When stress creates a wedge between the rational mind and the emotional mind, we cannot be free to choose. However, nature offers us the tools to create and support positive change. This will matter as we age. "Finally, a practical solution for suc

Change Your Stress

Restore your Freedom to ChooseBy Richard D. Murphy

BALBOA PRESS

Copyright © 2012 Richard D. Murphy
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-5078-7

Contents

Acknowledgements...........................................viiIntroduction: Change your Stress...........................ixChapter 1: Self - Awareness................................1Awareness..................................................2Desire in Perspective......................................7Personal Needs.............................................12Summary....................................................15Chapter 2: Stress Awareness................................16The Roots of Stress........................................18Avoidable Sources..........................................23Unavoidable Sources........................................23The Effects of Stress......................................28Stress in Perspective......................................31The Potential of the Stressful Life........................32Conclusion.................................................35Chapter 3: Crossroads......................................36Change.....................................................37Freedom....................................................38Paradigm Shift.............................................40Chapter 4: The Way Forward.................................43Positive Change............................................43Guiding Principles of a Strategic Plan.....................46Create the Relaxation Response.............................52Balance Exercises..........................................54Chapter 5: Maintain the Path...............................57The Nature of Stress.......................................58Centered Awareness.........................................59Manage the Sources of Stress...............................62The Way of Nature..........................................65The Power of Expectation...................................66Sanctuary..................................................66Chapter 6: A New Perspective...............................71Perspective................................................75The Power of Enthusiasm....................................78Indicators of Positive Change..............................81C.O.P.E....................................................84Conclusion.................................................85Suggestions to Support your Journey........................86

Chapter One

Self - Awareness

If you are going to succeed at creating positive change, then it helps to understand the nature of this life. The symbol of yin and yang illustrates the dynamic nature of creation. It also points out the natural processes which support balance, healing, and wellness. Every relationship can be better understood by the awareness of this concept. The same is true of those relationships which create and support stress. We will utilize this awareness as we examine that which matters most to us. We will also use it to help us to create positive changes to a stressful life.

"An individual is an aperture, through which the entire universe becomes aware of itself" – Alan Watts

The Power of Breathing

Let us begin by addressing the most immediate thing that you can do for your health, to create positive change, and to effectively manage your stress. It integrates the body and the mind. Breathing is our most necessary activity as humans. It is where we can begin to take back our personal power and the freedom to choose. Yes - it is that simple. Focus on your breathing and you will begin to change from within. Keep it soft and gentle. Exhale slowly and feel it relaxing you.

Awareness

We must be aware of what we experience so that we can choose to accept it or to change it. If you are unaware of a source of stress that has harmful potential then you can't be free to change it. Awareness provides the freedom and the opportunity to take control of your life.

Balance is the natural state of life. It is important to gain a deeper awareness of self in order to understand how stress may be interfering with that balance. How you see your life situation has an influence on how you will deal with stress.

Tai Chi

Tai chi has taught me about what matters most in life. When I first began learning Tai Chi, the very first lesson was about how to emulate the qualities of a tree. Trees must be firmly rooted to the earth. These roots provide stability for the tree as it grows. Therefore, the first teaching of Tai Chi is stability. The roots of a tree also provide nourishment as they feed from the earth. We are also fed by the roots of our nature and our experiences. However, trees also have a dual nature. They must be rooting to the earth at the same time they are reaching for the sun.

This dual mindedness also applies to living in balance. As I learned how to do the Tai Chi form, I had to be mindful of stability and balance at the same time as I expressed the fullness of each movement. Please understand that I am not saying that you must learn how to do Tai Chi in order to deal with stress. What I am offering here are the teachings of Tai Chi as a basis for deeper self awareness. In my experience, it was not only the practice of this art that helped me but also the application of its teachings in every aspect of life.

The Roots of Desire

Every desire that moves us is rooted deep within our true nature. This nature is dynamic and reflects the concept of yin and yang. Our desires are shaped by our individual nature and cultural influence. Our personal perspective on desire is also influenced by our experiences. One way of discovering what our desires are is by examining what truly matters to each of us. It is better to know this now, before life forces you to find out through some kind of struggle. Many of us are too busy to stop and think about what we truly desire. Without a clear vision of what you may want, your experience can become a life of reactivity.

I believe that there is a better way to address the issue of a stressful life. We all have desire for what we want our life to be. We all have hopes and dreams which shape our goals. I believe that stress is very effective at clouding our vision. Desire is more important than the stress in your life. If you can come to believe this, then you will be able to overcome any stress that crosses your path.

The events of our lives are unique to each of us. When we were young, we had less control over the circumstances of life. As we got older we learned how to create life according to our own design. Some people become discouraged due to the unfortunate circumstances of early life. They may feel bound by the stress of their past. The path we have walked so far has left us prepared for what is to come in so many ways.

Some of the decisions we have made have gone according to the plans we ourselves made and acted upon. While some of those decisions did not go our way, the present is a testimony that most of our choices have manifested as the here and now. As we grew and learned to adapt to life, things became easier to plan and to predict. Our ability to plan and predict is a basic form of personal freedom.

What Matters

The freedom to choose for ourselves where we live and how we support our life comes from personal desire. We create and support that freedom with our intent and our effort. We work hard to remain free to choose as life tries to challenge our resolve. Anything that tries to interfere with our freedom to choose is what we experience as stress. Fulfillment can depend on the choices we make. Joy and happiness depend on a sense of fulfillment.

Desire is all that really matters. We all want our life to work out and to have a happy ending. I think it is fair to recognize this as a basic truth. Sometimes the stresses of life can cause us to forget what is more important. However, if we allow our desires to guide the direction of our life, then we can be free to choose the things which fulfill our experience.

What matters most to you?

I want my life story to have a happy ending. I want to have the health which can support my happy life until its eventual end. I want to feel fulfilled. I want my life to matter to others in some way. I want to feel excitement and be able to enjoy it. I wish to be free to recognize opportunity and be able to take advantage of it. I want to feel gratitude and be free to express it.

I think that it is fair to say that we all want to be happy. This may be defined differently for each of us but the idea is basically the same. Some people just seem to have good things cross their path. Others just seem to struggle at every turn. Either way, it is the path that we walk and this becomes our personal history. What has occurred so far in our lives has made us what and who we are today. There may have been limited control of our past but the present is ours to create. It is hard to feel good about your life when you don't feel good inside. Health and happiness are just one of those good relationships.

They go together so well. We may not recognize how the present may be having long term implications for our health later as we age. Stop and think about how your past may have helped to shape the status of your health today. Now you can begin to define and design a future according to your desires.

Physical desires may change as life presents new challenges. The body changes over time and that is a constant and so our physical needs will also change as a result. Our physical desires may need to be altered to fit into an unexpected paradigm. We need to be actively engaged in the ongoing creation of our life experience.

What physical abilities will continue to be important as you age?

Cognitive desires will also be altered over time in order to fit into the new and ever unfolding reality. We may discover new interests as we get older and this could alter the direction of our intent.

How could your mind enhance your life as you age?

Emotional desires may also evolve with the influence of time. As new people come into our lives, for example, through the birth of grandchildren, we may need to expand the range of the heart.

As we grow older we will bury more people, and we may need to adapt emotionally to this reality. It is unfortunate and inevitable for all of us who survive to old age, that we will lose family and friends along the way. We don't want to be changed by grief to the point where it damages our sense of self.

How can your emotional self support your desires as you age?

Younger generations are looking to us for the example of how to respond to loss. They can see through us that loss will become a part of their life, and even more so as they age. We need to set an example which gives them the benefit of foresight. Think about how your passing will affect those you leave behind. Help them today to see it in a meaningful perspective.

We all learn to create and maintain a sense of balance when it comes to our desires. Striving to create a better life is also a great part of what it means to be human. Some days you eat the bear, and other days the bear eats you. That's just life!

Our reality is that we will all age over time. This will create changes in our body, mind and emotional heart. We will learn to adapt. Our desires will drive us to face life as it unfolds and to create the best reality we can. Our desires are also intertwined with those of others. Each of us is driving toward our own goals, and also assisting others to achieve theirs. This is so much of what life is about and what matters most to us. We should try to remain mindful of how our perspective can be so easily influenced by the circumstances of life.

Desire in Perspective

Another way to examine desire is by time. We all live through different stages of life. Each stage has its own perspective on this life experience.

We will examine desires over 3 stages of life.

The present stage of life, the stage of retirement, the end game

These will help us to see the big picture and help you to know where you wish to direct your life from here on. But first, let's switch things up just to make it more interesting. Let us look at the end first and work our way backward to the here and now. That way, we can gain better insight, and provide a clear sense of direction to our desires. It can also point out just what you will need to achieve that desire. When we illuminate our path with that which we desire, then anything that doesn't fit will be easier to identify and avoid.

Trail's End

Let us take this idea to the extreme and imagine what is at the very end of our life. This will surely put your life into perspective. Look within yourself and think about how you want your very last day of life to be. We all have the right to imagine what we experience. The same is true when it comes to the end of life. I'm sure none of us would relish the idea of suffering up until the end. I'm quite sure that we would not look forward to being alone when it is our time to die. Many people have so much fear about the end of life that they don't feel comfortable to even talk about it. That is an example of the loss of freedom. It is also a significant source of personal stress. However, we can diminish that fear if we decide now how we want it to be. There may be details about the last day of life which are very important to you in a most personal way. Don't fear it.

What I have learned about myself is that I want my last day of life to be one that will reflect my life in a good way. I want to feel fulfilled as I leave this world. I want to feel as though I did the best I could with what I had. I want to be surrounded by loved ones. I want to be as old as I can. I want to be free of regrets when I die. I want to be free of resentments. I wish to have no guilt and shame. I don't want to be in pain as I am dying. I want to have the freedom to feel gratitude for my days on earth. I want to be a positive example for others to follow if they see merit in how I have lived. I wish to leave a legacy that benefits others. In order for me to have these wishes, I need to be able to see what does not fit on my path from now on. That way, I may remain free to adjust and overcome any obstacle which tries to get in my way.

I am determined to win at this game of life right up until the eventual end. It may not turn out exactly as I want it to, but at least I have set a course to follow that is according to my own mind. Now I can at least know what I will need to make it all come to pass. I will strive to make it come true without the anxiety that comes from uncertainty. I can now feel free to enjoy my days and look forward to the last of it when it arrives.

How can you plan for a more fulfilling last day of life?

The End Game

Each stage of life presents us with a different set of desires. Our desires today are what they are according to our life so far. What we may desire later in life may change by the time it arrives. That's good as long as they were changed by choice and not by pressure. Whatever we desire for the end game of life is up to each of us. Having the freedom to adapt is going to become even more important to us as life begins to change around us. The end game can represent the very last days of life, or it could be years spent in nursing care as you come to rely on others to care for your basic needs. Still, life can be rewarding at this time and something to look forward to if you are prepared for it.

Remember that this stage of life will determine if your very last day has a chance for working out as you planned. Remain mindful of its importance to you.

How could this stage of your life become rewarding for you?

Retirement Stage of Life

Retirement will be a time which brings changes to our financial security, our freedom of how we spend time, and how we choose to redefine our relationship with life. Stress could significantly influence this stage as it merges with the aging process.

Let us consider this stage of life to be the second last period of our existence. It is a time that should be enjoyed with a carefree attitude. It is the period we plan for after a lifetime of labor. This is the time to travel, or to change our venue. It is also the time to enjoy leisure, family and friends. We would like to feel secure financially and to not become dependent on others but that will require the freedom to choose. This will matter when that time arrives!

What do you look forward to when it's your time to retire?

The Present Stage of Life

Here we are, all of us striving to create and support the life we want to live. The time we have is precious and limited. What we do now continues to shape our reality. Each of us is building our life upon the foundation of the past. It is good to be aware that the present is setting the stage for the next chapter of life, just as the past created what is now. We know that this will become important as life and aging create their influence on our future. Today matters.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Change Your Stressby Richard D. Murphy Copyright © 2012 by Richard D. Murphy. Excerpted by permission of BALBOA PRESS. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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