CHAPTER 1
TANGLE: I WILL BE HAPPY WHEN
CHANGE: I AM HAPPY EVEN THOUGH
Tangle: I Will Be Happy When
Change: I'm Happy Even Though
If you had a magic wand and you could ask for 3 wishes, what would you wish for?
You have 10 seconds to say them aloud.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ¡Time!
Even though the phrase sounds like a story, it is interesting to note that when we ask this question to the participants of our seminar, hardly ever can somebody define more than one wish. Some of them openly affirm that they do not know what they want. Some others murmur something like: "I want to be happy". And they say it very quietly.
They have spent their lives looking for happiness, and on the road they have found only sorrows. They look outside themselves: waiting to be grownups in order to be happy, when school is over, when they get married (for some when they get divorced), when their partner changes and makes them happy. They wait to win the lottery, so they can be debt free. They wait for their children to grow up, so they have time to travel. Then and only then they will have all they have been waiting for; then they think they will be happy.
People connect their happiness to WHEN.
What about a new idea: what about starting by making the changes in your mind?
Instead of waiting to be happy WHEN, be happy EVEN THOUGH.
Because being happy is an inner decision, it does not depend on circumstances.
To be able to declare: "Even though I do not have the car of my dreams, I decide to be happy". "Even though I have a headache, I decide to be happy". "Even though a loved one just died, I have decided to be happy".
If we say that, the workshop participants' eyes open wide, and we almost can read their faces: "If it were so easy." "They do not know my story". "MY LIFE HAS BEEN SO DIFFICULT". "It is easy for them to say that, but if they knew my story ...!"
It is true that the life stories are diverse; the events can change. However, the emotions are the same: guilt, shame, sadness, depression, pessimism, envy, jealousy, boredom, anger, resentment. An accumulation of negative emotions tends to be limiting, and in general they distort the perception and interpretation of the facts. It also discourages people from reaching their goals, prompting them to inactivity, passivity, and in many cases to aggressiveness.
The important thing is that when people can define at least one wish–which can be obtained with the mental magic wand-, and decide to work on themselves, a great number of people mention an emotion, this time positive such as happiness, satisfaction, hope, plenitude, good humor, optimism, tranquility and peace as part of what they want to get for their lives.
"I want to be happy", they say with a quiet voice. They look at what others say, because they feel that they have failed and that they are the only ones that feel that way. When they realize that they are not alone, that everybody else in the group feels the same, they give a sigh of relief. Then some of them say smiling: "Well, it seems like we all want the same, but we do not know how to get it."
What they don't realize is that they have already started to find the way. You are doing the same by reading this book. You are beginning to move forward instead of remaining stuck.
The next expression is heard frequently during the seminars, the only difference is the person's name or sex. It can come out of a mouth of a woman or a man: "Life is soooo difficult." They lengthen the word "so" to make it more emphatic.
"Who said it was difficult?" We ask.
Then they start to tell all the stories that they heard, the phrases that somebody else mentioned over and over again, part of the legacy from their parents, family members, friends, teachers, etc. The most interesting thing is that they take it as truth, because "everybody" said so.
Instead of labeling life according to "How you have done so far?" according to your own experiences, and the ones that were given to you for generations, add this new idea to your mind:
LIFE IS ...
Everyone needs to finish the sentence. Life can be as beautiful as you want to see it, or as tragic as you decide, depending on individual perception and interpretation. The marvelous Celia Cruz used to sing with all her heart that "Anyone who thinks life is cruel, needs to know that it is not true, there are only bad moments, and everything passes. Life is a carnival to laugh and enjoy".
Life is a game with no instructions; and if it had them, most likely we wouldn't read or practice them anyway.
This brings up another phrase made popular by a communicator: "The media is not good or bad; it depends on the use that it will be given". We could paraphrase Marshall McLuhan and affirm that LIFE IS NOT GOOD OR BAD, IT DEPENDS ON HOW WE USE IT.
If we talk about the use, the simplest way is to look at results. If you are happy with them, if the results make you feel complete, happy and in peace, GO AHEAD! Keep working on yourself because the road is long and lasts for the rest of your life. If you think you know it all, then it is time to buy your coffin because that means you are ready to die. You could be one of those who conform to the results and feel "comfortable"; you do what you think you can, not what you REALLY CAN do, because you are afraid of growing.
If on the contrary, your results provoke a state of altercation, irritability, nervousness, agitation, constant fear, shame, hostility and affliction, it is time to make changes in your life.
As a consolation, most of people who live around you share the same negative emotions. Only 1% of the world population lives in a state of integral consciousness. The rest of the population is on a constant quest for illusions, power, order, autonomy, liberty, abundance and peace. There is a need and there are resources and tools that can be used to start this work.
People look for changes in order to do different things, because what they have now does not produce actual satisfactory results. And yes, there are ways to change. The evidence is in the people who have participated in the personal development seminars.
Also we are proof that we have made substantial changes in our lives after participating in multiple seminars, workshops, conferences, mentorships, and advisers. We also have received instruction in order to be able to teach. Our way to see the world is different, and now we know that it is possible to have inner peace in spite of the stories of the past.
To face ourselves frightens us. We have been trained, since early childhood, to point outside of ourselves. It is easy to believe that everybody else needs to change.
A young couple that had frequent complicated situations attended one of our seminars. Ana insisted that her family was to blame for her depression, because every time she wanted to do something new, all she heard was: "Why are you wasting your time, you don't even have any education", "You have always been so dumb", "You only know how to cook, so just go back to the kitchen", "Women who wander on their own become prostitutes". She got very upset when we told her that she was responsible for her feelings, because she has the ability to accept or reject the family comments.
Everybody else promptly realized that what we were saying was true. They agreed, except her. However, later, other participants who had agreed insisted that their cases were different.
Jorge explained that his situation was different, because his partner did not allow him to be happy; she criticized him constantly, even in front of the children. She used to tell him: "You are useless, and never do anything right. I have to solve everything because you are unable to do anything." According to Jorge, his partner was responsible for how he felt. She was a victimizer, and he was the victim.
There is a disease that is becoming epidemic. Its name is ACUTE VITIMITIS. It is very contagious and hereditary. This disease can be passing from generation to generation. If you don't believe this, just pay attention to the next phrases: "Look at this grey hair; it is because all the problems you give me!" "You have no consideration for me even after all the SACRIFICES I made for you!" "I kill myself working so hard so I can give you everything, and this is the way you repay me?"
Do they sound familiar? Are these the phrases you have heard or the ones you say? If you heard them, and you have not made inner changes in your life, then most probably you are repeating them.
How many times have you said to yourself: "I WILL NEVER become like my parents and WILL NEVER do the same as they did to me"?
We invite you to look at your results, so that you can honestly say that you are not doing the same. Pay attention, the form can be different but the results can be the same.
Marina came into one of the workshops crossing her arms and legs. She participated with determination, with a strong voice and a fixed look, and we could say with some anger. At one point, she shared with the group that when she was a child she was physically abused by her stepfather. She used to go to her grandmother bleeding and almost fainting. Her grandmother usually cured her wounds. The physical punishment was non-stop, so she decided to run away from home when she was thirteen years old. She swore that from that day on, she was not going to allow a man to hurt her, and that nobody would tell her what to do, that she was going to do whatever pleased her. Some years later she met the guy who became her husband. He was a nice, kind, gentleman and he was madly in love with her. When the problems began and they had discussions, she was the one who verbally and physically abused him.
Marina had made changes. Now it was not the man who originated the violence, she was the aggressor; she was imitating the behavior that caused her so much suffering.
Her children learned the relationship model, and they had abusive relationships too, some of them being the aggressor and others becoming the victims. That was all they knew.
The form changed, but the result was the same.
The sexual, physical, emotional and financial abuse becomes a chain; it is given as part of our heritage for ourselves, unless we make real inner changes at the subconscious level.
If you are not pleased with your present results, then it is time to do something different. The definition of insanity is to do the same over and over expecting different results.
Ask yourself: Am I crazy?
How long have you been dissatisfied with your results and still keep doing the same thing over and over?
How long are you still going to wait before giving yourself the opportunity to be happy?
We were surprised by the comment of one of the participants who lived in a domestic violence situation: "I can't do it anymore." "I want to get divorced." "I am fed up with this." "I have tolerated this for so many years that I do not want the same!" Then she paused for a couple of seconds and lowered her voice to continue: "But I have spent ten years of my life with him, how am I going to throw that away so easily?" We questioned her: "So, do you want to live another ten years like that?"
In extreme situations, it is recommendable that couples break up, not to miss each other or to decide if they need each other, but to work on themselves, improve their lives, heal the past and build a different present.
It is proven that when couples divorce or separate without making inner changes, they usually find another identical partner just with a different name. This is so because wherever they go, even if they change homes, county or partners, they take themselves with them.
If you are reading this book it means you are looking for something different. We suggest that not only read the book but practice what you learn.
You have to apply this information so it becomes knowledge.
CHAPTER 2
TANGLE: I WILL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT
CHANGE: I WILL SEE IT WHEN I BELIEVE IT
Tangle: Seeing is Believing
Change: Believing is Seeing
We are what we think.
When we think that things are difficult, everything works out to be that way so we reinforce that idea which most likely is not ours, but it was planted in our mind long time ago.
However we believe it is true and we create outcomes based on that idea.
Everything we think about can become reality. The reality exists when you are creating it. That is your reality.
The mind is a beautiful instrument that is not located only in the brain. Each one of our cells has memory. The ideas originate in the mind and provoke emotions, which in turn yield actions and the actions generate results. When you are not satisfied with the results, it is necessary to make changes in your mind so you get different results.
If you create changes, you are on the path of inner peace and when you are at peace with yourself then you are at peace with others.
We can make reality everything we think about, and it is as easy as just changing our thoughts. We can think positively or negatively. If we concentrate on the fact that we have not seen our family in a long time, we get sad and cry. Or, we remember an incident when someone said something we interpreted as aggressive, and our mind starts going around with the same idea: "Why did he/she say that?", "She is up to something, I did not do anything to him/her; she/he must be in trouble". We keep going on and on until we make ourselves sick and/or throw a tantrum. Our actions change due to that idea that got us in a bad mood, and we lash out at those who have nothing to do with the problem, usually our kids.
The kids are in their own world, and mom may be thinking about what she is going to tell her husband for being late. Her mind is filled with ideas like: "The bum (or let's use "good for nothing") is late, I'll wait and see what excuse he comes up with this time! This time he is going to hear me, don't even think I am going to believe his story". At that moment the little kid asks "Mom, can I eat a piece of cake? Mom's reaction is: "NO! Stop bothering me! How many times do I have to say no? Get out of here, you are in time out!" The child asks himself, "What did I do? I just wanted some cake!"
Our actions determine our results, and the results do work or not–let's start changing the idea about results being good or bad, positive or negative, when we do a detailed review of the outcomes of our actions in the four basic areas: emotional, physical, financial and spiritual let's focus on how functional they are.
Remember that everything that became reality was first just an idea in someone's mind. This book that you are reading came about first in the author's mind. The chair where you are sitting right now was first just someone's idea. Somebody designed the house where you live, and then somebody else built it. You decorated it, but first you thought of where the furniture and the pictures were going to be. You thought of every single detail, even when you said "I do not like the way it looks.
