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Living the Leadership Choice

iUniverse, Inc.

Contents

Preface.........................................................................................ixIntroduction....................................................................................xvPart I What We Have and What We Want...........................................................1Chapter 1 A New Definition of Effective Leadership..............................................3Chapter 2 A Leader's Road Map...................................................................12Part II The Twenty-Eight-Day Course............................................................15Day 1 Living the Leadership Choice..............................................................19Day 2 Cultivating Self-Awareness and the Journey of Self-Discovery..............................23Day 3 Who Am I?.................................................................................27Day 4 What Are My Talents, Strengths, and Abilities?............................................31Day 5 What Am I Truly Passionate About?.........................................................35Day 6 What Makes Me Unique?.....................................................................39Day 7 What Do I Really Want?....................................................................43Day 8 Understanding the Contribution I Want to Make.............................................47Day 9 Giving My Best to Family and Friends......................................................51Day 10 What Can I Bring to the Organizations in Which I Volunteer and Work?.....................55Day 11 What Change Do I Wish to See in My Community?............................................59Day 12 What Can I Do to Improve the World?......................................................63Day 13 Developing All Areas of My Life to Support My Leadership.................................67Day 14 Establishing a Strong Physical Self......................................................71Day 15 Developing Effective Mental Habits.......................................................75Day 16 Cultivating a Healthy Emotional Core.....................................................79Day 17 Integrating Spiritual Practices..........................................................83Day 18 Effective Communication and Others' Needs................................................87Day 19 Being Self-Aware in Every Moment.........................................................91Day 20 Creating Balanced and Productive Teams...................................................95Day 21 Create Connections.......................................................................99Day 22 Managing the Pace of Change..............................................................103Day 23 Creating Buy-in..........................................................................107Day 24 Engaging Everyone's Talents and Skills...................................................111Day 25 Using Conflict as a Tool for Growth......................................................117Day 26 Allowing Individuals and the Team to Grow................................................121Day 27 Knowing When I Am Done and It Is Time to Move On.........................................125Day 28 Creating Real World Results..............................................................129Part III The Journey Continues.................................................................133Chapter 3 The Real-World Results You Can Expect to Achieve......................................135Chapter 4 Reflect and Refocus...................................................................139Acknowledgments.................................................................................143References......................................................................................145

Chapter One

The textbook definition of leadership is "the action of leading a group or organization," and inherent in this description is the idea of one person standing above others, telling them what to do. This book is based on a wholly different concept of what leadership is about. My definition of leadership is "love in action." First love for self, then love for others, and finally acting each day in a way that honors the love you have for all. This is not a kumbaya experience where we forget the reality of what it is to live in the world; quite the opposite, it is about having the courage to live an open, honest life of connection to self and others that enhances our world rather than destroys it. If anyone doubts the courage needed to live love through action, try doing it for just one day. I promise you will never think it wimpy again.

Each one of us possesses talents, skills, and abilities that, combined with our passion for change, make us unique. The thrill of discovering what you uniquely have to offer the world allows you to open up greater happiness and make a meaningful contribution to your community. As you gain clarity about your talents and skills and articulate them to others, you attract support from people because they can see your vision and choose to be a part of it. This in turn gives them the opportunity to contribute their talents and skills, as change becomes a reality when complimentary skills sets come together to achieve a goal.

You begin this process by opening your eyes to the leader you already are—he or she is in there, perhaps more obscure than you would like, but there nonetheless. This book asks you to answer questions that will reveal the power you already have instead of looking for an external solution to change your life or the world around you.

I strongly recommend that you keep a written record of the exercises you do throughout the book; you may want to keep a journal or you may prefer Post-it notes—whatever feels best to you is fine. There are no right answers to these questions; in fact, your answers may change over time. What you should notice are the trends and threads that you will weave on your journey to becoming the leader you have always been.

Leadership: Where It All Begins

Where does leadership come from and how do we use it in our everyday lives? Everyone has ideas about who and what leaders are and whether they're born or they're made. Henry Kissinger said, "The mark of a great leader is to take his society from where it is to where it has never been.... Leaders must invoke an alchemy of great vision. Those leaders who do not are ultimately judged failures, even though they may be popular at the moment." Ultimately that's what leadership is about—first owning and understanding your inner energy and then putting your leadership skills into the world. It's about change. It's about working with people to create the changes that we want to see in our communities, in our organizations, in our governments, and in the world. Just importantly, as Kissinger alludes to, leadership is not about popularity in the moment; rather, it is about sustained contribution to real change that makes a positive difference in people's lives.

Leaders articulate a vision. They see where the possibility and promise exist, and they know how to effectively get people to move there. This requires a variety of skill sets in working with people—and it is not difficult. Most of the changes we want to create are in our immediate lives, and the key to success is becoming aware of our power and learning the recipe for walking people through the process.

Each of us has natural talents and abilities that we bring to the table, and our ability to identify them is important to the effectiveness of every leader. There are skills that we can learn and talents that can be developed as we progress as leaders throughout our lives; the seeds are already within us. By becoming aware of the journey that we are already on, we begin to understand that we are either dismissing our gifts and not using them in our daily lives or we are actively engaged in resisting what makes us tick and using our energies in service to others. Fully owning our talents, strengths, and skills and endeavoring each day to be and give our best is how we begin Living the Leadership Choice.

When you think about your leadership, first ask yourself, Who are those leaders that I admire? Begin to identify the leadership skills and talents that you see as valuable and important in the world. You will come to understand that these traits fall into the following four categories.

1. Seeing What Needs to Be Done

Leaders see what needs to be done. They know what can make a situation better, and often they are able to conceptualize a solution before people are even aware there is a problem. Leaders can see beyond the emotional reactions of different people, groups, and interests and are willing to move forward in a way that benefits everyone involved. For some people this means developing a grand plan, for others it may be the ability to see the next steps to be taken. In any case, a leader is one who not only sees a possible solution, but also is also willing to articulate it and take action.

One of my favorite leaders is Gandhi. He was able to envision freeing the people of India; he could see an India that would not always be a British colony. He was able to get beyond the reality of what was, to communicate that vision to others, and begin creating the change he wanted to see in the world. His vision and communication mobilized the forces and the people that were needed to create the change. It wasn't about him and what he could do alone—his leadership success came only after he was willing to stand up and communicate an idea of a better life and work with others to make it a reality. This quality in leaders is described as vision. Seeing what needs to be done requires us to develop this two-part skill: we must have a vision and we must be able to act on it and make it a reality.

There are many leaders who see beyond the horizon into our collective future. Become aware of those who are taking actions to change our world and observe how they are addressing their issues. As you observe leaders in your life, think about things that you want to change. This is an important element of leadership—focus on the changes that are in needed in your immediate life (i.e., the challenges you deal with every day). It is easy to put off leadership by thinking that you must wait until you can deal with the big issue when most problems are solved at the local level.

2. Understanding the Underlying Forces at Play

Effective leaders understand all the underlying forces that are at play. Leaders with a vision for change must also understand the factors that led to creating the current situation. What role did various people and groups play? What are the current attitudes of those who are impacted by the situation? What do they feel is the solution? What emotions are they experiencing as a result of the situation? Are they fully aware of all the underlying factors?

One example of where this wasn't considered is the Iraq War. A decision was made to invade Iraq as a response to what happened in the United States on 9/11 and to keep America safe from the use of weapons of mass destruction on our shores. But our government leaders weren't accurately looking at all of the underlying forces at play in America, Iraq, the Middle Eastern region, and the world. It turned out there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. We now see that when we don't consider all of the underlying forces, we can't create the change we wish to see.

In reality, the United States is not creating a safer, more secure and freer society for Americans. In fact, in many ways we're doing exactly the opposite. More American lives have been lost in the war than were lost in the 9/11 attack. Thousands more American soldiers and their families are living with wounds and traumas suffered in the war. Tens of thousands Iraqi citizens have been killed and wounded, and their country and its infrastructure is in shambles—all the conditions that have proven to actually drive young men and women into terrorist activities. Former Vice President Dick Cheney's quote, "... because I really do believe that we will be greeted as liberators. The read we get on the people of Iraq is there is no question but what they want to the get rid of Saddam Hussein and they will welcome as liberators the United States when we come to do that," shows that fundamentally, our nation's leaders did not understand the complex underlying factors of terrorism. America and the rest of the world will live with this mistake for generations.

Don't underestimate the power of understanding a situation as it relates to the change you wish to create. Leaders must make accurate assessments about a situation, who the players are, and what their agendas are, and most importantly, they must respect the views of everyone involved. Through genuine listening and understanding the concerns and needs of others, leaders demonstrate their respect and value for everyone involved in the process of change. Self-absorbed leadership never creates success. If you are not being honest and serving the interests of the whole, then lasting positive change is impossible.

3. Courage to Take Action

Courage is considered an essential quality of leadership. Often courage is viewed as the ability to be forceful, which is not accurate. True courage emanates from the challenge of doing something that scares us, of acting on behalf of the greater good without concern for personal gain and recognition. Courage is defined as "the spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear." It is also defined as "to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism." How often do we encounter people who come across as tough, yet when it comes to standing up for something they supposedly believe in, they seem unable to face those who disagree with them? Many people find it easier to go along with the crowd.

Courage is often considered a masculine characteristic—yet the reality is that true courage comes from the balance of both masculine and feminine principles. Before going further in this conversation on courage, it is important to make a few points on gender qualities as they relate to leadership:

• Masculine doesn't mean male, and feminine doesn't mean female. Indeed everyone has both masculine and feminine characteristics, and we need a balance of both to be effective leaders.

• The shorthand way to think about it is that masculine characteristics are those that pertain to strength, power, force, and action. Masculine qualities in the broadest sense are about what we need to survive, such as money, shelter, and food. Therefore, anyone who controls access to life essentials is working with masculine power. It is expressed in how one owns and wields power.

• The feminine characteristics in leadership are about the ability to give life and to create. Feminine leadership principles rely on the one's ability to gather resources to create something that did not exist before the process began.

• Despite what is often taught to us in Western culture, neither the masculine nor feminine is better or worse. Both are equally important and powerful. Both are essential to the success of all leaders.

The masculine and feminine components are important distinctions to understand because too often when people think about courage, they think of the masculine qualities that compel people to be tough, to wage war, and to control. This is a one-sided interpretation of courage; we need balance, and without feminine qualities like the creation of ideas greater than the sum of its parts, unabashed courage can create disastrous results. Once we understand the benefits of investing time, building consensus, and taking action at the right time, reverting to overzealous control and aggression looks like the outdated leadership tactics that they are.

Courage is having the strength to find a solution that meets everyone's needs rather than simply forcing others to go along with your idea of what is right. Anyone with enough money and power can force others to do what he or she wants. Only a courageous person is willing to invite others to share in the decision-making process and allow it to unfold on its own. That is the beautiful balance of masculine and feminine, and it is where true power lies.

Our society calls for courageous leadership today. One of the best examples is the 2008 Democratic presidential primary and the battle between Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton. One of the reasons the battle was so close is that the two candidates, a male and a female, exhibited a balance of these leadership characteristics. Hillary Clinton exemplifies many masculine leadership qualities. She accurately understands that our current political system rewards masculine leadership qualities. That mindset was revealed in her strategy to run as the inevitable nominee and to lead with powerhouse skills. Conversely, the male candidate, Barack Obama, embodied many feminine leadership qualities as he focused on consensus, bringing people together, and addressing problems in a bipartisan way. Americans want balanced leadership, and they were given the choice of the masculine embodied in the female and the feminine embodied in the male candidate.

The public understands that the old style of authoritarian leadership no longer works. In this race we observed two candidates espousing the opposite leadership styles in packages that brought out the balance in each of them—the female candidate was exhibiting more masculine characteristics and the male candidate embodied more feminine qualities. In the end we saw that as a nation, we are still more comfortable with a male leader who exhibits elements of feminine leadership power than we are with choosing a female who embodies strength and toughness.

Ironically, those qualities that the public was so attracted to during the election have proven not to serve President Obama as well in governing because he has failed to bring the necessary masculine qualities to the table to balance his other traits. Failure to powerfully articulate a vision and bring others along with him has kept many of his boldest and most necessary visions from becoming reality. At the same time, Secretary of State Clinton has relaxed and allowed more of her feminine qualities to rise in balance with her masculine qualities, thus becoming one of the most respected elected officials in the United States. This proves once again that what is initially perceived as a loss can become an unexpected victory.

Achieving balance between masculine and feminine leadership qualities may only require a subtle shift on your part, but when you do find that balance, you'll stand in the power of both and immediately understand the true potential of courageous leadership. The courage to do what's right without fear of rejection and to live the values you believe in will bring the greatest change to your life, your leadership, and your world.

4. Leading from the Inside Out

The leadership journey begins inside each one of us. If you don't know who you are and you're not grounded in your values, it is difficult to navigate life's challenges. What the outside world tells us is important is often contrary to the values that are essential to our personal happiness. If you don't take time to discover what you have to offer to others, to know your talents, strengths, and passions, it becomes difficult to effectively operate in the world. If your motivations and intentions are not clear, how are you going to effectively work with others?

What I call the "Rock Star" syndrome too often takes over people's lives. Frequently people ascend to positions of authority who want to be there simply because it's fun, exciting, and a huge ego boost. They have power, they get to be on television, they get to walk into a room and have people take notice, yet they have lost, or perhaps never had, the passion and purpose of serving others. Only by commitment to living our strengths and passion through service to others can we walk the path of leadership. You must lead from the inside out. Then when public accolades come, you are grounded in something other than ego and can successfully stand in the bright light of fame.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Living the Leadership Choiceby Kathleen Schafer Copyright © 2011 by Kathleen Schafer. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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