Activating the Power Within

8 WEEKS TO AN EMPOWERED LIFEBy WAUKENA ANN CUYJET

BALBOA PRESS

Copyright © 2011Waukena Ann Cuyjet
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-4298-0

Contents

Chapter One

Week 1

Take Back Your Power

"The only thing to fear is fear itself."—Franklin D. Roosevelt

If you are thinking this is a huge step to take in the first week, it is. But, if you don't dive in and empower yourself starting now, you will remain on the sidelines in the game of life. That is where most of us have been thus far. Rethink your whole approach to this game they call life. Get in gear and head for the starting line. You know you want to enjoy the game and reap the rewards of a successful life. I am here to help you dive into thinking about being empowered and stop letting others live your life for you.

Do you have to come to a point of frustration or anger in order to say what's on your mind? I used to think I was the kind of person who freely spoke her mind. But, I learned that my empowerment was coming from a place of hostility. I had to get mad in order to express myself. I worked up enough negative self-talk to convince myself that I deserved something, and demanded it while in a fighting mode. I was no longer afraid to ask, claim, or demand. This left no room for discussion of any kind. If internal arguments precede your outbursts, then you are not coming from an empowered place. Being open and honest about anything was not happening for me. I was too afraid to live my life for me.

I learned early to let others do my thinking for me. I gave away my power to others without a second thought. Something in me knew it wasn't right, but I did nothing about it. I hated myself when I behaved in such a manner. Even worse, as I became an adult, I desperately wanted to be honest and authentic. I believed in "what you see is what you get," but for a long time, masked my real self and put forth what I thought was an acceptable image, all the while living with this anger inside.

Dissolve Fear

Fear steals your power. It is a major obstacle that gets in the way of happiness or greater success. I remember being taught in religion class at an early age that I was unworthy. I was born with Original sin. This belief settled into the very core of my being. If I wasn't worthy, then there was nothing about me that was of any worth. This was my earliest encounter with fear and it resulted in not being able to speak my truth. I did not have a voice, because I misinterpreted what my Catholic teaching meant by being unworthy. It became a road map to being without power in my adult life. In high school, when I expressed a thought, or even a question, that contradicted the teachings of my religion at the time, I was punished and told I needed to be reformed. I became afraid to speak my mind. As I got older and other rules were added to how I was supposed to think, this further cemented the beliefs about myself that were false. Finding out who I was and living it was not an option for me. Fear created a distortion for me and inhibited my ability to deal with learning who I was. So, I became what I thought others wanted me to be. It was impossible for me to become empowered when my reality was so distorted.

Fear will keep you stuck as long as you make it your reality. A joyful, successful life is further and further away from you the longer you live in fear. You can only rise to the level of your greatest fear. But when you accept that fear is not your reality, you can overcome it.

What is fear? I heard the definition of fear used as an acronym: Fear means False Entity Appearing Real. We give life to fear and make it real when we hold on to a fearful emotion. Empowered people are ones who no longer hold on to or react with, a strong, fearful emotion when they have an anxious thought. My ah-ha moment came after several months of being afraid of a boss who continually spoke to me like I was a child. Every Monday, I dreaded going into a meeting where I was subjected to his way of speaking to me. After reading some material and spending some time studying how to better honor myself, I went into the meeting a different person. One Monday, as I began my day getting ready for the office, I started to observe my feelings of dread about attending the meeting. I realized that during my studying and reading, I had started embodying what I was learning. There was a process taking place out of my control that affected change in me. I spoke my truth that I didn't like how I was being talked to. I felt a new feeling, one that was not fear, as I went into the meeting. I became empowered when I started observing my thoughts rather than staying absorbed in them. I transformed from my fearful self into the powerful one.

I entered the room a new person. During the meeting, another comment was made that I felt was condescending to me. I went to my boss and asked for a minute to speak with him in his office. I spoke my mind politely, calmly, and sincerely, claiming I would not accept being spoken to as a child. He responded apologetically and I left. He never spoke to me again in that manner. Returning to my office, I felt empowered. Mind you, I had wanted to say this to him long before it actually took place. I learned, from my reading and studying, to believe that I was responsible for my experiences and free to reclaim my power. After that, I became stronger and braver. During the encounter with my boss, I trembled like a captured bird. But, the act of claiming my power was so strong and felt so right that, for the first time, I felt in control. I was not angry or hostile at all. I knew how I wanted to experience my life and acted upon it. All I did was claim my power. I have always given respect to others and I was now demanding respect for myself. I tapped into my higher self the moment I began observing my thoughts. What resulted was a newfound freedom. I spent the rest of the day letting the empowered me get in touch with my empowered self. I created a new road map for my life.

Do you find that you oftentimes say or do what others want to hear or will approve of? If you communicate from that place, you are giving your power away. The more you do, the further away you get from living your truth. I used to imagine that if I were nice to others, they would like me. I had to learn that if anyone was going to like me, it had to start with me liking myself. This often shows up as a disagreement with someone. In healthy relationships, each member of the relationship is being honest and upfront with the other. There are times when you don't say what you want because you don't want to upset anyone. When you pretend that everything is alright, you are giving your power to the behavior, which is the same as giving it to another person. And if you're in a group where no one is acknowledging the unhealthy behavior, you have a group dynamic that is powerless. I observed this in social settings and at family gatherings. Guests arrived and were greeted with open arms and kisses when only minutes before they had been talked about not being wanted at the event. Not accepting the unwanted guests required other family members to be honest about how they felt. This didn't happen, because as a group they were powerless. Instead they all gave their power to the unwanted guests.

Making a decision

I realized that I could make choices. I could make choices in every moment of my life on every subject, especially when it came to me. Each time I made the choice to speak my truth, my confidence grew. I was following my inner guidance, whose only interest is my well-being. I was no longer thriving, I was living.

What is this power of choice? You have the capability to deliberately refuse to entertain any negative thought, so it follows that you can choose to be open and honest all the time. It takes loving oneself and believing that you are worthy. Acting upon those feelings and inviting those emotions into your life builds confidence. Once you decide to assume responsibility and authority for yourself, a lot of things in your life will change. Making the decision to live your truth is the most important decision you can make in taking back your power.

When I said, with as much conviction as I could, that I realized how important this life is to me, I knew that going forward I was going to live an empowered life. When I decided that, things began to change. When I decided to take responsibility for myself, honor myself and speak my truth, things just changed for the better. When I began seriously studying what this life means to me and what my role in it is, I embarked on a path that allowed me to create more joy and love in my life. I had studied for about four years when I learned what the tools were that empowered me. I put up a rock of resistance, because I was a fighter and my way of doing things was comfortable to me. I deliberately moved out of my comfort zone, but I was kicking all the way. While attending a workshop called "Why Aren't You a Millionaire?," I heard the speaker say, "We all have the power to choose. And if you are not a millionaire, you made that choice." I heard that concept and applied it to other areas of my life, like my trouble with making decisions for myself. The brightness in the light at the end of the tunnel went up a notch. It was then that I realized that if it was going to happen, it was up to me and no one else. I was putting lots of energy into figuring out what was wrong with me. Then, I began to realize that there was nothing wrong with me. I learned that I have the power to make choices in every area of my life. After years of feeling generally bad about myself, my world, and my family, I made the choice to live peacefully, first with myself, and then with others. I learned that my integrity and personal values needed to come together. I decided to move forward and really put my faith into being able to create joy, peace, and anything else I desired in my life.

I began to focus only on what was right and good about me. I had been thinking one way about myself for a long time. It took work for me to start thinking about how okay I actually was. My feelings were something I had to work on. My mind knew the truth about me: that I was an adequate and powerful being. I had a voice, and my opinion was important. I had to learn that by virtue of being born I was enough. My old beliefs about myself confused me. My new belief that I was okay became my dominant thought. My emotions said I was not, and that struggle went on for some time. Eventually, my mind became redirected. I came into alignment with my feelings and my beliefs. Now, I'm free. I feel free. It was hard-earned, but I was worth it. I have my life. Before, other people all had a piece of my life. I had given it away.

As I understood more about this new way of thinking, I really began to have a true sense of who I was in this world. I stopped letting my personal fears keep me from being authentic.

Fear becomes you when you dwell upon it. As I mentioned above, you give it life. Question your insecurities when they arise. Tell yourself that you are capable of anything you set your mind to do. You empower yourself when you change the negative self-talk to the positive and rely upon your faith to know it is so. Learn from each experience and keep going. The universe is here to support you. Align yourself with who you are and you will not fail on this journey. Choose to speak your truth on your terms and in your own timeframe. Fear doesn't stand a chance in holding you back when you choose. Empowerment comes from action taken from an honest place. When you come from the heart, you are never wrong.

Every time you refrain from saying what's on your mind, there is that fear inside holding you back, and you give your power away. Each time that happens, you sabotage your life by not listening to your inner voice. All those suppressed thoughts have to find some place to go. They can manifest themselves as a nagging backache, for example. They often show up as depression, physical illness, or both. The symptoms of pain that manifested in my body ceased to exist once I owned my voice. And they returned every time I forgot to speak my truth. When you listen to your inner voice and speak your truth, your life changes in a powerful way. We all have an inner voice that speaks to us. It nudges us to say or do something about the things we ignore when we are not living authentically. It is essential that you claim your power to choose. Embrace the belief and the decision will become the fact.

You are adequate

Being afraid to express yourself is rooted in a feeling of inadequacy. You have to overcome the fear of speaking your truth if you are to be empowered. Look for ways to free the chains that bind you. Ask yourself if you are always comparing yourself to others. People who participate in this kind of activity can't find it within themselves to speak their truth. You never measure up, because you are judging another in the hopes of finding them inferior.

You are beating the drum of powerlessness every time you do not speak your truth. There are several ways you convince yourself that your behavior reflects the truth of who you are. These are all lies, because your fear causes you to falsely believe that anger gives you the courage—or what you thought was courage—to live. You are not empowered. You are just angry. Your thinking is erroneous. Comparing yourself to others becomes a habitual thought process. It's merely a conditioned response to your environment. When you own your voice, you own your life.

In my household during the fifties, we never discussed what our ethnic origin was in the company of outsiders. Instead, we let others, (teachers, bosses, and neighbors), decide for us. Others always defined us, accepting or rejecting us. Because of my looks and name, I was always asked to define who I was. When I asked my mother what our ethnic origin was, the answer I always got was "other." I was never clearly informed about what my ethnic origin was. It was always about what others interpreted us not to be. My mother believed that acceptance from others brought opportunities that determined one's success in life. That was in the fifties and sixties, when tolerance of other races was at a low. I'm still aware of those old habitual thoughts when asked about the origin of my name, but I respond differently now. Instead of getting angry at the person for asking me a personal question, or feeling vulnerable because it triggers up a feeling of "less than," I now remember who I am. I take back my power by getting out of judgment and into love. It doesn't have to be your ethnic origin. It could be your gender, your job, or your social status. You are judged in many ways by others. It's up to you to stop being a slave to their approval.

I learned that I was made from the divine. It was hard to accept at first, but when I accepted it I began to see myself differently. I am a creative life of the universe. Whatever is in the infinite, I must be in the finite. I no longer had a low self -image. Once you embrace your perfection in your imperfection, there is the joyous acceptance of self. In that consciousness, you can recognize those times when you are giving your power away and pull it back.

Empowerment depends on how you feel about yourself. Whatever you think about yourself reflects itself in your life. Having a good self-image is the most important thing to achieving one's full potential.

Come to know the truth about who you are and your life will change. I recognized early on in my studies that I wanted to change my way of thinking and did so. When you question your fears and the source of your feelings of inadequacy, you begin to empower yourself.

Thinking intelligently about your own life and who you are is what it's all about. Evaluate why you feel insecure in certain situations and around certain people. Come to know that you are special. Accept that you are unique and divine. Everyone is an expression of God or whatever you believe to be the creator of this universe. It's up to you to embrace your truth, the truth that you are a divine creation expressed as a human being. As such, you are entitled to the best life you can live. Your responsibility is not to allow anything or anyone to tell you differently.

Once I stopped striking out at my own bad self-image, I moved into a better place. I hung around people who believed that I was okay. I studied the principles of philosophers, especially Ernest Holmes, and applied them to my daily life. Others didn't see me as inadequate and I became what I wanted to be. I became aware that most problems I had came from poor self-image. When you get to the truth about who you really are, your life changes. If you don't feel worthy because your self-image is low, you cannot have an empowered life. Sometimes, because of a low self-image, you get close to success and then you quit. All that is not feeling worthy about yourself. I went to school, then on to college, then on to law school, then on to graduate school, hoping that one day I would feel adequate. I accumulated degrees, awards, and certificates of completion, always looking for more. During those years of school and my subsequent career, I was critical, tearing down others' success because it made me feel better. Internal work has to take place in order to overcome these feelings of inferiority. Understanding that God is seeking to express itself in you, as you, and through you, helps you become empowered. Life is so much better when you are empowered, and good things start to happen.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Activating the Power Withinby WAUKENA ANN CUYJET Copyright © 2011 by Waukena Ann Cuyjet . Excerpted by permission of BALBOA PRESS. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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