what to say." At this point, she asked if I would like to hold my niece. I knew my niece's soul had already left, the moment her heart stopped beating. I took this beautiful little bundle and held her. She was perfect. It was hard for me to comprehend she was not there. I cannot imagine what it was like for my brother and his wife, or the rest of the family and friends who were gathered.

My nephew, who some may say is not as fast as others, is in fact cleverer than most people would give him credit for. While people were going in and out of D and A's room, my nephew piped up and said, "Ally changed her mind." How insightful can a young lad be? This in a sense was exactly right. My nephew had spoken spiritually to his sister, and she informed him she was returning home. Why, do you ask? On my drive over, I received the sense also that she changed her mind. This is exactly what can happen. On the physical level, people try and find out medical reasons for a person's death. This is very natural. It is a part of the grief process, trying to find someone to blame. The anger we feel towards each situation varies, but it still comes from the same place: the heart. It is easy to blame someone else for these events. It can give a sense of knowing and peace to families, at other times it can cause the exact opposite to happen.

What I am talking about is the blame game. There is never any blame. No, I mean never any blame. From a spiritual perspective, as souls we make agreements with people before coming into being (human form). Often it is to clear karmic debt; other times it is for souls to experience arrival and departure. For others it enables them to experience coming and receiving unconditional love. At no point in time is there blame. Blame comes from the human side of us. Yes, you might say, "What she is babbling on about?" We have a physical body, which is the human side, we have a spiritual side—our soul. The human side, includes the ego and other aspects, it is the side most people work from. This is the side that wishes to blame someone and not forgive the events that have taken place. "Why should we?" you say. We need to forgive those who have left us, whether it was before they were born or after they have been here for some time, this is a part of their journey. You made a contract/s with that person or people to be a part of their journey, the same as they agreed to become a part of yours.

Some people would say, "This is God's doing." No, this is not his doing. He does not say who stays and who goes. These are our decisions. Do not blame him when someone dies, he did not tell them it was time to leave.

While I was with D and A, I was asked, along with A's best friend, to be there when the funeral director came. In her I found a woman who was willing to look at Ally and acknowledge she was a beautiful child. "Yes", I can hear you say, "That is what she is meant to say". I felt from her she had compassion for this grieving couple. She had suggestions for them to try and make a horrific event easier. For this lady, it was not just a job. I know she is in the right profession. She is a healer in her own way.

The funeral director gave my brother and his wife time to spend with Ally. It would not matter when Ally was taken; it would never be easy, not in one hour or in two weeks. My sister-in-law is amazing. The fact they were able to spend as long as they wanted with Alley was brilliant. Years ago people were expected to just let go and leave. There are probably so many mothers and some fathers, depending on the situation, who today are still grieving because they were unable to spend time with their little ones and say good-bye.

Even children that were given up for adoption come into this area. A lot of these children were taken and the parents were not allowed to say I love you and goodbye. Thankfully that has changed and parents are allowed to spend as much or as little time with their new born. I know this helps with the grieving process. The physical and emotional contact is important. It provides the opportunity to see the child, the beauty, sometimes even resemblances to one or both parents. It is a connection that will never be broken. A bond holds through many lifetimes. To be able to say I love you is a healing in itself and is part of the grief process. I don't imagine many people would be able to say thank you for coming straight away. This I feel comes later.

I watched over the ensuing days this family and their friends try and comprehend why she had gone before she came. This was a wonderful group of people who rallied around my brother and his family. Some just being quiet, others voicing thoughts, there is no right or wrong way to deal with the death of a child or anyone.

Whilst in the hospital one of their good friends came and informed my brother and his wife they had organised to have Ally's hands and feet moulds taken. So they could forever have them at home with them, even though Ally would never physically be there.

I would like to explain the passing of a loved one, whether they have been here physically or not has more impact on people they may be aware of. For my brother his pride got in the way. As mentioned people had organised the moulds to be taken and paid for. Both my brother and his wife wanted to argue with these people but chose not to. I understand my brother to some point, his pride wanted to get in the road. He felt he needed to do this for his family and no one else. He is the provider, therefore should provide for his family, rather old fashioned ideas. I could understand where he was coming from, like him I can be very stubborn when it comes to accepting help. I lay on their hospital bed and tried to explain to him his pride needed to be taken out. To see what these people were doing for them was a gift of love and compassion. And let them show both of them how much they were loved and admired. I thought this was an absolutely wonderful, what a gift. I have already said there was nothing you could do at this time. These people found a way of doing it.

The passing of a loved one can cause us to experience pain we thought we had previously dealt with. My brother wanted to go back sixteen years, to the time of our mothers passing. He did not attend mum's funeral. We, (our sister and other brother) at the time encouraged him to attend on his spiritual level he was not able too. We spoke about this at great length. I tried as one of his big sisters to let him know that at the time he was not ready to accept our mother's passing. He had known her for sixteen years, I knew her for eight months. At the time we respected our brother's decision not to attend the funeral. In a sense, "yes" he ran away from the emotions and suppressed them. With Ally's passing it brought it back up for him, he was receiving a double whammy.

2

Just for a moment I would like to digress and explain our younger brothers grew up with our mother. My sister and I only knew of her for probably nine months before she passed. We were both adopted into different families in different states. The question could be asked, "Why our mother chose to die at that point in time", so soon after we all met.

Looking deeper into the situation, on our soul level we all agreed these events would occur. They had to take place and be in the right time frame for it all to eventuate. Our mother agreed to be my sisters and my mother first, give us up for adoption, for the evolution of our souls. She then had, we definitely knew two boys. We feel there is another sister out there. (This person made contact with me several years ago and has not been heard from since). Years after we were born she had the boys and raised them basically as a single mum. She struggled through some very hard times. The boys as I will call them agreed to be her sons and to experience for their evolution hard times. Mum agreed to experience all this not only for herself but to help us all on our journeys. Thank you Mum for fulfilling your contract with us all and love from all to you. What has come to my realisation with the help of a friend, our birth mother would not have been able to fulfil her contract with us if she did not love us unconditionally.

In my mind I had forgiven mum and thanked her several times for completing her contract. I had done this in my head and not from my heart. I needed to go into my heart and find when in my life I felt that unconditional love. We often forget or just know we love people. This I believe comes from the head and not the heart. Once we enter the heart we find unconditional love. We feel that love not just think it. I was asked to look back over my life and see when I had felt this love. The birth of my children was definitely times when I truly felt unconditional love. On further contemplation I could see that even though I had a hard time with my childhood and on, I got it. These people including my adoptive family had truly given me unconditional love. By fulfilling their contracts to be who they are, so I could learn from them all.

Something I am learning and will continue to learn is to love from the heart and not the head. This may sound strange to some and for others they already know it. It feels different and this is what my friend and the universe was trying to tell and show me.

My sister and I needed to grow up separately from mum and the boys for our own goals. One of which has been so we can each stand in our own power and not over shadow the other. We have spoken about this and both agreed we would have killed each other if we had grown up together. This was definitely a part of our agreement. Our lives would have been very different if we had stayed together as children. People would confuse us with each other. This would have led to us disliking each other with vengeance. By separating, it has given us an opportunity to develop into the very strong people we are today. Although it would have been nice to have had a sister as a small child, I understand the separation was entirely necessary for each of us to evolve. It has given us the opportunity to each learn our own lessons even though some of them have been the same. We have learnt them differently and can empathise with each other's choices. We spent many years apart and once I opened my adoption file only then was the rest of the plan for the four of us to continue.

I do have this sense though that mum waited for us all to reunite. Even though she never met her eldest daughter she knew deep within her soul her time was near. She enabled us to all come together and knew the boys would have family to support them, she could let go and return home.

Unfortunately we lost contact with one of our brothers but that too is his journey. To only know us for a short period of time. Our little brother has often looked at both of us for guidance. Mum knew he would always from the moment we met; receive from his big sisters love and support. Our youngest brother is a much younger soul than us, so our experiences have been and will continue to help him, as he continues to grow as a person. Again the separation of us (my sister and I) has been also partly for him.

3

The good news is that my brother and his wife are expecting another child. This news came roughly four months after Alley left us. My brother rang with excitement at first, that there was a new child coming, I was pleased for them. And no this child is not to replace "A", but another new soul who wishes to come in and experience life with this family. Remember this had already been agreed to. He did express to me that some people might feel they were doing this to replace Alley. You cannot replace a child with another it's not like buying another car because the old was is worn out. If people truly cared for my brother and sister I knew they would feel the same as our family, this was a blessing for them, the opportunity to raise another beautiful child. Naturally he had a fear that this child would also be born sleeping. I had not asked spirit about this, I did not need to know and nor did they. We talked about the wonderful opportunity they were being presented with and tried not to allow negative thoughts to creep in and upset the balance of what was going on. This child is another girl.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Changing Relationships with Ourselves and Othersby Adelphia Copyright © 2012 by Adelphia. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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