An interactive guide to help you work through the overlooked grief of a breakup.
Breakups are messy. They’re emotional. They’re raw. But all of that pain doesn’t go away after the initial break. It sticks around—sometimes for a long time, sometimes forever—like grief. Whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, if you were together for four months or four years, going from a “we” to a “me” is not simple.
This journal is the nonjudgmental friend you can share all of your feelings with. With questions that hit all of the stages, from shock and anger all the way to sort-of-acceptance, you will learn more about yourself and what you want in a relationship. And most important, you will learn that the love you gave was never—and will never be—a waste.
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Carissa Potter is the owner/founder of People I've Loved, a social media presence and stationary line that bridges the gaps between people by helping them have authentic and sometimes difficult conversations. Carissa has worked with: Facebook, The Body Shop, Pinterest, Google, SFMOMA, The Wall Street Journal, Nylon Magazine, SF Arts Commission, and more.
Vera Kachouh is a writer and brand strategist. She worked for many years as a content and marketing director in the Bay Area, helping establish the voice and tone of many notable brands and organizations, including Blue Bottle Coffee and San Francisco Art Institute.
Dear Heartbroken Reader,
We’re writing to you from the other side . . . sort of. If you’re here, you might be wondering: How will I ever get over this? Will I ever feel better? Well . . . it’s going to be a while. But sadness, like the weather, does eventually change, even if our moods don’t believe in each other. And anyway, who can predict the future?
At the beginning of a breakup, you will experience a tumult of emotions: shock, disbelief, pain, relief, exaltation, and/or sadness, to name a few. Friends and family want you to move past your pain. Maybe even to “get over it.” But that’s just not how your brain works.
Studies suggest that emotional pain activates the same receptors in our brain as physical pain. That’s why “get over it” is not a reasonable strategy. Because you actually hurt. A lot.
Maybe you feel like your chest is compressing. Maybe you feel like your throat has a knot in it or your hands tingle when-ever you think about the breakup. We’ve felt, at times, like we’re literally drowning. Waves of sadness creep up and threaten to pin you under the tide.
This book is the life raft. Or maybe, let’s just say, this book is one of the life rafts (there are plenty more inside this book to choose from).
We are two friends who have held hands through many heartbreaks, and we wrote the book we wish we’d had. We wrote the book we needed when our friends just got tired of hearing about it (again and again).
So, what is this book? It’s a judgment-free place to put the pain of breaking up. It’s a 240-page acknowledgment that your grief and your experiences are real. If you use it actively— and we hope you do!— it will become a record of this time in your life that you can look back on once the clouds have shifted. You can thumb through the pages and think: WHOA, I made it through some tough shit. I am FREAKING AMAZING. Because really, you are.
All you need is a pen or pencil. You already know the way.
With all our (hopelessly broken, endlessly romantic, stupid deadbeat) hearts,
Vera & Carissa
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