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Be Happy Now

Balboa Press

Contents

Preface..........................................................xiIntroduction.....................................................xiv1. Life Is a Garden..............................................112. Happiness Starts Here.........................................233. You Have Everything You Need..................................354. Be Present....................................................485. Breathe.......................................................136. The Worried Woman.............................................167. Trains of Thought.............................................188. Acceptance....................................................209. Complaints Are Seeds of Misery................................2310. Enjoy Your Own Life..........................................2511. Acting Instead of Re-Acting..................................2712. You Are the Narrator of Your Life............................3213. Don't Play the Victim........................................3614. The World Is a Mirror........................................3915. Realize Your Worth...........................................4216. Set Boundaries...............................................4517. Take Responsibility for Your Life............................4718. Be Grateful..................................................5019. Everyone Has His or Her Own Garden...........................5320. The Mule in the Well.........................................5721. Worrying Is a Seed of Suffering..............................5922. Circling Trains of Thought...................................6123. Make Peace with the Past.....................................6324. Reconnect with Your Inner Child..............................6625. Letting Go of Anger..........................................6926. Connect with Nature..........................................7127. Two Men Go to the Park.......................................7528. Exercise Helps Elevate Moods.................................7729. To Each His Own Journey......................................7930. Releasing Regret.............................................8231. Avoiding Arguments...........................................8532. Be Balanced..................................................8733. Be Who You Are...............................................9034. Unconditional Giving.........................................9435. Open Your Heart..............................................9636. Bring Back the Family Dinner.................................9837. Avoid Poisoning Yourself.....................................10038. Be a Cheerleader.............................................10239. Personal Freedom.............................................10440. Sing and Dance...............................................10741. Planning for the Future......................................11042. Embrace Your Beauty..........................................11343. Love Yourself First..........................................11544. Relationships................................................11745. The Joy of Service...........................................12046. Forgiving Is a One-Person Act................................12247. Dare to Dream................................................12548. The Power of Silence.........................................12849. See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil.....................13150. Eat with Awareness...........................................13551. Be Patient...................................................13852. Surround Yourself with Serenity..............................14053. Do You Always Have to Be Right?..............................14254. When Your Cup Is Full, Stop Pouring!.........................14655. You Never Have to Do Anything................................14956. Flow with Life...............................................15157. Rising from Darkness.........................................15358. Life Lessons.................................................15559. Self-Awareness...............................................15760. Intuition....................................................15961. Desire Less, Allow More......................................16162. The End Is the Beginning.....................................163Afterword........................................................165Lessons for Enjoying Life........................................167Ten Quick Mood Enhancers.........................................173The ABCs of Redirecting Attention................................175Resources and References.........................................176About the Author.................................................179

Chapter One

"As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." ~Proverbs 3:7

Every plant starts with a seed. If you plant dandelion seeds, then dandelions will grow. If you plant daisy seeds, then daisies will grow. Life is the same way. If you plant seeds of unhappiness, then naturally an unhappy life will sprout forth. If you plant seeds of joy, then happiness will naturally grow. But what are these seeds? And how do you plant them? And how can you weed your garden so that you'll have room for joy to grow?

Through a series of simple steps, you will learn how to plant seeds of happiness, take control of your life, weed as necessary, and gain the tools to maintain a garden of joy and happiness.

First, it is important to understand the seeds that we plant. It all begins with our thoughts. Every thought is a seed that will germinate, form roots, and grow. Over time, repetitive thoughts of the same nature tend to grow stronger, supporting each other. This is great if the thoughts are happy and positive, but this is detrimental to your well- being if the thoughts are negative.

In The Power of Positive Thinking, Norman Vincent Peale wrote, "Repetition of the same thought or physical action develops into a habit which, repeated frequently enough, becomes an automatic reflex." If you are in a state of unhappiness, it is a result of repetitive unhappy thoughts, which over time have become your natural way of reacting to the world.

Many people aren't even aware of what they are thinking or that their thoughts have so much power over their emotional state. One way to reveal the nature of your thoughts is to watch what you are saying. If most of your conversations revolve around drama and complaints, you probably feel stressed and depressed. Become aware that anything you say out loud first began as a thought in your mind. Speech is a mirror of your mind. Therefore the nature of your speech will either positively or negatively affect your mood.

Lesson #1:

Your thoughts affect your emotions.

Exercise:

This week, start to notice how you are feeling. When you are upset, what are you thinking? When you are happy, what thoughts are on your mind? Begin to understand the relationship between thoughts and emotions. This exercise is about raising your awareness of both your thoughts and your emotions. Nothing else is required other than paying attention to both as much as possible.

Chapter Two

"Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling." ~ Margaret Lee Runbeck

Intent is the seed of creation. Set your intent to have peace of mind and happiness. Without this intent, your mind will develop a million reasons why you shouldn't be happy. The power of intent will keep your mind focused on the goal, not the obstacles, allowing the seed of happiness to grow.

This is where I started. Years ago, I was in a place of personal hell, until I set the intent to become happy and at peace with myself and life. I thought I was a victim of life circumstances. I was physically disabled, battled bipolar swings, and was very unhappy. Then my eleven-year-old daughter died suddenly in a traffic accident. I felt that life was a nightmare and that I was a failure. I felt useless and couldn't stand it anymore.

So one day I set the intent for peace of mind. I cried out to God, who I wasn't sure was listening, and the part of me that did believe He would hear my prayer thought that I must have been long forgotten or being punished. I was lost, but I asked for help. I was powerless to get myself out of this state of hell, so I gave it up to God. I believed that I could be happy, with the help of spirit. It was this moment of desiring peace of mind that planted the seed that would change my life. My state of mind didn't change overnight, but I can tell you that it would never have happened if I didn't believe it was possible, set the intent, and asked for help.

Lesson #2:

Believe that you can live a life of joy and peace. Set the intent to be happy.

Exercise:

Evaluate the way you have been thinking. Do you believe that you will ever be happy? Do you concentrate on why you are not happy? These thoughts will only reinforce your unhappy mind-set.

The first simple step to being happy is to plant the seed. Say this: "I believe that I can live a life of joy and peace."

Or you can pray: "Please, God, show me how to allow more joy and peace into my life."

Repeat these intents as often as necessary, and one day you will realize that you do indeed live a life of happiness.

Remember to be patient with your progress. A flower doesn't grow in one day. But it will never grow if you don't plant the seed. If you believe in a higher power, pray for peace and happiness for yourself and those around you. What you wish for others is always mirrored back to you. Above all, begin to believe that you can live a life of joy and peace.

Chapter Three

"Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one's head." ~ Mark Twain

Is happiness something that you believe will come attached to some future event or special person? Are you postponing happiness until you have the ideal job, live in your dream home, find the perfect mate, retire, or have some other future situation? If you find yourself caught up in these thoughts, you will always be waiting for happiness to arrive, which never will, because those types of events will bring only temporary fulfillment.

Don't fall into the trap of delayed happiness! By repeating these types of thoughts, you convince yourself that some outside circumstance or future event will bring happiness. This is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves. Be happy now, because that's really all we ever experience—the present moment. The root of happiness is not connected to the circumstances in your life.

Benjamin Franklin described it like this: "Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances." If you're not happy now, then you won't be happy no matter what happens in the future unless you change yourself. You hold the key to your own happiness.

The only constant in life is change. Instinctively we know this, so it is only natural to dream of a future aligned with our deepest desires. There will be hopes and dreams along your journey, each one eagerly anticipated as you walk through life. Focusing on these dreams and goals is a healthier mind-set than focusing on the past, yet do not forget to also stay present as much as possible. Enjoy today. These are the good old times that you will talk about someday. Life is what's happening while you're waiting for the future. Experience the journey with joy and awareness, because in the end most destinations are just stepping- stones to bigger dreams.

Not only are life situations not connected to happiness, but neither are people. Other people can't make you happy anymore than we can make other people happy. Happiness is not something that can be given to someone. Happiness is something that we can only give to ourselves.

Many people have fallen into the habit of trying to fill the emptiness, loneliness, and sadness they feel in their lives by thinking they can buy happiness. They become mindless shoppers filling the boredom of their existence with new gadgets, toys, clothes, pocketbooks, shoes, jewelry, or any other thing that fancies them at the time. They look to the excitement of attaining new things to drown the pain of unhappiness in an attempt to bring passion back into their lives. And it seems to actually work, temporarily. The high of the new purchase soon subsides, and the hollowness that they feel inside still remains, so they begin looking for the next new thing to distract them from the real issue. But in reality all they need to do is to activate the happiness within themselves that has been suppressed.

Lesson #3:

You hold the key to your happiness, not special people, new things, or ideal life circumstances.

Exercise:

Is there something that you've been waiting for before you will allow yourself to be happy? Contemplate what those thoughts do to you. Thoughts like that convince yourself that you can't be happy until something happens. Begin to believe that you can be happy regardless of what the future holds. Begin to believe that you have the power be happy now. Begin to believe that you hold the key to your own happiness.

This exercise is meant to raise the awareness of your beliefs about what causes happiness. Once you can see that some of your beliefs may be based on false criteria, you will begin to believe that you have everything you need to be happy.

Chapter Four

Lesson #1: Your thoughts affect your emotions, brought attention to the powerful relationship between thoughts and emotions. Now that you can see this relationship, you are ready to begin preparing your garden of happiness. One of the most important factors in establishing a thriving garden is to prepare the soil with nutrients. The most important nutrient in a life of happiness is presence. Abraham Maslow, the founder of humanistic psychology, maintained that "the ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness." When you are present, you aren't thinking about the past or the future. The act of being present in any given moment will immediately and effectively break your train of thought, giving you the opportunity to experience the freedom of the moment. Eckhart Tolle described this well when he wrote,

"Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry—all forms of fear—are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence" (The Power of Now, page 50).

When you are fully present, all that matters is the moment. You aren't dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Your attention is on the present moment, which enables you to enjoy life like a little child. We all used to live in the now. We used to go from activity to activity, never thinking about what happened last week and never worrying about next week. As we aged, we lost our ability to be present. We began to be caught up in our thoughts more than what was happening at the time. Our awareness became trapped in another time, inside our heads, tuning out present life. How can you truly enjoy life if you're not experiencing it? When we are constantly caught up in thoughts, we are not truly living.

When you are enjoying your time, you are present. You're focusing on whatever you are doing without thinking about the past or future. See if you can bring this awareness into your daily activities. The more you practice controlling your attention, the easier it becomes. The more you focus this attention outside your head, the more you will find joy in the simplest things. Be mindful by paying attention to your life as it happens.

The act of being present is an awareness of your surroundings in a new and exciting way. You will appreciate nature, perhaps feeling the sun on your face, hearing the sweet melodies of the birds, or noticing other stimuli that would normally be drowned out by your thoughts. You will enjoy your meals with new vitality, savoring each bite and allowing yourself to taste each flavor. You will become more conscious of your own body, feeling the joy of each breath as it enters and exits your lungs. You will come to realize that the act of being present will draw your mind away from thoughts of the past and worries of the future. All that will matter is now, because you will be actively engaging your senses in the present moment.

Being present as much as possible will enliven your life. When you are fully present, your awareness is in a different state of attention. In this state of attention, you are aware of your present moment of activity and you are also aware of your thoughts. Many people are in a constant state of unawareness. They will go about their days rarely being present and barely aware of their surroundings and what they are thinking. More often than not, they don't understand why their emotions are out of control.

Allow yourself to experience the small pleasures of life. It's through enjoying the most ordinary moments that we begin to live. In reality, life is just a string of very ordinary moments. By enjoying the day-to-day happenings, you are learning to enjoy life.

Lesson #4:

You have the ability to bring your attention to the present moment.

Exercise: Practice controlling your attention by being present.

Choose at least one activity that you normally do every day. It can be anything at all: eating, showering, drinking coffee, exercising, etc. Whenever you do this activity, be present as much as possible. Start by bringing your attention to your body and senses. What do you feel physically? What do you see, smell, and hear? At the same time, be aware of your thoughts. It's natural to have thoughts. The goal isn't to eliminate them but to let them pass by like trains in a train station.

Examples:

Walking. Be aware of the physical sensations; feel your muscles contract as you walk. Feel the heat or cold on your skin. Feel the textures of your clothing. Be aware of any sounds; listen to the sound of your own breath as it flows in and out.

Eating. Take time to enjoy the taste and aroma of your food. Savor each bite as if you never tasted it before. Pay attention to the texture, the way your tongue moves as you chew.

Really focus on staying present. When you find your mind drifting to other thoughts, gently pull yourself back into the moment. This exercise will demonstrate just how much you are caught up in your thoughts versus being present. Be a human being, not a human thinking.

Be where you are.

Do what you are doing.

Experience life as it happens.

When we live inside our heads, thinking about being somewhere else, doing something else, or thinking about the past or the future, we are missing out on living. You will enjoy life more if you actually live it as it unfolds.

Don't judge your efforts. Even if you can only be present for five seconds at a time, you have successfully begun your journey toward being happy now.

Chapter Five

Everyone breathes. Most of us breathe unconsciously, allowing our autonomic nervous systems to regulate the depth and rhythm of each inhale and exhale. There are many benefits to taking control of your breathing, whether it is for one slow, deep breath or longer deep- breathing exercises.

"Deep breathing techniques increase oxygen to the cells and are the most important factors in living a disease-free and energetic life." ~Dr. Otto Warburg, the president of the Institute of Cell Physiology and two-time winner of the Nobel Prize for Medicine.

Besides the overall physical benefits of deep breathing, it is also advantageous in developing our ability to respond to life instead of to react. One slow, deep breath is enough to refocus your attention away from your thoughts and into your body. This is a priceless tool for redirecting attention as well as relieving tension. Learning to take one or two slow, deep breaths is the beginning of taking control of your emotions.

The ABCs of redirecting attention:

A – Awareness. When you become aware of a negative emotion, you have gained the personal power to respond instead of to react.

B – Breathe. Take a few slow, deep breaths. Feel the air move in and out of your body. Feel your muscles. Relax. This switches your awareness away from the charged emotion and into your body and the present moment.

C – Choose. Now that you have taken a moment to calm the emotion, you have the ability to choose an appropriate response.

Use the ABCs of redirecting attention, and you will feel less stressed and have more control of how you act and speak.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Be Happy Nowby Laura Barrette Shannon Copyright © 2012 by Laura Barrette Shannon. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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