People Styles at Work...And Beyond: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better - Tapa blanda

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ROBERT BOLTON, PH.D., is known for his expertise in training trainers. He is a cofounder of Ridge Associates, a training and consulting firm that serves many Fortune 500 companies, and the author of several books.

DOROTHY GROVER BOLTON, ED.M., are known for their expertise in training trainers. They are cofounders of Ridge Associates, a training and consulting firm that serves many Fortune 500 companies, and the authors of several books including the perennially popular People Styles at Work . . . And Beyond.

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At work, and in other spheres of life, how well you relate with others affects your ability to get things done. What you may not realize is that all people exhibit one of several different behavioral “styles,” which determine how they think, make decisions, communicate, manage time and stress, and deal with conflict. By understanding which “people style” you’re dealing with, you can establish rapport with someone more easily, become more persuasive, and avoid miscommunication and the possibility of rubbing someone the wrong way.

People Styles at Work . . . And Beyond reveals the strengths and weaknesses of each style, includes a self-assessment for determining which style you are, and presents a proven approach you can use to: identify the best ways to work with others based on their body language and behavior • recognize how you come across to coworkers • make small adjustments that will dramatically increase the quality and productivity of your interactions • find common ground with different people • relate less defensively and more effectively—no matter how others act.

Now including all new material on personal relationships, parenting, and more, this is the ultimate guide that has helped hundreds of thousands of people make even their most difficult relationships much more productive and pleasant.

Advance Praise for People Styles at Work . . . And Beyond:

“People Styles at Work…And Beyond unlocks the secrets to understanding yourself and others—the key to successful leadership!” — Marshall Goldsmith, New York Times and Wall Street Journal #1 best-selling author of What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

“Practical tips for improving relationships with anyone from your identical twin to your total opposite. The authors make proven theories about human interactions accessible for anyone to use.”­ — John Zenger, coauthor of the best-selling The Extraordinary Leader and cofounder of Zenger | Folkman

“The first edition of this book was a brilliant and original contribution to our understanding of human behavior. . . . [This] new edition further deepens our understanding of the fundamentals of human relationships. Before your next important meeting with someone whose style is different from your own—and that would be most everyone—I strongly recommend you read, and put to use, this book.”

— Jim Kouzes, coauthor of the best-selling The Leadership Challenge

Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton are cofounders of Ridge Associates, which specializes in people skills training, leadership development, interpersonal communication, and performance management. Their training and coaching clients include many Fortune 500 companies and executives. They are also the authors of Social Style, Management Style. They live in both Cazenovia, New York, and Amelia Island, Florida.

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INTRODUCTION

BOTH AT WORK and at home, success and happiness depend on relating

to others across a chasm of significant differences. If you could figure out

how to bridge the gap between yourself and others, you could make your

life—and theirs—much easier, happier, and more productive. How to do

that is what this book is about.

The differences between people are a major source of friction. For example,

our friend Michelle does everything in a rush. She walks fast,

talks fast, decides fast. And she completes projects in a flurry. As luck

would have it, she’s often teamed with John, who is very deliberate.

John walks slowly, talks slowly, decides slowly. Although these differences

may not seem like a big deal, if they’re not managed well they’re

likely to erode Michelle’s and John’s working relationship. You’ve undoubtedly

seen how differences like these can undermine cooperation,

hamper performance, and add considerable stress to people’s lives.

This book shows how you can manage those kinds of differences in

ways that enhance your relationships, increase your productivity, and add

richness and spice to your life. It’s about making people differences work

for, rather than against, you.

There are three parts to the book:

• Part One: Understanding Yourself and Others

• Part Two: Style Flex: A Key to Improved Relationships

• Part Three: People Styles and Family Relationships

Part One: Understanding Yourself and Others provides a pragmatic

way of understanding the differences between people. Rather than delve

into esoteric psychological theory, it provides a straightforward, practical

explanation of what you need to know to relate more effectively to others.

Chapter 1 notes some of the differences between the four people styles

and how those differences can lead to people problems. Chapter 2 describes

the people styles model and explains how it can help you relate

more effectively to people very different from yourself. Chapter 3 helps

you capture data for identifying your own style. The two dimensions of

behavior that are key to understanding yourself and others are highlighted

in Chapter 4. With this background, Chapter 5 guides you

through an assessment that shows how you come across to other people.

The four people styles are described in Chapters 6 and 7. Chapter 8 depicts

each style’s tendency toward certain strengths and weaknesses.

Chapter 9 describes backup styles—the four dysfunctional and relationship-

straining ways in which people of each style react to excessive stress.

In Chapter 10, you’ll learn how to cope productively both with your own

and with other people’s stressed-out behavior.

Part Two: Style Flex: A Key to Improved Relationships shows how to

create more productive interactions by applying the knowledge of yourself

and others gained in Part One. Chapter 11 introduces you to style

flex, a way of creating common ground with people very different from

yourself. Style flex is the intriguing ability to be true to yourself while

relating to someone else on that person’s wavelength. The four steps involved

in flexing to another person’s style are presented in Chapter 12. In

Chapter 13, you learn how to identify another person’s style. Chapter 14

describes how to use style flex in several special situations. The final chapter

of Part Two describes basic flex—three personal qualities that undergird

style flex.

Parts One and Two are equally applicable to personal and work relationships.

However, the people styles model has some unique and beneficial

applications to personal relationships. So Part Three: People Styles

and Family Relationships discusses applications of the people styles model

to two of these types of personal relationships. Chapter 16, ‘‘The Art of

Loving Someone Very Different from Yourself,’’ shows how to forge an

even better relationship with your domestic partner. In Chapter 17, you’ll

find style-based parenting guidelines that will help you have more enjoyable

relationships with your kids while helping them increase their selfesteem

and develop their unique strengths.

There are four appendices—one for each of the four styles. The appendix

for your style presents specific guidelines on how to flex to persons

of each of the four styles.

Many of the concepts in this book will come not as news but as

reminders. We’re often told that this way of organizing interpersonal data

helps people sharpen insights they’ve already gained from their life experience.

This familiarity makes it easier for readers to implement the relationship-

enhancing methods found in these pages.

We hope the concepts and methods presented in this book will enrich

your life and relationships as much as they’ve enhanced ours.