Activate Your Power

AuthorHouse

Contents

Foreword........................................................xiAbout This Book.................................................xiiiChapter 1 Listen to Your Wake-Up Call...........................3Chapter 2. Design a Meaningful Life.............................17Chapter 3. Understand Your Biggest Obstacle.....................37Chapter 4. Charge Your Quantum Magnet...........................53Chapter 5. Manage Your Emotions.................................67Chapter 6. Change Your Outlook..................................83Chapter 7. Be the Chooser.......................................99Chapter 8. Be Real..............................................117Chapter 9. Share Your Gifts.....................................127Chapter 10. The Time Is Now.....................................141Recommended Reading.............................................149

Chapter One

My Own Story

For most of my life, I was glad to be normal. Society taught me that to be the same as most people was good and safe; others would like me, and I would live a happy life. This belief influenced most of my choices and actions and, without my conscious awareness, also instilled fear and self-doubt in me for many years. I worked so hard to please others, to get the approval of others, and to be accepted that I lost touch with my true self. I became "accepted" rather than real.

I worked hard and played hard, got married and had many friends. After earning two university degrees in commerce, I worked even harder, growing increasingly successful and, at the age of thirty-one, became managing director of a company specializing in retail information technology.

Life was good. I was following a "normal" and predictable path.

People said that I was a high achiever who had it all: an enviable career, a good family, my health, and a great future ahead of me. In order to be normal, I looked brave and strong and didn't show anyone that I wasn't perfect. But, despite what everyone said—and despite what I might have projected on the outside—inside, I always had a whole collection of fears that I wasn't sharing with anyone. Fear of failure. Fear of not making it. Fear of not being smart enough. Fear of not being a somebody. Fear of success. Fear of death. Fear of people finding out that I was not perfect. Fear of ...

At that time, my life was mainly driven by external events, circumstances, and situations. What happened on the outside had a large influence on what happened on my inside. If people liked me, I felt great. If people didn't like me, I felt concerned, even rejected. I was very attached to things, and the mere thought of anything being taken away produced stress and more fear.

And then, something devastating happened that changed my life forever.

One of my friends, Peter, was an ultra marathon runner, extremely fit and healthy, with a great attitude about life. He had a wonderful wife and two young children, and it seemed that nothing could be more perfect than his life. Then, one Friday afternoon at work, I got a phone call, telling me that doctors had diagnosed Peter with advanced cancer of the colon. They'd found a huge lump that had to be removed immediately.

When I heard the news of my friend's illness, something important was triggered inside me and became the catalyst for a serious evaluation of my own life. The rest of that Friday, my mind and heart were in turmoil as I went through an intense period of self-confrontation.

The next day I took the time to sit down in a quiet place and ask myself a series of profound questions that would later transform my whole existence.

What is life all about? Who am I? What am I doing? Why am I doing it?

I looked hard at my current life, asking myself questions about all aspects, such as my friends, my spouse, my social situation. I had a good rapport with most people I knew but realized that many were acquaintances rather than friends. A sense of obligation rather than a deep connection shaped many of these relationships. I saw then that I needed to form new connections with people whose mind-set and purpose were more similar to my own.

I next considered my work. By society's norms, I was highly successful, and yet, somehow, something was missing. I was professionally as committed as ever but felt that I was destined to do something that was better suited to my natural talents—something that would tap into a greater power that I had. This power, however, had yet to be discovered.

I then asked myself the biggest question of all: What should I do with the remainder of my life? Should I continue as before, secure in my comfort zone, or should I seriously consider something else? The answer to this question did not come as quickly as the others.

I woke up on Sunday in a cold sweat. This was scary. What about money? What about my security? What about my position as managing director? A little voice on my shoulder whispered, If you leave what you've got now, you'll have to give up all those perks and incentives: the company car and all those wonderful things that you've worked so hard for. Don't do it!

Escaping from My Comfort Zone

I suddenly realized that all the wonderful things I'd earned had become my prison walls. My attachment to my title and position, to what my friends would say, and to accumulated material things was causing me to feel comfortable on the one hand and insecure on the other. I was afraid to confront the most crucial question: Why should I change? After all, my life was fine as it was.

I came up with other questions, the what-if's: What if I lost all my things? What if I couldn't find a better job and ended up humiliated? What if, what if ? Clearly, my inner voice was trying to justify why I should not change.

Once I understood what the fearful little voice was doing, I no longer gave in to its doubts. Instead, I told it what I was about to do.

Your comfort zone can become your prison.

I realized that I could bypass my fears if I could consciously put them aside. And so, I visualized myself managing just fine with money issues, with what people might say, and with any other potential obstacles that might arise.

I asked myself, If I could do whatever I want to do, without restriction, what would that be? What do I really want to do with my life? What would be the most meaningful?

All Sunday, I contemplated my life and searched my soul. I wrote pages upon pages of ideas and insights as they came through from somewhere deep inside me. What eventually started streaming in was that the most meaningful and inspiring way for me to live my life would be to work with people as a catalyst to help them awaken to the power that lies within.

An incredible surge of energy flowed into me and filled my entire being with a sense of deep knowing. I felt inspired, energized, and liberated—even though I hadn't done anything yet. It was as if something inside me shouted, This is it!

I realized that the feeling of liberation that I was experiencing came from breaking free from the prison that I had created. The inner voice (my prison warden) was no longer running the show. I was! That was my first real experience of freedom.

In a flash, I understood that from then on, I had the freedom and the power to choose. I could truly choose how to respond, how to react, how to behave, and how to live my life. I could see so many new possibilities. This realization was one of the most inspiring moments of my life.

Monday morning, first thing, I went to meet with the chairman. I sat down and told him the whole story about Peter and poured out everything I had thought about over the weekend. Then I resigned and decided to move on.

I was moving on to live my purpose.

Why Hadn't I Acted Before?

I believe that the thoughts that had preceded my resignation had been hovering in my mind for a long time but hadn't risen to the surface. My vague feelings of discomfort were not yet crystallized, and because I felt that so many things were still attached to my job, I had avoided confronting myself and doing something about it, until the news about my friend.

Before that moment, I had asked myself challenging questions like: Imagine that you have twelve months left to live. What would you do with the rest of your life? But it was only a theoretical and intellectual exercise. I wasn't ready to confront it head-on.

But now I'd received my wake-up call, and it forced me to face things and do something about them. Less than three months after resigning, I started a new business.

Seven months later, my friend Peter passed away. I still thank him for his strength, courage, and inspiration.

Who Was in Control?

One of my greatest realizations was that before my wakeup call, most of my life had been determined largely by outside influences and not just what we commonly understand to be outside influences—advice from friends and family or perceived financial pressure. The outside influences issuing the orders I was taking were my own thoughts and emotions. I was so attached to my thoughts and emotions, I believed that I was my thoughts (whatever they were) and that I was my emotions (whatever they were).

This meant that when I had positive thoughts and feelings, I was happy—and when my thoughts and feelings were not positive, I was unhappy. I was allowing myself to be controlled.

The most frightening part of it all was that most of these thoughts and emotions would just arise as if out of nowhere, without me having much control over them.

Outside events would happen, which would trigger my thoughts, which would then stimulate my emotions. This process in turn energized more thoughts, which then heightened the emotions. Meanwhile, I felt just like a puppet on a string: vulnerable, powerless, and dependent on outside forces. But, armed with my newly awakened knowledge that I had the power to choose, I could see another way. Being so susceptible was no longer even an option.

And so I set out to change my relationship to my thoughts and emotions. Of course, I still had thoughts and feelings, but instead of following them blindly, I started to analyze them and then make choices of how to respond.

I was determined not to be a powerless victim of circumstance, driven by fear and a constant sense of vulnerability. Instead, I would operate with confidence, courage, and liberty.

What Do You Need to Wake You Up?

Since you are reading this book right now, you can probably identify with how I was before my wake-up call—not overly happy but not unhappy enough to make the shift.

What is very clear is this: you don't have to wait for a disaster to strike in order to get your wake-up call. You can take action now to change your life, but your motivation must come from within.

You can kick-start your own wake-up call.

You make your own choices in your life. If you are really serious about creating a more meaningful and successful life, both for you and for those whose lives you touch, the time to start is now.

The best way to begin is by examining your life as it is now. How are you experiencing life? What is your driving force? How does your own perspective affect your life?

Understanding What Drives Us

Human behavior is both fascinating and complex. The study of it helps to understand what drives people to do what they do. It also helps explain what stops people from pursuing the lives to which they truly aspire.

In order to move beyond our own limitations and be in a position to make good decisions, we need first to become aware that there is more than one way to view and, therefore, experience the world around us. We will now look at two different perspectives and the key driving motivators in each of those worldviews. It is important to remember that these perspectives are neither "good/bad" nor "right/wrong," but rather, ways of looking at the world through different lenses. For now, we need simply to understand that our way of looking at the world influences the experience we have of it, and that, moment-to-moment, we all make a choice to see things horizontally or vertically.

The Horizontal Perspective

At the foundation of each of the two perspectives is a raison d'tre—the main justification for doing anything and everything. The main purpose for people who view life from the horizontal perspective is to survive.

Survival in this context is not necessarily at the basic physiological level (such as those explained in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs: food, water, sleep, etc.), but rather the strong need to feel that we are coping with the uncertainties that are presented in daily life situations. People feel that they are coping well when they feel in control and when things are going their way. On the other hand, when they feel stressed, overwhelmed by work, or unable to complete their daily to-do lists, they generally feel that they are not coping very well.

Here is a typical example of a person living in the horizontal perspective, unnecessarily focusing on survival. Although universal, this example is a true account of a situation that I observed with a colleague of mine when I was still working in the corporate world.

Dan (his name has been changed to protect his identity) was a manager in a company that was undergoing some structural changes. Until the changes were begun, he came to work every morning and, mostly, did what was asked of him. His performance reviews indicated that he was a steady performer, and he got on relatively well with his colleagues. One morning, his immediate manager, the vice president, walked into his office and informed him that his department was going to be led by a new vice president, who would join the organization in four weeks. Dan was upset to hear the news, especially that he hadn't been considered for that position himself (even though he wasn't ready for it). He worried about it for weeks and began to feel that his company didn't value him and even that his own job might be in jeopardy. His short temper, impatience, and overall negativity began to put a strain on his relationship with his wife and two teenage children. Dan's life, in his mind, was falling apart and, clearly, he was losing control and not coping with the situation very well.

In fact, what actually happened after the four weeks was that the new manager, who was very experienced and highly qualified for the job, came from an organization that was a leader in the industry and had invested heavily in the growth of its staff and management teams. On his first day, the new manger held one-on-one sessions with every member of the team. After he spent two full hours with Dan, asking him about his ideas for improving the department and listening attentively to everything that Dan said, Dan felt much more at ease. Within two months, it was evident to Dan that the change was a positive one, not only for the company, but also for him personally. Unfortunately, Dan had wasted at least four weeks of his life unnecessarily stressed and in fear.

Another characteristic of people who live in the horizontal dimension is a feeling that "something is always missing" in their lives and that the present moment, situation, relationship, job, is not good enough. This feeling compels them to spend their time waiting for "something better" to come along, whether this is the weekend, the next holiday, the new car, the new house, the new baby, the new relationship, the new ...

Since now is not good enough, people who are more horizontally inclined become very attached to their past and the future, as though their life existed only in these two time zones. That perspective stifles growth and creates unnecessary fear and stress—both of which impact negatively on the ability to make progress and move forward. When we look ahead constantly, waiting for a "better" future, we avoid taking chances now, even when, logically, we can see the value of taking a calculated risk for something better. This inner conflict of always wanting something else, and at the same time being too fearful to do what is required to get it, leads to cognitive and emotional dissonance and results in unhappiness and discontent.

Living life horizontally often means doing a lot and keeping busy, but it is mostly busy doing the same types of things that don't get us any further in life. Feelings of dissatisfaction keep people with a horizontal mind-set on a treadmill, in a place that is ultimately never fulfilling. The more we stay horizontal, the heavier we seem to feel and the more complex, or even overwhelming, life seems to be.

The Vertical Perspective

People who are more vertical have a clear purpose. At the foundation of this perspective is an orientation toward moving forward. Vertical people live a life in which they are constantly charting new territory and creating something new. Living with curiosity and the desire to learn and to experience is vertical living.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Activate Your Powerby Eitan Sharir Copyright © 2010 by Eitan Sharir. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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