It's a fact: life happens. It's easy to feel that your life is beyond your control or that your dreams are out of reach. Occasionally, bad decisions or bad luck can put you in a place where you wish you could just start over-and that first step is often the hardest to make. The Art of Starting Over allows you to look at your life from a variety of angles and to discover what's missing. Using the life lesson and exercises within, you can learn how to plan and take the steps you need to create the life you desire. Whether you're starting over by choice or from circumstances beyond your control, this guide can take you down a path that can make the journey back to your ideal new life more enjoyable-and productive. But first, you have to understand what makes you happy. What's important to you may not be important to someone else- and vice versa. That is why you can't rely on what others say to determine what is right for you. Only you can know what your perfect life looks like. Be unapologetic and proud of the ideas you have for your life. You can achieve it. All you need is the guidance, accountability, and motivation. Life is not about keeping up with the Joneses or impressing others, it's about discovering what makes you happy, what's important to you-and why

The Art of Starting Over

A Thirty-Day Guide to Creating More Power, Peace, and Pleasure in Your Personal Life By Kiné Corder

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2012 Kiné Corder
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4759-4315-3

Contents

Preface.............................................................viiDedication..........................................................ixAcknowledgements....................................................xiAuthor's Instructions...............................................xiiiDay 1 – Commitment............................................1Day 2 – Questionnaire.........................................3Day 3 – Self-Evaluation.......................................7Day 4 – Giver or Taker........................................11Day 5 – Who do you admire?....................................17Day 6 – Accomplishments.......................................23Day 7 – Create the Day, Week, Month, Life.....................29Day 8 – Bucket list...........................................37Day 9 – Things I like.........................................41Day 10 – Reward Yourself......................................47Day 11 – Why you want it......................................51Day 12 – Your Purpose in Life.................................59Day 13 – Set Goals............................................67Day 14 – Tasks................................................73Day 15 – Strengths and Weaknesses.............................77Day 16 – Needs................................................81Day 17 – Resources............................................83Day 18 – Pep Squad............................................91Day 19 – Your Brand...........................................95Day 20 – Reward Yourself......................................101Day 21 – Letter for help......................................103Day 22 – Activity Sheet.......................................111Day 23 – Delegate.............................................119Day 24 – Technology...........................................125Day 25 – Cut Cost.............................................131Day 26 – Get Paid.............................................143Day 27 – Transferring Risk....................................149Day 28 – Leaving a Legacy.....................................153Day 29 – Making Good Decisions................................159Day 30 – Reward Yourself......................................165Day 1 – Do the work...........................................167

Chapter One

Day 1 – Commitment

This book is useless unless you make a commitment to indulge in the exercises, put your all into it and make a commitment to yourself to do what makes you happy. If this is a time in your life when you are either making a choice to start over or you are forced to start over, take the time to get it right. If you have the opportunity now to start over you may as well do something that makes you happy.

In order to reach your goals, be happy, and really make a change, you have to make a commitment to do the things suggested in the chapters. You have to be honest with yourself and be persistent until you get what you want. Can you do that?

If so, I want you to make a commitment right now before you read any further. You have to write the commitment for yourself because it is not for me; it is for you. It is important that you write it in your own words in your own language and in a way that you know what you are committing to.

Below is a short commitment form that you can use to get started or you can write your own using this as a guide.

I, ____________________________ commit and promise myself to take the necessary steps to make a change in my life. I understand that starting over takes dedication and courage. I am both dedicated and courageous. I am capable of reaching my goals and I will begin the journey today. I will put forth my best effort.

This commitment is of sound mind and not a fly by night emotional decision. It is well thought out and I have considered all the possibilities. I understand that it will take time and that it is a process. I intend to enjoy that process and learn as I go through it. I also promise to share my knowledge so that someone else can succeed the way I have.

I am committed. ________________ (initial)

Sign: __________________________________

Date: __________________________________

The elements of the commitment letter:

1. Your name

2. A statement of what you are committing to.

3. State your dedication.

4. Initial, sign and date the commitment.

After you write your letter of commitment, put it in a place where you can see it daily. When you see it, it will serve as a reminder to you and assist you in keeping your commitment.

Day 2 – Questionnaire

Do I know my life's purpose?

Yes No

Am I living that purpose?

Yes No

Is my daily activity in line with my life's purpose?

Yes No

If you answered YES to all of the above questions, this book will be a refresher course for you. If you answered NO to any of the above questions you should go forward to finally find your purpose and start living the life you deserve and desire. You made a commitment so these questions are not to set you back but to identify where you are starting. Wherever you are is ok.

I have to make some serious changes in my life?

Yes No

I am committed to making those changes?

Yes No

I would like to live my life with a purpose?

Yes No

If you answered NO to any of the above questions you need to ask yourself if you are being honest. If you bought this book or if someone gave you this book, deep down inside you want to make a commitment in making a change to live your life with a purpose. Give it some thought and decide if now is the right time. If it is not, you can either read the book anyway or put it down and come back when you are ready.

If you said YES to change then you are in the right place. I am proud to be a part of your next stage in life and I am here with you. I will not be there in person everyday but if you need to talk you can schedule a consultation by sending an email to consultation@kinecorder.com. Even though I will not always be there physically, I am there mentally and spiritually. (For those of you who are not spiritual, don't worry I won't get "holier than thou" on you.)

I want you to know that someone is there because I remember going through some changes by myself and wishing someone was there. Someone who could say, "everything is ok;" someone who could hold my hand or push me when I was weak. You are not alone. So get ready to find what you are looking for.

By now you should have written and signed your commitment. Be sure to keep it where you can see it. Below are a few more questions that need to be answered in order to help you realize what things you need to change and what things you should keep the same.

Do I usually do what people want me to do instead of what I want to do?

Yes No

Do I put off until tomorrow what I can do today?

Yes No

Am I afraid to pursue my dreams?

Yes No

By answering NO to all of these questions you are clear what you want, need and are capable of. If you answered YES to any of them, you are still ok because you are obviously ready to conquer your fear. Brave is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. You can do whatever you set your mind and heart to do. You don't have to take away all the fear but you do have to push through it. Eventually as you become more confident in your decision, you will not feel the fear anymore and you will be able to answer NO to all three questions.

I know where I go wrong?

Yes No

If so, describe where you feel you go wrong. You can use an example of a past experience. Feel free to be as descriptive as possible.

_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________

I know what people think of me?

Yes No

How does it make you feel?

_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________

Am I aware of the challenges that keep me from accomplishing my dreams?

Yes No

If so, what are they? If you do not know right now come back and write them down when you do.

_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________

I prioritize my activities and make the best of my time.

Yes No

The answer to this question is important. If you answered YES, some of the task before you will be easier. If you answered NO, you will build the habit of prioritizing and being accountable for your daily activity while reading the book.

Call to action:

1. Answer the commitment questions above.

Day 3 – Self-Evaluation

Self-evaluation is a process where you look inside yourself and ask, "Who have I become?" Is this who I want to be and if not what am I missing? What makes me happy? Do I have enough of it in my life and if not, why?

Self-evaluation can be painful and scary the first time you do it. If you are ready to change than you have to do it now. It will feel good to really know what you want, why you want it and how to get it.

Self-evaluation is the process of finding out what you desire. That means finding out who you want to be and what kind of life you want to live. It means discovering what moves you. It allows you to acknowledge some bad habits and idiosyncrasies.

First, ask yourself "who am I?" Am I selfish? Am I a push over? Am I evil? Am I a nice person? Chances are you will found you have more than one personality. At times you are nice and at times you are not. At times you are lazy and at times you are not. There will be a pattern though. You will see consistency in some areas and be able to judge who you have become. You will see yourself being lazy too often. You can take this to mean that there is something there that you are afraid of or that does not interest you. When you see a pattern you can make an assessment of that behavior.

Think about your actions and watch yourself. Take note of your habits. Take note of your feelings. Figure out when you are hurt, happy, lazy, vulnerable, strong or passive. Make sure you are evaluating the people involved and note how they change your perception or your actions. You should also become aware of what gets you moving and the people who bring you down and those that motivate you. You will learn what inspires you and what makes you fall in love at first sight. You will also see what makes you want to run and hide. When these things are revealed, you are learning who you are. You are evaluating yourself.

Next, you have to decide if that is who you want to be. Are you happy with the decisions you have made? Are you satisfied with your way of making decisions? Do you treat people the way you want to be treated? Do you demand that people treat you the way you deserve to be treated? Do you like yourself? Do others like you? Do you like other people? What about you do people love? Is that the same thing you love about yourself? What or who makes you do the things you do? Are you spiritual or religious? Do you have common sense, book smarts or street smarts? Are you business savvy? Who are you?

Self-evaluation is the beginning of the process. What is the sense in evaluating yourself if you are not going to do anything about it? You are making these evaluations so that you can determine where to go from here. The next step is to figure out who you want to be and commit to becoming that person. It is your life to change and start over as often as you like. Just don't hurt yourself and don't hurt anyone else.

Write down who you want to be. Then say it out loud and mean it. When you get off course get back on. Find people that can help you keep your commitment and hold you accountable. Make a plan and stick to it but be realistic. Adjust it as needed and check back to see what accomplishments you have made. When you find that you are there, celebrate, reward yourself and keep going.

Do it now. Put it on paper and read it out loud. Say I am going to be...... and make a list of all the things you want to be as a person. Write everything from every aspect; emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual.

Let me give you an example. There once was a girl who lived in a small town in New York State. She always felt too big for the town she lived in and she knew that one day she would have to leave. Well, as she grew older, fear of the big city began to set in. When she would speak of her dream to go to the city people would tell her it was a bad idea. They would give her all the reasons she should not go. She had an opportunity to study abroad in France when she was in college but she heard something on the news about Europe and decide that maybe that wasn't for her. A few years later she got another opportunity to transfer to Chicago to start a new branch for her company. She heard stories about how lonely the big city could be and how dangerous it was so she turned it down. The girl began to think that maybe she wasn't too big for this small town after all. Maybe this is as good as it gets. "This is comfortable and it has worked so why change it," her friends and family would say. She responded to herself, "because I'm not happy here." Out loud she just nodded her head and agreed but inside she longed for change.

One day she looked up and everything she dreamed about was a faded memory. No husband, no children, no big job in the city. No great travel stories, no trophies or plaques. Just an ordinary life that would not be so bad if it was the life she really wanted. "Is this really as good as it gets or is there more?" "Did I miss my chance?", she asked herself. "No," she answered. "It's never too late." I am going to start today. "I put my hand to God that I will not stop until my dreams come true."

I will become more spiritual. I won't just go to church on Sunday. I will live a life rooted in peace and love and faith in all that I am capable of and all that the world is capable of. I will stop letting people lead me places I don't want to go. I will stop being passive and start telling people how I really feel. I will stop being evil to my friends and family. I know that I am only doing it because I am hurting inside. I will express myself kindly and honestly and I will feel good when I do it. I will start eating better and taking walks to the park. I will start going to the next town over to meet new people and I will actually go to New York City so I will know what it is really like.

Later that year the young lady took her first trip to New York City. She shopped, ate and saw a show. She took a taxi and the train. She even rented a car and drove around. She honked her horn and yelled at other drivers. She found the neighborhood she thought she would like to live in and she met a few people at a wine store. She surprised herself and had a little summer fling. One afternoon before she was to leave New York, she set at an outdoor café and began to write her plan. She mouthed the words under her breath, "Things are going to start happening for me today." I am going to be a successful person. I will feel successful because I will live the life I choose for myself. She found after planning, that it would realistically take her two years to save up enough money and get herself mentally ready to move. She did it.

She saved religiously and she prayed for strength. She started being honest with herself and the people around her. She didn't always tell them what she was thinking because she knew not everyone would share her vision and she did not want to try to teach them. She would much rather let them learn from her example; from her actions. Talking is cheap she discovered and thinking is even cheaper unless you decide to turn it into a real plan. But even the plan isn't enough if you do not work it.

She was following her plan. She put in for a transfer at her job and a few months later she got it. 2 frac12; years went by so fast because she made a commitment and she stuck with it. "New York City, here I come," she said. After working for the company for another year, she moved to a bigger company where she could advance and married her next door neighbor a year after that. It was the funniest story. They still own both houses and rent one out. What a life.

When asked what she learned, she answered, "Success is when what you want to do becomes what you have done." It's not something that happens over night and it does not have to be fancy." "You can make the decision to go for it in one night and once you make that commitment stick to it for life." It will happen because you will make it happen and you won't stop until it does.

This girl's life was changed because she made a decision, stuck with it and saw it through. She finally believed she deserved it. You can do this same thing in your life; it all starts with a little evaluation. Go back to the questionnaire page and look at the answers to those questions. This will give you a good start to evaluate yourself. Remember to evaluate yourself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Decide who you want to be in each of the four areas and then take a look back at yourself and see if this is who you are. If not, write down the things about yourself that keep you from being that person.

Call to action:

1. Evaluate yourself

2. Write down who you want to be

3. Make a decision to become that person

Day 4 – Giver or Taker

Are you a giver or a taker? What does that mean and why does that matter? This is something you may have discovered in your self-evaluation or maybe it is something you never really thought about.

In life generally people are either givers or takers. Of course there have been times when you have been both but most people lean toward one side or the other. You may have a knack at getting what you want without even asking for it. You may be the type of person that helps people before they even realize they need help. You may get offers, free stuff and assistance with little to no effort. You may feed the hungry, cure the sick or grant wishes like Santa Claus. When you were giving, did you expect something in return or were the smiles on the faces enough for you? When you were receiving did you ever think how you could repay the favor or what you could do in return?

The answers to those questions will determine in part whether you are a giver or a taker. If you like to receive so much that you rarely get around to figuring out how to give back, you may be a taker. That's not necessarily a bad thing; just an observation. If you are so busy giving that you rarely stop to think about how you will be compensated, then you may be a giver. Again, not a bad thing; just an observation.

You can think about where you fall while you read this short story called "Where is mine, do I have yours?"

On a country road where everything seems to belong to the Gods, a couple of animals began to gather. They noticed that all of the humans had left the town. They could not decide if this was a good thing or a bad thing. What they did realize is that the humans played a role in their survival and without them there, everyone would have to do their part to keep the place going. There was a cow, a chicken, a horse, a dog and a bird.

The team had decided that the cow would provide milk, the chicken would give eggs, the horse would plow the garden, the bird would water everything and the dog would manage. Dog slept most of the day because he did not have a job until night time. Every night when it was time for dinner, dog would set the table and be the first one there waiting to eat. Cow would provide milk for breakfast every morning and make orange juice or lemonade for dinner using the fruit she collected underneath the trees in the front yard.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from The Art of Starting Overby Kiné Corder Copyright © 2012 by Kiné Corder. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.