CHAPTER 1

P Is for Priorities

Your choices determine the quality of your life experience. The act of making choicesimplies the chance or the power to select one option over another. Positive Choices arelife choices elected to support your body, mind, and spirit. Negative life choices, such asdoing unsatisfying work or staying in a destructive relationship, undermine your joy ofliving. They drain you of your precious life energy and potential. Yet, in the wake of stressand life adversities, we often forget that we do have the power to re-create our lives byAdding and Subtracting Positive and negative life choices. In fact, learning and thenimplementing this basic yet challenging technique empowers you to claim the life you trulydesire.

Do we have total control over every life choice? No. Wanda would love to be tall and litheand sing like Barbra Streisand. Again and again in her life she has found herself thinking,If only I were 5 foot 8 inches tall and could sing.... But, instead, she's 5 foot 1 inch shortand was shamed out of junior choir for singing off key. Is she totally helpless to her fate?No. She could wear shoes to make her look taller, and her musical friends insist that shecould learn to sing if she practiced. But high heels kill her feet, and Columbia Records willprobably never chase her down to cut a solo album no matter how much she practiced. SoWanda has decided to live with her limitations and forgo the uncomfortable shoes andvoice lessons. She's chosen to leverage her natural talents and let go of her "if only"fantasies.

INQUIRY Are there any "if only" life choices haunting you? If so, what are they? Are theselife choices impossible or possible? If they are indeed possible life choices, are theyimportant enough to you so that you can select one or more of them and dedicate yourenergy toward mastery of it? Make note of the life choices that you want to pursue andthose you choose to release. As suggested in the Introduction, use your journal to answerthe questions and do the exercises in these Inquiry sections.

Gratitude for who you are and what you have already manifested in your life creates astrong foundation of support while you walk through the fires of change. Ponder all the"riches" currently present in your life—your abilities and interests, people you cherish,environments that nurture you, your health, Nature's glory, and any other manifestationyou may want to acknowledge. The madness around us often eclipses our appreciation ofwalks on the beach, connections with people who nourish our souls, or exciting work.Resolve to thank the universe regularly for the gifts you already have.

INQUIRY What are the good things in your life? Write down all of the life choices or giftsthat you are grateful for and want to celebrate today. Again, use your journal to answer thequestions and do the exercises in these Inquiry sections.

Many people find the number of possible life choices overwhelming. There is a seeminglyendless selection. You could be a gypsy and live in a foreign land, start a successfulrestaurant, or take in homeless children. Determining your priorities is an essential sorting-outprocess. Noting which life choices infuse your life with passion and fulfillment helpsyou to elevate these life choices to top priorities. What do you desire most?

Clearing out the things in your life that don't work opens up an entire range of new optionsand possibilities. The older I get the more I see the wisdom in the axiom, "Less is more."Take a mantle over a fireplace, for example. Mantles often hold family photographs,flowers, and candlesticks. Yet, I've been noticing lately how many people's mantlesappear packed with too much stuff. Recently, I took everything off my mantle and realizedthat this myriad of objects was hiding the beautiful hand-carved woodwork. Afterpondering the image that I wanted to project, I selected a pair of thin but elegantcandlesticks and a crystal clock to sit on the newly exposed shelf. These three pieceswere my priorities to display. I wanted to study these three objects for a while and savortheir combination. Formerly, these objects and the woodwork were buried in my maze ofexcess.

Simplification is a guiding principle for the Positive Choices part of the book. You can't doit all, have it all, or experience it all. So you must choose your priorities wisely andcarefully. To do that, you must be willing to release the old, the excessive, and theoutgrown in both the material and the psychological worlds.

INQUIRY Given the limitations of time and energy, what principles, activities, or people doyou choose to make the Focal Points or Top Priorities in your life? Make a list in yourjournal. If your list is longer than ten items, I suggest that you shorten it. Post your toppriorities on a file card and review them daily to verify your selections. Freely edit untilyour list presents the real truth.

Many people resist having a focus in their lives and jump from career to career,relationship to relationship, or project to project. This process of constant shifting canleave you feeling drained and frustrated. Does choosing a focus involve a loss? Of course.If you choose to write one book now and postpone another, or decide to live on the oceanrather than in the desert, you have selected one option at the expense of the other. But byfocusing, you connect more powerfully with your opted choice. If you don't like it, you canchange it. Or if you live on the ocean, you can vacation in the desert. Allow your toppriorities to serve as a daily framework for your time.

CHAPTER 2

O Is for Opportunities

Selecting life priorities precipitates another rendezvous with the ever-challenging question,"Why are you here?" This Positive Choices chapter propels you toward claiming yourpersonal mission and power. Openness to new opportunities engages your evolutionprocess. Now that you have chosen your current Positive Choices—those priorities thatform the foundation for your lifetime—you want to engage the Addition Factor.

First, let's check in with your inner voice to see if you have been getting any signals aboutwhat's missing from your life. Have you recently been aware of your inner messenger orintuition either whispering softly in your ear or screaming loudly to pay attention now?Exactly what is your inner voice telegraphing? Burnout, boredom, pain, death, job loss, orcrisis can heat up the intensity of your messenger's voice. Have your been ignoring thisinner guidance, or is your messenger currently silent? If you've been hiding from yourmessenger, it's time to end the game and listen. You may experiment with our culturaldistractions—drugs, television, overwork, food, or gambling—but these distractions onlydelay your encounter with these internal clues. Eventually your inner voice will win out,and you will be forced to consider what's being said. By listening now, you may prevent alater negative crisis, like an illness or an accident, that will shock you into tuning intoyourself. Trust that your inner messenger is working on your behalf.

INQUIRY Does your messenger have a message for you and, if so, what is it? WhatPositive Choices is your inner voice urging you to try out or bring forth into your life? Ifyour messenger is silent, it means that you have tuned it out. Start a daily dialogue withthis infinite source of wisdom. Write down everything your inner voice is saying, word byword, even if you don't understand what it means. Pay particular attention to any ideasthat your messenger has about Positive Choices that will enhance your life.

Tom kept hearing the words, "Go to the sea; you are meant to live by the sea." Tom wassearching for a life partner and had tried personal ads, dating services, fix-ups, and even amatchmaker. When the company he worked for went bankrupt, the messenger becameeven more insistent. Terrified to move without a job and unsure of what he wanted, hedecided to experiment and rented a cottage on a bluff overlooking the Atlantic Ocean forthree months, taking advantage of bargain winter-rental rates. His plan was to exploreopportunities in the landscaping business and see how he liked a particular resort townand a new lifestyle. It was there he met Bonnie and discovered a niche for his ownbusiness as a consultant to national parks.

Tom's messenger had nagged him for more than two years to move to the coast, but itwas the trauma of losing his job that paved the way for him actually to try it. Even if thisexperiment had failed, by acting on his desire to be by the sea, Tom opened himself tolearning more about what he truly wanted. Had this particular town not been right, he stillwould have been armed with new knowledge with which to select his next experiment.

It can be revealing to look at the teachings that come from the languages of other cultures.For example, the Chinese symbol for crisis illustrates the interconnection between stressand opportunity. Opportunity can surface disguised as loss, like in Tom's case. Hiscompany's financial woes gave him the impetus to pursue his true path. With everyproblem-solving venture, we gain an opportunity for transformation. Tom discovered newforms of self-expression and contentment by daring to capitalize on his love for the seaand his desire to work outdoors.

To help you to generate even more ideas for Positive Choices to Add to your life, get yourjournal and find a quiet place to relax where you will not be disturbed. Read through thefollowing exercise and then meditate on it.

INQUIRY Imagine that you are financially secure and that money is no longer a strugglefor you. You are free to use your time in any way you wish and create your life exactly asyou desire. Think about all of the things you'd like to do, be, buy, or sample. Don't let youinner critic interrupt this exercise; let your imagination flow freely, ignoring practicality. Thisis your own private wish list. What opportunities would you welcome into your life? Whatrelationships would you deepen or pursue? What kinds of new people would you like tomeet and befriend? What kind of work would be fun and fulfilling for you? Would you workat all and if so, at what? Could your leisure and your work become one? Where would youtruly enjoy living? What kind of home would nurture you? What kinds of objects and colorswould you surround yourself with? With whom, if anyone, would you live? How would youlike to grow personally? What would you most like to learn about? Would you go back toschool or create a self-study program? Is traveling part of your fantasy? If so, where andwhy? How would you like to use your energy in the world? What kind of person would youmost like to become? What would make your life meaningful for you? Before you lose thepreciousness of these hopes and dreams, jot down anything you want to remember. ThisInquiry is a wild-card fantasy designed to connect you with your vision of peakexperiences—Positive Choices for you to summon into your life.

To support the Addition of these opportunities into your life, create or locate visual imagesof them and compile a Positive Choices collage. Hang it up where you can see it daily.

CHAPTER 3

S Is for Subtraction

S

Now that you have declared your priorities and identified the Positive Choices you want towelcome into your life, what do you do about the life you have? How do you deal with thestress levels you feel and the choices you've made that no longer serve your life story? Doyou feel powerless and out of control of your life? What's bothering you? All forwardmovement or growth begins with letting go. Subtracting unhealthy or negative life choicesthat discredit your dreams sends a signal that you have staked a claim on constructing abetter future.

INQUIRY What life choices are undermining your well-being and need to be released?Make a complete and candid list and then assign an order to them based on which onespollute your daily living the most. These negative life choices are Serenity Stealers andsabotage your life-force.

The power of Subtraction is astounding. When we forcefully say "No" to dysfunctionalpeople, toxic workplaces, limiting beliefs, or unhealthy habits, we open up the space to fillour lives with what we long for. Is this exchange process easy? No, but this book givesyou the tools to manage the process. Sara let go of a graphics business that she hadgrown to despise and was delighted to find herself re-energized. No longer was sheconsumed with the politics of making deals or plugging uninspiring products. Now she isflooded with invitations for new social and business connections and is planning a triparound the world to indulge her love of photography. Negative life choices—people,interactions, or situations—siphon your life-force into destructive tributaries and depleteyour resources. Save your vitality for the things that really nurture you. Letting go of all thethings in your life that don't support you maximizes your precious time. You evolve everyday into a new being, and many of the people, projects, and beliefs in your life no longerreflect your emerging self. Deep down, you know what disturbs your inner peace and whatyou need to cast off.

Your Serenity Stealers function as negative choices, even if you didn't originally selectthem. What causes you stress is your relationship to these Serenity Stealers. It is not yourmean-spirited coworker or your noisy street, but your interaction with your choices thatculminates in negative feelings or responses.

INQUIRY What are your Serenity Stealers robbing you of? What do they cost you on aphysical, psychological, or spiritual level? Is it inner peace, selfrespect, or your ability tomake good decisions? Be specific.

Whenever we grapple with a Serenity Stealer, we have three options. First of all, we canavoid it. Brendan hates long commutes, so he always lives and works in close proximity.Spending hours on the expressway with exhausted, irritable drivers every day, especiallyin the snow, makes him anxious. The price of commuting is too high, even though he's lostout on projects as a result. Look back over your list of Serenity Stealers and note the onesyou can avoid. Be honest. If your job is horrendous, you could get another one. If makingThanksgiving dinner for a crowd totally unnerves you, eat out or get it catered. Too oftenour limiting beliefs hypnotize us into thinking we have no ability to make changes. Stressand stress overload, which is burnout, often happen when we forget that we do haveultimate power over our life choices. Once you begin the process of Subtracting negativechoices from your life, amazing things may happen. Celeste made the agonizing decisionto end her friendship with a woman she had known since high school. The friend, Dolores,constantly criticized Celeste's dream to become a teacher and ridiculed her, saying thingslike, "You're not interesting enough to keep people's attention," or "You're not creativeenough to do art with kids." Although Celeste told Dolores on numerous occasions thather comments were hurtful and that she was determined to be a great teacher, Dolorescontinued to undermine her. Finally, Celeste terminated their relationship. Two weekslater, Celeste met a lovely new neighbor, a teacher, who helped Celeste with herapplications for a master's degree in education and eventually became her mentor.Celeste's clarity that she deserved to have supportive people as friends fine-tuned hercriteria for selection.

Your second option when confronting a Serenity Stealer is to alter it. John thought his jobas a nurse manager was totally impossible and he would have to quit. Instead heidentified his three biggest Serenity Stealers, which were staff shortages, too muchpaperwork, and the lack of recognition for tasks well done. Proactively, John proposedsolutions to each of these morale killers and shared them with his boss. To his surprise,his boss agreed to talk to the board of directors about the feasibility of additional staffingand conceded to let him implement a new software system to streamline the paperwork.Sometimes if we ask, we receive. John now feels more hopeful about an improvement inhis work life but is withholding final judgment. If his boss had been unwilling to team upwith him and address his complaints, John was ready to resign. Attempts to alter aSerenity Stealer are often worthwhile: even if it doesn't work, the results clarify your nextstep.

Last, we all encounter Serenity Stealers that we do not have control over. If you contract aserious illness, become the caretaker for an elderly parent, or get sued by a lunatic, youare stuck. But you still have the power to determine how you cope with it. If you are ill, youcan research alternative care, locate the best doctors, and find support from other folkswith the same diagnosis. If you are a family caretaker, you can enlist aid from other familymembers, locate community resources, and seek to create the best scenario for all theparties involved. Many adult children actually glean a new closeness with their parents insuch a crisis. If you are sued, you can prevent it from happening again and enlist the bestlegal help you can afford for now. With all of these serious life challenges, you will needto go through a process of analysis to find the right answers. And, rightfully so, you maystart out feeling angry and victimized before you can make peace with the hardships you havebeen dealt. Look for positive role models and ask for support. Seek the lessons hidden inthe darkness and leverage them.